ACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!

From the highest mountains to the deepest oceans, the shrill cry of famous actress/model/CF Queen/ biggest airhead Im Yoona has rung loudly.

And who else would run from the ends of the Earth to pacify her, but her tortured and stressed manager Kim Taeyeon.

“Yoona!” The manager burst through the bedroom door of the star. “What happened?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Never has Yoona’s face look so terrified, her lips trembling, her eyes wide in fear and her face drained of color.

“I HAVE A PIMPLE!”

Damn it, I want to kill her.

“A pimple?” Taeyeon said in a deadpan tone. “You scream because of a freaking pimple?”

“Yes!” Yoona says in dismay, doesn’t her manager know how grave this situation is? “Don’t you know what people call me? They call me a Goddess. A Goddess unnie! Goddesses don’t have pimples!”

“Maybe you’re not a Goddess after all.” Taeyeon murmured.

“What did you say?”

“I meant look at this in a good way Yoona, when people see that you have a pimple. They will see a connection with you. These young girls they will say, omo Im Yoona, the Goddess has a pimple? She’s just like us.”

“But I’m not like them!” The broken actress wailed, stomping her feet in frustration. “I’m Freaking Im Yoona!”

“Yes you are. And it’s nothing a concealer can’t cover.”

“No… no… that’s not the solution. These pimples, they’re sneaky unnie. They started out as one and if you ignore them, you know what they will do?”

“What?” Taeyeon wonders why she even bothered to ask the airhead idol.

“They will call their other pimple friends and say yoboseyo?! let’s all go and have a party in Im Yoona’s face. And I can’t let that happen! I can’t let these pimples have a party in my face!”

Taeyeon could only stand back, dumbfounded about what she just heard. She thought Yoona’s comment last night about Santa Claus should wear black to make him look slimmer was dumb, today was just as bad. To think it’s still this early, who knows what kind of idiotic things Yoona will spit out by the afternoon?

This is Im Yoona in real life, Im Yoona the Goddess that millions of fangirls and fan boys would walk barefoot in glass for. What would they ever think when they found out the way Im Yoona functions? Or malfunctions?

“There is only one solution to this unnie, call Doctor Kim.”

Oh no… not that quack doctor Kim.

“Yoona relax, it’s just a pimple.”

“No unnie… it’s not… this is terrorism.”

“Okay… okay… if that’s how you think.” Taeyeon said in surrender. “But at least let me call a REAL dermatologist not this fake doctor Hyoyeon Kim.”

“No unnie. I can’t do that. This perfect body and looks. It only recognizes one person and that one person is Doctor Kim. If I just stray away, my body might not react too well. I might have…”

Yoona could only gasps at the horror of it.

“More pimples.”

Taeyeon could only facepalm herself from the sheer idiocy of it.

“Yoona… how many times do I have to tell you that she’s not a real doctor. She got a medical degree online.”

“Unnie, I know how you feel but I don’t care. I have never been sick or injured ever since, you know why? Because Doctor Kim takes good care of me.”

“Fine. Fine!”

*

This day started out better than Kwon Yuri imagined.

Her day is usually ruined around the time she stepped out of her room and the first thing she hear is Im Yoona’s autotune singing in the radio. Life doesn’t get any better as she stepped into the world and posters and billboards are everywhere filled with that smirking face that Yuri is just dying to smack.

But she believes she’s getting getter in handling her rage against the idol by channeling her inner artist.

So right now, with a sharpie in her hand and a poster of Im Yoona’s new lipstick CF tacked on the wall, she’s ready to do her art.

Goddess? Pffft… Angel Double pffft!!! They are lies! All lies! As an artist (or a person about to vandal a poster) Kwon Yuri is ready to expose Yoona for the evil creature that she is.

“Hey miss!”

Oh crap…

“What? Oh ahhh officer…”

The pot bellied guard reminded Yuri of a penguin with how he waddled towards her. The tanned girl hurriedly leans back on the wall, trying to hide the evidence of her vandal/art.

“Are you drawing on Im Yoona’s poster again?”

“What? Of course not!”

“Then move away from the wall.”

“Ummm…I can’t do that.”

Penguin oppa motions her to move, but she stands her ground.

“Miss.”

“I have a right to lean on any wall I like. Is it against the law to lean on walls?!”

The potbellied officer was getting too annoyed, he has donuts to eat and shows to watch and this girl was wasting his time. He finally decided to get physical and show the nuisance out of the way.

The idol Im Yoona now looks like a toothless pirate thanks to the artistic capabilities of Kwon Yuri.

*

Taeyeon could only roll her eyes at the situation. What is supposed to be just a consultation about her pimple turned out to be a full body physical examination, complete with x rays and MRI scans.

“So, doctor, what’s the verdict?” Yoona asks, her pretty face contorted in worry.

Kim Hyoyeon has been quiet and that’s never a good thing. She has in her hands the X ray and has been thoughtfully staring at it for minutes.

“Doc?”

“I don’t know how to say this to you Yoona but you’re gonna die.”

Taeyeon almost wasted a good can of soda after hearing that. Who on their right mind would actually believe what this quack is saying?

“OH NO!”

Of course who else but the idiot idol.

“Is that why I have been so tired lately? And I feel like all I want to do is sleep.”

“You’re anemic Yoona, nothing that a few iron pills can’t fix.” Taeyeon corrected.  She’s not going to fall for this nonsense and was ready to drag Yoona away. “Thank you so much, doc.”

“No doc! Tell me more.”

“You’re dying and you have around 6 months to live.”

“Oh c’mon Yoona! You don’t actually believe this do you?!”

“Why would doctor Kim lie? Why what do I have? Do I have cancer? A heart defect? Some rare brain disease?”

The only brain disease that Im Yoona has is stupidity.

“You see this huge tumor over here.” The doctor pointed to a round growth tucked in Yoona’s digestive system.

“OMO!” Yoona panicked at the thought of a tumor inside of her.

Taeyeon took one peek and instantly figure out what it is.

“That’s her gallbladder.”

“Are you a doctor?!” Kim Hyoyeon was not going to be corrected by an elementary school kid. “Did you ever dissected frogs and cats like I did? No, because you are not a doctor!”

“Anyways Yoona, basing on the size of that tumor, you will probably have around 6 months to live.”

“SIX MONTHS! Omo unnie…”

Taeyeon’s forehead hit the table with a low thud, sometimes facepalming is not enough, this situation is one of them.

*

“Are you listening again to those whale mating music Taeng?”

Taeyeon couldn’t see the girl who walks in the condo carrying grocery bags bigger than her, but Taeyeon could imagine the frustration.

“Nope.” Taeyeon answers quickly, before dipping her apple in the caramel sauce. “That’s Yoona, she’s crying.”

“What?!” The grocery bag landed with a huge thump “What’s going on?”

“According to Dr. Kim she’s about to die. Just about 6 months to live.”

“What?! And you let her believe that fake?”

Taeyeon just shrugs dismissively.

“She’ll get over it.”

“She’s the biggest hallyu star today, Taeng. Our goal is to make sure she’s happy. And right now, with all that wailing she’s obviously not happy.”

“Then, be my guest. Go comfort her.”

“Fine. I will.”

Sunny clears , getting to win Yoona over with her aegyo.

“Yoona?”

The loud wailing goes on.

“Hey Yoong girl.”

The wailing turns into sniffles.

“Who’s that?”

“It’s me… your favorite unnie.”

The ear piercing screeching came to a halt.

“Boa unnie? Is that you?”

Sunny just growl as she hears Taeyeon snickers in delight.

“No Yoong, it’s Sunny unnie.”

“Wait… You’re not my fave unnie.WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

 “Yoona… it will be okay, girl. You want me to call BoA? I’m pretty sure she’ll come to comfort her favorite dongsaeng.”

Then the door finally burst open.

“I ate just half of a grapefruit today.”

“What?”

“I JUST ATE HALF A GRAPEFRUIT TODAY!”

The two unnies just exchange confused looks.

“I ate just half of a grapefruit today!” Yoona repeated “Not even a full grapefruit! I’M! GONNA! FREAKING! DIE! AND ALL I ATE WAS A GRAPEFRUIT! HALF A GRAPEFRUIT!”

“How about I order that fried chicken you like?”

Taeyeon could have smack Sunny’s head if she had a chance. She slowly crane her head to check on Yoona’s reaction and the manager grimaced at the pained expression in Yoona’s face.

“I hate fried chicken.”

Yoona replies before locking herself inside her room.

*

*

“Aigoo this kid.”

Taeyeon smiles lightly as she saw Yoona curled up peacefully beside her rilakkuma. Yes, the girl might be a huge hallyu star, CF queen, Goddess Idol to the entire country, but for Taeyeon and Sunny, Im Yoona was still a giant kid, immature and too innocent for her own good.

The manager walks closely towards the four poster bed and tucks in the sleeping child.

“One order of fiesta chicken.” Yoona mumbles in her sleep.

“You still miss her, huh?”  

Taeyeon saw Yoona’s phone still tucked in her hand. As Taeyeon pulled it off Yoona’s tight grip, the screen light up, showing the image of happier moment (or what Taeyeon said as Yoona’s happiest days). Yoona with a bright smile as the tanned girl gives her a peck on the cheek.

*

“How are you feeling?”

Taeyeon asked as Yoona drags herself to the kitchen.

“I have 5 months and 30 days to live, so, not really good.” Yoona admits while diving inside the fridge for food.

“I have been reviewing some of our contracts and one of them is with Cluck Chicken.”

Cluck chicken… Taeyeon could see Yoona perked up from those two magical words. But then, it quickly dissolves to irritation.

“Don’t wanna. Don’t want anything to do with fried chicken especially cluck’s!”

Taeyeon should have expected this resistance. But it’s time to put the joke around at this girl.

“But Yoong… you only have 6 months-“

“5 months and 30 days!” Yoona corrected.

“Yes… 5 months and 30 days to live. Don’t you want to live those last days in pure bliss?”

“By eating fried chicken?”

“Yes and ummm… by… ahhh…”

“NO!” Yoona screeches out and covers her ears. “She shall not be named!”

“Okay… okay… but don’t you want to see her again?”

“No.” Yoona lied. “I will die a happy woman if I don’t ever see her again.”

“You know I read in a study somewhere that holding a grudge, gives you wrinkles.”

Taeyeon swallows her lips when she heard Yoona gasps out loud. Sometimes dealing with the girl is like playing with a gullible kid.

“Is that how you want to pass this world? With wrinkles on your face?”

Yoona bites her lips to keep it from quivering. She quickly shakes her head in protest.

“No.”

Taeyeon paused for a little bit, letting the information seeped in inside Yoona’s head.

“Okay!” Yoona said in surrender. “Let’s do this. By the way, Unnie… I’m doing this because I don’t want to die a wrinkly lady, not because of she shall not be named.”

“Oh of course… Yoona.”

Taeyeon smiled in triumph, maybe this death scare is quite useful after all.

*

“Welcome to Cluck Fried Chicken, Where our chicken is so clucking good… Cluck… Cluck.”

The lovey dovey couple could only share confused look at the deadpanned girl before them.

“Ah-huh…” Sooyoung excuses her disgruntled employee and takes over before they lost another customer. “Excuse me, Yuri can I talk to you? Hara please take over.”

“SURE!” The happier employee clucked excitedly.

*

Sooyoung didn’t waste anytime to lecture her bestfriend as soon as the manager’s door shut behind them.

“Yuri, you know I love you like my own sister but God Damn it! You need to get your act together. You need to come to work with pride.”

Yuri let out a disgruntled growl at what Sooyoung was demanding her to do.

“I sell fried chicken, I cluck! And I wear this ridiculous hat with chicken wings! What pride do I have left?!”

Sooyoung started to massage her temples, hoping to soothe her stress away.

“I’m sorry…” Yuri apologized for stressing out at her bestfriend. “I’m just… I…”
 

“Dude!” Sooyoung said, cupping her bestfriend’s hunched shoulders. “We build this fried chicken business from scratch. Don’t let some girl who dump you for her popular-“

The thought of that skinny girl was quick to flare Yuri’s tempers again.

“SHE DIDN’T DUMP ME! I DUMP HER!”

Sooyoung could feel Yuri shaking in anger.

“What I’m-“

“Yoohoooo…”

The two bestfriends’ ears perked at the yoohoo.

“Yes Hara?”

“Boss Choi someone’s on the phone. She said it’s very important.”

*

“A lifetime supply of fried chicken.”

Choi Sooyoung wondered if she has to clean her ears after what she heard. Did she heard it right? Did the biggest hallyu star of their generation willing to be their model just for a supply of fried chicken?

When Im Yoona’s manager called her for a meeting, Sooyoung quickly bolted out of her restaurant to meet them. It takes months maybe even a year to get through to Im Yoona’s agency so to have her just call and ask for a meeting is like a divine intervention.

“Lifetime supply of fried chicken, Ms. Im?”

Yoona crosses her legs, her face dead serious at her proposal.

“Yes. I need to have a fried chicken specifically legs and thighs whenever, wherever.”

The young entrepreneur Choi couldn’t believe this. This is the big exposure that their business needs. Fly away KFC! So long Goobne! Cluck Chicken is about to take over the fried chicken universe.

“Ms. Im even in your death, I will make sure I put a plate of fried chicken in your grave. We cook our fried chicken in vegetable oil which is healthier.”

Yoona’s face scrunches up in a deep pout as she thinks.

“Nah- I have been eating lettuce and grapefruit all my life. I need bad stuff.”

“Bad stuff?” Sooyoung raise her brow. “Well to be honest the ingredients in our chicken, is a recipe for a heart attack.”

“Heart attack.” Yoona nods. “Deal. I will have my manager write a contract.”

“Sure… Sure! Anything you ask Ms. Im, I am your slave.”

“Oh good. By the way, Ms. Choi there is one request- nope- not request. One deal that I want in that contract.”

“Anything you say, Ms. Im?”

“I want Kwon Yuri to be available to me at all times, to deliver, cook and feed my belly some fried chicken anytime, anywhere that I want.”

Oh crap… Sooyoung gulped all of her spit after hearing the proposition. Her bestfriend will never agree to this. Anything that has to do with Im Yoona, Kwon Yuri just go exorcist on her. But can she give away this opportunity? Maybe if Yuri sees how their business will boom after this, she will understand.

Sooyoung closed her eyes and quickly said her hail mary’s and our father knowing her bestfriend will strangle her to death and light her dead body on fire for agreeing to this.

And besides, maybe this will be the reason for Yuri and Yoona to finally figure things out. Maybe see what had happened between them. And when they realized how stupid they were once, they will have her to thank. Cupid Soo, ready to shoot those two hearts again.

“Ms. Im… you got yourself a deal.”

TBC