Chanyeol doesn’t believe that the world shifts on its own axis; a rapid movement of the earth’s geographical mainframe to wield the presence of thunderstorms, tidal waves and all that the universe has long been scared to know and face.

He has yet to see that for himself, has yet to feel the earth build tremors underneath his feet and change his view of a person. Of a friend.

He wasn’t prepared to go through that cataclysmic shift. Not ready to brave a tsunami in the shape of deep, tingling – albeit lethal – emotions, and Kim Jongin’s blinding smile and hiccupping laugh. He wasn’t ready to fall in love.

Never.

Perhaps not when Kim Jongin is already in love with someone else.

***

But Chanyeol does, stumbling with his heart on his sleeves on the 13^th of January 2014, a day before Kim Jongin’s birthday. Like a coin falling heads down on a mud-splattered road, when Jongin’s bangs are damp with sweat and stuck to his forehead like paper with glue, and they are both laughing on the soccer field, the rain kissing the thinning grass.

It’s the same day Jongin tells Chanyeol he is in love with Do Kyungsoo.

Jongin laughs huskily, its sound unknowingly filling Chanyeol’s heart with unfounded joy, enough to make it burst. “I love him, Chanyeol. He’s like sunshine!”

Like you, Chanyeol thinks to himself, ears perked up and eyes wide and unrelenting as he watches the wind play with Jongin’s eyelashes. His heart is cracking in the seams and he barely notices it. Jongin’s skin is golden under the sun and that’s all it takes to make him forget how to breathe.

“It’s like when I’m with him, the world turns and moves on its own. Faster and faster, until I’m dizzy, falling from a thin precipice of land and straight into uncharted waters where I’m drowning. Because it’s too much, Chanyeol. He has consumed me without even trying.”

Chanyeol just stares at Jongin’s lips and watches him talk.

“I’m in love with him.”

He does the unthinkable and kisses Jongin there. Under the heavy beat of the summer rain and the prickling of grass beneath their shoulder blades.

Jongin’s lips are soft and plush on Chanyeol’s quivering ones, teeth crashing accidentally on unpracticed mouths and noses bumping awkwardly. Jongin’s eyes are heavy with questions the moment their lips part.

“I’m sorry,” is the first thing Chanyeol says.

Jongin shakes his head and pulls himself up from the grass, mud staining his new blue soccer shoes. “No, I should be the one apologizing, Chanyeol. I… I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay. I never wanted you to… or at least not this way.” Chanyeol’s arms are shaking and he’s not sure if it’s because they’re still under the rain or he’s seconds away from disintegrating.

“I’m sorry,” is all that Jongin says.

And that’s when the earth shifts and the poles move. It’s like Chanyeol has opened a dam of emotions and the waters just come crashing out of nowhere, bruising his insides in every way imaginable and waves screaming in his ears enough to make his eardrums bleed.

“I’m in love with you, Jongin,” Chanyeol offers himself raw because he’s never the type to lie.

Jongin’s eyes are on the wet blades of grass underneath their feet, tiptoeing away from Chanyeol’s heavy stare.

“Please say something,” and Chanyeol regrets this moments later as the next words break him down to his core.

“I love Kyungsoo, Chanyeol. I always have.”

Chanyeol watches Jongin run his fingers through his hair, nails seemingly scraping through the veins of Chanyeol’s throbbing heart instead of the wetness of Jongin’s scalp. Jongin turns around and starts walking away, further into the fuzzy rain.

“I know,” Chanyeol whispers to himself, when Jongin seems like miles away and the rain has swallowed his vision whole, “Like how I’ve always loved you, too.”