This two-shot is inspired from Ted Mosby, a character from How I Met Your Mother, who never gave up on love and always assumed a future with every girl he had been with, hoping they are the one. The show is ending on Monday (EST) and I’m having a mixture of happiness and sadness. This story will also tackle trust, commitment and patience for someone you love  and not restraining one’s self in expressing their love to their significant other even just simple and subtle moments. And of course, the honesty and realness of feelings. Also, I mentioned here the measure of maturity between couples especially those with s. I always hear people wanting to be involved or get married with a person who are 2-4 years older than them because they are always the mature ones and the younger ones are often those who are hesitant to engage in more serious commitments which I personally think is a misconception. I hope the story will somehow be effective to prove my point. Oh, I also recommend you guys to listen to the song “If I Am” by Nine Days. 

This was supposed to be a one-shot but I decided to cut them into parts (part 2 is longer) so you can analyse the situation  and where the characters are coming from (i sound like as if i even write good lol). I kind of wrote this in a vague but light way so that the readers can have different interpretations and it's also dialogue based. Oh, I’m also having a difficult time to write a . I kept on laughing while finishing this and I’m still writing it and still laughing as I post this.

I'm so sorry if I talk a lot. I just really talk a lot hehehe

Yoona and Jessica have broken up for more than a month already. It all started when they had a fight. Sometimes even a couple albeit involving a Yoona and a Jessica can have its cliches.

The girls were in a VIP room of their favorite restaurant celebrating Chinese New Year. They have started eating dinner after waiting a torturous thirty minutes for Yoona.

It's food they are dealing with so Yoona should have known best that being late is a buzz kill. They munched food like they’re in boodle fights and drank sips of champagne too. Except for Jessica who patiently did not touch her plate and saved her girlfriend's favorite until she arrives.

Yoona came in an hour later with a Tiffany and Co. paper bag which Jessica assumed to be a gift Yoona bought to congratulate her own for working hard. She officially has finished filming her drama after three months. She looked very exhausted but nonetheless showed a happy face towards her members.

She sat next to Jessica and patted her shoulders. They don’t really show affection in front of their members since they decided to keep their status a secret. An irony though. Tiffany always reveals that they don’t keep secrets from each other.

Just a subtle greeting of Yoona to her girlfriend, she began shoving spoonful of food into and laughed while the girls made jokes. It appealed to Jessica as if Yoona did not even take time to appreciate or even just notice the little things she does to her, like saving her the wings of the chicken which is her favourite, compared to how she used to.

Jessica frowned but continued to force a smile. This was supposed to be a celebration but it's slowly becoming an eye-opener to her that she and Yoona were really falling apart and that their relationship was simply becoming more and more based solely on lust and physical attraction.

They've started dating when their 2nd Japan Arena Tour concluded after a little drinking session that got them into a very intimate, sensual and accidentally-knocked-down-the-lamp-and-broke-one-leg-of-the-hotel-bed-due-to-Yoona’s-strong-and-rapid--on-Jessica situation that until now nobody else knew of (they think).

Nothing was normal anymore after that passionate evening. They would always message each other, be drawn to their stares, do footsies and run fingers on respective thighs under the table while eating or in a meeting and stealthily hold hands covered by a towel during practice regardless of the presence of their members.

They decided to give their infatuation a try.

They became inseparable right after setting forth in a relationship. Their months of hiatus post the tour brought their closeness to a different level. Not the volume and speed level of their moan and breathing during whenever their members are out of the dorm or when they do it in a hotel and car to keep it discreet. Or even their professionalism in bed or car seat per se.

As far as it concerns Jessica, the more they spent their time together filling their hearts with so much happiness and have a sense of belongingness to one another, the sooner it became clearer as crystal to the blonde girl that what they have is not just a simple mean of satisfying their ual desires.

Jessica likes being with Yoona. Everything about her counterparts who she is. She acts like a kid, a total prankster, warm-hearted, persistent, loud, agitated and aggressive (in bed). Jessica is none of those. Maybe a little of the latter two. But other than liking Yoona’s company, her presence brings great comfort to her as if even at tough times, Jessica knows everything would be alright.

There's definitely something in there, Jessica acknowledged. Lingering and growing feelings that she does not deny and are openly accepted. Willingness of wanting it to be something more meaningful came into plot and even imagining a future with Yoona in it crossed her mind. It's what Jessica wanted and she still is now.

In fact, her feelings did become something more - something else. Only then, things began changing when Yoona took a drama role and was barely at home.

It's Yoona’s usual schedule ever since, waking up at dawn and does filming the entire day and night which ran for a year during 2008-2009. Then 2013 came when she did nothing in months but eat and be with Jessica.

It did not bother Jessica before. Of course she was deeply concerned for Yoona during her hectic schedules as she juggled practice, drama filming and performances. The girl was sleep deprived and exhausted. It was a relief she has never fainted yet.

Her drama job was being a total pain in the for Jessica. It’s not because she wanted Yoona for her own self only but that’s when the reality of their relationship began showing.

That’s when it hit her.
 

Since Yoona’s drama filming came to an end, she anticipated allotting more time at home and compensate the times she’s been away from Jessica due to work. She was showing less interest lately so Yoona knew Jessica had been bitter.

Tonight was the perfect timing to start since some of the members went to their families while the others were at the karaoke. Her energy was all drained but just by sitting in the couch and embracing her girlfriend would do. Hopefully though.

Upon entering the house she found Jessica flopped on the couch and looked lazy as always. Yoona smiled finding her girlfriend as cute as a cat.

She dropped her things and sat next to her, grabbing her small but slender hand and brushing her thumb over her knuckles. Jessica’s expression remained bleak but Yoona did not mind. She might be just tired.

A little later, Yoona noticed the dozing Jessica so she tried to pull her and let her rest her above her chest and in her embrace. She missed her ice princess teddy bear. However, Jessica refused and withdrew her hand from Yoona’s grasp.

Yoona was baffled of Jessica’s abrupt attitude, thinking that she might be in her mood swings. But just by her nonchalant expression, Yoona can tell it wasn’t the case of mood swings.

“Did something happen?”

Yoona waited for Jessica to answer. Seconds passed and she was still unresponsive.

“Did I do something wrong?”

Jessica still did not speak a word but she rolled her eyes, a gesture that only meant bad news.

“What did I do?” Yoona is becoming more worried, feeling her body tensed by this and the disappointment of her ignorance for whatever the matter may be.

Jessica is usually not cooperative when it comes to interrogations. She either nods, shakes her head or do nothing when questioned. She’s currently doing the latter.

“God damn it, Jessica. If I did something wrong, just tell me and stop dragging this longer by making me throw consecutive wild guesses”

“If you’re paying much attention, you would know the answer to your ing problem” Jessica had spoken up. She did not only speak but actually raised a voice at Yoona.

It kind of alarmed Yoona that they are cursing and instantly remembered that Taeyeon isn’t here to scold them.

“Are you implying that I’m the problem? We barely talked in three months since you just stopped contacting me. Heck, even saw each other. How am I supposed to know?”

"Do you love me?"

Yoona winced from the abrupt stir of question.

"What?"

Jessica jolted up from the couch. "Just answer the damn question, Yoona"

Her eyes trembled, feeling the dismay from Jessica's manner of saying her name. It used to bring her delight whenever she hears Jessica pronouncing her name like she's the most special thing whether it's a whisper in her softest voice or just a simple calling. But now…..

"I-" Yoona nervously stood up.

"Just once” Jessica didn’t let her finish. “Even just this once, you shouldn't have hesitated" She sounded resigned.

"You want me to lie?"

"See? That's why this is not working anymore because you’re so blind and you don’t care. You don't understand what's happening when it's already right in front you."

The look of confusion in Yoona's face was still evident. Typically, Jessica was as blunt as she always is.

"I've always asked you if you think this relationship is gonna go somewhere. I've always asked you if you want us to have a future together and have kids. Then you started filming your drama and I told you I wanted to visit you everyday and treat you with any meal that you'd like because I missed you so much and your messy eating manners then I asked you if you missed me too. Now, I asked you if you love me and as usual, you hesitated. You always hesitate whenever I bring up this kind of questions."

Jessica couldn't help the tears welling up in her eyes but she continued. "I'm not asking you to lie to me. Maybe it could have been better if you just did. At least, I got a direct and straightforward answer from you. But you keep on faltering and wavering then you make up excuses to avoid the questions and it makes me feel like I'm something you are never sure of and it hurts me more because I want to take this relationship in a higher phase, I don’t know what my brain is doing to me but I keep on seeing my future with you in it, I always miss you and your five year old self even if you're only gone for thirty seconds and I love you"

That was the very first time she said I love you.

She did not expect nor imagine herself to have said those words but they seemed to come out naturally on their own. Looking back, she realized the feeling had been resting in her for a while until they were finally spoken just now.

Unfortunately, she figured it out that it has been there all along when they're at the verge of breaking apart.

"Are we," Yoona swallowed and hardened her jaw as tears rolled down on her face. "ending things now?"

Sometimes, Jessica is thankful of her own bluntness because somehow she doesn’t regret the things she’s been wanting to say even if it hurts the other person or her.

"We can't go on like this. I can't do it" Jessica shook her head in resentment. "We're nothing but hopeless romantics and ual driven idiots who forced to make a relationship out of those bad foundations. I can't stay like that forever and it is you that made me change my mind. Sure, I was only playing while we are together and you were being playful as well. But I changed because of you. I don’t want to be the person who will only content your raging hormones but I want to become someone who will make you feel happy and safe, someone you can lean on, cry on and hold onto. But it's clear we both want different things and you’re not ready for a commitment.”

Yoona slipped her hand to the pocket of her jacket until Jessica went on. ”Maybe you really are still a child, Yoona. You're not acting like a kid because maybe that's who you are and I can't be with that person anymore"

For a few seconds, Yoona was slightly swaying in her balance and staring blankly at an indefinite space. Jessica couldn’t draw something from Yoona’s reaction as she had never seen her like this before.

Is she gonna be mad and yell at her for being inconsiderate? Is she gonna sob and apologize for not doing her part in their relationship? Is she gonna beg her and ask her to give her second chance to do things right? Jessica couldn’t tell.

“Alright” There was stillness in Yoona’s voice that made Jessica’s heart skip a beat for unknown reasons. She took her hand out of the pocket of her jacket and wiped of her the tears in her eyes. “It’s over then”

And it was. Yoona turned around saying no more words and entering into a random room, shutting the door down.

Jessica was fazed. A part of her did not take Yoona’s stoic approach easily and couldn't find to wedge her way in accepting it. Yoona did give what she asked without hesitation, for the first time. Yoona did let her go but it did not serve Jessica of what she expected from this break up. It’s as though reality threw itself straight back into her face again. Only this time, it was worse.

Chapter 3 Preview: Can We Skip? Part II

Yoona and Jessica had broken up for over a month. Jessica caught herself in surprise that Yoona is handling it so well and found herself sulking over the break up even more.  Taeyeon saw Jessica in tears and revealed some truth about Yoona.

(I at making previews. They sound funny)