♡ Received :)

Title: 4/5

Story title was okay. I mean-- its not enticing, but it complements the story well. So well done on that. 

Character Development/Showcasing: 6/10

I know I know. It is what it is, dear. Okay, I am not saying that I don't like the main characters, because I do like them. Yet, I felt like they didn't go past the screen to my heart either. I get its a short story, but I felt that you should have provided more and given them more love. See, the only reason I find sympathy in the OC is because Kris never learned to love her the way she always did to him. I have been through those kind of love stories throughout the course of my life myself which is why I can come to hurt for the OC, but if it wasn't for that, I would have thought of her of this crazy love-struck girl with no real existence. Oh my god, that sounded harsh. ;A;

Okay, let's rephrase that: she missed colors. You know when you have a mutual friend that meets another friend? What do you do first; introduce them to each other of course. Now that doesn't mean go all, " Hi, her name is blah blah" when writing stories. Instead, be more detailed about the character like if we (readers) are being introduced to them. You are the mutual "friend" that is introducing the characters to the readers, so make your characters appear with more... life. Yes, I know this is a first-point-of-view story-- there are also ways to introduce a character by using another method: you roleplay into the character and introduce yourself to us. Again not like in real life, but give more background, information, details, okay? :) 

Now; let's talk about Kris. If I don't know much about the OC, Kris is more less than that. I didn't know much of him at all. He was just... there. However, its your story and since its first person I can understand why its hard to know him and what goes on in his mind, but still. We as humans are able to decipher other people's personalities by oberserbing their behavior. Such as: people seperating lollipops by color, getting red when mad, using silverware to eat pizza,  flipping/shake hair when nervous, snorting for lauging too hard. Things like that. I found it hard to connect with him. 

Appearance: 9/10

However did your poster and background did an amazing JOBbecause they summarized your story well with the image. " Picture means a thousand words." Yeah... its beautiful. Personally, I have no problem that posters such as yours come along by giving what the story will be about in one-go because its completely revelant and applies to the overall story theme in genereal. Nice! 

Originality/Plot: 16/20

I love that the main character and Kris didn't end up together because that is overused. Don't get me wrong, I do like happy endings. Only if they are REALISTIC. Which brings me to the various reasons why I knocked down some points: 

• Only because Kris wore glasses and dress shirts doesn't make him a "nerd." That is kind of cliche. ( I'm sorry. D: ) Baby, I am a nerd myself and I can assure you, I don't wear huge glasses and tuck my shirts in. Don't base a " nerd" on stereotypes because that is overused; Not to mention, the nerd trasnformed into an unreaslistically gorgeous person simply by getting rid of the clothes and glasses thing. I know many people that wear such style and despite that I can see their physical appearance quite attracitve with  glasses on. Its kind of mean and superficial to think that glasses make someone look ugly because I have seen people that look BETTER with glasses. It all depends, see? ^-^
• Why did Kris' parents arrange a marriage with the OC specifically to help him out? I thought they could have simply HIRED a lovely nurse and he'd be good. However, I can see why it was an arranged marriage since Kris' parents believed that he'd might not find love because of his disability, which if I am being honest: those parents are not good parents. They reminded me of  Elsa and Anna's parents from the movie " Frozen" that right after Elsa almost accidentally killed her younger sister, the genius father decides to lock her up from the damn world and from her own sister when the uneccesary existence of the trolls told him that it was a bad idea to influence fear on Elsa since her powers might cause her own destruction. Now-- Kris' parents are not that extreme, but if I was disabled, I would have been disheartned to know that my own parents decide to pick my partner because they think of me as a hopeless being that won't find love because of it. Y'know? 
• I had no idea that the OC was also ill, despite it saying precisely that in the description. I was kind of lost for a bit about that. 
• There are certain loop-holes. How did Kris find the diary of the OC years later? I thought it be sooner than that. 

In terms of originality, there are stories with tragic ends out there, but yours had more of a satisfactory ending than most of them. So beautifully done for that, dear. 

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Flow: 9/15

Now, because your story is a short fic, I understand why it might feel so fast. However, even for a short story it WENT kind of fast for its standard. I would have liked it better if you kind of slowed down a bit. For example: Give the flashback memory of  Hyekyu and Kris when they met, explain how  she felt showing him around. 

How did Kris get popular so fast? I personally know a lot of good-looking people in my school that are not popular because of their dull personalities... so I think you should have written how Kris had a special charm that only Hyekyu knew of until his look changed and that "charm" made him popular. You see that I am trying to get at? Don't just skim through it, stop at certain time and explain it and move on so that your reader falls into its abyss of delight. 

Grammar/Spelling: 15/15

Bravo! I didn't find many mistakes in your story so beautiful JOB in that. I also like to say that I love the font and layout. Its so dreamy to look at. 

Writing Style 6/10

Your style was okay. I mean, it left me kind of empty. Your story is amazing. I liked it, but I would have been completely ENAMORED with it if you had dug into more description, see? It just needs a little more love, and you got a masterpiece. ^.^

General Enjoyment/Last Comment: 2/5

Don't think that this score is bad... because I really liked your story. Honest. I love it how in the end they didn't end up together because that would have been too satisfactory for those that enjoy OC and Kris. I believe that fairy tale endings are loads of bull because that doesn't really happen in real life and it makes readers hopelessly dream about the perfect romance they read in books. Okay, I may be taking this kind of seriously, but you get what I am trying to say? Anyways, the real reason why I knocked off some points is because I felt the story a little rushy. I felt like it needed more description. What I love about writing is that you can make a reader feel each emotion and feel more connected to what they are reading, which makes the story soar to the sky. I loved your story a lot, but you kind of left so much to desire since it happened so fast, you know? But hey-- you are almost there! You have the skill and keep writing! Your story was wonderful to stop and look at. Fighting! Good luck, dear. ^.~

OVERALL SCORE: 72/100