I leaned against the door closing my eyes and biting my lips hard. He couldn’t have seen that stupid bruise. How stupid could I be?!

 

I sighed and heard his footsteps walk away from the door, each step less hesitant than the last.

 

I moved away from the door slowly and felt my heart sink into my stomach. A feeling of chilling dread ran down my back with cold fingers of fear, raking over my skin painfully.

 

It’s not like he’d care. No one ever cares.

 

Looking around the living room, I saw that it was cleaner than before. The empty beer bottles and used up cigarette buds disappeared and it looked like a home for the first time in months.

 

I looked around quizzically to see mother and father in the kitchen, cooking.

 

They both looked up and dad smiled at me, not noticing the bruise from the night before. “Hey honey! Would you like some dinner?”

 

I felt nauseous at the idea of anything from him. He was sober. Sober for once and it was odd and strange because sober meant he never remembered what he did when he wasn’t. Those cruel and painful  actions that always haunted me never left. Sober or not. My father was the same person.

 

I looked to my mother, who smiled widely. “You should eat something. We were making it special just for you.”

 

I looked at her coldly; yet again disgusted by how quickly she forgave him for everything he had done to us all. I scoffed and without a word went up the stairs.

 

I heard her sigh on the way up.

 

I walked up and looked at Ravi’s room, walking close to the door. I wanted to talk to him about the parents but as I raised a hand to knock, I smelt the familiar, sickly sweet cherry smell that came from the chemicals he was always taking into his body.

 

I took a couple steps back before quickly turning around feeling my throat constrict.

 

I’m alone. I remember how this game works. I’m all alone…

Again…

 

I walked into that familiar room where I hid everything. The second that I closed the door, the emotions I bottled up inside raided my head.

 

I collapsed to the floor, sobs shaking my body mercilessly.

 

Everything hurt.

 

Everything.

 

Slowly, I curled up into a ball on the floor in front of my door, holding onto my knees for dear life and clinging onto my mind for sanity.

 

Slowly I felt my eyes close in fatigue. The weight of everything weighing down my heart.