♡ Received :)

AS HIS FIRST WIFE (STORY REVIEW)

TITLE (7/10): The title had a connection with the story and it also doesn’t give away everything about the story, because some titles, they would basically tell what the story is all about when you’re supposed to be reading the chapters to know what the story is about. Yours gave out the feeling of excitement and curiosity. Actually, just by reading the title, I was quite excited reading the whole story and that’s what you try and make the reader feel! Good job in picking the title you should put.

But, even though the title was great, it was too generic. It would be nicer if it had a deep meaning to it that would make the readers ponder, but so far, it’s good.

DESCRIPTION AND FOREWORD (7/10): Finally! A story that didn’t basically put out what the story was about. The foreword you had only described what the main girl would do for her husband and all of that, people might think it would be just about a husband cheating on the main girl but it really wasn’t about that. It gives off the element of surprise to the readers because what they were expecting didn’t happen.

And I also, I see that you didn’t have a character profile which is good because it makes the readers have their own opportunity to make up the personality they want for the character’s persona.

CHARACTERIZATION (7/10): The characters were good, their personalities were steady and it didn’t change. Obviously, Kris is the mean guy here while the main girl, Hyekyu, was the good person. But in the end, Kris realized how a jerk he was to Hyekyu but it was already too late for it to happen and it’s quite realistic for that to happen because if I were Kris, I would’ve done the same thing even if everything was too late.

But the confusing thing here is that, Kris was happy that Hyekyu accepted the way he was but then during their wedding, he was cold as if he didn’t just thank her for accepting him. It didn’t make sense how someone can change his persona so quickly without a proper reason.

ORIGINALITY AND PLOT (16/25): The plot isn’t really an original because I’ve seen other people do this kind of plot but what I loved most about it is that in the end, they never got together. Usually, in these types of stories, at first they would hate each other but in the end, the guy would get jealous because his wife hangs out with another guy and after all that he would fall in love with her and all. So it’s really refreshing to see a plot that has its own twist to it.

But what confused me a little is that you didn’t explain much about Kris’ reaction towards Hyekyu’s death, I mean there could have been a little segment about how he felt and why he didn’t attend her funeral when she was his friend and his wife.

Plus, it’s quite unrealistic for Kris to find out the reason why she died after 5 years, yes, he could find out about it in months, but 5 years is too long, isn’t it?

FLOW (6/15): The flow of the story was a little too fast paced for me. You didn’t explain much of the events happening and it’s confusing. You start a new idea then all of a sudden, there’s another new idea and you haven’t even finished the thing before that. You didn’t explain how they drifted away from each other, how he became popular after the makeover and why he decided to drift away from her. You also didn’t explain much about the accident and how Kris treated her after getting married.

You also didn’t explain why the parents decided to choose her to be Kris’ wife and why Kris had to get married because what I understood here is that Kris’ parents wanted her to marry their son because he was handicapped and that didn’t make any sense at all.

GRAMMAR AND SPELLING (6/15): Your grammar is bearable; I read it without much difficulty but let me point out some of the words, sentence and use of punctuations I’ve corrected.

Chapter 1 –
I glanced over at him. He was there, looking perfectly amazing, with his girlfriend by his side. He was apopular guy in school, top 1 in everything, captain of the rugby team. He had perfect features and an intelligent brain. Everyone had high hopes for him whenever he would enter a competition because everyone knew no one could ever beat him.

Chapter 2 –
Our wedding day was just around the corner and I was feeling a tad bit nervous. I couldn’t believe that Iwas getting married to him. After all, his past girlfriends were all physically beautiful compared to me.

I held his hand, looked up at him and smiled. He smiled back, whispering how he was glad that I accepted him the way he was.

Chapter 3 –
“Hyeyku, I owe you my everything. I’m sorry I couldn’t return back the love you wanted. You suffered a lot compared to me. After reading your diary, I felt like a fool. I know I should’ve paid attention to you.” Biting his bottom lip, he couldn’t continue his speech.

Soojung, his wife, gave him a few words of comfort, not feeling  jealous at all.

Actually there are a lot more grammar mistakes, but I would want you to re-read and revise it yourself because if I give out all the mistakes you have in your chapters, so you’ll learn how to edit and revise your chapters in the future.

GENERAL ENJOYMENT (9/15): I enjoyed reading your story and I also couldn’t help myself but feel heartbroken for both Hyekyu and Kris and I was hoping that they would have a beautiful ending in the next world. Also, I was a little irritated when Kris moved on as if Hyekyu was not even something in his life, like he didn’t care at all.

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS FROM THE REVIEWER

REVIEWED BY: runawaystranger
REVIEWED ON: February 10, 2014
BONUS POINTS: 4 points
TOTAL SCORE: 62 / 100 (77.2 %)
COMMENTS AND THOUGHTS: I'm really sorry, I haven't been giving long and thorough reviews nowadays but I really enjoyed your story and I hope you don't take this review the wrong way! Don't give up and keep practicing!