A New Journey

 

Throughout our life we go through different challenges.

 

We choose different paths in every decisions that we take. As we go along through the journey of life, the journey can either be good and bad at the same time.

 

A journey that would never be a one sided choice. In every good thing that happens, there would  always be the opposite of it.

 

It’s like the yin yang theory.

 

The balance of life.

 

My journey of life hasn't really been a balance and it never was for the past 8 years of my life.

 

A broken family is where I came from.

 

A family that hasn't got a father figure.

 

A broken mother that is suffering.

 

And a little girl that is trying to be strong for the sake of her broken family.

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

For the past year, we have been moving houses. Travelling from town to town looking for a place where we can find the peace and normality that we seek to survive this horrendous world.

 

My mother hasn't been the strongest person lately and is on the brink of losing her sanity.

 

Moving to a different place where the environment, neighbourhood and surrounding are different might just be the key to improve herself.

 

We've finally settled down to a new suburb.

 

Far from my past life.

 

It's a nice quiet town.  

 

Everyone seems to be quite friendly as our neighbours would always greet  us whenever we bump into each other.

 

Its my final year of high school and I'm starting fresh. Brand new school means brand new friends.

 

Making friends is not really my speciality as I'm a very quiet and conservative person and it does take me a while before I can get comfortable around people unless they approach me first.

 

Before school started I decided that I'm not even going to bother making friends as I just want to focus on my studies and get this year over and done with.

 

Get good grades and hopefully get a scholarship into university as it's the only chance for me and my mom to have a better life.

 

A life outside of Korea.

 

For others, Korea is there home.  

 

A place where they can feel a special bond with. Something that is unexplainable as it’s more like a feeling for being accepted in a society.

 

It’s like an empire where you belong and stay loyal to; however it seems like my loyalty doesn't fall under the Korean Empire.

 

For me Korea is a living hell.

 

A place where all I had was pain.

 

A place where I consider dangerous.

 

Where I can't relax and fear is eating me up from the inside and out.

 

Leaving the country is the only option in life to have a taste of humanity and normality.

 

As in the situation that I'm in, I don't think that there’s no other possibility than getting out of here.

 

With that mindset, I have decided to just focus on my studies for my last year.

 

Friends this year?

 

No.

 

When you get to know a person, it takes time and effort for this.

 

However I don't have neither of them as I have bigger problems than having to deal with high school drama.

 

February 2nd, the day living hell begins.

 

I walked in the classroom confidently, hiding my nervousness behind the usual ‘fake’ smile I grew to learn.

 

Wearing a sleeveless pale pink dress followed by a pair of white flats. My brown leather backpack tightly strapped behind my back.

 

"Good morning everyone. My name is Miyoung and I'm currently 17 turning 18. This will be my last year of school so please take care of me.".

 

As per usual, being the new kid in the block you'll be a hot topic for a few days.

 

Many have been gossiping around with lingering thoughts to the students around the school, such as why did I transfer when it’s the last year of school or something like me getting bullied and couldn't handle it.  

 

But instead of focusing on the non sense stuff that is going on, I just ignored them.

 

Greet them with a smile and pretend that nothing is going on.

 

The thing about myself is that I'm very good at hiding my emotions.

 

To bury them deep down and put a smile on my face.

 

In a way I wear a mask.

 

A mask hiding away the deepest darkest unimaginable emotions I have obtained in the course of my life.

 

It's like my own defence mechanism that's quite hard to destroy.  

 

The school is very different from the one I went before as I went  to a prestigious school previously. However ended my road there by giving it up as my mom couldn’t afford to pay for the bills anymore.

 

I had to sacrifice this glamourous school and attend a public school which I didn't really mind at all.

 

As long as I could finish my education and get a good grade to go to university and chase after my dream, that would be fine with me.

 

Days have past and I came to have a routine that I follow.

 

Wake Up.

 

Go to school.

 

Study.

 

Eat Lunch.

 

Study.

 

Go home.

 

Study

 

Spend time with Mom.

 

Then go to sleep.

 

This is my routine for every single day.

 

Something that I got used to doing as I planned to stay focused on school and not worry about anything.

 

I didn't even care about the people that surrounded me nor people that try to talk to me.

 

I pretty much just brushed them off but of course I did it in a manner that I wouldn't come off as very rude and inconsiderate.

 

Then one day I decided to change the routine that I got used to.

 

I decided to talk to this girl.

 

A small petite girl that I always see during lunch time.

Well she seemed very calm and smart too.

 

She had this long brown hair. Always wearing ripped jeans and shirt and her backpack. If i didn't know any better I would say she looks like a kid that has been lost in the woods too long and placed into school just for the fun of it. But then again I heard many things about her too.

 

Apparently she’s one of the smartest girl in the school and doesn't like to interact that much so people wonder if there’s something wrong with her.

 

I didn't really bother trying to get to know her either as friendship is not my priority here but since we tend to sit on the same bench I decided to approach this time and ask if I could sit with her.

 

She didn't really say much but just nodded.

 

Little did i know that the was a start of something new.

 

Something that I didn't expect nor something that was in my plan.

 

I manage to make a friend.

 

Just one.

 

We manage to hit things off and little did I know we actually get on pretty well.

 

We got to know one another slowly.

 

Very slowly.

 

I told her part of my story.

 

About what I was going through; the life that I hated and wanted to change so bad.

 

Little did i know I was actually starting to change myself.

 

I started becoming a lot more vocal.

 

Started expressing myself more.

 

Little by little I was opening up to her.

 

A girl called Kim Taeyeon.

 

Something that I never expected.

 

The great wall that I built was slowly getting weaker and crumbling down  as I was opening up my self.

 

I was exposing the true me.

 

I was exposing Stephanie Hwang Miyoung.

 

A fragile girl that was hidden in the deepest depth of myself.

 

The place that has been caged for many years.

 

A girl that no one got to know very well.

 

Yet somehow she’s starting to come out.

 

As days past I started becoming a lot warmer towards Taeyeon.  

 

I got to know that the once mysterious brown haired girl turns out to be massive dork and a massive gamer.

 

In a way she is a geek but nonetheless I enjoy her company.

 

Every minute that I spend with her was the best moments thats I've ever been through.

 

Taeyeon is the silver lining that I needed.

 

My own personal guardian angel.

 

I was slowly breaking down to pieces having to go through my parent’s divorce.  

 

Having such a bastard father that once I never consider as a father figure.  

 

He was like a person that I would never ever want to meet again.  

 

In your life there would always be at least a person where you regretted meeting them.

 

Well in my case it’s different.

 

I had no choice but to meet such a bastard like him.

 

Lucky for me i had Taeyeon. I had someone who I can lean on.

 

Someone who I can cry on  to.

 

Someone who I can run to whenever I needed someone to vent my loneliness.

 

Someone who would listen to me for hours and not get tired of hearing my voice.

 

Someone who would listen so intently that her advices seem so reliable and intelligent.

 

That’s Taeyeon for you.

 

Kim Taeyeon is all I have.

 

Taeyeon is pretty much my life.

 

My everything.

 

Then one day Taeyeon said something that surprised me.

 

Something so unexpected.

 

"Do you want to study abroad?"

 

I was shocked that i couldn't say anything at all.

 

It was like my mind suddenly just stop working.  

 

It was like the time stood still.

 

Instead of me saying anything I just nodded my head. Still trying to sink in whatever she said.

 

Days have past and Taeyeon has just told me all the research and all the applications that she’s been doing for me.

 

Trying to get scholarships for the subject that I want to major on.

 

After a few days of what seemed like years, we finally got a reply from a university who was willing to take me in.

 

All the hard work that I put through the years seemed to pay off but I still owe everything to that one small dork that made this possible.

 

Kim Taeyeon.

 

The girl who never gave up on me.

 

The girl that became my pillar.

 

The girl who made one of my dreams come true.

 

The girl who I didn't expect to have such a massive impact in my life in such short notice.

 

Finally the girl who I secretly fell in love with.

 

* * * * * * * * *

 

Time passed by so fast that it was already time for me to graduate.

 

Time for me to say goodbye to my mother and Taeyeon.

 

The two most important people in my life.

 

Two individuals that I would never exchange for anything else.  

 

The last few hours that I would be able to spend with the people who I love and care about.

 

But I'm doing this for them.

 

Everything I’m doing right now is for them.

 

For us.

 

I have to make this sacrifice for my family and the person I love.

 

To make them proud.

 

To make life easier for them.

 

The graduation ceremony that lasted for hours seemed like it was only minutes.

 

Time flew by so quickly I couldn’t even catch my breath.  

 

All I remember  when I got up to get my certificate was looking at the person I love.

 

Looking straight at her and all I can see in her eyes is how she was so proud and happy for me.

 

But then again there was sadness in her eyes.

 

I just gave her the best smile I could make to ease off whatever burden there is. And it seem to be paid off.

 

Kim Taeyeon what am I going to do with you?

 

That one question that kept playing on my mind for the past few days ... weeks even.

 

As the ceremony ended it was time for me to bid farewell to the two most important individuals in my life.

 

I bid farewell to my mother first.  It was one of the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

 

To leave a family member behind.

 

A family member I treasure that most.

 

" Miyoung-ah. Always remember that I’m so proud of you! I’m so lucky to have such a daughter like you. Always take care there and work hard. Mommy would be always here for you and always call me. Arasso?"

 

Mom then hugged me really tight and I know that she was crying already just by the way her body shook.  I hugged her back tightly and soothed her back to calm her down.

 

This is my only way to soothe her as I don’t know what words to say without having to break down in front of her and make things harder to part ways.

 

That’s the last thing I want to do as I don't want to worry her about me.

 

After bidding goodbye to my mother it was time to say my farewell to Taeyeon.

 

I walked slowly towards Taeyeon and held my hand out.

 

She grabbed it instantly and at that moment everything for me felt like the world stopped moving.

 

All I could see was Taeyeon in front of me holding my hands tightly.  Though we didn't say anything I could feel her emotions and it was exactly the same as what I was feeling.

 

Suddenly tears started falling down.

 

Taeyeon started crying infront of me.

 

Seeing that killed me inside.

 

Seeing the person you love the most cry in front of you is one of the painful things to see.

 

Like a knife is being stabbed in my heart multiple times.

 

But instead of worrying, I just smiled at her brightly hoping that it would ease her.

 

I also started to wipe the tears away so that she could calm down.

 

Then all of a sudden Taeyeon spoke.

 

" I like you."

 

That moment.  

 

The very moment that I’ve been waiting for the past few months.  

 

The three simple words that I’ve been longing for to hear.

 

All of a sudden it’s here. I stood frozen not expecting it at all and all I could feel is pure happiness.

 

I smiled widely at her and grabbed her cheeks and kissed her on the lips softly to express my feelings for her.

 

To show her that I love her.

 

That I want to be with her.

 

And how happy I am to be with her.

 

To have her in my life.

 

She then wrapped her arms around my waist to deepen the kiss and I too around her neck.  

 

All of my feelings just rushed over and I let it control me. To finally show my true emotions to someone.  

 

Not just anyone but to the person I love.

 

Kim Taeyeon.

 

The moment stopped when the taxi driver honked a few times.

 

"Wait for me Taeyeon."

 

Those were the last words I said before dashing off to the taxi off to the airport.

 

When I reached the airport. I checked in already to make sure I won't miss my flight. After 2 hours of waiting time it was finally time for me to chase my dream.

 

Goodbye Korea.

 

Kim Taeyeon let me sacrifice first.

 

For us.

 

Till we meet again Taeyeon-ah.

 

Till then.