It was a slow Thursday evening at the café and JR was taking his break, sitting down at a table with a hot chocolate he had made himself. He had barely bitten at the muffin that his co-worker had brought out for him. JR was on edge and for the first time in forever, he felt lonely, as if he had no one. Instead of lamenting on the past and the hardships he had endured with his mother, he was more positive and thought back to their good times, the times they laughed together, the times they said they loved each other. JR shook his head and focused his attention down on the book in front of him. He had ten minutes to finish this homework before his break was done. “Ok” he thought, “So if two multiplied…” he broke off his sentence when a shadow formed above him. He kept his eyes down on the page before slowly raising them. He breathed a sigh of relief when it was Mark leaning over him, grinning a goofy smile.

“JR!” he said before putting his arms around the sitting boy. JR feebly returned the hug and Mark sat down, “What are you doing here dude!” he asked, leaning out on the chair. JR smiled up at him, “Oh, I work here, I’m on my break at the moment” he muttered. Mark nodded excitedly before calling over a waitress and ordering a pot of tea. He emptied out his books, “I came here to do some work, I can never seem to work in the house, too noisy!” JR thought back to his empty and quiet apartment, how no one could ever disturb him there even if they wanted to. A tear slipped down JR’s face and before he could even wipe it away Mark’s thumb had settled upon his cheek and wiped it away. He looked concerned and brought his head in close before talking in hushed tones, “Is everything okay JR?” he asked. JR tried to smile and nodded before another tear escaped from his eye. He put his hands over his face and wiped away any forming tears and bit his lip, looking up at Mark, “You can tell me what’s wrong JR, I won’t judge you…” he said, keeping his gaze fixated totally on JR. JR nodded and decided to tell Mark everything, how he came from North Korea, how his father had been killed, how they had escaped to the south by the skin of their teeth, how they were so utterly in poverty it was impossible to get out, how his mother worked the streets, how they lived in a house full of drug abuse and alcoholism and finally how he had buried his own mother. He said this throughout a broken sob and when he finally finished he took in a deep breath of air and tried to calm his shaking hands. He expected Mark to just gather up his books and leave, to walk away from the mess that JR’s life was. Mark sat firmly on his seat however and took JR’s hands in his own. He nodded slowly, “You’ve lived a hard life JR but all the hardships are over now” he whispered before generating a small smile. JR looked at him and couldn’t help to mirror the same smile. Mark began to change the subject onto something more light-hearted, in an attempt to cheer JR up but before he could, his break was over. JR nodded goodbye to Mark and went back to work behind the counter.

An influx of customers had left JR off his feet and by the time 11 o clock came, JR was happy to see the back of the café. He grabbed his jacket from the stand and reached for the door of the café when a hand stopped him, it was Mark. “I waited here for you! I decided you could stay at mine tonight and we could go to school in the morning together! I mean…” he backtracked, “I mean if you want to, you don’t have to…” he trailed off before looking down a bit. JR smiled back at him and at first was about to decline until he saw Mark’s sincere face, “I-…that’d be really cool Mark, are you sure I’m not putting you or your family at any trouble?” he asked before pushing the door open and walking out into the cool night breeze. Mark smiled and shook his head, “It’s really no problem”. The two boys laughed and set out at once, talking as if they had been best friends for years.

Jaebum arrived home later than usual that night and stood at the door to his apartment trying to desperately remember the four-digit passcode that unlocked the door. “Four, seven, three…five?” he winced as a red light popped up telling him he was wrong. He cursed and banged his fist against the code and to his surprise the door popped open. He smirked to himself and walked in, slowly closing the door behind him as he heard noises from the living room. “English?” he questioned to himself, there were two people speaking English in the living room. He slunk in, his backpack thrown over one shoulder and stood awkwardly at the open door to the living room watching his father and some blonde foreign woman talk together. They were sitting very close, his father’s hand on her thigh and her legs slightly crossed over his. He narrowed his eyes and his father shot up looking at him, “Ah, Jaebum” he said in English, “This is-“ Jaebum put in his earphones and walked out of the room, straight towards his room upstairs in the two storey apartment. His dad darted after him and pushed him against the wall, slapping him on the head, “Don’t you dare be so rude to me again boy, you hear?” he muttered before dropping him to the floor and walking off. Jaebum shook his head and brushed the dirt off his blazer before walking up the stairs to his room.

His room was full of clothes lying across the floor, empty pizza boxes and posters of various bands across the walls. He had a guitar in one corner of the room, an easel in the other and a collection of albums in the other. He tore off his uniform at once and sat in his shorts on his bed, grabbing a leather book and a pencil. Looking around his room he began to draw anything he could see, he ended up drawing the tree outside his window, which was illuminated by the moon. Jaebum was a very good drawer and spent most days drawing. He was also very talented at painting, an already painted replica of Van Gogh’s sunflowers hung on his wall and he was also very literate, a collection of Shakespeare plays were arranged in chronological order on his shelf. His room was where he could be himself and it was where he truly flourished. Every single one of his A+ essays had been written in this room, every one of his short stories had been written in this room and it was also in this room where his mother had taught him how to play guitar, her guitar even sitting in the corner of the room. He played guitar often and always tried to at least once a week, at least not this week anyway. He slowly walked over to the guitar and picked it up, his hands rubbing against the strings. He held it in his hands for a while before sitting down on the bed with it, strumming on one string. A smile came to his lips and he wiped away a tear that was seconds from forming in his tear duct. He strummed again this time, fixing his fingers into a certain place and began to softly sing the words to a once popular song his mother used to sing to him. It compared love to shampoo and when Jaebum was young it was strange and he laughed at it. Now, it meant much more to him and was much more than just a silly pop song. “The moment my lips say I love you, it’s the end” he whispered, faintly singing along with the sound of the guitar strumming. He continued, “The first time I saw you, I hated the scent surrounding you. Now forget everything, I only want to bury my scent”. He wiped away a tear and set the guitar down. He pictured his mother, looking down at him, smiling at him singing ‘their’ song on the anniversary of her death.

Mark waited uncomfortably outside JR’s apartment whilst he went in to fetch his uniform and his toothbrush as well. Mark knew well of this neighbourhood, his mother had told him never to venture in there, especially not at night. Mark looked at his watch, it read just after 11pm. He gulped and yelped a little when JR appeared beside him, smiling a little, “I hope I didn’t scare you” he laughed. Mark shook his head and the two set off for Mark’s house, jumping on a bus out of the neighbourhood. When they arrived at Mark’s house, JR was astounded. He looked up at the huge two-storey house and stood awkwardly by the gate. Mark’s house was nestled in the North of Seoul, up a huge hill that overlooked Seoul. JR gasped at the sheer size of the house and Mark smiled at him, “Come on you”. JR walked up to Mark and into the house, immediately taking off his worn shoes. Mark lead him to a spare room, “I’m sorry this one doesn’t have a bathroom but there is a bathroom at the end of the hallway”. JR stared at him, “Should it have a bathroom?” he asked before walking into the room. The room was bigger than his whole apartment and had a nice big window that showed out onto a green backyard. Mark said goodnight and JR was left on his own. He changed into the pyjamas Mark had left him and snuggled into the bed surrounded by pillows and huge blankets. For the first time in South Korea, he had a good night’s sleep.

He awoke by himself at six am to the sound of a car leaving the driveway. He shot up out of his bed and remembered where he was. He brushed his hair in the mirror before putting on his uniform and opened up the door slowly to the long hallway. He slowly made his way down the stairs Mark had shown him up and found the huge European styled kitchen. He sat down on one of the wooden chairs, clutching a book in his hands and set about doing his homework. It wasn’t for another hour until Mark arrived downstairs, “There you are! I went to check on you in your room but you weren’t there” he said groggily before walking over to the fridge barefoot. He pulled out a frying pan from the cupboard below and grabbed some eggs from the fridge, “Do you want some breakfast?” he asked JR. JR looked at him, “Breakfast?” he asked, “What is breakfast?” Mark stood there, his mouth hanging open, “You’ve NEVER had breakfast? But it’s a meal…” he said feebly before turning around to sort out his ingredients, “I’ll make you some pancakes!”

After eating Mark’s pancakes, the two set off for school, catching a lift with Mark’s mother who was on her way to work. She asked JR many questions, about his home and his mother, but before JR could even answer, Mark butted in and mustered up a few lies. He looked to JR and smiled a bit. JR smiled back and the two got out of the car at school, bumping straight into Jaebum’s gang. It was then when JR suddenly remembered his ‘fight’ with Jaebum was meant to happen. He felt a sick feeling in his stomach and immediately turned around to Mark whispering, “I can’t do this today”.

Jaebum jolted up from his desk where he had fallen asleep last night, a page stuck to his cheek. He pulled it off and grabbed his uniform before looking at the time, it was 9am. School had just started and he was late. He cursed before going to brush his teeth and grabbed his bag before running out the door. He arrived at school within twenty minutes and checked his hair in a mirror before slowly pushing open the door to his literature class. He nodded at the teacher before scouring the room for a seat, the only one he could find  was at the back, beside that kid JR. His friends smirked at him as he walked to the back of the room and sat beside JR, purposely sitting extra close to him. JR shifted slightly over awkwardly. The class ticked by slowly and JR looked down to his book to see that he brought the wrong one, he had brought his private diary with him. He yelped up a little, attracting the attention of Jaebum who looked at him and cocked his head, spying the small leather book. He looked down and kept his head down, even when the teacher left the room. The room was silent until Jaebum piped up, “Hey Bam, take a look at this”, taking JR’s leather book from him. JR’s eyes shot up and looked at the book being thrown around the room between Jaebum’s gang. JR was about to get up and protest when Jaebum’s hand came down hard on his shoulder, planting him firmly in his seat. JR sat there helpless as they read out his writings to the whole class, ripped his book and threw it around the room. Jaebum got hold of the book and threw it back down on the ground before smiling at JR, “I’ll see you later sweetie, ok?” he said before walking off with his gang. JR was left in the silent room to pick up his papers before running off with them to the bathroom. He found a stall in the bathroom that was unoccupied and he quietly settled himself in there and cried into his book. He looked at his watch and saw that it was lunch. He slowly got out of the stall and left school, going to the only place where he would be able to find solitude, his mother’s grave.

He climbed over the fence to the industrial estate and sat on the dusty ground, laying his leather book out on the ground. “Things are a bit hard mom…” he whispered before looking up at the blue sky and shielding his eyes, “I don’t fit in and I feel helpless…” he whispered again. He looked down at the ground, “I have one friend and I’m thankful, I treat him as if he’s a gift from you to help me down here…I always think of you mother” he said before standing up and grabbing his book. He slowly made his way back up to school where he had already missed two periods after lunch. He was about to walk into his last period of the day when someone grabbed his hand from behind. He swung around and winced, expecting to see Jaebum’s fist; instead it was Mark. “Where the hell have you been JR? I thought something terrible had happened…” he muttered before letting go of his hand, “I left for a while…I’m sorry I worried you”. Mark smiled, “Nonsense! Let’s go into class ok?”. JR did not spy Jaebum in the class and sat down with Mark near the front of the class. Despite what the teacher was saying, JR did not take in any information and instead kept his shaking hands under the table. He raised them once asking to go to the toilet. HE was excused and went to the bathroom in hopes of staying there until the bell rang for the end of school, then he could escape. He walked into the bathroom and quietly sat down in an empty stall. On the verge of tears, JR was silenced by the sound of tears coming from the stall next to him. He froze and slowly got up. He deliberated on whether or not to stay or leave and he finally decided to leave. Walking out of the stall, he tripped on his own school bag and fell onto the tiled flood letting out a yelp. The crying stopped in the stall and the stall opened. JR looked up expecting the worst and for the first time in forever, it was the worst. It was Jaebum.

Wasting no time, Jaebum grabbed JR and pushed him up against the wall, his legs dangling from Jaebum’s grip, “So how long have you been spying on me then?” he asked coming in dangerously close to JR’s face. JR winced and squirmed, “I-I just came in-“ he mustered, choking back tears. At first seeing JR lying on the ground, Jaebum wanted nothing more than to kick his daylights in but seeing him choke back tears he had another thought and slowly his grip on JR loosened and he stood back. He looked down at JR, “If you run now, I’ll tell my friends you must have ran off and I won’t beat you up today”. JR nodded and grabbed his bag before sprinting out of the toilets, right into the pathway of Jaebum’s gang. The one named Bam piped up, “Look who we have here!” whilst another said, “Let’s get started so then Jaebum can finish him off”. Suddenly JR was being pushed against a wall, his bag being thrown onto the ground and his sides being poked and prodded with fists and feet. He face was hit and he fell to the ground, holding his cheek as blood dripped from his mouth. He looked up to see Jaebum walking out of the school, staring at him, slightly alarmed. Conflicted over whether to help the boy Jaebum stood there just watching before saying to his friends, “Let’s leave the cry-baby alone, the headmaster is coming out now so let’s split” he laughed. JR looked up, tears trailing his face before he was kicked in the stomach. He yelped out in pain as the gang left, Jaebum turning away and walking away.

Leaving with his friends, Jaebum didn’t feel good about what had happened but he didn’t know why he didn’t feel good. He felt almost guilty. “And then he started to cry, what a ing ” one friend piped up with. Jaebum rolled his eyes, unnoticed and secretly hoped Mark would be back at school to help JR. What if Mark wasn’t there? What if JR had to hobble home himself? Jaebum froze in the street, “I have to go back” he muttered before sprinting back to school, to make sure JR was okay. He ran out of breath but continued to sprint up the hill to the school but when he arrived there was no one. He banged his fists against a wall where JR’s blood lay on the ground. He whipped out his notebook in the silence of courtyard and holding his head, scribbled down, “What am I feeling?” on a blank page.