I wonder what it is that I like about Sensei. It feels like it's been so long since I've seen him. I can't really remember what his voice sounds like anymore, or what he smells like. I wonder if he cut his hair, or if he's still spiking it in the front. My heart is beating faster with every step closer to the clubroom. I knocked on the door quietly. No answer.

"Sensei...." I was barely audible.CALM DOWN NANAMI!!! It's just Yamada Sensei, nothing to worry about. He's probably sleeping again. I'll wake him up and he'll drowsily lift his head to say Goodmorning and ask me how my break was rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Just like always.

Or did I do too much last time..... He looked really surprised but not angry..... Should I just pretend like nothing happened? Will he want to practice with me everyday like we used to? All this time, all I've had are questions and no answers. I'm so scared that I ruined everything.....does he hate me? I thought if I gave him this CD we could listen to it together and everything would be normal.....It was a naive wish I know but....Is it already too late?

"Yamada Sensei I'm sorry I'm late I got caught up saying goodbye to some classmates and-"

It was the last day of second year, the last day before summer break. Even though he told me we wouldn't have practice today....I had to see him one more time. 

When I had opened the sliding door I saw his large frame hunched over his desk, his head resting on his crossed arms. Sleeping so soundly. I had seen him like this many times before,and have tried various ways to wake him up. From sticking tissue up his nose to tickling his sides, but my favorite way was to blow on his ear because he always shot straight up and his face would be really red. It made me happy because to me it meant that even though I was his student I could still make him nervous. However this time I simply couldn't bring myself to disturb him.

He had left the window open, no doubt because he was smoking right before he dozed off. Sure enough as I got closer I saw the now burned down cigarette resting gingerly between his middle and pointer finger. The wind was gently blowing and as I leaned over to grab the bud a breeze gently carried his scent. His shampoo always smelled so good and masculine and he of course always had the lingering smell of smoke, but since a majority of my family are smokers I always found the scent somehow calming, maybe it's one of the reasons I always felt so at ease with him. So natural. 

Coming back to my senses I gently slid the bud from between his fingers and placed it in the ashtray nearby. He stirred slightly and moved is head to the side so I could clearly see it now. He always looked like such a child when he was sleeping. I think it''s because his features are so much more relaxed than the permanent bored/annoyed expression he has plastered on his face all day during class. It wasn't until we started meeting after school that I got to see more of his emotions come out, or rather I simply started picking up on the subtle changes he would make. Like how when he was happy about something one side of his mouth would pull up into this awkward little smirk. How he slightly blushed and scratched the back of his head when he was embarrassed. Or how gentle his eyes would become when I was excitedly telling him about some new song I heard or some band that he just "had to listen to", and he always did, and he always talked to me about it afterwards to tell me what he thought, because he knew it would make me happy.....At least that's what I told myself.

He is so handsome. I thought to myself for about the twentieth time just that day. He had such mature features. What would it take, what do I have to do to make him see me as a person. Not as a student. Just once. I put my face closer to his and I stayed there for a few moments. I had never been this close to him before. His lips were slightly open and I could hear his faint breathing as he slept. I felt myself being drawn in closer. 

If he could just see me as a woman and not as a student, just once, maybe something could change. Maybe we could change. If only that were true. 

Before I knew it my lips were gently brushing his. At first there was nothing, then slowly, I felt his lips form to mine as he lightly kissed me back. I closed my eyes only to hear his quick intake of breath as he opened his own. He pushed himself back so quickly he almost fell out of his chair.

"Nana- I mean Kinoa san!" he stammered, turning a shade of pale white I had never seen on him before.

I looked at him and realized now that all I had ever wanted was never going to happen. Because the truth of the matter was he was my Sensei and I was his student. I turned my gaze to my feet as tears burned my eyes. As I felt them begin to roll down my cheeks I quickly wiped them away, took a deep breath, and looked back up at him.

"Sensei, I'm sorry." tears began to form again and I bowed deeply to him. "I won't tell anyone so please just forget anything happened!" I straightened up and gave the brightest smile I could "Well, bye bye then." I quickly gathered my bass into its case and made my way towards the door. I was just about to leave when.

"Kinoa-san." I heard the chair move as he stood. I quickly turned around and let my gaze meet his. At first we just stared at each other and he looked almost like he was in pain, but then he let out a big sigh and crossed his arms over his chest and gave me that sideways grin. "Have a good break."

As I smiled back at him I could feel new tears start to form in my eyes and his figure became blurry as I fought them back. "Mnn you too Sensei." I quickly left the room and ran the entire way home.

Now here I was. Standing in front of the same door. Trying to decide what kind of face to show him.

Sensei, please just don't hate me! I slowly slid the door open and in one instant all of my worries were totally forgotten. 

He was sitting down, with his bass in his lap, plucking the strings at random. When he heard the door open his head lifted, and when his eyes met mine they widened in surprise. I almost ran then, but he seemed to look relieved as he spoke with the deep voice I had been searching for all summer. 

"Welcome back, Kinoa-san. It's good to see you."

Suddenly nothing mattered anymore, all because Sensei was glad to see me.