Chapter 2: Sekai's Revenge

Fists and Glasses

Kai slowly stared into Sehun’s eyes like he could see his precious soul. «Mmm» came out of Sehun’s mouth. Kai thought about that time Baekhyun took stole his pencil. His lips began to tremble right before a tiny tear rolled down his cheek. Sehun was totally quiet and catched Kai’s tear with his left hand, without losing eye contact. «I will help you..»  Sehun said. Kai broke the eye contact and looked up at the sky. Sehun smelled his tear. Mm. «What can you do to help me… Baekhyun won’t stop bullyi-» Sehun placed his finger on Kai’s plumb lips. «Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…..» he said. Sehun knew exactly what he had to do, he had read about bullies in that previous Shinee fan fiction he read. «We gotta beat him up before he beats you up… It’s the only way» said Sehun while Kai’s knee carefully. Kai shook his head and put his hands up towards the sky. «It’s time to make peace on this school..» he roared.

SUDDENLY he heard a manly scream. They ran towards the manly scream and found Baekhyun with Chanyeol’s baby blue lunchbox. Where is Chanyeol? They looked around and found him on the ground three meters from Baekhyun. «DON’T TOUCH MY FRIEND MOTHERER» Sehun said. Sehun and Kai looked at each other and nodded. Now is the time to beat up Baekhyun, once and for all. They ran fast towards Baekhyun like a cheetah. «SSIBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL» Kai roared. Sehun was a bit shocked of Kai’s loud roar, but he didn’t care because now they are gonna take down Baekhyun. Baekhyun let out a war cry when he thought he was going to die. «BLOODY HELL» he screamed and threw Chanyeol’s baby blue lunchbox far into the forest. When they were only one meter away from Baekhyun, Chanyeol suddenly jumped in front of them. «Hold your horses», he whispered.

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ParkMiyoung
#1
Chapter 5: I gotta say, I did like the story plot. But, you have a lot to learn still. For one, you could try and use a bit more detail, also on the background story. It seemed very rushed, because the events just happened really quickly and again there were small details missing (like how they get from one place to another, do they walk? Take the elevator? Etc.) such details seem insignificant, but if you want to really become a writer, those details make the story a real story.

This is only your first story right? Well for a first it was okay ^_^
By reading books you'll get what I mean with details and it also will help improve your writingstyle. Now I'm not saying I'm a good writer, but I read thousands of books and I just try to judge your story a bit by them.

I wish you good luck in the future and as you keep writing stories, it'll become easier!
ParkMiyoung
#2
Since you are so serieus of becoming an author in the future, I will read this fanfiction and once I've finished I will honestly tell you what my opinion on the story is and give you some feedback for your future stories :)
holyjongin #3
love it! love the humour hahaha
jonginyo #4
Chapter 2: AHAHA, omg dying from laughter lmao. great story, really curious about the rest of the story, keep updating pls! :)
SehunsWoman #5
Chapter 2: Oh my god! This story is funky fresh! I love it, its original and new. Please update more. I wonder whats Chanyeol going to say now.