A/N: It would be preferrable if you'd listen to this song while reading. --> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cslxmRFfJdg

Thanks!

The air was cold. The water was frozen. The sky matched the foggy atmosphere, bluish white. All this could not be compared to the love I feel for you. You, who I always longed for, where are you now?

“Hyung,” my inmate called my attention, “are you going out again?”

I whipped my head at him and nodded. “Don’t worry about me, Min. I’ll be back in no time.”

Changmin’s shoulders sagged while he tried not to groan. He slipped his hand in his pocket and opened his mouth as if to say something, but he chose not to and shook his head.

I fixed the last Velcro strap on my rubber shoes and stood up. Changmin walked towards me and clapped my shoulder.

“I expect you to be here before seven, okay?” He murmured.

I observed his eyes for a moment. I know you think this is worthless, dongsaeng…but I just need some time to breathe. Shaking the thought away, I slightly smiled and ruffled his hair.

“Alright.”

He let go of my shoulder and stepped back. I gave him one last wave, turned around and walked out the house. The lamplight at the front porch served as my main light. I was freezing, even under a thick shirt and leather jacket. I zipped it until it reached above my chin, sanded my hands together and skipped out of my territory. I unlocked the chain on my bike and walked to the right, my hands guiding it. When I was at the end of the street, I switched on its flashlight.

I stepped on the pedals gently, immersing myself in the cold weather. It was biting my skin, harsh and making me wheezy, but deep in this cold outlook it can also be warm, inviting, welcoming. To me, the cold was alluring. It reminded me all too much of him.

“I’m almost there,” I say to no one.

I took a shortcut to my destination and saw the view of the city before me. I’m now out of the neighbourhood, in the middle of the town. There were few people passing by, coming out from nightclubs, taking cabs, drinking shots. It was a common thing to see.

I took a narrower lane and sighed in relief of not being recognized. There have been a few times that heads would pop out to see me. Whether this different-lane-every-day plan was proving its worth or not, I’m satisfied that today, no one has come to await me.

I heard the familiar gushing sound of the waters. I'm almost there. Adrenaline was pumping inside of me. I was excited. I could not wait to get there.

I pressed on the brakes and hopped off my bike just in time before I hit the tracks. I looked around. No one was in sight. Perfect.

After parking my bike on the side, I pushed my hood down and admired the empty place.

A disabled train sat on the tracks to the right. There were several worn-out benches throughout the area. A working vending machine stood by the wall of the office.

I bought two cans of coffee and sat on a bench across one of the doors of the train. Feeling the bench without my gloves, it brought a smile to my lips. I rubbed on a particular spot and brushed the dirt on top of it. A familiar etched work bore under my fingers: KJJ.

“Hey,” I muttered. “It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?”

A breeze went past right on time. I chuckled a bit. It almost feels like he was answering me.

“I’ve been busy with dance practice and variety shows lately. I recently went to Africa for this one show…”

I took a sip of my drink, liking the hot feeling burning in my throat.

“Somehow, Ghana made me reminisce of those days…when we were still young. How we both worked hard to train in the company, even when we were living everyday with small change on our hands.”

I placed the coffee beside the unopened one and clasped my hands together. I nodded my head and spoke again.

“It was hard for us, but we didn’t give up on our dreams. I was happy that you were always by my side…and I was always by yours. Your presence had always comforted my heart. I feel like I’m the happiest person in this unfair world, since you’re with me.”

The words slurred on the end. I looked down, calming my awakening heart.

“I…have been also looking up on your SNS accounts. I’m really…really happy you’re doing well up to this day. Changmin and I have been doing our best, working hard. We were really happy also about the lawsuit. Youngmin sajangnim and Sooman sajangnim were a bit furious about it, but I don’t care…”

I huffed, one side of my lips tilting upward.

“Justice will always prevail, right?”

I paused and chugged on the caffeine, only stopping halfway to wipe my lips with the back of my hand.

“You know…I’ve been longing to see you so badly. I want to feel your warm hands. I miss hearing your voice. I miss your touch. I want so badly to talk to you…but even now, everyone is pulling us apart.”

I could feel my face burning red. I rashly gripped on my hair.

“I’m just…ugh. I’m going crazy without you. It’s been four years since we were last together.”

I choked on my words.

“Even though I look fine, I’m the least bit happy. It really hurts until now. It really does.”

My heart was heavy. I’m voicing it all out.

“Yah…” I mumbled. My hands trembled in my blurry eyesight. “Jaejoong-ah…

“I still love you. I couldn’t forget you so easily. Not after all we’ve been through. I’m not going to let us apart just because of this little thing. I won’t let others break us apart.

“Who cares if they won’t accept us? Who cares if they think it’s just an unforgivable dream? What matters the most is our happiness. Besides…”

My lips quivered. I could feel the escaping tears. They were hot, full of my emotions.

“…Cassiopeia alone believes in our love. What more reason could we possibly ask for?”

I stopped and stared forward, seeing a mist. Great. I’m seeing hallucinations now.

“J-Jaejoong-ah…” I stood up, reaching out for it. It looked too familiar. “Don’t leave me alone. Please.” I begged out loud. My ears were ringing. The cold was beginning to greatly affect my ears. I could not care less about it nor my tear-stricken face and pale hands. I dropped on my knees, my hands curled. “Please. Don’t go away!” I hissed.

I pleaded.

I prayed.

Another breeze whooshed past me. I looked up and saw that the fog was clearing up.

I have to get back.

I collected myself up. Trying to be calm, I childishly wiped my tears and sniffed. I went back to the bench and grabbed the open can. I left the latter on the bench in hopes of letting him know I was here.

I covered myself up again and hopped on my bike. Before I went back to my place, I looked behind, on the spot where I thought I saw him.

“See you whenever, Jaejoong-ah.”

And then I left.

“Everything fine, hyung?” Changmin asked me the moment he saw me.

I beamed a sincere grin at him. “I’m alright, dongsaeng.”

Deep inside, I sighed.  A mix of disappointment and happiness was swirling inside me. Maybe even excitement was throttling. I knew from the start that he wouldn’t come. And that I have been hallucinating. I was a bit satisfied for today’s events. It turned out a bit weird, but it calmed my heart down.

“C’mon, Changmin-ah. Let’s get ready to go to the company.”