Annyeong~~~~~~~ ^^

sorry for the late update, my Ms. word didn't cooperate with me....
but here it is, I make one chapter for 2011. Because for me, 2011 is the year of WonKyu, because of the collage picture Siwon tweeted :)
thought that was also the last time they interacted through SNS... maybe because they (or Kyuhyun) tried to not too obvious. :)
hihihihihi that's my delu mind.....
thank you for every one!!!! :D

SH.

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Love is a commitment

So when Siwon finally finished his filming, he got back to Korea, having activities with members and his family, from time to time Siwon got too attached to Kyuhyun, he found himself on the dorm every time, day and night, or sometimes in the morning,

The members knew, so some of them started nudging their nose on that matter.

One night Heechul went to Kyuhyun’s room while the latter busy practicing his voice of their new song on the desk.

“Hei dongsaeng...” Heechul sat on the table and playfully blew air to Kyuhyun’s ear, that still didn’t pay attention to him.

“Ah...hyeonggg....” He whined because he need to concentrate to this song, soon Mr. Simple album will release, he got more part this time and he should do better.

“Yah! maknae! Look at me!” Heechul draw Kyuhyun chin with one finger to his direction.

“Ahhh why?” Heechul didn’t answer but examined Kyuhyun’s face, eyes to be precise.

“Are you falling in love...................................with Siwon?” Kyuhyun turned his head back to the piece of paper in front of him.

“What are you talking about...?” Kyuhyun whispered

“Kyukyu...I know that kind of stare, what’s that? You both seemed so close lately...”

“We always close.”

“Yes, but this is different and kind of bizarre. Don’t lie to me, Kyuhyun.”

“Am not. Just go hyung..... I want to practice this song.”

“Um...I know you both are grown up man, but listen, this kind of relationship oh I mean whatever thing you and Siwon are doing right now, I hope you fully understand what you are into, be considerate, if you two only joke around, just don’t mess anything up...” Heechul stood up and looked at uninterested Kyuhyun, before leaving he added “and I hope it’s only a joke.”

Kyuhyun never thought about it before, but he realized this was not as simple as having a crush with someone, it was not as simple as saying ‘let’s go out’ to a girl, they are both men, and they are both idols. So Kyuhyun started thinking.

Little did people know, Kyuhyun is a protective man, possessive over things he own, just like he didn’t want people to take a sip from his drink bottle, or using his stuffs, or anything, it’s not like he is bad with sharing, but he quite keep what he owns on his shelf.

There was the time when Kyuhyun feel insecure

*flashback*

One day on May, when SJM had a fan meeting in Taiwan, it was before Siwon likely his, he cried his heart out from songs he ‘randomly’ sang while the members signed their fan’s CD.

He started with the song from his favorite Chinese singer, A Mei, Ru Guo Ni Ye Ting Shuo (If You Have Heard), thing people noticed was he sang beautifully and people knew how much he love sing A Mei's song, but, only a certain someone knew why he chose the particular part of the song:

Have you ever thought of me

Like a normal old friend

Or do you still love me dearly

There's so so much I want to tell you

My heart is suspended without any place to settle

How am I to burden this

I can't bear to part, yet I have no other choice

Siwon darted his eyes to Kyuhyun direction with puzzled look, he didn’t know who was he seeing, a singer Kyuhyun or Cho Kyuhyun who tried to console his feeling and obliviously sent ‘message’ to Siwon, surprisingly Kyuhyun gave the microphone to Siwon but Siwon too fazed with his own thought, so he didn’t sing anything. Siwon brushed the thought away by saying that Kyuhyun would hold a solo concert in Taiwan, but Kyuhyun didn’t stop yet; he picked out some lines to sing again:

Forgive me,

Ending this unconsciously.

Shelf all the ideals

And pretend there are no shackles.

Reviewing the past,

The painful lovesick yearnings are unforgettable.

Why do you come then,

To make my heart race.

How is it possible to stop loving you?

Tonight, you should understand,

It is difficult to escape fate, just as it is difficult to dissolve love

Tears from polaris, thoughts that are unspoken

for we live two separate worlds apart

The northern wind starts to blow

And the smell of winters in the air

As we take each step upon the ground

The season of love grows near

He rested his hand on Siwon shoulder, ever so gentle, relished the skin and skin touching, soothingly and Siwon knew the sensation. He stood up and looked at Kyuhyun in his eyes, while Kyuhyun continue singing...

We could share the very first snowflowers of the year

It’s not a simple line for Kyuhyun, it was a question that needs an answer, he reluctantly directed his microphone to Siwon, but Siwon just stood still. If he could spend the first snow with Siwon...if only....

Rain falls continuously

Why doesn't the flower bloom ?

Despite my careful watering you just say you won't love and don't love

How can two hearts that rely on one another say goodbye

You know better than I do, yet you still want me to say it

Loving so deeply can make people crazily courageous

*End of flashback*

Love is patient

They just finished their Mr. Simple press conference, Kyuhyun smiled all the way to the van because he remembered what Siwon said just now, in front of thousand people which is like the world.

My happiest moment was when Kyuhyun released from the hospital

But then he remember what Heechul said to him yesterday, so when the chance come, he was with Siwon left alone in the living room, while other members busy with their own activities in their rooms, he started this isn't very amusing conversation.

“What are we doing hyung?” Kyuhyun said flatly playing with the hem of the cushion on his lap.

“Watching Discovery channel Kyu.” Siwon smiled still eyeing the TV.

“I’m not talking about that.” Siwon turned around because Kyuhyun’s voice broke the comfortable atmosphere with nervousness “I’m talking about us.”

“Us?” Siwon asked back casually didn’t mean anything just an honest question “What did you mean Kyuhyun?” Because he didn’t understand.

“What are we doing? What even we call all of this? The kisses, the hugs, the time we spent together, what are we?” Kyuhyun looked up, took the cushion from his lap and put it aside, on the hand of the couch. He ducked his head cradling his face and began to massage his side.

“Kyuhyun....can we talk about this later? Because I just got back with you guys and I don’t want to ruin the mood, please...just”

Kyuhyun set his eyes on the handsome beside him with his face still bent down and supported by his hand. What a joke! How Kyuhyun wished all of these were matter for Siwon, did he ever think about what will be the end of all of these? Or more simply did he ever think about this? Did he spare tiny space of his mind put a thought of this? Of them?

Looked like he oblivious about the wrong they’re doing, or, he just thought this was all joking, the kiss, the hug, the caring, the stare, the affection, because Siwon never said those words to him nor Kyuhyun did, they just went with the flow, savored the moment without even gave a name to each of it, they just followed what their heart wanted, or, was it Kyuhyun himself? Was he the only one who involves heart on this matter?

“I can’t” Kyuhyun said ever so soft, he looked at Siwon in the eye.

“What you can’t?”

“I can’t enjoy the moment, I can’t continue like this. I don’t know what we are doing, what do we call us? Best friend? Bromance? Boyfriend? What?”

“Kyu...” Siwon move closer tried to reach Kyuhyun’s hand but the latter take it away before it happened

“I’m afraid to expect anything hyung. I’m afraid this turns out to be a joke.” He stifled his breath, held the pent up emotion that only an inch away from his mouth to blare out. “I’m afraid this is only a figment that I made up on my mind...”

“Kyuhyun, listen, I never made a joke out of it.”

“You know what, I was so happy yesterday you said your happiest moment was when I released from the hospital” He smiled to himself, he was being honest, but the smile faded away when he continued.  “I wish that was true.”

“But that was true!”

“You were not even there when I released.” He smiled a painful smile.

“But, that doesn’t mean I didn’t care, I care. What is this? Where all of these coming from? Why are you talking like we are going to-”

“Let’s break u-up?” he chuckled “I’m not even your boyfriend so break up is too excessive. So what do you call it, separating with a friend? Ceased to befriend?”

“Kyuhyun... I don’t understand. Listen...”

“That’s the point! You don’t understand! me as well, so we shouldn’t do it, we shouldn’t kiss, we shouldn’t hug, we shouldn’t attach to each other too much, and I shouldn’t like you.” Kyuhyun whispered the last line; it was hard to acknowledge his own feeling at time like this

“I never regret all of it.” Siwon said confidently.

“Really?” Kyuhyun held back the water that hanging on the slit of his eyelashes, there was a fleeting pain inside those coffee eyes

Siwon saw it, the eyes were craving for affirmation, but before he could say anything his phone rang, he wanted to ignore it but the name flashed on the screen was their manager, the one that only call him if anything bad or rumors happened.

“Hello?”

“Where are you?”

“In the dorm hyung.”

“Can you come to office now?”

“I’m sorry, I think I can’t. Can’t you tell me over phone?” Siwon heard the manager exhaled before said something he never expected.

“Siwon.....what did I tell you about showing your relationship in public?” the manager sounded worried.

“What.... hyung? I didn’t do anything.”

“Yes, but your girlfriend did.”

“Girl-girlfriend?” Siwon froze, he isn’t seeing anyone right now, except Kyuhyun.

“Yeah...Stella posted so