Hello!
finally an update, I won't update until three weeks ahead (or maybe sooner)

there are so many things I should do due to my thesis.
sorry guys, but I hope this will make it up for you.... :)

Oh and I wanna say, this is ONLY my presumption, I know nothing for real, :D

just need an open minded to read this. Love you guys!!

SH

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2010 - 2011

Love is not a mystery but, takes a lifetime to learn. Like a book that always has a new print, you keep reading each new print, and you never get enough nor understand it.

He felt sappy sometimes, how he could easily be tangled in Siwon’s fan service, while he knew behind the stage, it was not him waiting there, fixing his collar, providing some tissues and mineral water, or hugging him good luck, it was her, it always been her.

Kyuhyun rammed the door of dressing room after finishing their concert, he wanted to change his outfit but stopped after seeing a silhouette of two people behind the thin coating curtain, kissing.  It was not the first time, so he was getting used to it or relished the pain grazing his heart, one two, three, until he was tired to count, until it wasn’t a graze anymore more like a rasping.

He thought he’ll be happy if Siwon broke up with his girlfriend, that he could take the place of that girl for him, but he was wrong.

It was summer when Siwon had a fight with Stella, they didn’t say anything hurtful or unforgiving words, and they just simply gave each other silence treatment. It is started with a picture that caught Siwon off guard, Stella with a guy from his college, then another time constrain that made them difficult to find quality time together, then Siwon started to give him a dully message, like have you eaten? Good night, how was your day without intention to get any reply, just a stale proof that they were still keep in touch.

When the fight getting bigger and they both agreed to take times to introspect themselves, they took separate ways, not really the opposite but just enough space to breath, to think. So Siwon think.

Kyuhyun was watching him from side; Siwon was like an empty vessel without Stella, even though he smiled, his vacant eyes told that he was not smiling. And he was running on empty though he knew he couldn’t. Kyuhyun came at some point, but he knew there were these abounds of uneven feeling he couldn’t alter between Siwon and Stella, so he put some coating between him and Siwon, but clearly enough seeing him from the parchment. Kyuhyun wanted to help, but he couldn’t-----there was a hollow space mingled within Siwon and Stella, no matter Siwon tried to reciprocate his feeling, it came back to him, the same with Stella.  

Siwon went with members, he spent so many times hanging out with members, like savoring each moment he lose when he was someone’s and needed to spare his time with his loved one. But his mundane life reminded him of the beautiful scenery he spent with her, so he sometimes mourned in his room, just a friendly reminder that he still needed to love and be loved.

Kyuhyun was there, as a friend, a family, or more, he just needed to reassure Siwon that he was there, but never could fill the spacious booth somewhere in Siwon’s heart after she left. Kyuhyun was busy giving Siwon his love, while Siwon was busy taking, completely forgets to give back.

Love is physical attraction---at least at first.

Wonkyu was everywhere, people wanted more, people wanted something huge, something as reminder to the Wonkyu shippers that they were not only a cracked pair, the hell with official couple, the ship sailed. Kyuhyun played his part really well, emitting his meek profile that neeedd to be protected by Siwon, the strong one.

From side, it looked like Siwon was being rejected by Kyuhyun, true, that was the part of their rule. Siwon being the aggressive and Kyuhyun stepped back, Siwon attacked, Kyuhyun sheepishly avoided. There was nothing like personal space between WonKyu, a simple friction stirred away people’s attention, Wonkyu became wide just as much as the haters. Siwon kept his adoration toward Kyuhyun, on SS3 in Guangzhou he kissed Kyuhyun’s forehead repeatedly, he didn’t know why he did that, be it instinct, he just followed what his heart told him to, like a pent-up feeling, he savored every each peck on Kyuhun’s forehead, didn’t restraint, somewhere in the back of his head, he was torn between the fan services and the uneven feeling he subtly ignored, he didn’t want to go there, yet. So he kept telling himself that he just did fan service, be grateful with it, Siwon thought. It drove people’s mind wild and insane made the reversal story became ‘Siwon’s one sided love’.

The haters won’t stop, they smoothed hurtful words even more with an exclamation that Siwon forced Kyuhyun, Siwon was a skin ship , and Siwon was king of , and all and all...

Love is so hard when the one you love is far away

True, but for Kyuhyun, it was the opposite. Being an inch away from Siwon on stage was enough, the skin touching Siwon gave, and sent vibrates that thrum into his flesh and bones until each and every millimeter of his body was filled, it was enough. But at this beginning of the year, they had to stay in China for the promotion of SJM comeback. Kyuhyun shared a room with Siwon the whole three months, he covered his mouth with his hand tried to stop anything blaring out from his mouth. He wanted to reject, but he wanted to be as close as possible with Siwon too: dilemma. So when they arrived at the dorm in China, Kyuhyun was screeching his suitcase weakly to his said room.

“Kyuhyun are you okay?” Siwon patted his shoulder lightly

“Oh...uhm...yeah..”

“You looked dizzy, give it to me.” Siwon took his suitcase and brought it to their shared room and Kyuhyun just stood there looking at the handsome gentleman.

Since Kyuhyun’s accident his hyungs took care of him more than others, especially Siwon, he was worried sick every time he found Kyuhyun in weak condition, he couldn’t take it even though the member told him it was a joke, because he just cared the younger so very much.

“Kyuhyun....sing me a lullaby” Siwon harrumphed in one of their calm night, just the two of them laying side by side on different beds with a night stand separated them.

“What’s with the sudden request?” Kyuhyun heart leapt in shock

“I can’t sleep, calm me with your fluty voice Kyuhyun...” He plead

“But---“ he looked at the man beside him, he was facing Kyuhyun with eyes closed, hand rested below his head used as the pillow.

“I’m still waiting.” Siwon said again in between his calm breath. So Kyuhyun couldn’t say no, he started humming a song from Sung SiKyung “On the Street”

Without you in this road
there is nothing for me to do.
If I walk and walk
I often meet old mem