They say that occupations can breed some very strange conversations. For example, nurses, who spend their days vested in functions of the body, can have long and lasting discussions about bowel movements. Attendants in tanning salons congregate to contemplate with one another how long it takes to cook one’s skin to have that “natural” look. And those in computer stores can relate the epic adventures of Java script. Granted then, the music industry is no exception. And after years spent as a pop idol, I, Shim Changmin, can safely say that fame has given rise to some odd conversations between me and my members. And you must realize that, given our status as DBSK, we are placed in situations other young men our age would never have to deal with.

For example, there was an outfit during the T tour that forced me and the other members to experience the joy that is The Thong. I’ll never forget Junsu telling me just how offended he was that the staff gave him a pink thong to wear. Or Jaejoong informing me that he felt y wearing this g-string. And let’s not forget Yoochun confessing his fear of the thing snapping during the show, or Yunho’s comment that he’d rather go commando. Yea. Good times.

As one might then imagine, by now there is very little capable of phasing me. And I take a certain amount of pride in knowing this. In knowing that when Jaejoong asks me if his eyeliner is too thick, I can answer him without batting an eye. Or for the numerous times Junsu has turned around and asked me if I thought his rear-end looked too big in a pair of pants, I can remind him how fortunate he is to have curves. I can even look at myself dressed like a -star and flash a Min-tastic grin wide enough to make 9095 fan girls forget their name.

However, there was one conversation, not too long ago, that deserves a place in TVXQ history. We had just released Mirotic and were in the first leg of the tour. Dressed with enough testosterone to stifle a nation, we were incredibly busy pushing this new image of DBSK as men. MEN. No longer the little cuties of Hug but manly man who show their chests, and talk about kissing in their songs, and drive slick black cars around in music videos looking angst-y. On the particular day this conversation erupted, myself, Yoochun, Junsu and Jaejoong were backstage several hours before a concert. Yunho had gone out for a fitting and each of us was due to be called any moment.

I remember Jaejoong was busy Google-ing himself on the internet. I know it sounds weird and all, but it’s a comfort thing for him. Like some people have chocolate, Jaejoong likes to search himself on the web. And like I said before, fame does odd things to you.

Anyway, I was splayed out on a couch hoping I would remember to go left instead of right during “Rising Sun,” given that we hadn’t danced it in so long. However my personal choreography session was broken into by a shrill scream. Sitting up, I looked over to Jaejoong who sat with his finger pointing in horror to something on the computer screen. The dark eyes bulged unnaturally, like that time backstage during Purple Line when he zipped his pants up too fast. Rushing over, I remember grabbing Jaejoong by the shoulders and asking what was wrong. For an answer, he groaned and pointed harder towards the blue-lit screen.

What I saw then is beyond words. It was picture, drawn no doubt out of sincere love. A fan’s drawing of both Jaejoong and Yunho as they are known in certain fandoms as Jaeho. A couple. A couple our marketing team has worked very hard to cement in the public mind. However, this particular picture depicted them in such a -tastic manner that it made me want to gouge out my eyes with pencils. Stab my hand with a fork. Drink soda through my nose. Anything to erase the  image from my retinas. An image of two men I respected as fellow bandmates looking like some twisted…..Oh my.

“Jae!” I screamed, staggering back. “What are you looking at?! Geez! Get that off the screen!”

“Do you believe this,” he cried, like a stuck pig.

“It’s pretty bad! You and Yunho are…,” I swallowed hard, “all wrapped around each other.”

“I don’t understand,” he moaned. “Why am I always the girl?”

Wait. What? The girl? There is a picture of you and Yunho that’s going to give me nightmares for a week and you are concerned with the fact that the drawing clearly depicted you as a female?

Jaejoong was more concerned about being the girl than he was about the OTP picture. My mind fought hard to process this. Fought hard to understand Jaejoong’s outrage. Beginning to feel a throbbing in my left temple, I was the one who groaned now as Jaejoong continued to talk.

“Why am I always the girl and Yunho is always the guy? I’m just as much of a man as he is! Leader or not! I’m older! I’m as manly as him. Don’t you think so, Changmin?”

“Huh? Jae, my head hurts. I’m not-following you. You wanna know who’s more of a man? Seriously? There is boy-love flooding the room and you’re worried that you’re a girl?! Or that Yunho’s more of a man?” I could feel sarcasm beginning to leak out. What do the fans call it? Snarky? “Darn!” I snapped, “I guess all this time flaunting your bare chest in front of fans and flexing your muscles hasn’t worked has it? Tied to a wall in the Mirotic pv, fulfilling every girl’s fantasy for a year! And everyone still thinks you’re a girl!” I huffed and puffed, hoping he would see the true problem here-that my eyes were bleeding.

But as it was, Jaejoong’s reply was, “I wanna know! Who’s more manly? Me or Yunho?” And turning to Yoochun, he posed the question.

Whether or not Yoochun had been listening in on the conversation, I’m not sure. He had a certain gift for being deaf to everything around him, and as Jaejoong’s fits of emotion were often not far-spread, I envied him the gift. Blissful unawareness. So, when Jaejoong hollered to him, Yoochun looked up as if expecting to be asked whether he wanted ramen or kimbap for lunch.

Jaejoong repeated the question. “Yoochun-ah! Who’s more of a man? Me or Yunho?”

For a moment, Yoochun stared, as if he was not sure he heard the question correctly. And his answer began slowly. “Who’s more of a man? Well Jae, I-I don’t like to say this but-”

“But what,” Jaejoong snapped, stamping his foot.

Shifting uncomfortably, Yoochun chose his words carefully, “Hyung. I still… have….body-hair.”

“Shut up! What do you know? You don’t even know what socks are!”

Then the soft melodious voice of Junsu wafted up. Hidden behind a video game screen, none of us could see him. We could only hear the lovely voice that had the power to call legions of fan boys from every corner of the earth to his aid. Ah yes, Kim Junsu spoke. And he addressed himself to Yoochun.

“I wouldn’t talk Yoochun-ah. You’re the one who described yourself as soft and dandy.”

“Yah!” Yoochun hollered. “You wanna come over and say that to my face, Thunder Thighs?”

Hearing what sounded like a defense, Jaejoong, with a PMS-like rage, turned now to Junsu, no doubt hoping to receive a more favorable answer. Mirror-Mirror, on the wall. Who’s the manliest of us all?

Coming towards him, Jaejoong posed the question once again. And Junsu, without breaking stride in the furious rhythm his fingers were maintaining with the game, replied thusly. And of course with much innocence. “Hyung, how come in interviews you can’t keep your hands off of us?”

At this question, one I had often wondered myself, Jaejoong turned purple, screaming, “How come you don’t know how to flush a toilet?! None of you know anything! I. AM. A .MAN!!!!”

Just what Jaejoong might have said or done next, I’ll never know. Part of me feared he was going to prove his excess of masculinity in some-demonstration. Ah yes, I could hear the headlines. “ Mirotic concert cancelled! Hero Jaejoong injures self backstage! There was mention of the family jewels! But Staff refuses details. Fans outrage.” However, it was then Yunho happened to walk back in through the door. And with a leap that would have done credit to Bruce Lee, Jaejoong nearly pinned Yunho against the wall.

Surely there will come a time when I can talk more about Yunho. For as cliché as it sounds, they really did break the mold after this guy. I’ve never known anyone like him. His dedication as a performer. His determination as leader of this group. And his devotion to us. I’ve seen Yunho with hardly an hour of sleep stand in an eight hour rehearsal and ask to do the number again. I’ve seen him on every interview help us to answer as best we can, to put forth the best image of TVXQ. And it was Yunho who held me as I cried, when we won Album of the Year on MKMF, tighter than any brother could.

Okay, tender moment over. Back to our fairy-tale.

Anyway, Jaejoong was practically foaming at the mouth as he held Yunho to the wall and screeched, “Yunho, tell them! Tell them! They don’t believe me! But they’ll believe you! You tell these pabos that I’m more manly than you are!”

Words cannot express, nor describe accurately that moment. Jaejoong poised on the verge of byatch-fit history and Yunho looking as if someone had just shoved ice cubes up his nose. Jaejoong with his knuckles white and his nostrils flared; while Yunho stood with his hair on end and his lips passed his teeth. But Leader-shi did not falter. Did not lose a beat. Even if Jaejoong looked like a crazed . Gently removing Jaejoong’s hands from himself and peeling himself off the wall, Yunho put his arm around Jaejoong’s shoulders. Then, without batting an eye, without faltering one inch Yunho spoke, casting a meaningful glance to each of us.

“Guys, of course Jaejoong is more manly than me. Come on! You don’t remember?” And here he turned to Jaejoong, the way a father would trying to convince his little boy that Santa Claus really does exist. And in doing so he said with great tenderness, “I could wear a bra if I wanted to.”

Yup. I’ll never forget that conversation. Although sometimes I wish I could.