The (sort of) rejection
The boy who taught me how to feelI found it funny how wild and fast his thoughts travels, but somehow I also found it hard to laugh when he lowers his head like a child who did something wrong.
“I wasn’t. I’m not going anywhere.”
He looked up, his eyes finding mine, shining with excitement yet seeking assurance.
And I know exactly how to answer him.
I never had to sort out my feelings because I barely had them.
But I’ve felt a whole lot of emotions after I met Chan Yeol.
All this time I’ve been embarrassed to admit their presence, because I’m not used to it.
But I want to. I want to get used to it.
Rather than living a mundane life and staying away from anything that hurts like I used to, I want to feel.
I want to speak whatever is on my mind like Chan Yeol does when he’s troubled,
I want to kick the trash bin like Chan Yeol does when he’s angry,
I want to throw my head back and laugh like Chan Yeol does when he’s happy.
And most importantly, I want to do all of these with Chan Yeol.
I know what I want now.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I said again, this time looking right into his eyes, just like I did when we first met.
“Chan Yeol…..” I continued, biting my lips. “DO YOU WANT TO GO OUT WITH ME?” I quickly said it in one go before my courage fades away.
I swallowed hard and stared at him, not knowing how to react if he were to reject me.
“Ok…..”
My eyes lit up.
“… But where?” He asked innocently.
I let out a sound of disbelief. “Are you kidding me? After I con-, after I.. said those kind of things, as a girl….”
I don’t think I’ve felt this defeated in my life.
I just got rejected, by someone who didn’t even realize his rejection.
“Ah Mi ah, where are you going! Wait for me!” He called as I stomped off.
“Don’t follow me!” I stared at him.
“But you wanted me to go with you?”
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