Chapter 3: Baekhyun's Brownie Boy

Fists and Glasses

Sehun and Kai stopped running, and stared at Chanyeol who gazed dramatically into Sehun's eyes. "If you hurt Byun Baekhyun, you'll hurt my heart too.." Chanyeol said with a shaking voice. Sehun didn't know what to do. He wanted to beat up that for bullying the cutie Kai, but he didn't want to hurt Chanyeol's feelings. Baekhyun was the boy Chanyeol was in love with. The boy he always talked about on Skype. The boy he always wrote about in his mathbooks, even though his teacher would tell him not to. The boy who not long ago stole his favorite luchbox and threw it into the woods, which he doesn't even care about. He loves him. Baekhyun broke the silence, "Uhm lmao, excuse me hot brownie boy, why do you know my full name lol rofl???????" Chanyeol's heart started beating so hard, he couldn't breath. He was unable to meet Baekhyun's eyes, and stared intensely on the ground. He couldn't believe this. Baekhyun, THE Byun Baekhyun, called him 'hot brownie boy.' He couldn't control the smile that crawled up his face, and let out a girly laughter. He got extremely embarrassed, and suddenly peed himself. His face became tomato-red. "I'm so STUPID!! I am so EMBARRASSING!! Why must this happen to ME?!!" Chanyeol sobbed, and started crying like a stupid nerd with his hands covering his face. He couldn't stay here anymore. He started galloping into the forest, howling like a wolf. Finally Sehun and Kai were alone with Baekhyun. "Ottoke" Baekhyun whispered hopelessly into the sky, hoping God would come down and beat Kai and Sehun. But Sehun only had one thought in his head: to finish Baekhyun.

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ParkMiyoung
#1
Chapter 5: I gotta say, I did like the story plot. But, you have a lot to learn still. For one, you could try and use a bit more detail, also on the background story. It seemed very rushed, because the events just happened really quickly and again there were small details missing (like how they get from one place to another, do they walk? Take the elevator? Etc.) such details seem insignificant, but if you want to really become a writer, those details make the story a real story.

This is only your first story right? Well for a first it was okay ^_^
By reading books you'll get what I mean with details and it also will help improve your writingstyle. Now I'm not saying I'm a good writer, but I read thousands of books and I just try to judge your story a bit by them.

I wish you good luck in the future and as you keep writing stories, it'll become easier!
ParkMiyoung
#2
Since you are so serieus of becoming an author in the future, I will read this fanfiction and once I've finished I will honestly tell you what my opinion on the story is and give you some feedback for your future stories :)
holyjongin #3
love it! love the humour hahaha
jonginyo #4
Chapter 2: AHAHA, omg dying from laughter lmao. great story, really curious about the rest of the story, keep updating pls! :)
SehunsWoman #5
Chapter 2: Oh my god! This story is funky fresh! I love it, its original and new. Please update more. I wonder whats Chanyeol going to say now.