Daehyun knew he would have to talk to Yongguk at some point. But he didn't know what to talk about though. Yongguk had seen him cry twice. He helped him when he was really sick and he had touched him. Which was something very very important, as he never did those kind of things. Yes, Daehyun was clingy and always touching Youngjae or Junhong, but he would never be so stupid and touch Yongguk.

Although he didn't know why. That's how he showed his affection and it seemed like Yongguk didn't mind touching him. Maybe things changed after what happened on Weekly Idol? He was confused and he hated it. His feelings were always against him. Be it crying in the most inconvenient situations or laughing when he shouldn't. Or not knowing if he just felt affection for or had a crush on someone.

But he couldn't possibly have a crush on Yongguk? Well, he liked men. That was certain, but no one except Youngjae knew about this. Everybody thought he was a playboy and easy going with girls, because they knew about the pictures with his female friends from school and singing class. But he just got along with girls pretty well, nothing more. He did have a girlfriend once, but it wasn't really about how they didn't understand each other. It was just that he noticed he didn't liked women that way.

He remembered being scared joining a group of boys and having to be together with them 24/7. But he learned that it wasn't that bad and when he got closer to Youngjae and was able to tell him about his secret, things got a lot easier. He just needed someone to talk to and someone who would understand his kind of touchy affection without being grossed out by it. Daehyun appreciated his friend a lot. Not many people were okay with having a gay friend, especially when he was clingy and making other guys uncomfortable. This situation didn't help his emotional state one bit and before he met the five members he had trouble finding male friends. Even after their first encounter, it took him a while to get along with the others.

Having manager Kang in this situation helped him as much as being friends with Youngjae. Kang knew about his emotional instability, but not about him being gay and he wanted it to stay this way. No need for a staff member of his company to know about his ual preferences. That would be a hell of a scandal. He wondered what would happen if this ever came out. Would they cover it with a dating scandal with a female star? He hoped to never have to find out.

It wasn't helping that Yongguk was showing affection for Daehyun, as the latter had grown to like the leader and he didn't want things to become complicated. It was already awkward enough and this would just be the cherry on top of the ice.

But back then in that hotel room, when he was his weakest self, Yongguk was there for him and although he knew it was because he cared for s, Daehyun wanted to believe it was more. Just as it must've been more when the older saw him cry the first time.

The second time in the van was still an unspoken topic between them and he felt really embarrassed. Not only was it the second time, but he must've also looked like and he hated how Yongguk always saw him in his worst states.

They were again in the recording studio to practice the songs for the concert. They had yet to decide which songs to sing for their solo stages. Yongguk had thought about doing a stage with Daehyun again. He had liked their performances for I remember a lot.

"How about we do a stage together?" Yongguk suggested, resting his hands on the arm chair, looking at Daehyun sitting on the couch.

Daehyun's face lit up in excitement, liking the idea a lot. "Yes let's do that!" He clapped his hands together.

They started to listen to several songs from their past albums and soon had three or four on the shortlist. Suddenly a member of the production team came inside, seemingly searching for someone.

"Ah, there you are!" He pointed at Yongguk and closed the door behind him. "I wanted to tell you, that we decided you should do one of your own songs on the concert! Preferably with Himchan. Your stage last time was a huge success and we want something even better for this time! Think of the fans going crazy!" The staff member got really excited and Yongguk liked the idea a lot, but he looked at Daehyun who seemed disappointed.

"Uhm. Can't I do it with Daehyun? Our performance was a success too."

"Ah yeah, you're right. But Himchan already agreed to do it and you can only do one solo stage this time. Youngjae wants to do a solo, showing his vocals and Jongup wants to do a dance stage."

"What about Zelo?" Daehyun asked.

"Oh yeah right! You and Zelo are going to do Voice Mail!" The guy smiled brightly. "That will be wonderful!" He clapped his hands and turned around again to leave.

"So much for deciding what to sing..." Daehyun said frustrated.

"Hey, come on. Voice Mail is an awesome song and you can show your vocal range." Yongguk patted Daehyun's thigh once again, causing the latter to stiffen.

"Mh... yeah- I gotta go." Daehyun stood up abruptly, about to leave.

"Oh hey Daehyun, wait. I wanted to talk to you about something. Do you have a moment before you go?" Yongguk thought about it all day. He would talk to the vocalist about those situations they had ended up in. He needed this to be solved before the busy concert schedules would start and maybe cause this to become even more awkward - which he couldn't handle during such a time.

"Uh- I think?" Daehyun sat down again, not knowing what was to come.

"Okay. I know I promised Kang not to talk about it, but Dae... " Daehyun's eyes widened. Yongguk never called him Dae. "Are you okay?"

"Huh?" Confused, Daehyun furrowed his brows. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, when you were crying in the van. I didn't say anything the first time you had your emotional outburst, but that was because we were exhausted and overworked, but in the van... That was something else. So I thought, maybe you're not feeling okay?" Yongguk looked genuinely worried and Daehyun felt the word vomit come up. Another thing he hated about himself.

"Yeah I'm just an emotional mess, being gay in between a boy group and having to deal with it is not easy. Especially when you always start crying because of the littlest things. I guess it's a bad combination. I mean-" That's when he suddenly noticed that he'd just spoiled his secret. He widened his eyes and slapped his hand in front of his mouth, thinking about running away. Buth then Yongguk said the most unexpected thing.

"I know how you feel. It having to hide away your real self. But that's what we do. It's our job." Yongguk half smiled. "Just promise me that you talk to us about your feelings. Because we need you to be stable on stage, okay?"

"Uh, yes." Daehyun didn't know what else to say. He knew Yongguk was a very accepting human being, but he thought he would react differently to his outburst.

"Okay, now get going and start practicing with Zelo. And if you happen to see Himchan, tell him to get here." Yongguk turned around in his chair, going back to the computer and searching for his tracks.

Daehyun moved from the couch to the door and was about to open it, when he remembered that one time in the dressing room, when their hands met on top of the doorknob. "Yongguk?"

"Huh?" Immersed in his music, he didn't even look up.

"Nothing." Daehyun turned the doorknob, looking at it one more time and slid out of the room.

Yongguk suddenly turned off the music and looked at the closed door.

He knew that there were feelings. On both sides, but it couldn't happen. He wanted to say something else earlier, but first and foremost he was the leader. So this was something they could never get themselves involved in.

He wasn't dumb. He had noticed the change in both their behaviour since the time in the recording studio. But he thought it was just Daehyun having some troubles. But now that he knew the vocalist was also gay, he was able to put two and two together. They had feelings for each other. Daehyun more obvious than him. If Daehyun was good at hiding his emotions from the fans and the outer world, Yongguk was good in hiding his feelings for another person. Feelings for a man. No one knew about this, not even his twin brother or Natasha. He knew they would accept him no matter what, but he couldn't afford this kind of scandal right now. Not while they were on the verge of being top stars.

He really didn't want to, but he would probably have to get back to the awkwardness they just got over with. It was better to keep a distance than getting too close.

Yongguk did his best to not be close to Daehyun. He refrained from touching him, standing near him and only talked to him when necessary.  During fansigns both of them did their best to show happy and smiley faces. Of course they would talk to each other when they happened to be seated next to one another. But on the inside both of them were having trouble being so close. And of course Daehyun noticed, although no one else did. The awkward couple was more awkward - nothing new.

But that Yongguk had added some kind of cold distance to this, made Daehyun feel very disappointed.

If one paid a lot of attention to them, one would notice how Daehyun would stare at the other occassionally and just randomly. Get a short glimpse or just trying to stand close, without forcing it. Daehyun became quite desperate to be close to Yongguk the more the other tried to keep a distance. It was pathetic how Daehyun always fell for those who were just nice to him, but had no real interest in him whatsoever. Making him want them even more and trying to hard to the point they start trying to get away from him. He hadn't even told Yongguk that he liked him in a way he shouldn't, but he felt like he would notice when Daehyun just tried hard enough.

It was finally time for their first Live On Earth concert in Seoul to kick off the world tour and everything was going smoothly. Their parents were present and they wanted to show the most perfect stages they could perform.

Yongguk and Himchan had been practicing a whole lot and it really showed, which made them both proud. After they finished the stage, they went off to the side to let Jongup go on stage and do his performance.

Daehyun was standing off stage and had been watching Yongguk perform his song and he wished he could've done it with him. Of course he was proud of Himchan and that he'd pulled it off pretty well. But Daehyun thought that with his vocals, the song would've been brought to the audience a lot more smoothly. He would never tell Himchan that though. He loved his hyungs and their hard work, but in moments like these he became a bit egoistic. Especially when it was Himchan on stage with Yongguk and not him.

When the two came behind the stage, Yongguk looked at Daehyun and waited for a comment. Daehyun was always there to tell Yongguk how his performance went and what could be done better or what was already great. Even though Yongguk was the leader and although he had more experience, he listened to Daehyun in terms of stage prescence. Maybe because they both were hard working musicians. Or maybe because Yongguk had a high opinion of Daehyun.

But when the vocalist didn't say anything and just stared at Jongup and his smooth dance moves, Yongguk felt a tinge of jealousy in his guts. Suddenly the PD appeared next to them to give Daehyun his mic and remind him that he would be up next in about two minutes. That's when Daehyun noticed Yongguk next to him.

"Oh hey. You were really great!" Daehyun smiled brightly and put both thumbs up in the air, holding his mic in one hand.

"I noticed, Daehyun." Yongguk blurted out. He wanted to punch himself for coming up with this now.

"What are you talking about?"

"You having feelings for me..." Yongguk said a bit more lowly, because he didn't want anyone to hear despite the loud audience and people busying around.

Daehyun looked at the leader with wide eyes and opened his mouth to speak, but his vocal chords wouldn't let him.

"Daehyun, you can't. It's not right. Don't ever think there will be something between us okay? For the sake of the group." Yongguk rubbed his neck and looked around if someone was eavesdropping, but no one was listening and to be honest, he was trying to avoid eye contact with Daehyun.

When Yongguk did look into Daehyun's eyes a moment later though, he saw something glistening in them. Daehyun was on the verge of crying and before Yongguk could say anything further, it was time for Daehyun to go up on stage and perform his solo with Zelo.

Zelo came out from the other side, starting to rap Yongguk's part in the song. Daehyun was standing up front and concentrating really hard on not letting any tear fall down. When it was finally his turn he moved the mic to his mouth and started to sing.

"후회 따윈 없어, 난 없어 (I have no regrets, I have none)

널 기다릴 거라 생각하지 마 (Don’t even think that I’ll be waiting for you)

미련 따윈 없어, 난 없어 (I have no lingering attachments, I have none)

너에게 모든 걸 다 줬으니까 (Because I gave you everything already)

되돌릴 순 없어, 넌 없어 (Things can’t be turned back, you’re not here)

한 톨의 감정도 난 없으니까 (Because I don’t have an ounce of emotions left)

눈물 한번 펑펑 흘리고 너를 지워 버려줄게 (I will cry my eyes out and erase you afterwards)

이젠 time to say good bye" (Now time to say good bye)

When suddenly his voice cracked, Yongguk stood in the back, unmoving and mouth open. Daehyun never made any mistake, but almost every high note ended in an awry tone. It was all his fault. Why did he have to say something like that just before a performance? As a leader he knew better than doing this.

The song continued and it seemed like Daehyun was almost about to cry right on stage and Yongguk more and more regretted what he had done. He listened to Daehyun sing his heart out and literally saying good bye to him on stage and trying to erase his leader out of his heart.

Maybe Yongguk made the wrong choice? Maybe they could try being more than friends. He already knew they had a lot in common and he couldn't deny that he liked the singer. But for the sake of the group he wanted nothing to do with it. Suddenly another staff member came to give Yongguk a mic for the next stage they would perform together.

When the song finally ended, the others had to go on stage and the music started immediately. Yongguk rapped his part and tried to look at Daehyun, but failed to make eye contact.

The refrain came up and suddenly Daehyun turned around to look at Yongguk while singing "너 땜에 부서진 시간 속에서 (From this time that has shattered because of you) Save me!". He waited for his next line to make it even more clear when he sang "더 견딜 수 없어 날 떠나가 줘 (I can’t take it anymore, leave me) Save me." And this time Daehyun performed the high note perfectly, staring into Yongguk's soul.

Yongguk was glad that it was not his turn, because he wasn't able to do anything at that moment. It was definitely obvious that he had hurt the other and he had to come up with something to make it okay again.

When the performance was over they all left the stage, because the next VCR was about to be shown and they had to change into new outfits.

Daehyun was about to run off to get his new outfit and get away from Yongguk, but the latter was faster and held Daehyun back.

"Wait."

"Let go. You heard the lyrics. Very fitting don't you think?" Daehyun spat at Yongguk.

Not knowing what to do, Yongguk overcame his shyness and grabbed Daehyun's neck bringing their faces close together. He moved his lips to Daehyun's ear and made sure it was only heard by him.

"I thought I could just ignore this, but I like you too and I just wanted it to stay the way it was. I couldn't afford any complications, but I guess not letting you in my heart would be worse." Yongguk let his lips graze softly against Daehyun's cheek and hoped no one would see this. "Now pretend I just said something funny to you and laugh, so no one becomes suspiscious." Daehyun laughed out loud, but the nervousness was audible in his voice. "Let's talk after the concert, okay?" Yongguk let go of Daehyun and looked into his eyes intently, before smiling shyly all of a sudden.

Yongguk was really bad at keeping a straight face. He used all the guts he had to say the things he just said and he felt embarrassment already creep up onto his face.

Daehyun just stared at him for a few more seconds, before smiling brightly and Yongguk rubbed his neck again and shifted his gaze to his feet. A motion that always revealed his true self. The shy guy he was. And Daehyun knew that all too well, that's why he smiled even more wildly.

Yongguk was glad he had saved the situation, so they could continue performing without any further incidents.

The concert went on really well. They showed a lot of sides and the cheers of the fans were so loud they thought their ears would combust.

When it was finally time to say good bye the members started thanking the fans and everybody else. Himchan was first and finished his speech in no time, making it Daehyun's turn.

Daehyun had been in such an emotional mess the whole day, that he was no longer able to keep his tears in, when he started talking about his parents who were present in the crowd. Suddenly his voice started shaking and the first tears came down his cheeks, surprising everybody. Even the members. No one, except Yongguk, had seen him cry before and it meant a lot. He tried really hard to keep the tears inside and finish his talk, but it was just not possible.

After he was finished he had to turn around and calm himself, because he really didn't want to be a mess on stage. Zelo came to comfort him and he appreciated the affectionate gesture a lot.

Yongguk watched them from the other side and really thought about going over and hugging Daehyun, but he couldn't. Not on stage.

Daehyun came back shortly after and listened to the other's saying their thanks. He almost started crying again when he listened to Youngjae becoming very emotional as well.

When it was Yongguk's turn, he thought about who he should thank. They had thanked everybody supporting and working with them already - more than once. So in his opinion it was time to thank the people who were the most important. The members.

“I said everything already during the awards speech, so there’s nothing to say. However, although I’m very thankful towards Babys, I’m the most thankful towards my members.” He pointed at the others, who seemed a bit surprised. Yongguk had to gulp a few times, because he definitely didn't want to start crying on stage too.

“Although I’m the same age as Himchan, there are a lot of times when he feels like a younger brother as I’ve lived with him for two to three years. I believe that the younger members follow me well thanks to Himchan. The younger members also follow Himchan well." Himchan smiled at Yongguk and they had to laugh a bit. "To be honest, the members find me a bit difficult. And Daehyun especially.” Daehyun started to smile at Yongguk, because only them knew that it meant more, thinking back at the recording studio.

“As everyone may already know, Daehyun practices really hard in places that are unseen in order to produce a good live performance. Daehyun has a lot of affection.” Yongguk didn't know why he said that, but as soon as the words were out he saw Daehyun starting to sob again. He tried to cut it off with some laughter.

Daehyun listened to the words and remembered the things Yongguk had said earlier, making it all the more special. His bottom lip and chin were already quivering and before the tears could come down, he turned around again. This was really too much for just one day and he would probably regret his emotional outburst later, but the words Yongguk was directing at him were going straight to his heart.

Seeing that, Yongguk added with a short laugh "He’s very sensitive", making the fans laugh too. Yongguk knew he should probably do something else and comfort Daehyun, but as they were on stage right now, it wasn't the right time.

He continued his speech with Zelo and the others, making it even more emotional. Yongguk didn't know how to handle all the crying members and just laughed awkwardly the whole time during his ment. No one knew though, that he wanted to join them and let the tears out, but he was too afraid to show this side of him.

Later that night, when they finally got home, most of them went straight to bed to get some much needed rest. But two of them were wide awake. Sitting in the kitchen opposite each other.

"You know. That was really nice what you said on stage." Daehyun said quietly, looking down at the table, where his hands were resting. "And off stage." He added, his ears turning red.

Yongguk was looking down too, fumbling with his fingers. Suddenly he took all the courage he had and reached for Daehyuns' hands. Surprised by the action, the vocalist was about to pull them away, but then he decided otherwise. "Your hands are cold." Daehyun said randomly.

"Sorry."

"It's fine." Daehyun bit his lower lip and moved his eyes around the room, trying to find something he could focus on, rather than his hands in Yongguk's.

"So...." Yongguk started, but didn't know how to continue.

"So...." Daehyun answered, still not looking at the other.

"You remember what I said?" Yongguk absentmindedly caressed Daehyun's fingers, making the latter blush even more despite him thinking about what Yongguk had done back at the concert.

"Mhm...?" Daehyun was visibly nervous. He had no idea where this would lead to.

"I meant it, you know. I noticed that I have feelings for you and I tried - very badly that is - to stay away from you, for the sake of the group." Yongguk squeezed Daehyun's fingers, making him look at the leader. "But I also noticed that this was the worst idea ever, as it would break us apart. And you made that one clear at the concert." Yongguk raised an eyebrow and stared at Daehyun, whose ears were as red as a tomato by now.

"Yeah, well... I tend to overreact."

"I noticed." Yongguk suddenly laughed, his ears turning red too now as he was about to say something cheesy. "But you never sang the song so well. It was very emotional. Maybe I should make you angry more often?"

Now it was Daehyun's turn to raise an eyebrow. "Really?" He said a bit annoyed.

"I'm just joking!" Yongguk rolled his eyes.

"Yah! Don't roll your eyes on me!" Daehyun pinched Yongguk's hand and made the latter hiss in pain.

"Okay sorry!" The leader smiled his gummy smile and Daehyun couldn't stay mad at seeing this.

"I like your smile. Especially when you're shy and you don't know what to do." Daehyun smiled his signature eye smile and laced his fingers with Yongguk.

Yongguk laughed out loud and smiled even more brightly, moving his head around in embarrassment.

"Yeah just like that!"

"Ahh, stop it." Yongguk tried to hide under the table, but Daehyun pulled at his hand, dragging him closer to him over the table.

"Now back to the important things. You like me?" Yongguk nodded and Daehyun pulled him just another bit closer. "And I like you." Yongguk nodded again, making Daehyun smile. "Well then I only know one sollution!"

"And what is that?" The leader asked, anticipating the answer.

"This." Daehyun pulled once more, so their faces were just inches apart. And before Yongguk could say anything, Daehyun had already pressed their lips together. Surprised, Yongguk let go of Daehyun's hand and jumped back in his seat.

"Yah!"

Daehyun just laughed and stood up from his chair, walking around the table until he was standing right in front of Yongguk. The latter looked up at the vocalist, who was smiling back at him. He held out his hand for Yongguk to take it and for a moment he thought about grabbing it or not. But then he did and Daehyun pulled him up on his feet.

"Next time please warn me in advance when you do that." Yongguk said jokingly now, moving closer to the younger in front of him.

"Okay. I am about to hug you."

"Thanks for letting me know."

"Sure." Daehyun grabbed Yongguks' waist and pressed himself against the older, resting his chin on his shoulder.

Yongguk did the same thing, pulling Daehyun even closer. He moved his lips to Daehyun's ear just like he did at the concert and he could feel the younger shivering at the contact of his bottom lip with his earlobe. "Let's try this out. But don't tell anyone just yet."

"Even family?"

"Well family is okay." Yongguk thought about going to see his sister the next day. He couldn't hide anything from her and he wanted her to be the first to know about him liking a guy. Liking a group member.

"Hyung?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I kiss you?"

"Thought you would never ask."

Both grinned, before their lips met again in a soft, short peck. They were still the awkward couple and it would probably take some time for them to develop a real relationship. But this was just a nice awkward start.

___________________________

Okay so this is the end. FOR NOW. I wouldn't be a die-hard bangdae shipper and a good author if I didn't have a sequal up my sleeve already LOL. I mean just look at Bang in Natashas videos and how freakin' happy he is and how happy they both are recently. Or Dae singing "Proposal" on radio and being super nervous and almost failing lol. This fits so freakin' well into my sequel. Like telling their families and trying to hide their affection for each other and developing more feels and maybe some more romantic stuff coming and even awkward couple ~ who knows who knows~ might call it Yongguk's First Sensibility and do all the stuff I just spoiled you with ;D

HOPE YOU LIKED IT! THANKS FOR READING AND COMMENTING AND UPVOTING AND SUBSCRIBING AND LOVING IT! <3

PS: normally I don't insert song lyrics (especially not with translations that disturb the reading process) but as you noticed this was kinda necessary.. and I HAD to write about that Voice Mail performance OMG

And the things Yongguk says about Himchan and Daehyun is what he really said. I got the translation from itsbap.com and just edited it a bit for the sake of this fanfic ^^