One Year Later…

Jaejoongs POV

“Jae, he won’t come out. You know what day it is today… Let him be alone” Yoochun insisted, the fool. How could he say such things? he is meant to be Yunho's friend, they all are. Yet it’s only me who still here for him. I’m the only one who can be there for him.

“No, if you want to abandon him like the others at a time like this then leave. You wear that uniform with so much pride and yet you do nothing to be worthy of it. Yunho and General Jung took you in out of pity and this is how you repay him. Just leave and be with the other abandoners…” I could hear the poison in my own words, but I couldn’t help it. Whenever I talked about Yunho it always evoked such strong emotions.

Normally when I directed such cruel words to the others they would leave, but Yoochun remained. I turned toward him only to meet eyes filled with sadness and disappointment. I knew what I said was wrong and Yunho would never approve of such malicious words but I can’t help it.

“You know… Jae sometimes I honestly don’t get you. I get that you care for Yun, but don’t for a second think you’re the only one. You’re not. I don’t want to smother him at a time like this and neither do the others. It’s just you… if you keep pushing things, you’ll only be disappointed. What made you so… cold? You were never this cruel- never. You use to just be cold when we were working, you took your job seriously. I get that, but now it’s like you use any opportunity to lash out at us and it’s not okay anymore. So tell me what is it?” Yoochun sighed, as if he had just lifted a huge weight off his chest, his hands slightly shaking. I could tell he mustered a lot of courage to confront me.

Had I really become that bad… that cold. I only was cold to distance myself from others, but I never used it to be cruel to others, not until now. I’d be lying if I said that Yoochun’s words didn’t hurt, but I couldn’t show him that. No one had seen me weak, only him… only Yunho. “Is that all you have to say?” I retorted.

Yoochun looked at me defeated, as if he didn’t recognise me anymore. “I give up. Do what you want. Your coldness will be the thing that destroys you Jae… don’t forget that” he uttered before he left.

I was left to be surrounded by silence, I leant against the cold wooden door. I could feel the tears forming in my eyes but I blinked them back. I refuse to be cry, I refuse to let my weaknesses have the best of me. I heard the door unlock and immediately straightened up. The dark mahogany was cold against my hands as I pushed it open. The room was ominously dim, only one candlelit lamp rested upon the wooden desk. “Yun?” I whispered, whilst using the lamp to light the remaining others in attempts to brighten the room up.  There was no reply, with the room now somewhat brighter I made my way to his bedroom.

“You came” his voice hoarse as he called out whilst being curled up amongst his bed sheets. “Come. Sit next to me” he gestured toward the empty space on his bed. As I sat beside him, my heart sank at the sight I was met with. His eyes were red and puffy from crying, his hair hung messily above his shoulders. What had he done to go through such torment? Why is it that the good always suffer?

“You were fighting with them again weren’t you?” He questioned softly, eyes never leaving mine. I nodded slightly, awaiting another infamous lecture. “You hurt them with your words you know? Especially Changmin-ah, you’re the harshest with him” he sighed leaning back into his pillow.

Almost immediately I fell into defensive mode. “They just left you, they should be here for you. After everything you and your Uncle did you would think they would be grateful instead they’re drinking their so called grief away. I…” I stopped realising I shouldn’t have mentioned his uncle. Not today, it being his death anniversary. I bit my lip, the pain visible on his face. “Forgive me I shouldn…” I was cut off by Yun as he gently place his hand on my arm.

“Don’t be… Jae… people grieve in different ways. You know how much my uncle meant to them. Please be gentler.” His expression softened as he withdrew his hand and leant back again.

“They must hate me. I would” I muttered, knowing how much pain I must have caused them with my words alone.

“No… they would never hate you” he reassured.

“Yeah… but… they don’t love me either” I felt bare under Yunho’s eyes, my cold front was being melted away by those dark orbs and all that was left my vulnerable pathetic self. He chuckled gently as I turned away in embarrassment. “Don’t laugh please” I winced.

“It always comes down to this doesn’t it? You know they love you. If they didn’t love you do you think they would try to understand you, and damn do they try…” he trailed off

At this my body went tense, I know they try but I could never tell if it’s because they wanted to or they just felt obliged to. “They do don’t they… I don’t know why though. They know they’ll never get far” I sighed and lay down beside him. His warmth emitting off him, turning toward me he smiled again.

“Well I guess they’ll keep trying and someday you’ll let them in. After all you let me in, you let me understand you” he grinned, that stupid grin… yet it always surfaced some happiness within me even when I thought there wasn’t any left.

“You were different” I stated, resting my head on the back my hands.

“You’re right… I am different… I’m more handsome” he giggled childishly, the pained expression he wore before had now faded. I smacked him gently round the head, resulting in him giving out an exaggerated cry as he rubbed the back of his head. “Yah! What was that for?! Changmin-ah was right you’re insane!” he gasped, still rubbing the hurt spot.

I threw my head back as I laughed, it’s been a while since I laughed this hard. “Ommo! Don’t exaggerate, I barely touched you. Besides a good smack will stop your ego from getting any bigger” I chuckled. However my laughter came to an immediate halt as Yunho’s expression changed to one that was sinister.

“It’s not my ego you should worry about!” he smirked grabbing his left over food off the side table. “It’s what I’m about to do next” he lunged forward, attempting catch me. Fortunately me being me I was able to escape and run out frantically. Not long after Yunho was behind, honey dripping down the sides of his hand. Realising I had nowhere to turn I panicked, but it was too late. Yunho stalked me like a predator before backing me against the wall. “What was it you said about my ego?” he sneered.

“Yun… c’mon. I was joking. You’re not seriously going to cover me in THAT?!” I squirmed underneath his tight grasp.

“What wrong? Need to keep that face of yours pretty. Think of it as a facial! It’s only a honeyed tart” he laughed, and his laughter only intensified at my horrified face.

“Yun please!” I whined as I closed my eyes awaiting my disgusting fate.

---

“Who is this boy? What does he want? How did you find him? Where is he now?” Yunho threw question after question at the perplexed Changmin. The younger gave out a weary sigh and turned to Jaejoong, hoping he would ease his stress.

“Well answer your General’s questions then!” Jaejoong barked, his infamous frown forming as he watched Changmin’s eyes instantly drop to the floor. The younger now internally cursing himself, he should’ve known better when it came to asking help from Jaejoong.

“I-I which one?” he stuttered nervously as he clenched the sides of his garments. Seeing this Yunho instinctively smiled warmly at the younger man trying to ease his more than obvious nerves. “Just tell me where you found him firstly” he stated softly.

“Right… erm” Changmin tried to order his thoughts as Yunho gestured him to sit. He eyed Jaejoong cautiously who took his position beside Yunho and was now sat opposite Changmin.

“Well Junsu and I were patrolling a nearby town with a small fraction of men under our command when we heard a distant cry. Following the noise we were attacked by a group of… them” he trailed off as he saw the expression on his commander’s face darken.

“Those bastards are back are they?! Damn them” he growled lowly, grabbing the sides of his chair. Instantly Jaejoong rested his hand on Yunho’s knee, causing the other to be at ease again.

“Continue please” Jaejoong motioned.

“Our men fought bravely and though we lost some, we managed to take out a few of their own as well, I dispersed from the men after hearing the scream from before again. I traced it back to an abandoned alley, there was nothing to be seen at first until I felt something run into the back of me. I turned around to see a young boy, perhaps a little younger than us.”

“Then what happened?” Yunho pushed the other to continue, leaning forward as he grew increasingly more interested in the other’s tale.

“I asked him what was wrong and why he was running, he looked like he had seen a ghost hyung. Seriously, his skin was sickeningly pale, he was also extremely slim and petite for a boy. He also had cuts running up his arms, as if something tried to grab him. He said he needed my help because he was being chased by those bastards and is in danger. Before I could push for further information he fainted in my arms. So I brought him here…” Changmin puffed out his cheeks as he gave out exaggerated breaths, as if telling the story had deprived him of air.

Changmin awaited his overdue appraisal for being so heroic, but was met with a prolonged silence instead. Jaejooing approached the younger which made him fidget in his seat. As he came closer Changmin realised that Jae was smiling, actually smiling at him. Numerous scenarios ran through his mind, perhaps Jae was going to congratulate him, maybe he shouldn’t be nervous. It wasn’t long until those nerves set in again, Changmin grew agitated as the other leaned uncomfortably close. He felt the side of his face become warm from Jae breath as he closed in toward Changmin’s ear.

 “You… IDIOT!” Jae screeched, causing the other to fall backwards immediately.

“What?!” Changmin asked dumbfounded, then grimaced as the ringing of Jae’s voice stung his ear.

“What do you mean ‘what’ you imbecile?!” Jae bellowed, looming over him.

Yunho pinched the bridge of his nose as he felt a migraine surfacing, I said be gentler Jae Yunho thought silently. “That’s enough Jae” he sighed.

“Can somebody please explain what it is I did wrong?!” Changmin pouted, but immediately regretted asking as he was met with a murderous glare from Jaejoong, which caused him to retreat behind Yunho in attempts to protect himself from a wrathful Jaejoong.

“Everything! You have led the enemy to our quarters you dumb !” Jae spat, making Changmin wince at his harsh words.

“Hyung… they would have kill-“he was cut off by Jae who practically lunged at him.

“HYUNG?! I’m no hyung to you, moron!” Jaejoong fumed and ceased to control his cruel words.

“That’s enough!” Yunho exclaimed, the frustration brewing within him. This had gotten far too out of control and he needed to establish order. Jaejoong on the otherhand refused to remain quiet and continued to inflict his poisonous words on Changmin.

“So what if they killed him, better that than one hundred or more of our men! Which is now bound to happen since you brought him here. Did you even bother to ask why he was being chased? No you didn’t because you’re an inexperienced fool, who was given the position of captain too early. We have now become live bait because of you. You undeserving, smug bastard!” Jae clenched his fists when he realised he’d gone too far, Yunho gawked at him. The disappointment more than obviously seen on his face and Changmin… the younger’s eyes were dangerously wet, wearing the expression of a wounded puppy.

“I said enough…” Yunho sighed sadly. Changmin stood silent, a single tear escaped his eye.

“I-I Changmin…” Jaejoong bit his lip, unable to grasp sense of what he had just said.

Before he could try to console him, Changmin headed toward the door but halted when he reached Jaejoong. He knew his words had deeply hurt the younger man as he met his saddening glare.

“I thought we were supposed to protect people… that’s why I saved him...” Changmin spoke hoarsely, eyes never leaving Jae’s.

“Yunho hyung… he’s awake now and his wounds are being attended to but we are taking him to training grounds so he can get some fresh air. If you want to question him further and such, he’ll be there” he spoke softly, he glanced at Yunho and gave him a slight smile before turning back to face Jae again.

“I will. We need to figure out what to do with him, but until then he’s your responsibility Changmin” Yunho responded gently.

Changmin nodded in affirmation but his eyes were fixed on Jae. He studied the older man, knowing that it made the other uncomfortable.

“What?!” Jaejoong huffed trying to avoid Changmin’s scrutinizing glare. “What are you looking at?!”

Changmin sighed, unable to bury his hurt, he could no longer swallow his words. “You... You are right to call me a fool. I am a fool for trying to reach out to you. Others said that you’re a horrible person and I should stay clear of you, but I didn’t want to. I thought that there must be a reason as to why you are the way you are... and now I finally know the reason…”

Jaejoong raised a brow “Which is?”

Changmin could no longer refrain from spurting his unforgiving thoughts. “It is that you are unloved and when a person is unloved they become cruel and bitter because they have never felt the warmth of affection. But you see, to be loved, you yourself has to love, something you know nothing about and never will because no one will ever love someone like you…” Jae flinched at his harsh words, and Changmin swore for a moment he could see a flicker of sadness in Jae’s eyes.

The silence was almost suffocating, Changmin had left moments ago and yet Jae remained in the same spot. Yunho approached Jaejoong warily, watching the other from behind. His posture never faltered and to most it would seem that nothing was wrong, but Yunho knew better.

“Jae” he spoke softly, lightly resting his hands on Jaejoong’s shoulders. “Jae…” Yunho walked around so he was facing Jae, sadness crept up on Yunho when he saw the others face. No longer did he wear his stern, cold expression but rather one that Yunho was not as familiar with. He gently cupped Jaejoong’s face so he was looking up at him, unshed tears were filling his doe eyes. “He didn’t mean what he said” Yunho tried to sound reassuring though he knew Jae wouldn’t believe him.

“No… he’s right…I don’t deserve to be loved” his voice broke, Yunho watched as Jae began to tremble whilst trying so hard not to cry.

Still cupping Jaejoongs face, Yunho began to tenderly his cheeks with his thumbs. “No… look at me” Yunho insisted. He knew that love was what scared Jaejoong the most, being the son of a concubine, love was something he rarely came by. For as long as he could remember Jaejoong had put up his cold front out of fear of rejection. “Everyone deserves to be loved Jaejoong, without love one loses their reason to exist”

Jaejoong felt his legs weaken and no longer could control the tears from falling. “You’re too kind to me... wh-why?” he breathed out, his words no louder than a whisper.

“Because, I love you” Yunho smiled as his hands left Jae’s face and placed them on his shoulders. Jae’s legs buckled as he collapsed into Yunho’s arms, his chest smothering Jaejoong’s cries. I love you too Jaejoong thought silently as his hold around Yunho tightened, not wanting to let go of his warmth and kindness. I love you much more than you know.

Yunho ran his long fingers through Jae’s lustrous black hair, he hated seeing Jae cry. He always felt an immense sense of empathy when Jae cried, as if he too could feel the hurt that Jae felt. “It’s alright… be strong” Yunho whispered as he brought Jae to his feet. Jaejoong immediately wiped away any remaining tears and resumed to his usual composed demeanour.

“I’m fine…” he cleared his throat and forced a small smile. “You should go, talk to the boy.” He said, gently pushing Yunho toward the door.

Yunho let out a deep sigh and smiled at the other man. He knew the Jaejoong was still hurting inside, though he smiled his eyes were still teary. “And you?” Yunho asked.

“I-I’ll be right behind you. I just need a minute.” He smiled, clearing his throat again. Yunho squeezed Jae’s hand as a form of comfort before turning to leave.

Changmin paced around the weapons room, anxiously awaiting for Yunho’s arrival. Damn he cursed internally. If only he had maintained control of himself, then he wouldn’t have said all those things to Jaejoong. It was wrong, he knew but he was just so infuriated and hurt by the other’s words. “” he sighed as he leant against the wall.

“I told you to tell Yunho when he was alone” Yoochun tutted, which only annoyed the younger more.

“Oh yeah! Because Yunho is alone like… NEVER! Jaejoong is always with him.” Changmin retorted.

“What exactly happened anyway? What did you say?” Yoochun asked curiously as he leant beside Changmin.

“Oh nothing… just that he doesn’t deserved to be loved and will be alone forever…” he muttered, avoiding any eye contact with the other man.

Instantly the room boomed with Yoochuns maniacal laughter. “And how may I ask are you still alive?!” he managed to say through small outbursts of giggles.

“As if I don’t feel already… I really didn’t mean it. The look on his face showed no more than a flicker of hurt but after remembering what Yunho had told me I knew my words wounded him deeply” he said whilst chewing on his bottom lip.

“What did Yunho tell you?” Yoochun asked, the laughter now dying down.

“Umm… I shoudn’t really tell you this. Yunho swore me to secrecy. He only told me after I pestered him with questions as to why Jaejoong is the way he is” Changmin faltered, his eyes continuously sent brief glances at the door as if Jaejoong would appear any minute to rip out his throat.

“Oh come on! Don’t be like that. I want to know too!” Yoochun prodded the younger man’s arm.

“YAH! I told you Yunho made me swear not to tell!!!”

“What was it I made you swear not to tell?” Yunho asked curiously as he walked into the room.

Within an instant both Yoochun and Changmin jumped out of shock “YUNHO-SSHI!” they chorused.

Yunho chuckled gently at their instant discomfort. “That is my name gentlemen, don’t wear it out”

Changmin sheepishly approached Yunho, his eyes fixated on the ground as the question ate away at his mind. “Hyung… about Jaejoong-sshi, I didn’t mean it… but you know… I mean, is he alright?” he chewed at his bottom lip as his eyes met the elder, who smiled at him.

“I know you didn’t mean it… he’s… fine. He will be joining us shortly… after he cools down. You understand ne?” he replied, patting Changmin’s shoulder.

Changmin smiled nervously, joining us shortly? I’m dead for sure. “Ah you wanted to see the boy right?” he asked brightly in attempts to hide his growing anxiety of Jaejoong’s eventual presence.

Yunho nodded and followed Changmin’s gaze to a second entrance at the far side of the room. “Junsu will bring him here any minute” the younger stated.

As promised, within a matter of minutes Junsu entered ushering a small, cloaked figure along with him. “Hey hyung! Apologies for being late, but the rascal insisted on bathing himself! Took a hell of a long time for him to get dressed as well” Junsu explained with a trace of irritation within his voice. Yunho assured the other man that it was alright and beckoned the cloaked figure to come closer.

Without hesitation the cloaked figure walked toward him. The figure carried his feet sluggishly across the ground and hung his head low. Yunho found that the boy stood just below his chest which made his seem vulnerable. “Do you mind taking off you hood?” Yunho asked the small figure, yet there was no reply. He repeated the question again only to be met with silence.

With all the attention centred on the cloaked figure, the others failed to notice Jaejoong enter the room. “He asked you to take off your hood” he spoke sternly. Everyone excluding Yunho were shaken by Jae’s sudden arrival.

Changmin subconsciously fell into a full bow “Jaejoong-sshi! We welcome your timely arrival!” but the younger was ignored, as Jaejoong shoved his away to face the cloaked figure.

As if the other could sense the change in atmosphere, the figure took a slight step back. “I can’t” he spoke, his voice hoarse, yet seemed higher than most boys, especially as Changmin stated he seemed no more than a year younger than himself. 

The tension only grew more intense as Jaejoong bent forward so he was at level with the cloaked boy. “Either you take it off, or I do” he threatened. The others observed silently, knowing though it wasn’t the right approach it was the only one which worked effectively. The figure hesitantly slid off his hood, to reveal a pale, small face with fine features. His short black hair framed his face and gave him a delicate appearance.

The room fell silent, Jaejoong studied Yunho’s unreadable expression, attempting to guess what he was thinking. “You… cannot stay with us” Yunho spoke coldly, a tone even Jaejoong was unfamiliar with.

 The boy dropped to his knees and clung to Yunho’s legs, his voice had lost its prior roughness and instead was softer “I’ll do what you want, I can be useful” he begged.

At this Yunho smirked “I doubt that” he eyed the boy who stared at him with wide eyes. Clever, very clever. Yunho thought silently.

Changmin stood idly by as the older man changed his manner drastically, almost as if he were another person. This wasn’t the Yunho he knew, this was far more like Jaejoong-sshi but as he spared a quick glance at the cold man he too seemed dumbfounded of Yunho’s sudden transition. “Uh, hyung, what are you doing?” he spoke up, which earned him a sideways glance from the other.

“YAH! Pabo-ah! How could you be so stupid?” Yunho retorted. Changmin blinked back as his only form of response, then something even odder occurred. Jaejoong cleared his throat and indicated to Changmin that he would take care of it.

“YAH! Yunho stop barking at him and explain to us why you’re acting strange all of a sudden?!” he snapped. What the hell?! Now Jaejoong is defending me? Did these two swap bodies? Changmin debated internally, still trying to comprehend Yunho’s outburst.

After a momentary silence, Yunho burst into laughter which only puzzled the latter further. “You want to know? This here” he pointed toward the boy, who was now fidgeting nervously. “He is actually a she” he stated smugly and watched as one by one they all turned to face the Youngest.

“Seriously Min?” Yoochun sighed. Changmin ran his hair through his hair and tried to think up a plausible excuse.   

“Well answer pabo!” Junsu tutted in annoyance.

“YAH! DON’T ACT LIKE YOU ALL KNEW!” he balled his fists with exasperation. “Both Yoochun and Junsu helped me with her, so you’re just as stupid” he yelled defensively.

Yunho held the urge to laugh, but at the same time he knew that this was serious. Girls are not permitted within the headquarters of the clan, it had been a custom for centuries. Despite being the general, there were elders which remain to with keep the old laws and there would most certainly not approve of a girls presence within the clan. He also knew that he cannot allow her to leave, for once someone has seen the secret location of headquarters that person must not leave. Those who leave are executed in order to prevent information of the clan’s base being leaked to enemies.

“Please… Just for a couple of days… then I can leave and we can forget this happened” she begged, still clinging onto Yunho’s legs.

Yunho crouched down to face the girl. He examined her intently, her soft pink lips were thin yet attractive, her eyes were not of a dark brown but were actually hazel which was unusual to him, her skin was now dewy with sweat but this only made her glisten. She was beautiful, that was something Yunho could not deny. “Your name?” he asked gently.

The girl nibbled at her lips until they lost colour, though hesitant at first she eventually let out a deep breath. “Ara. Go Ara” she replied.