Splashing water is heard with the whisper of the wind. He is walking alone along the seashore thinking of the time passes by with him knowing what is going to happen if he wants to. The cold water of the sea wets his feet which sends shivers all through his body. He turns around and walks away from the shore.

 

He looks around and finds many people walking by. Then he spots a couple sharing a kiss on a bench under a tree. He looks at the couple sweetly and the time moves fast before his eyes. And there he is, standing beside the door and sees himself in a church. He sees many flowers on each side of the altar. The little boys and girls are chatting and playing with each other which makes him smile because he finds it cute. Roaming his eyes around the inside of the church, he sees the groom waiting for his bride in front of the altar. He is shedding tears as the girl walks slowly and happily in the aisle. He takes the time to watch this wedding until the couple exchange their vows to each other.

 

Then the time goes back and he feels like he is eaten by the wind in a second. And bwa! He finds himself staring at the couple, and the couple seems to notice him so they stop on what they are doing. He suddenly feels awkward so he turns around and shakes his head to remove the awkwardness. He begins to walk on the street, and then he remembers the event he saw a while ago. He glances back at the couple and smiles. At least they have their happy ending, he thinks.

 

He decides to walk on his way to his apartment building since he gets no money left after visiting his brother in the cemetery. He walks calmly on the path to his apartment building when he sees a familiar figure standing in front of a bookstore. The man is short and pale. Bad future, he sees. The man looks at him and he is taken aback, the man looks so weak and his eyes are puffed like he is crying all week long. He examines the man carefully because he knows that he has seen this man. The man’s voice trembles when he mumbles, “C-Chanyeol.” And he hears a sniff. He looks around if the man just called him ‘Chanyeol,’ but he sees no one behind him so he points at himself. The man’s thin lips tremble as he covers his face with his palms. He feels scared because he sees many scars on the man’s pulse and he thinks, did he try to kill himself? He is worried for the man. He is about to ask the man about these scars because he can see that this, his depression, won’t do good to the people around him. But the man cries so hard and runs away from him.

 

He just stares at the man who just ran away from him. He pouts as he thinks of the man, he feels like he is somewhat affected by his sadness. So he thinks, sadness is somewhat contagious. He shakes his head and sighs.

 

He walks to his apartment door and greets his brother, “Minseok hyung! I’m h--“ he stops as he remembers that his brother is no longer with him anymore. He laughs at himself because he just forgets that he just visited his brother in the cemetery earlier. Really, Minseok hyung, why?

 

He sits sadly on the couch as he sighs. He rests his back on the back of the couch and closes his eyes. And as he closes his eyes, the time moves to the back when Minseok was still by his side.

 

He can see the cute smile of his baozi brother, and his AB style smile. They were watching television together and they ate the buns made by his brother. They ate it together and when they were full, he leaned on the shoulder of his brother and smiled. “Are you full?” Minseok asked, and he nodded, “Do you want to sleep?” he nodded again. But Minseok suddenly pushed him to sit. He pouted thinking why did Minseok do that. “You shouldn’t sleep when your stomach is full.” His brother scolded him.

 

“But I’m sleepy.” He did his aegyo and Minseok closed his eyes. “No, don’t do that.” and Minseok pinched his cheeks, “Spoiled brat!” and started tickling him on his waist. He laughed so hard as his brother continued to tickle him. He tried to stop his brother by tickling him but his brother is also a mischievous kid so instead stopping, he tickles him more until they were breathless by laughing so much. After they earned themselves up, Minseok ruffled his hair, “Take care Tao.”

 

And he opens his eyes. A smile forms his lips but all he can feel is pain that this world is stingy. The world doesn’t let him be happy, because it always takes his happiness away from him. It took all of the members of his family and now, no one is staying with him. Yes he has friends, but they are all married and have their own lives now. No one loves him. No one is with him. He is left alone. And sometimes he wants to just kill himself because his life is worthless, he doesn’t have a reason to live his life. But there is one time, he attempted suicide but the time moved fast before his eyes and he saw himself lying on the ground and no one dared to check him if he’s dead or not. It’s past a week that he was rescued by the police. And he said he didn’t want that so he didn’t do it. That’s why he is here, sitting on the couch with his eyes-forming-tears.

 

 

I know what I am living for. But still, I don’t know what I’m dying for. So I can’t do anything worthwhile for now. This is his reason now why he won’t attempt suicide.

 

= = =

 

 

A peek of sunlight shines Tao’s eyes which wakes him up. He slowly opens his eyes and he instantly wrinkles his eyes as the sunlight blinds his eyes so he stands up and closes the blinds. He frowns at how early that peek of sunlight woke him up, it’s still 7 AM in the morning. He cannot do anything but to make himself awake. He goes to the bathroom and washes his face with the cold water coming from the faucet. As he closes his eyes to feel the coolness of the water, the time moves before his eyes once again without him knowing how.

 

And there he sees someone whose tears are falling down and whose lips are trembling as he’s reading the note in the blackboard that is placed outside the bookstore. Tao looks at the man as he walks forward and gets the chalk and erases the note that’s written on it. He replaces the note by his own saying, “Where are you Park Chanyeol? I’m only here, waiting for you.” And everything goes backwards.

 

“I will risk my life for you…” the voice says and everything goes black and Tao opens his eyes and wipes the droplets of water out of his face. Afterwards, he walks downstairs to step outside his lonely apartment building. He looks at the apartment building from the outside then someone bumps his shoulder. He looks and an eyebrow at the man who doesn’t even look back even though he bumped Tao, so he shouts, “Yah! Sorry!” he says sarcastically. He waits for half a minute for the man to at least glance at him but he fails, the man doesn’t look at him so he just rolls his eyes and walks his way opposite to the man who just bumped him.

 

He is sipping coffee while thinking of how he saw the future of the man whom he doesn’t even know. He looks up to think if he has done it before but no, he hasn’t, so he just thinks of it as a new skill, or whatever. He also thinks if he could apply a job of fortune telling on a town fare, but he doesn’t want to be punched again. Because he once had a job in a fare on this town, he was working as one of the ghosts in a horror house. He was used to be punched by someone he just scared, but he didn’t expected the time when someone whom he just scared punched him which caused him to have a black eye. And he swears, he doesn’t want to have one again because that man’s punch freaking hurt.

 

But that was the first time he saw someone’s future, he saw that the man who just punched him was going to die because he was ill. And the boy who was with him won’t be able to love again even though there would be some other guys or girls who are willing to take care of him. He just can’t, the guy was his reality. And thinking of that, he shakes his head as how awful life these guys have.

 

He looks around and finds a man staring at him. He is cute, I must say, Tao thinks as he smiles at the white guy. Then the guy walks to him and greets him, “Do you have someone with you?”  Tao looks up and nods. “Can I sit here? It’s so lonely out there.” He asks and Tao smiles that signifies yes.

 

Looking at the guy in front of him, let Tao describe him, he has a pair of eyes which is giving you something more meaningful or deeper than what you think he is or on what he tells you about himself. Looking at his posture, on how he smiles, on how he sits, on how he moves, Tao can see that this guy is a skilled businessman or what. He is so outgoing so Tao guesses that this man is happy with his life. But as Tao spends more time with him, and as he sees what’s in the eyes of this person, he wants someone to be with him. So Tao asks, “JunMyeon, is it okay if I ask you a little sensitive or awkward question?”

 

JunMyeon looks at Tao and smiles, “Go on.” Tao gives him a serious look, enough for JunMyeon to say, “Oho! Your eyes are killing me! I’m scared at what you’re going to ask.” He laughs awkwardly.

 

Then Tao shakes his head and smiles so JunMyeon won’t think that Tao will eat him. He asks, “Well, uhm, do you want someone to be with you?”  Tao waits for an answer for a minute or two. He looks at JunMyeon who is blinking at him and blushing a little bit. Thinking that JunMyeon doesn’t want to answer him, he apologizes, “Okay, I’m sorry for asking you that. Forget about it. Aish.” It’s embarrassing.

 

Then JunMyeon says, letting a little laugh, “A-are you asking me to go out with you?” Hearing this, Tao’s eyes get bigger, he wants to laugh because JunMyeon misunderstands what he just said. “If that’s the reason, how about a no.” JunMyeon smiles and Tao thinks it’s awkward, even though he misunderstands that Tao wants to go out with him, smiling at the one whom you just dumped is bull. “I have someone in my mind and in my heart. Ewww, cheesy. But it’s true, I am taking care of him since my cousin died. Woah, just let me tell you my story.” JunMyeon asks Tao and Tao tells him to go on. “My cousin and I are best friends, almost like brothers, and he has this someone he loves and he always calls him his dream. We helped him to make a move to the guy and the guy eventually falls in love with him too. it’s just that I didn’t know that my cousin loves the guy I love.” And a glint of sadness is found in his eyes. “Of course I was surprised that among the people in this place, in this world, we fell in love with the same man and that .” JunMyeon lets a sigh come out from his breath, “But seeing those two unbreakable, seeing them loving each other, I accepted that I lost the game. I accepted it because I thought I can move on, I believe in second chances you know.”

 

Tao cuts off JunMyeon’s story and asks, “Did you think that you should have fight for him so you two would be together, and be happy.”

 

JunMyeon smiles his sweetest, “Nah, he is happier when he’s by my cousin’s side. And I’m happy for them. well, sometimes, I’ve thought of that but if I take him away from my cousin, I think he will never be happy in his life. Because his life now is just so miserable that the others are affected. We are affected.” Tao is now curious of what happened to the lover’s life so he puts an interest in every word JunMyeon says. “My cousin died.” A pause. “And he knew that I love the person he loves.” A pause. “And he told me to love him again, he gave thanks to me for loving him even from afar. He gave thanks to me because he knew that I am waiting for his lover to love again, and he hoped, with me.”  JunMyeon takes out a heavy sigh and nods, “Yes, he fell in love again.” Tao’s face is about to light up but JunMyeon continues, “He fell in love, with the same man again.” And it strikes him.

 

Tao looks at JunMyeon’s eyes and now, he can see the longing in those eyes, “You’re still waiting for him.” Tao nods.

 

JunMyeon looks at Tao, “But I can’t wait forever.” Tao nods again, agreeing to what JunMyeon says. junMyeon laughs sarcastically, and Tao knows it, “I always tell that to myself but look, after 5 years, ha! Just what the . I can’t forget about him, and he can’t forget about my cousin. Isn’t it unfair?”

 

Tao recalls what he has read in a book, “Well, no. because of course, there is someone who likes you too whom you don’t like because you like someone else. The same as you like this guy but he doesn’t like you back because he likes someone else too, and that’s your cousin.”

 

“Then why did my cousin like him back? Isn’t it unfair for me?” JunMyeon complains and Tao thinks that JunMyeon needs an explanation, he deserves an explanation. “They are happy! they became happy and look at me! I’m just standing in a corner waiting for nothing because they have everything!”

 

“Where is your cousin?” Tao asks and JunMyeon falls silent. “You are saying the world is unfair to you. Isn’t the world unfair to your cousin and his lover too, because it took their happiness? Isn’t the world unfair to the one who loves you because you wouldn’t like him back? The world always takes away someone’s happiness, that’s life.”

 

And there they stay for half an hour listening to silence. JunMyeon gives Tao a sigh and smiles, “Well, that’s nice.” And JunMyeon laughs, Tao is surprised that despite his unfair life, this one can still laugh. JunMyeon stands up and Tao does the same, “Nice talking to you. It’s really worthwhile.” And they shake hands and part ways.

 

Tao then walks his way to the bookstore which he loves. and there he sees his favourite section of the bookstore. It is like a dedication section where it has a black board pasted on its wall and everybody can write and express their feelings in that board. He always writes something there, the quotes which caught his attention while reading a book from the library/bookstore or the feelings he wanted to express and to tell to someone.

 

He stands in front of that board and reads, “Please come back to me, my reality.” Tao pouted at the cheesiness of the one who wrote it. He looks around and since no one seems to care, he erases the writings on the board and replaces it with the thing in his mind, and he writes, “I can’t… wait forever… So please… come into my life so I would know… the reason I will be dying for.” Someone reads.

 

Tao turns around and sees two big eyes looking at him. “Oh. Hi!” and he smiles a heart-shaped one as if they’ve met each other before. And everything goes backwards, the wind and lots of curls eat him, many colors can be seen everywhere. And with just a blink of an eye, here he is, standing in front a horror house. He looks around to find the purpose why did the time take him there. He finds it and hears.

 

"Are you sure?" the shorter guy asks his, Tao is not sure, but probably, boyfriend. Tao looks at the pale guy and sees the worries inside those eyes. The shorter one notices it too so he agrees to just take other rides except this, but the other one insists that they will enter the horror house because, as the taller one says, he can handle and he even kisses the heart-shaped lips to silence it.

 

They enter the horror house with Tao following behind. Everyone is scared and Tao is included there, he never thought before that this is the feeling of the people they scare in a horror house. The place is filled with screams, shocks, and laughs. “Jongin!!” But silence then is filled in the area when everybody looks at the couple beside Tao. It’s just when he realizes that he is the ‘ghost’ in front of them on the ground and covering his left eye. Tao is shocked as his another self groans in pain. “.” He says.

 

Then the manager of the horror house talks to them and the couple apologize to what they’ve done to Tao. The younger Tao smiles and tells the couple that he’s used to people who punches him whenever he scares them.

 

The couple leave the horror house and Tao is left in front of his younger version. He looks at him and smiles because he can remember that his brother is still with him this time, that’s why it’s fine with him. But he sees the younger Tao winced in pain in his head and his whole body shivers. Tao wants to ask him what’s happening to his body that time but colourful curls and spirals and the wind eat him, and there he is. In an unknown place with green grass and a few people around. But there’s a group of people swarming under the tree. And a smile flashes in the back of his mind, a heart-shaped smile. But the next thing he sees is the doe-eyed man is waving his hands at him.

 

“Oh!” Tao is awakened and the man greets him, “Tao!! Tao! You’re Tao right?!” the short guy in the past shouts. Tao nods, and the guy asks, “Do you remember me? I’m Kyungsoo! In the horror house!!” he smiles the sweetest.

 

Tao nods and speaks, “Y-yeah, your boyfriend punched me in my face.” Tao laughs but Kyungsoo doesn’t. then he remembers the future he saw for this couple, so he apologizes, “Oh, oh, sorry. sorry for being insensitive.” He bows his head.

 

Then Kyungsoo gives him a slight smile, “It’s okay. Besides, what you said is true. it’s just I miss him so much.” And it starts to rain. Kyungsoo looks at the sky and asks it painfully, “Let’s enjoy the rain… together?” he smiles but still Tao thinks it is fake.

 

“Would you like to go in the store?” Tao invites and Kyungsoo nods. “Are you sure? Or do you want to enjoy the rain together with the teardrops.” Kyungsoo looks at him and Tao thinks that he’s said the wrong thing, but he knows he didn’t, but still, he ‘corrects’ it, “I mean, raindrops. Raindrops.” Then Kyungsoo just nods.

 

Kyungsoo looks at him and then asks him the moment they take their seats, “I can’t wait forever. So please come into my life so I would know the reason I will be dying for.” Kyungsoo narrates. Tao just looks at him to know why he said what he’s written on the board, “Why did you write it?”

 

Tao blinks, “Well, nothing, it’s just my thought. W-why? Did it bother you?” Tao asks and then Kyungsoo gives him a look. Thinking that it is a yes, he apologizes and asks the reason why it bothers Kyungsoo.

 

“Because you erased what I’ve written in there!!” Kyungsoo complains. Tao is taken aback, he recalls what was written in there before he wrote the thing in his mind, “Please come back to me… my reality?” Tao asks and Kyungsoo nods and pouts. Tao apologizes.

 

Kyungsoo laughs because he just tricked Tao, “It’s not a big deal. But why did you write it? Are you waiting for someone?” Kyungsoo tilts his head to look at Tao clearly.

 

Tao clears his throat to explain to Kyungsoo, “Well, I’m not waiting for SOMEONE specifically, I am waiting for SOMETHING that would be the reason that I will be dying for.” Tao explains briefly but still Kyungsoo tells him to explain further. “I know the reason why I am living for but I don’t know the reason what I will die for. There, it’s just, I still don’t know how to end my life.”

 

“Then commit suicide.” Kyungsoo says as if it’s the easiest thing to do. Tao looks at him seriously and Kyungsoo laughs, “No, I’m just kidding. Don’t commit suicide because no one will like that.”

 

“I once thought of it but I don’t want suicide to be the reason why I died. I want something meaningful to come into my life. So everyone can say that I died for the one I love and for the one I cherished.” Tao explains and Kyungsoo nods and agrees. “You, why don’t you commit suicide, besides, your lover is dead. Don’t you want to be with him?”

 

Kyungsoo throws a book to him, “Yah, that guy is kind and loving, and I know he is in heaven. If I commit suicide, I won’t be going to heaven, I will live my life in hell. I won’t be able to be with him, duh! And he doesn’t want me to commit suicide, he wants me to do something worthwhile in my life. And besides, my friends are always here for me. I’ll just wait for the right time when will Jongin and I can fulfill our dreams together.” Kyungsoo explains.

 

Tao nods, “At least Jongin knew what he was dying for. And it’s for you, for your dreams. Eh you, do you know what you’re dying for?” Kyungsoo answers yes and Tao thinks, “For Jongin.”

 

“Nah, I won’t be dying for the dead. I will die for the ones who are living.” Kyungsoo smiles and Tao is taken aback.

 

“Are you a social worker?” Tao asks and Kyungsoo nods, “It’s the least thing I can do to make something in my life meaningful and worthwhile.”

 

Tao looks up for a deep thinking “I don’t know what I will be dying for, and I am waiting for it.”

 

Kyungsoo eyes narrow, “Do you want to die when you find the reason why you’ll be dying for?”

 

Tao laughs, “Haha, what’s with the question, of course. I want to die for it! Because of course, it’s the reason why I will be dying for!”

 

“But you know, as you said earlier, Jongin died for me. And I know that he knew it. And he always tells me before that he doesn’t want to die earlier because of me, but he does want to die earlier because of me too. It’s just confusing. I still can’t understand it.”

 

“You didn’t understand it? Oho! You’re weak. Of course he didn’t want to die earlier because he wanted to have more time with you. And he wanted to die earlier because he wanted you to move on.” Tao explains. “And you’re thinking that way too. you don’t want to die earlier for the ones who are in need and you are doing it because Jongin told you to do something worthwhile in your life, but you are waiting to die because you want to be with him. So the reason why you’re dying for is for Jongin only, Kyungsoo. You are doing worthwhile in your life because Jongin told you to do so and you are waiting for yourself to die for Jongin, right?”

 

Kyungsoo is in deep thought. After a minute or two, Kyungsoo looks at him and smiles a heart-shaped one, “Oho! Haha! You’re right! right!” and Kyungsoo laughs at himself, “Why didn’t I realize that?! haha! You’re really witty, are you an author?”

 

Tao is flattered at what Kyungsoo said, so he smiles sheepishly but says, “Noo. It’s not the reason why I am living for.” Then Kyungsoo asks him what is the reason why he is living for and Tao says, “I live for the time.”

 

Kyungsoo doesn’t get what Tao is trying to say. He just nods thinking that Tao is really witty and a deep-thinker. “Hey, are you looking for a job? Because JunMyeon needs a security guard? Maybe you can help for the mean time?”

 

Tao wants to burst out in laughter because Kyungsoo sees him as a security guard. But he thinks, “I see. Maybe this is what I will be dying for.” He tells and Kyungsoo laughs. “I’ll just call JunMyeon.”

 

Then Tao is not sure of what name he just heard, “JunMyeon?” he asks seriously. Kyungsoo is holding the phone on his ears and nods. Until he sees someone walking in front of the bookstore under the rain, “Baekhyun!!” he shouts and runs outside the store. He leaves the cellphone in the hands of Tao.

 

Tao follows him outside and when Kyungsoo runs through the rain, Tao shouts, “Hey! Come back here! The rain will make you sick!” but Kyungsoo says, “No!! I’ll just be with the rain together with Baekhyun’s teardrops!” and Kyungsoo slowly disappears in the rain.

 

“Hello? Yah,, Kyungsoo-yah, is there something wrong?” a voice from the phone asks.

 

And Tao thinks, this is really the JunMyeon he met a while ago, he answers it anyway, “Uhm, JunMyeon-ah.” He greets. JunMyeon is surprised at what happened to Kyungsoo’s voice. “I-it’s Tao.”

 

And you can hear in the phone call that JunMyeon let an ‘Oh’ escapes his lips, “Yah Tao, how did you get Kyungsoo’s phone?”

 

“He was supposed to call you for I am applying for a job. But he saw this Baekhyun and he ran out the rain and I think he is running after the Baekhyun.” Tao explains.

 

“Ahh, okay. I’ll go there, just wait for me. Are you in the bookstore?” JunMyeon asks and Tao nods as if JunMyeon can see him, in the end, he answers yes.

 

It’s two hours after lunch and Tao waits for JunMyeon in the counter when someone asks him, “Do you have the new book of Oh Sehun?” a guy with feminine features asks.

 

Tao looks at the guy’s sparkling eyes, and he feels sad about it, it’s sparkling because of tears and longing, “Do you really want the book?” Tao asks instead and the guy nods. Tao looks in his past, and curls and colourful spirals eat him again.

 

Here he is, standing with the guy in the bookstore. Well, he doesn’t know where they are so he looks around and sees tarpaulins with a picture of a handsome guy and books around him, “Oh Sehun”

 

“Yes, he is Oh Sehun.” The guy looks at him and Tao is surprised because he knows that he can’t talk to someone in the past but here he is, greeting and introducing himself to the guy named Luhan.

 

“You like his books?” Tao asks because he notices that Luhan is really holding the books written by Sehun carefully and with care. “Then why don’t you let him sign the books in your hands? He’ll be really happy if he would know that you bought all of his books.” Tao assures.

 

But Luhan shakes his head, “Nah, I don’t want to ruin his life.” And the wind drifted away with him.

 

A second after, “Tao! You’re Tao right! I remember you!” Luhan says and greets him happily.

 

“L-L-Luhan..” Tao smiles but he knows that this is not good. He shouldn’t communicate, talk or do something from the past because it will eventually change the present. So to make sure, he asks, “Do you have your books signed?”

 

Luhan shakes his head and sighs, “No.”

 

“Why?” Tao asks curiously.

 

“I-I’m ashamed.” Luhan bows his head down.

 

And a bell rings which indicates that someone enters the bookstore, and it is JunMyeon, “Tao!! Oh! Luhan, you’re here too! Sorry, we don’t have the latest book of Sehun.” JunMyeon declares sadly. Then Luhan nods and tells he’ll just wait.

 

Luhan excuses himself to look for other books to read, “Wouldn’t you look for Kyungsoo under the rain?” Tao asks because he knows that JunMyeon is referring to Kyungsoo earlier.

 

“No, because I know Jongin is with him. And Baekhyun, we need to be with Baekhyun, he’s really depressed lately.” JunMyeon says as if Tao knows who Baekhyun is. “So you’re here for a job?” JunMyeon looks at Tao from head to toe. He stops himself from laughing and is able to ask him, “Did Kyungsoo tell you that a security guard is needed here?” And JunMyeon bursts out laughing.

 

Tao pouts because JunMyeon thinks he’s not suited for the job, “Yes! And I am sincerely applying for the job.” Tao is serious and JunMyeon sees it so he hires Tao to test him for a week or two. Tao gives thanks and bids goodbye to him.

 

He stands in front of the board and erases what he has written there, he replaces it with, “I think I finally found the reason why I will be dying. And I am excited.” He is referring to the job he just found.

 

~ ~ I know what I am living for. But still, I don’t know what I’m dying for. So I can’t do anything worthwhile for now.

 

He stands in front of the board and erases what he has written there, he replaces it with, “I think I finally found the reason why I will be dying. And I am excited.” He is referring to the job he just found. ~ ~ But before he sees what he’s dying for, isn’t he living his life worthwhile by looking at someone’s past and tells some advice or whatever that can help them?

---------------

There there! te first chapter! I hope you guys understand it. OMO OMO OMO, EXO's comeback is tomorrow, finally!!! I can't wait!!! Urgh!! my feels!!!! >//<

Thank you for reading the first chapter!

Sorry for the errors in this fic, I'll try to fix them later!!

Comments and feedbacks are highly appreciated!!

-- silver