Author's Note

From now on....I'll be using only Haeri's POV...so to not confuse you :)

PS, I have decided to not let the length of the chapters affect the flow of the story. I hope you won't mind that I let the chapters be, whether they are too long or too short.

What am I?

Sitting on a lone bench in the empty park of Seoul, I couldn't help but enjoy the peace and silence before dawn came.

The bench is seemingly new, but it gives me a feeling contrasting its appearance, making me feel as if its much older than I am. Perhaps, its the texture of the bench's wood, and the elegantly shaped armrests of it.

The trees in the park are swaying softly with the wind, as if dancing with it. The rustling of the leaves, the faint smell of dead leaves flying along with the breeze, the cool feeling of being out on a cold wintry midnight is calming to all my senses. Yet, at the same time, it awakens all of them.

I traced my fingers on the bark of an old tree as I walked around the park. Nature's designs are so simple, yet so precise, so intricate, so beautiful.

...But I am not a creature of Nature, not a creation of God, I am but a...a creature of the Unknown, a creature of the Dark.

My footsteps are light, unlike how I'm feeling inside. Worrisome and lonely.

Knowing about how the empty void in my heart would never be filled with the warmth I wish for it to be, I take small steps toward the rose garden, where my dreams and horrors began. 

The temperature suddenly seems to drop by a few degrees, sending a chill down my spine. Not a good one. I'm afraid.

I take a deep breath and take a slow pace in an attempt to enjoy the beauty of the roses before Seoul awakes.

Briefly, I remember what I saw in my sleep.

Nervousness, Love and Fear.

The images seem to fill my mind, how his hot breath lingered on my lips, and how his lips never met mine.

I wish that they did.

As the wind tousled my hair once again, I couldn't help but feel more forlon than I ever was before.

Would he hate me if I told him my secret? Would he tell the world of my cruel existence?

Perhaps. I was already born damned with my existence.

Afterall, I'm inhuman.

It is before dawn that I leave, to where, I have no clue.

As long as its away from here.

I quicken my pace, fearing anyone catches me walking alone at such an ungodly hour. I believe the thing I fear the most is them deciding to interrogate me with such questions.

I think, that perhaps, this is the best decision. To stray away from others, to keep them from harm, to keep them safe....from me.

It is a true wonder, how I am still capable of caring when all that I love is already snatched away from me. -No, I correct myself, I still have people I care about.

...But why would that help me, when I already live in a world of despair and grief?

The cold wintry air embraces me, and I sense the slightest hint of the dampness in the air. It is to rain soon, I'm sure of it.

I do not fathom the reason of my suffering, because I see no reason why I do suffer.

I do not understand why they do not come after me, and strip me of my freedom, when I am alone and unarmed.

I do not decipher why they want me alive, perhaps, they want to experiment me, torture me? I cannot decide which.

I can no longer remember a time when I felt content, happy, satisfied with the state of my existence. So vague, so...inhuman.

Would they grieve me if I pass on?

The first drops of rain make contact with the crown of my head, already, I feel cold.

I leave my questions unanswered. They'll probably stay that way anyway, with me, forever being an antisocial person, a loner with no true friends who understand me.

Isn't this what I wanted?

In hurrying footsteps I run to the direction of my apartment.

I do not comprehend my own thoughts. If I can't even understand myself, how can other people do the same?

I don't know.

I no longer care.

I am drenched in the rain. I no longer try to go indoors, and allow the rain to embrace my sorrow.

Not that anyone gives a care anyway, they are probably enjoying themselves in deep slumber. I wish I could.

 I can no longer sleep.

In sleepless nights, I pray for his safety.

He is on his annual trip to his parents'. In Busan, he is present now. At least, that is what he told me.

While he is probably enjoying heavenly home-cooked food, I'm here eating horrible food they call take-out, I can't possibly eat instant noodles all my life, can I? While he is probably pampering himself in the peaceful countryside life, I'm here, rushing myself so as to keep up my pace with the capital of Seoul which seems to never sleep. While he is with his childhood friend Doojoon, probably making a mockery out of me, I'm here, missing his presence and being in a pit of misery, imagining fantasies that he is by my side, and that he always is.

My head is pounding. I haven't had enough sleep.

For days, I lay awake in bed, letting my eyes bore into the emptiness of the night, until, my eyes droop with sleep and I am no longer conscious of anything.

For days, I walk about in the school grounds during the lunches and breaks like a mindless zombie.

I have no purpose to live.

The talks of the school are about me...it seems that I am their favourite topic to badmouth about. Smoking, , drugs, you name it.

There was, on one occasion, when I was accused of murder. Me! A being who only knows fear. For an entire week, I was avoided like the plague. For an entire week, I was mocked behind my back, or so to say, I was spoken of as if I cease to exist.

What hurts most is that...I have no one to lean on.

I wonder if he's ever coming back, the days seem to go by slower than usual. Chaeree is busy dealing with her 'Key Issues', as I like to call it. I can't bring myself to contact her in such a situation. What would I say to comfort her when she asks me whether he'll ever change? What would I answer if she asks me whether to give up? What would I do if she asks for my help? I haven't a clue.

Shoving my hands into the front pockets of my denim black jeans, I breathe in the freezing cold air of the Seoul Park. The cold I was never fond of. Yet, it was somehow...comforting.

I closed my eyes, and when I did, I saw beneath those eyelids, a vivid world...that everyone was looking so content in. With the vast blue sky hanging above our heads, with the children playing chase in the wide green field, and with me...holding Yoseob's hand and skipping happily...but when I turned to look at him, he was...faceless. When there was a face, I saw the skull of a skeleton. I dropped my hand and struggled to be free from his grasp -its grasp...and when I turned to look at the thing again...it was...human.

A human named Do Kyungsoo.

What am I?

Why does all this have to do with me?

Author's Note

Hey...mind dropping a little comment in the box below? I would really like to know what you think of this new...'style'..

Pretty please? With a cherry on top?

I'll add gifs at the end of the next chap? (Wow I sound desperate)

Please?

 [Dammm... I should stop putting so much D.O. in this thing...he might become a co-star at this rate..]