Next Day

---

 

"Kibum, do you like your new friends?" Asked Mr. Lee.

 

He clicked his pen awaiting the opportunity to write my answer. The way his expression stayed so serene and patient as he waited made my skin crawl. Most people weren't this willing to wait. My mother wasn't, not even my passed therapists. I guess the idea of someone actually sitting and listening to me, I mean actually wanting to listen to me, didn't feel right. Of course, I can't place the emotion, but this must be scared. The crawling skinis like... It's like nerves, right?

 

I finally, however, he didn't seem to pleased.

 

"Kibum, I'd like you to speak for me, especially when I speak to you. I know you'd rather not talk, but trust me I'm not here to make fun of you, I'm here to help you get better."

 

I nodded once again, not intending to disown the rule and even though I did, Mr. Lee simply gave another patient smile.

 

"I'll assign you a task for this week, are you ready for it, Kibum?"He reached over to grab something from the side table next to him."I want you to write in this every day." It was a simple black and white journal. "You can write about how your day was, things your thinking about, hell, you could even write a song. As long as you write I'll be fine with it."

 

I looked at the journal blankly, unsure of the purpose wrting would bring me, before my brown eyes find themself on the doctor once again. I'm almost certain I won't be able to do that. If I can't speak I wouldn't last a minute writing in a journal. It's just, it's common sense. My thoughts don't form all to well. Ruining my self-esteem with silly things like this won't make my speech any better, it won't ensure me home with my mother either.

 

" Kibum, this is the last thing I want to say before we wrap up today's session." Mr. Lee paused. "I will not read anything out of this journal unless I have your permission, or you give me suspicion to." His hand made it's way to my shoulder to pat it as if to give some sort of praise before standing and gesturing for me to leave.

 

Luhan was frowning in the doorway, upset (as he'd expressed earlier) with going to therapy. The frown was becomming my way of recognizing him. I think if he were to show up one day smiling I'd mistake him as a whole different person. It was a deep frown too, one that etched itself deep into his features; furrowed eyebrows; unturned, flailing nose; closed body language. Frowns are equal to sadness and sometimes anger.

 

 As I walked past him, he narrowed his eyes, Taemin hitting him just as a sort of warning.

 

"Hyung, how was your first session?." Asked Tae, though I can see he's just trying to be friendly.

 

"F-Fine." I tried putting Mr. Lee's request into action.

 

"Oh, Good!" He smiled wide, as his arms wrapped around one of my own. I guess you could say he was leading me, but that seems to light... too... Sweet?The way he was leading me was more of a forceful action. Innocent maybe, but aggressive in the most positive form of the word. We walked back to the room in a comfortable silence. Taemin caught sight of the Journal in my hand as smiled.

 

"He gave you your Journal? I have one too!"

 

I smiled too, feeling some sort of relief in the statemnent. If the doctor was only giving it to me, I'd feel like he were singling me out with problems only I have. It may sound selfish, but I want people to have more problems than I do. That way, I realize how little my problems are compared to theirs.

 

"It's hard for me to write with Lulu constantly pestering me, so I usually write late at night."

 

I was wondering why Taemin had stayed up so late last night. It was hard for me to sleep because Of my still lingering thoughts of why his lamp was still on. Kris left sometime in between and from what I remember, he didn't come back.

 

"K-K-Kris Leave?"

 

Taemin looked at me then to his feet as we continued to walk.

 

"Kris always leaves at night. I'm not sure where he goes, but he's usually back after lunch."

 

It was quiet after he said that, mainly because I didn't talk and he said all he felt like saying at the moment. A comfortable quiet. I couldn't help but wonder where he goes at night too. It's okay for him because there's no curfew but still, staying out that long is strange. Does he not sleep? What could you possibly do at those hour?

 

Taemin opened the door to our room, being quick to jump on the bed. "What am I suppose to do with out Lulu here, Key?" He whined.

 

I didn't say anything. How are you supposed to answer to that question? He positioned himself flat on his back and sighed, but it was another several minutes before he spoke again. His voice was soft, not playful like it was. It was gentle, though the meaning behind it was lost.

 

"You have a mom, Key-" He said

 

"Mm." I hummed in a half energetic response.

 

"What is your mom like?"

 

I paused to think. She was a lot of thinks, wasn't she? She couldn't just be happy or just be sad; emotions are diffferent always. I remembered braking her vase and crying in the store. Crying equals sadness. "She is... N-Nice.. Very...but she Cr-Cry much."

 

"Ah." Was all he said in reply, seemoingly absorbing the information like a sponge, without giving any kind of reassurance in return.

 

The room grew quiet once again, not because we wanted it to. There was just nothing to say, nothing I could say really. It doesn't matter was Mr. Lee had said. I don't want to speak.

 

"Yours?" I asked after a while.

 

"She died. They all died.." His voice trailed of toward the end.

 

"Wh-Why?" His response seemed cold, dark even. Surely little innocent Taemin couldn't be here for murder, right?

 

"When do you think LuLu's coming back?" The subject seemed to switch at the blink of an eye.

 

I didn't know exactly, but Taemin never scared me more than when he didn't answer that one question. I felt like I was waiting for an important answer, one that would change my entire outlook on him. Something I'd forever be missing.

 

That same wave of sickness, I'd felt when I first met Kris, began to creep up on me. Mr. Lee told me that it was the feeling of Nervousness or being scared of something. He also told me that emotions are your bodies natural way of letting you know when something feels wrong or right. Being scared was wrong, you shouldn't always be scared. If you are, you shouldn't be in that situation, that would mean your engaged in some sort of danger. Although right now I didn't feel I was in danger, I still felt unsafe next to Taemin at that moment.

 

~~

Considering I had no understanding of time, I felt like I'd been laying on that bed for a year. A year and a half, really. 3 years?

 

How long is a year? What is a half? It seems those two phrases have been said together many times. Why is time so bad? People make it seem as if it were. "It's been a year hasn't it?", "10 minutes left Kibum", or "We haven't seen each other in such a long time! I miss you!".

 

I wish I could miss someone, to feel some sort of feeling for another person but how can I? Like Mother said, people like us don't deserve nice things and I'm so messed up, missing someone just isn't realistic.

 

"What's up hoes?" Lulu yelled as he stepped in the room.

 

Taemin sprung up hearing his voice.

 

"Hyung!!" He squealed.

 

Lulu gave him the look of death as the younger jumped up from the bed running after him, his arms wide open. It was odd. Luhan seemed to treat Taemin as if he hated him, but there was this overlaying emotion he gave by just looking at the younger male. I can't remember, is this how people normally react to one another? Mean doesn't equal happiness, it either equals sadness or more anger...

 

"Oh please, I was gone for like twenty minutes at max. Get off of me." He pushed Taemin away, Taemin pouting has he did so.

 

"Anyway, It's almost lunch." Lulu looked in my direction. "Let's show Key where the cool kids sit."

 

Taemin out of nowhere, clung to my arm.

 

"Ready hyung??" He asked.

 

The emptiness I felt in my stomach drove me to say yes. Of course, I'm hungry.

 

Lulu set his bag next to the door.

 

"Let's go then."

 

The younger boy, still clinging to my arm urged me to stand up. I didn't disapoint.

 

"Lunch is basically the only time when outsiders come to visit." Said Taemin.

 

The three of us entered the hallway, making our way to (what I assumed) was a place to get food considering all the people that were eating.

 

Great...Socialness.