Jiyong opened his eyes. 

 

The sun shone brightly through the shutter on the window pane and lit the consult room. 

 

A man in white coat sat on a big, leather chair to the right of the chaise lounge chair that Jiyong was lying on. 

 

His name tag read 'Dr Choi Dong Wook'.

 

So how are you feeling?

 

Where am I? Jiyong ignored the question.

 

Dr Choi smiled and looked towards a figure to Jiyong's left. 

 

Jiyong's eyes followed Dr Choi's gaze. 

 

He recognised the guy sitting to his left.

 

Yongbae.

 

Their eyes met.

 

Yongbae broke into a smile.

 

How are you doing? The bespectacled doctor enquired.

 

I'm fine Bae.  Thanks for asking.  What are you doing here?  Where am I?

 

You don't remember? His friend asked in this round.

 

You are in a hospital.  Try to recall.

 

Jiyong shooked his head, trying to remember.

 

You had been a patient of mine for the past 12 months.

 

Jiyong sat up from his seat to listen better.

 

You had PTSD.  Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  The good doctor explained to his patient for the umpteenth time.

 

Ji, you will be discharged next week. Just in time to go....

 

Jiyong held up his left hand to cut his friend off.

 

He remembered.

 

That night, after YB left the hospital, Jiyong lay on his bed and stared out of the window, into the black night sky. 

 

A full moon illuminated his room. His own private ward actually.

 

He remembered everything.

 

Everything.

 

Seungri.

 

That fool.

 

He remembered Seungri's smile. 

 

He remembered Seungri intentionally letting go of his hand. 

 

He remembered seeing his favourite kid brother falling seven storeys onto the cold, concrete ground below.

 

The cold, autumn wind had managed to push Seungri inches away from the safe range of the airbag set up below by the fire department.

 

Seungri fell to his death. 

 

A tear formed on both corners of his eyes.

 

He remembered what happened after that.

 

Actually it was YB who figured it all out.

 

His maknae had lied.

 

Lied about everything.

 

There was no new girlfriend. 

 

There was no Ayu.

 

Seungri had made up Ayu.

 

Ayu does not exist.

 

At least in the real world.

 

Ayu was Seungri.

 

Ayu = Seungri.

 

Ayu was the product of Seungri's own psychosis.

 

What brought about his psychosis.

 

It was Jiyong.

 

Seungri was right when he answered Jiyong.

 

Jiyong had asked Seungri what was wrong. 

 

Seungri answered, 'It was you.'

 

Jiyong and Seungri had a secret. 

 

He loved Seungri. And Seungri loved him back. 

 

But society won't allow them to be together. 

 

Jiyong can't deal with it. 

 

He went to Japan in hope of creating a fake scandal with Kiki. 

 

Their mutual friend. 

 

But in truth Kiki had a soft spot for Seungri. 

 

He didn't tell Seungri the truth as he needed Seungri to not over-react. 

 

However, his plan backfired on him. 

 

Seungri slowly became withdrawn and cold towards Jiyong. 

 

He always made excuses to not sleep in the same bed or room as Jiyong. 

 

Slowly they drifted apart. 

 

He always kept late nights or not even come home at all. 

 

Then he dropped a bomb on everyone by saying he got a new girlfriend called Ayu. 

 

He kept locking himself up in his room and talked loudly for endless hours on the phone with his new girlfriend. 

 

He would always received dozens of letters from Ayu. 

 

Almost on a daily basis. 

 

He will constantly run to the postal office to pay his bills. 

 

He even bought a large number of mirrors and placed them all over his bedroom. 

 

He would come home in a drunken stupor, smelling of women's perfume.

 

His clothes would have lipsticks marks on them. 

 

He even refused to show his girlfriend's pictures to his older brothers. 

 

Not even to Jiyong. 

 

Jiyong was jealous and outraged. 

 

But he can't show it to anyone because why should he be jealous of Seungri and his girlfriend. 

 

Seungri is just his maknae. 

 

NOT his girlfriend.....

 

But it was all a lie. 

 

Bae had figured it out.

 

Ayu was a figment of Seungri's psychosis. 

 

He made her up to cope with his hurt when he read the tabloid news about Jiyong and Kiki. 

 

That's why he was withdrawn and cold towards Jiyong.

 

 The letters that he supposedly received from Ayu, were actually written by Seungri himself. 

 

The constant trips to the postal office to pay his bills, were in fact to post those self-written letters to himself. 

 

The mirrors in his room was so that he can see Ayu in his reflections.  

 

Those endless hours on the phone was actually with an engaged tone on the other line. 

 

Those women perfume smell was in fact sprayed on by Seungri himself. 

 

The lipstick stains were ALWAYS on his left shirt sleeves. 

 

Seungri had put on lipsticks and kissed himself at that spot in a bid to make Jiyong jealous. 

 

Seungri had been so hurt that he made up a fake girlfriend in order to make Jiyong jealous in return. 

 

But his jealousy had triggered his psychosis, thus he had difficulties in differentiating out what is real and fiction.

 

When new photos emerged of Jiyong and Kiki playing in an amusement park in Japan, that drove Seungri over the edge. 

 

He had contacted a new lawyer and made a new will, instead of using YG's own lawyers. 

 

He had planned his suicide the week before he jumped to his death.

 

Jiyong closed his eyes.

 

He remembered seeing his maknae fall to his death.

 

Missing the air-bag by inches.

 

He remembered being in a total wreck after that.

 

He remembered being in a fist fight with Yongbae.

 

Yongbae, who was usually a calm and collected guy, was madly punching his face into a pulp.

 

It took five policemen to pull Yongbae off Jiyong.

 

But Jiyong didn't press charges against Yongbae for assault.

 

Bae had blamed Seungri's death on him.

 

Initially.

 

Until Jiyong told him the truth about Kiki.

 

Jiyong remembered being depressed for a month after Seungri's death.

 

Then one fine day, Jiyong aka GD came into the recording studio, asking where was Seungri and started calling Seungri on his mobile. 

 

He left Seungri an insane amount of voicemail messages, asking him to hurry up and come to the recording studio quickly to record his part. 

 

YG and Jiyong's parents immediately admitted him into a mental institution to seek treatment that very same day.

 

He was diagnosed as having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

 

He was treated by Dr Choi Dong Wook, who patiently helped him to remember the events that took place in order for him to move on.

 

After a year worth's of therapy, he remembered everything.

 

And finally told Yongbae the whole truth about Kiki, during one of his therapy session.

 

Yongbae finally forgave Jiyong.

 

Next week would be Seungri's 1st year death anniversary. 

 

Dr Choi had consented to Jiyong's discharge from the institution.

 

But he still need to come back for his monthly therapy sessions.

 

Finally, GD could remember.

 

Everything.

 

---

 

GD and Yongbae had came in the late afternoon, a week later.

 

The cool autumn wind had started to blow across the serene cementery. 

 

Seungri's parents and dongsaeng had came much earlier to clean Seungri's plot and pay their respects.

 

Jiyong and YB didn't want to upset them further and instead stayed in the car until they left.

 

Jiyong took out a song sheet.

 

Made just for Seungri.

 

But no one will ever read it.

 

It was only meant for Seungri.

 

He wrote it before Seungri's suicide. 

 

When he and Kiki's photos were being circulated around the internet.

 

The song was meant to be a sort of cryptic message for his maknae.

 

To reassure him of his faithfulness towards his maknae.

 

In spite of what was written  on tabloids or online.

 

To tell Seungri the whole secret plan he had hatched with Kiki.

 

So everytime BB sang it on stage, Seungri will be smiling, knowing the true meaning of the song.

 

Just like the other song that Jiyong wrote 'My Lady'.

 

Only a handful knew who the lady in the song was.

 

All this time, Bae had been looking quietly at Jiyong's back.

 

A poor excuse for a man.

 

Both his hands had been in his jacket pockets all this while.

 

But not because of the cold autumn wind.

 

Jiyong was busy folding the song sheet into the shape of bear. 

 

Folding origami as part of a relaxation technique for recovering PTSD patients.

 

A panda bear.

 

Much like his favourite panda.

 

His dead panda.

 

A swift hand cut through the cold autumn wind.

 

Jiyong suddenly felt a sharp sting at his back.

 

He dropped the paper panda on the ground.

 

He reached for his stomach.

 

He felt it.

 

A sharp tip

 

of

 

a

 

knife

 

His mouth gaped wide open as thick, red blood spewed out of his mouth.

 

He staggered forward and slowly turned to face his attacker.

 

Yongbae stood still.

 

Jiyong finally stood face to face with his attacker.

 

Jiyong studied Yongbae's face.

 

Yongbae wore a stoic look.

 

Finally Jiyong smiled.

 

It took him a while to register what was going.

 

But he finally understood.

 

Yongbae had blamed Jiyong for Seungri's death.

 

Yongbae had never really forgiven Jiyong for it.

 

Jiyong dropped to the ground with his new discovery.

 

He slowly bled to death on the ground, knowing no one would visit the deserted cementery in this cold autumn evening.

 

Yongbae kneelt beside his dying friend.

 

He dug into Seungri's grave and grabbed a handful of dirt, sand and grass.

 

He slowly let the wind blow away the dirt from his right hand.

 

Slowly he lifted his left hand, brandishing a small Colt .45 to his mouth.

 

A tear formed in the corner of his eyes.

 

How did they all ended up like this?

 

As Yongbae slowly pulled back the recoil, his mind flashed back to the day he sent his maknae, Seungri off at the bus terminal. 

 

He was the only BB member to accompany Seungri at the bus terminal , on his journey back to Gwangju. 

 

A year later, Seungri answered during a radio interview that his favourite hyung was Jiyong.

 

Yongbae nonchalantly whispered, "It was you Seungri...It had always been you...'' as he finally pulled the trigger....