BAEKHYUN

Friendship, that’s how I called our pure relationship.

Am I being complicated or I’m just being jerk?

At all cost, why does our so-called relationship needed to be this complicated?

At some point, I wished I never knew. How can’t I, when she’s so oblivious to everything she does and by chance reveal her true feelings for me.

She’s so carefree.

She’s so vulnerable.

I love her so much.

But I don’t deserve her.

~

“Have you heard the news?” I asked.

“What news?” she asked totally dumbfounded.

“That… You’re already in love with me?” I said. I sound cocky, I know, but I needed to tear this blooming love inside us to lessen the pain that I was about to make.

She stared at me for a while, “You wished.” She stated. It wasn’t obvious but I can tell she was lying.

“You know that you’re my friend?” I asked and throw my arm around her. “If ever, we will never work.” Hearing myself as I utter those words, nothing can make me even worse. Even I can’t fathom the cuss I’m making.

“Don’t boast your ego too much.” She retorted and smirked. The bell rung and she started making her way to her class.

“We won’t happen.” I said loud enough. “Because you don’t deserve a feeble jerk like me.” I whispered the last sentence to myself.

I’ve been in love with her for almost five years now. I felt home feeling her by my side and on my side. I never laid my eyes on any girl since the day I realized that it was her that I was longing for. I was happy and contented even before I met her, but with her I felt completely special. I strived for more of her and I stayed by her side. She was a different from the rest I knew. She’s an open book and not afraid to do whatever she wants. She doesn’t care if someone judged her the way she acts.

The way she smiles that gives this unknown feeling inside my stomach. Her curly hair that falls perfectly below her shoulder. The way she blushed when I came closer to her face to . The way she cry when she’s feeling hopeless. The way she would always acknowledge me whether she’s happy or sad. Everything about her, I love.

Everything stopped between us. It all started when I dated Hyo ri. It has been a month since the day she confessed to me. I didn’t want to use her to make Eunji jealous and eventually hate me, but it was the only way I know to make Eunji stop from falling hard for me.

I saw her walking with her friends and me walking with Hyo ri. Yes, we exchanged glances. But I wanted more than that, how I wished I could still throw my arms around her, bicker things and joke with her. I hate myself for being these weak, I don’t want to hurt her and I don’t want to fall in love with my friend because I can’t endure losing one again.

“Hey!” I heard and turned around to see who was it, Eunji. “Finally, it’s very hard to have an appointment with my buddy.” She joked and we laughed. “I thought you forgot about me.” she sighed and rested her arms on the desk.

“Huh? Why would I?” I looked at her and smiled.

“Because… you already got yourself a girlfriend.” She said and I can see the dismay behind her beautiful brown eyes.

“You should get yourself one too!” The moment I said those word I wanted to take it back and just keep my mouth shut. I can’t man up to love her but I can’t also watch her to love someone that could possibly be the reason for her smile.

“Byun Baekhyun, I’m not a lesbian. Why would I get myself a girlfriend?” I’m happy that she didn’t take my suggestion heartily.  

“A boyfriend! You brat.” I said and chuckled.

“You know who I love, right?” she retorted.

“Eunji, you know-“

“You know what, it’s already time.” She cut me off. “Better get going. Mr. Nam hate late. See you around.” And with that she dashed away from me.

Why can’t I just tell her that I love her, not this way, because I’m just making it hard for the both of us? “I love you so much that I became a jerk, afraid to man up to confess to you.”

Weeks had passed without seeing her. I was avoiding her, thinking it was the best. But I can’t help myself to miss her. Everything about her.

From: Me

You busy? I missed our crazy nights. T.T

To: Only her

From: Only her

Nope. Wanna go out?

To: Me

From: Me

Sure. Let’s meet at the Froyo parlor?

To: Only her

From: Only her

Okay. Be there in 10. ^^

To: Me

After eating at the Froyo parlor, we went on strolling down town. It was quarter to ten when we decided to take a break at the park, where we usually go.

“I had fun.” She said and sat at the swing.

“Yeah. Me too.” I said and sat at the vacant swing.

“We haven’t done this since forever.” She said.

“Your metaphor is so exaggerated.” I said. I locked eyes with her and within seconds we both laughed.

“We should really do this more often.” she told me.

“About that… Eunji. We should stop seeing each other.” I said and everything went on silent.

 “W-what?” She said. “I think I heard you wrong.”

“We should stop seeing each other.”

“You’re speaking like we’re doing something wrong.” She faked a laugh.

“You’re not but I am.” I paused. “I’m hurting the most special girl in my life.”

“Baekhyun-“

“You’re special to me.” I said and stood up. “And I can’t stand hurting my friend.”

“Bull Baekhyun! Why can’t you just stop labelling me as your friend?” She exclaimed and my heart sunk when I saw her crying. This is all my fault.

“Because I can’t see you more than that.” Because I’m afraid that I’ll hurt you in the end.

“But I love you more than you can imagine!” Why did we end up like this?

“But I can’t love you back.” I love you too, so much. If only I could tell you.

“I don’t care. Just let me love you.” She almost pleaded.

I didn’t answer her; I just started walking towards her direction. I bent down to her eye level and wiped her tears away. “You don’t deserve me.”

She leaned as I stared at her perfect face, she cupped my cheeks. “Please?” I  just stayed quiet and she came closer to kiss me.

We went back to normal, friends, but lesser communication. It’s funny though; we stayed friends even if she knows that I can’t love her back.

“Why are you here?” I asked.

“Am I not allowed here anymore?” She said and pouted. “Okay, I’ll just go now.” and was about to go.

“No. Wait-“

“No?” She stopped mid way.

“I mean, I didn’t expect you to be here.” I retorted.

She went back to my kitchen and started doing something. “I’m here because, apparently, your girlfriend isn’t here to cook for you and you’re sick.”

“She can’t come, she’s busy.”

“I told you that I can be your second girlfriend.” I was taken aback by her boldness, her honesty always kill me.

“Eunji.”

“Yeah! I get it. I get it. I was just joking. Don’t take it seriously.”

“You’re being a jealous brat.”

“It’s because I love you.”

I’m fighting the urged to not answer back, to not go to her and caged her under my arms. I’m fighting with myself to prevent from hurting her, because probably it was for the better.

“Baekhyun-ah”

“Hey. Eunji.  Do you have an ice pack?” I came to her house after Hyo ri and I broke up. It wasn’t benefiting anyone of us; I’m just being a selfish beast to use her.

“Are you drunk?” She asked and helped. I made an imaginary space between my thumb and index finger and mouthed “A little.”

“She broke up with me.” I stated before she let me lie on the couch.

I felt a soft thingy caressing my flustered face. “You should’ve just love me back.” My eyes felt heavy but before I close them I stole a glance from her. I sa it, tears streaming Dow to her beautiful face. This is the part I hate the most, to hurt her, unintentionally.

“Hyo ri, I love you.” I don't know but the words just came out of my mouth. “Please don’t leave me.” I wasn't referring to Hyo ri, I was referring to Eunji.

“I won’t.” she answered me.

I felt her supple lips against mine. I had to admit that our lips fit perfectly fine for each other. This is the second time kissing her. I can't seem to just get enough. Im such a jerk to take advantage of her even though she was willingly caving in.

The last thing I know is that I wake into an empty bed. Where did she go? I stand up and saw a note paste at the vanity wall. Even before I was a jerk until now. And it was all my fault. I lost the person I love the most.

I’m granting your wish. Goodbye Byun Baekhyun. I love you and I will miss you.

-Han Eunji

Until then readers. Goodbye and thank you very much for support. Hearts everywhere :* <3<3