Minseok let out a long sigh after Jongdae finally went home and he was left alone in the apartment. He knew that Jongdae was right about Luhan and he couldn’t deny it either. For a week now, the man had talked to him, nothing personal after he gave out his name but just about the weather and how nice Seoul is compared to his hometown. They had talked a little bit about soccer when one evening when Minseok stepped in and the radio had been playing sports news and both men had groaned at the loss of their team but Minseok could feel his anxiety bubbling up his throat and so he’d left the bus quickly, even a few stops early to calm himself down.

By Thursday, Minseok realised that the bus driver would not stop talking to him no matter what and tried to filter his voice out by listening to music. But what ended up happening was, the voice managed to filter through the soft ballads Minseok liked to listen to and turning the volume up only resulted hurting his ears. It had passed by his mind more than once to go to the back row and maybe take a seat there, instead of the middle but he never walked that far. Maybe it was the safety of his routine of taking the same seat always in the left side of the middle row, next to the window or maybe it was because being so far at the back in the empty bus in the middle of the night was even scarier than being in the middle but nevertheless, Minseok always took his middle seat. 

He knew he could have done it, going back one row at the time but subconsciously he took the same spot, where Luhan’s voice could still be heard, and seating area was well lit and close to the doors. As Jongdae had said, the man didn’t scare him by just being there but he was surprised when suddenly someone talked to him. After he found they both liked the same soccer club, the idea of talking got a bit easier. Soccer was something Minseok could talk about for hours and it didn’t require getting too close to the other as well. Nothing more personal than favorite players and games would be shared and he could keep his privacy. 

Somewhere deep in his heart, Minseok knew he was attracted to the guy, just like Jongdae had said. What he felt now was definitely similar what he felt towards Minhyuk in university when he saw the man for first time. The feeling of wanting to overcome the burdensome problem to be with someone else was pushing itself to be known. The feeling was good - Minseok remembered how happy he was when he finally managed to talk to Minhyuk and explain him his anxiety problems and how Minhyuk had promised to take everything slowly and carefully. And he had, Minhyuk had been ever so patient with him but Minseok knew it himself too, over a year of being together, nearly two and still nothing ual had happened between them. Minseok just hadn’t been ready. He didn’t blame Minhyuk for leaving, not really, although it had been agony when it’d happened. He was frustrated too but unable to help himself and didn’t trust the other enough to go further. 

This time though he was older and knew how to handle the situation better. Minseok hoped that maybe this time, if given a chance with Luhan, he would be able to love and receive love like a normal person. 
__

After the weekend, Minseok woke up feeling as he usually did. A little bit tired but not even a little bit anxious. The medicine had helped him a lot and he could sleep well enough and the nauseous feeling from the lack of sleep was also gone. All in all, the weekend had been good for him. After Jongdae left on Friday evening he had started to work on the project and had spent his whole Saturday on it. Sunday morning saw Minseok meet up with a bunch of old friends for brunch and he had finished up the project framework in the evening. 

Just like any other morning, Minseok made his black coffee and sandwich, eating and drinking whilst reading the daily news. Following the usual routine, Minseok took the bus 74 to work at 7:30AM, quietly sliding into his own little office at 8.30AM sharp, ready for the hassles and work the day would throw at him. 

To his luck, Song liked the plan and agreed to let him to go with it at Tuesday’s meeting. With the busy morning, Minseok even forgot his appointment to the acupuncture treatment until his phone peeped for the alarm at four. Minseok took his phone out his pocket and called the clinic to make sure there was time for the treatment later that day as he assured the nurse that he felt better than he had on Friday and wouldn’t get similar panic attack to last time. 

After that call he called Jongdae, telling him to come to the clinic at six if he still wanted to take the bus together after the appointment. Minseok was sure he heard the grin on his best friend’s voice when the other agreed to be there. 

“I swear I’ll kick you out if you say anything to him” Minseok hissed when Jongdae showed up in front of the clinic with -eating grin on his face. 

“Is that how you greet your best friend? Especially after you’ve just had a relaxing treatment?” Jongdae gasped, making a dramatic gesture to fall back. “Maybe I will, we’ll see but now, let’s eat first huh?” he grinned, tugging Minseok by arm. “Are there any good places around here, I hardly come this way anymore.” 
Minseok rolled his eyes but allowed Jongdae to drag him away. “There are some a few blocks away. Can’t we just go home, I’ll cook?” 

“Nah, we godda make sure he’s driving. We won’t take bus that he’s not in” Jongdae said, walking slowly down the sidewalk. “How was the treatment, comfortable?” 

Minseok hummed, nodding little. “Definitely better than last time. He prescribed some more medicine to help me relax during the work day if needed.”

“Ah, how was your boss? You nailed the presentation, right? Damn, you’re such… top marks from uni, top marks at work. Why are you still alone? Jongdae said teasingly, pushing Minseok a little. “You’re like everyone’s dream son-in-law” 

“Shut it!” Minseok groaned, looking away. “You tend to forget that I’m not good with people.” 

“No, I think you are good. We just need to find the one who can help to heal you,” Jongdae said. “I wish I could, you know…but I don’t swing that way. Besides, it’d be awkward as hell. I don’t want to think about making out with you. No offence.” 

Minseok laughed, staring at the other. “You know what? I’m not going to show Luhan to you. You’ll ruin everything.” 

The words brought a grin on Jongdae’s lips. “Ruin everything, huh? Just what have you planned for him, a confession? Planned your near future with him already? Awww, Minseok is in love~” 

“Shut the up” Minseok said, pushing Jongdae but only ended up following when the other clasped onto his arm tightly. 

“Okay okay, don’t get feisty on me. I quit” Jongdae said, “I’m sorry.” 

Minseok nodded, acknowledging the apology. “I haven’t really thought and I don’t really want to think about him. I was busy with the project. Besides, I don’t even know if he’s gay or taken or just – urgh.” 

“We’ll find it out.” Jongdae said, “Now choose where you want to eat. My treat.” 

“How about some barbeque? It’s been a while” Minseok suggested, pointing at the restaurant close by. “They have amazing galbi here.” 

“Yeah? Sure, I’m starving” Jongdae said, agreeing greedily. “Besides we can take a secluded corner and talk.” 

“About? There’s not really much to talk about, Jongdae” Minseok said, leading them inside and to the end of the room. “The project kept me busy and I think he’s not going to even talk if you’re with me today. If he does talk, I’m quite sure I’ll freak out again no matter what I do to try to stay calm. You know it too, don’t you? I’m okay here now because you’re here, and at work because it is routine. I see the same people every day, do the same tasks, say the same things to sell and-” he paused to order their meal before continuing, “I get that you’re worried about me but you should concentrate on your own love life. You’re skipping dates with her to be with me.” 

“She’s fine with it” Jongdae shrugged, placing the meat on the grill. “I talked her about it before and she said it’s ok and I should keep looking after you. She understands, really.” he said, looking at Minseok closely. “Besides, we’ve met for a while already, if she wouldn’t accept you and your friendship, I’d dump her.” 

“Jongdae! You love her” Minseok said, glaring at him. “You’d better let me go than her. She’s perfect for you, plus you’d make cute kids” he grinned, laughing when Jongdae choked on the water he was drinking. 

“Kids?!” he asked, coughing a few times to clear his throat. 

“Why not?” Minseok shrugged. “We’re almost thirty, you should make them now so that I can play around with them like a good uncle and tell them all the naughty things their daddy did when he was younger.” 

“Ya! You’re SO paying for this” Jongdae said, pointing at his friend with the utensils. “No kids, not yet anyways and if I do have any, who says you’re the uncle? Kyungsoo would be much better” he scoffed.

“Whatever you say” Minseok grinned. “But honestly, don’t worry so much about me. I feel fine now, we’ll see later how I react to him but things should be fine.” 

Jongdae sighed, watching his best friend closely. “Okay, I’ll try but you still need to call me if something happens. And I will take the bus to see him today. Just to make sure I can approve of him.” 

Minseok nodded, poking the meat. “I really hate this, I want to get better too” he said quietly, forcing Jongdae to lean closer to hear. “But I don’t know how, I keep the routines and I’m fine and then everything changes at once and I’m lost again. After this project is over, it’s going to take me a while to get back to the usual routine I had before. “

“You can get better though but you can’t do it alone” Jongdae said, making a wrap and holding it out for Minseok to eat. “You tried the therapy before, right? It just made it worse, maybe you can try again? You’re doing fine when you’re with me, even in places where there’s lots of people and unknown situations. That’s why I’m trying to tell you to find someone who loves you and helps you by just being there.

Last time I went to Japan, I know you stayed inside the whole time, just going to work and back. I don’t blame you though, the bar accident was too fresh but still. First we need to find more about this Luhan guy. I’ll be there for you Seokie.” 

“I can’t stop you, can I?” Minseok sighed, wrapping a piece of meat in lettuce with some kimchi and feeding it to Jongdae. “Okay, I’ll let you do this but only because I seem to be interested in him too. I think he’s not Korean unless Luhan is just some random name he gave.” 

“Luhan? Yeah, true” Jongdae said, munching his food. “Sounds Chinese. Ah, you know Chinese men in Korea are pretty rich” he grinned. “If he’s good looking and rich…damn Seok! I’m almost jealous!” 

Minseok kicked the cackling Jongdae under the table, who hissed when his knee hit the hot bottom of the grill. “Shut up, will you? I don’t care if he’s hot or not, he’s making me jumpy, he’s obnoxiously loud and he disturbs me and he’s freaking me out.” 

“But you know his name, and age. You also listed quite a lot of things about him to me earlier. You definitely are interested and don’t look at me like that” Jongdae laughed, taking in Minseok’s mortified expression. “I’m just happy for you, really” he said more seriously, smiling to his friend. “If you like him enough to try this, I’m supporting you all the way. Just take it slowly and see where it goes.” 

Minseok nodded, poking the meat on the grill as he processed what Jongdae said. It would be a huge step for him to talk to the bus driver but would it be that bad? Like Jongdae said, it’s been so long since he had seen someone and blind dates were totally out of question due his problem. This Luhan didn’t seem too bad, other than the fact that he was noisy and loud. At least he was friendly, always greeting him with a smile and trying to keep the conversation going, regardless of the silence or one word answers he got back from Minseok. 

“I guess you’re right” Minseok admitted, eating some to gain a few more moments before looking at his best friend. “I’ll give it a try but only as you’re with me. I can’t...I really can’t just by myself.” 

“You will? Great!” Jongdae smiled happily. “I’ll help you explain stuff to him and you now have the pills right? That you can take when you feel like you’re gonna have a panic attack? Keep them close just in case he scares you out again. It’s not easy, I know. I really hope you can do it.” 

“You’re insane but thanks” Minseok said with a small smile, “I really appreciate it.” 

“You know me” Jongdae grinned and almost dragged the other out of the restaurant and to the street after they’d paid. “Now, let’s go and catch that hot driver of yours.” 

Minseok shot a glare at his best friend but led him back to the main road and to a bus stop. “It’s not time for the last one yet so we might have to check before getting in” he said, studying the information screen for upcoming buses. 

“It’s okay, I have time” Jongdae replied, winking to Minseok who punched him on arm as retaliation. If this continued, Jongdae was going to go home with sore limbs. 

They waited for the bus in silence, Minseok peering in it when the correct number drove closer. “That’s not him. Let’s wait for the next one” he said when he saw the driver, a middle-aged man rather than handsome young one they were waiting for. 

They got lucky with the next bus that rolled by. Minseok glanced at Jongdae before taking a step forward, “Let’s take this one” he said, taking note that many people took it at this time and so he wouldn’t be alone till the end. 

“Oh, that’s him? Great” Jongdae smiled. “Why don’t you, like give him your number or something. Get to know him better by texting rather than talking?” 

Minseok turned back faster than he thought was humanely possible. “What? NO.” he hissed, apologising to a lady who he’d accidentally smacked with his arm during the turn. 

“It was just a suggestion” Jongdae said as he stepped past his friend and into the bus. He smiled to the driver, saying a basic greeting as he took in his looks. A bit longer than usual hair cut but in a stylish way. Big eyes, long lashes and well-proportioned nose. The man was smiling back to him but his smile widened further when he noticed Minseok stepping in. 

“Hello” Luhan smiled, staring a second too long at the man before closing the doors and driving forward. 
Jongdae grinned, pulling Minseok closer to him and moving out of the driver’s earshot. “He totally likes you. Give him a chance, please.” 

Minseok rolled his eyes, keeping his gaze firmly on the view outside of the window. “How do you know? He could just be being friendly as we’ve been kind of talking, you know.” 

“Nah, that’s more than just friendly interest” Jongdae said, still grinning at his best friend. “Trust me on this” he said and paused before adding as an afterthought, “He’s handsome. Even to a guy like me.” 

Minseok studied his friend for a long while before sighing. “I’ll try to figure this out. Somehow, I still have few more late nights left.” 

“I’d really suggest the texting, get to know him and then it’s easier to meet and talk” Jongdae said, looking at him. “Or just go for it, tell me the time and I’ll hang around nearby in case of emergency?” 

“Thanks but no thanks. This is my fight to fight” Minseok said determinedly, nodding a few times more for himself than to show to Jongdae. 

Jongdae grinned, bumping against him before pressing the stop button. “I’ll get off here, I already saw what I wanted to. Talk to you later.” 

“Huh? Ah, yeah see you” Minseok smiled, looking after him when Jongdae stepped out of the bus before falling back into deep thoughts. 

Minseok stayed put, standing even though a few seats had become available. Surprisingly, he wasn’t the last one left when the bus rolled to the last stop, the last passengers stepping out together with him. Minseok risked a glance at Luhan when he left the bus and promised himself that he’d find a way to talk to the man more. Maybe Jongdae was right, giving out a slip of paper with his phone number wouldn’t require too much effort and after the other had contacted him, he’d be able to explain by text that he was scared of talking to new people due his disorder. All in all, the plan sounded so simple but would he be able to do it? 
__

The next day Minseok buried himself in his work, trying not to think about the possible exchange later. He knew he had to do it today or tomorrow because if the framework was approved today by the team representatives, he wouldn’t be working late hours for it anymore. The project was already done and demanded only mild changes according the team’s request. Sure he might take few long days after that to finish the private consumer tasks that he had pushed aside in favour of the project but those wouldn’t force him to take the last bus home. 

Minseok put the last of his papers in a neat stack before lining up the pens next to it. Turning off the computer he reached for a notepad, quickly changing it to plain memo due to the company’s logo and took a pen. He put the pen down to the paper few times, unable to write the numbers down on it. Taking a deep breath and reminding himself that he wanted to do this was needed; it would be worth all of the internal fight if he could befriend Luhan. 

Minseok wrote his number down in his neat handwriting, hesitating again before quickly writing his name on top of the numbers. He stared at the paper before writing ‘anxiety disorder’ on it as well before sticking it to his phone case. Glancing at the clock, Minseok took his briefcase in hand as he left the office. He took a detour to toilet before going out, he needed buy some time for himself to calm down and encourage himself. 

Minseok looked at his phone when it vibrated with a new message. “Jongdae” Minseok breathed, not at all surprised that his best friend sent him a message now. ‘Good luck! Take a deep breath and do it. You can do it Minseok! For the pretty boy! And…for yourself. wink.’ Minseok laughed at the words, snarling little as he got to the end of it. ‘Yah, Kim Jongdae. I’m doing it, ok?’ he sent back before looking at his reflection in the mirror and fixing some wayward strands of hair. Nodding to himself he took a deep breath, checked that he had everything with him before finally turning off all the lights and leaving the office. 

Minseok the note on his phone, nervously waiting for the bus to come. He kept looking at the clock and at the info screen, biting on his lower lip as he waited for the familiar numbers to show up. Even after the detour, he was early and it would take a while longer for the bus to roll by. Reading and re-reading the note, Minseok took a breath, released it slowly. ‘You can do it. You can do it. It’s just a paper, it’s just Luhan. He’s okay, Jongdae approved he’s ok’ he kept repeating mentally, but he still wasn’t completely prepared when the bus drove closer and stopped right in front of him. 

“Hey!” Luhan smiled brightly behind the wheel. 

“H-hey” Minseok stammered, frozen in his place before he woke up from his the reverie and paid for the trip. He would give Luhan the paper later, when he was the only one left on board. Taking his usual seat, Minseok sat down and played with his phone. He toned the other man’s voice out, counting down the minutes to when he’d be the only one on the bus. 

“How you’ve been?” Luhan asked the moment they were left alone, smiling to him through the back mirror. 

“Fine…” Minseok answered quickly, fiddling with the paper before determinedly standing up. 

“Are you going out here?” Luhan asked, noticing the motion. “You’re not going home?” 

Minseok bit on his lip and took a deep breath, exhaling nervously before stepping to the front of the bus. He glanced at Luhan before handing the note over. “Please understand” he said, looking at the driver with wide eyes before moving back to his own seat and sitting down. 

Luhan read the note, smiling at the writing. “So you’re Minseok-ssi? Nice to meet you, finally” he said, chuckling a little. He read the note again and made a sound, glancing at the lonely rider through the back mirror. “Anxiety disorder? Does this mean you’re scared of me?” he asked, not exactly sure what the disorder was about. 

“Yeah…” Minseok said. “B-but…” he paused, taking a deep breath again. “But I want to know you better.” he added quickly. “So text me, maybe… if you want? I mea—“ 

“I will!” Luhan said excitedly. “Thank you. I want to be your friend, if I can. I mean, you seem so nice and you’re so pretty and cute” he grinned, sheepishly. “If you think it’s easier by texting, I will do that. And anyways, I always drive the evening shift and you work during the daytime, right? Or do you always work this late now? Anyways, it would be difficult to even meet other than here. And that would be too scary? Oh, I didn’t meant to sound so rude, I’m sorry Minseok-ssi, I just… have never met anyone with disorders so I don’t know how to behave. I’m sorry!” 

“It’s fine” Minseok said. “You don’t know” he sighed, looking out of the window at the passing lights. He liked to listen to Luhan babble away, it wasn’t as annoying as it was before but instead it gave him some sense of security in the empty bus. 

“I’m still sorry” Luhan smiled. “I’m sorry if I freaked you out very badly the first time. But I really called your name few times and you didn’t wake up so I thought you had passed out due alcohol or something. But you didn’t smell at all, other than really really nice, so it wasn’t that. Anyways, I hope we can get closer soon. You really are so handsome and you take the bus from Gwanghwamun so you must be working in a good company too. And you like soccer!” 

Minseok allowed himself to chuckle little, shaking his head at the other’s antics. “It’s okay, really. I’m over it now” he said, falling quiet again when he didn’t know what to say or if he could even talk more. Just getting to this point today took a lot of will power and deep breaths to calm himself down but Jongdae had been right, it was a lot easier as there wasn’t anyone else around. 

Minseok left with a quiet good bye, again a few stops before his actual stop. Luhan didn’t ask anything, only wishing him good night and a safe walk home. 

“I gave him the note” Minseok said as soon as the call connected. He was walking down the road slowly, pausing in front of a minimart before continuing without going in.

“Oh, with your number on it? Congrats!” Jongdae smiled to the speaker, “I’m proud of you. What did he say?” 

“Number and that I have this… disorder.” Minseok sighed, “He apologised a few times but continued to talk” he said, leaving out the fact that Luhan had told him he’s adorable and cute and smells too good. Jongdae should never hear about that, or at least not yet. 

“That’s good then, he’s not freaked out or anything. Maybe he’ll send you a message soon then” Jongdae grinned, “You better show me later.” 

“You wish.” Minseok huffed. “I godda quit, I need to shower before sleeping. Good night, Jongdae.” 

The moment Minseok was pocketing his phone, it vibrated with a new message. It was from an unknown number and Minseok’s finger was already pressing the delete button before he noticed the first line showing below the number. ‘Hey it’s Luhan…’ it was enough for Minseok to drop his phone in surprise. The man crouched down shakily and picked the device up, taking a deep breath before opening the message to read through it. With a smile, he saved the number as ‘Luhan’ to his phone and continued on his way up to his apartment. 

__

Kim Minseok was a man of principles. He believed life was about routines and that routines shouldn’t be broken. Routines brought security, something that kept him grounded and living his good life. But sometimes, maybe sometimes he was ready to take a scary step to break his routine to find something new to make a routine of. 
Although Minseok’s life still relied on the safety of the routine of going to work on the 7:30 bus 74, dealing with the same customers on same insurance policies and calling Jongdae after work, something had managed to edge in and create a new element of his day. 

After finishing work, Minseok would find himself walking down the road towards the gates of now familiar university, where he would wait for someone; someone who once scared him and had driven the night bus to earn some extra money while finishing up his Masters in Education and now was a full time teacher. The man who once went by the name of Luhan who was now lovingly called Hannie, who filled Minseok’s days with his bright smiles and warm hugs. 

~~~~~~~
A/N huge thank you for P for betaing this. Thanks for Arahime to prompting and for A to supporting and helping with the initial planning. 

This ended up being the longest fic I've ever written so please, if you survived to the end, do comment and encourage me to write more