There are five stages of grief.

That’s what the pamphlet Youngbae takes from the psychiatrist’s office says as he waits for Chaerin. He stuffs it into his hoodie pocket when she walks through the door, a pair of oversized sunglasses on her face. She notices his worried expression and slowly intertwines her fingers with his as they walk to the car.

“Thank you.” Chaerin says finally, after a long period of silence. Youngbae stares ahead at the concrete wall, his face illuminated by fluorescent lights.

“You don’t have to thank me.” He turns to her and smiles, his eyes crinkling into gentle crescent moons. He reaches across the car and slides her sunglasses down her nose. His thumb dabs at the corner of her eye, wiping away a streak of mascara.

She looks up at herself in the mirror, laughing slightly at her smeared eye makeup. Youngbae reaches to the back seat of her black sedan and gets her purse for her. She rustles through the bag, taking out a small packet of makeup removers.

“Let me, Chae.” He takes a wipe from the packaging and gently rubs it across her skin, his hand cradling her chin.

CL begins to disappear, her inky black remains on the white cloth.

Chaerin takes the makeup wipe from him, crushing it in her hands. Youngbae leaves butterfly kisses on her eyelids, nudging her petite nose with his own. She moves away from his touch and reaches for her sunglasses, putting them back on and getting out of the car.

“Lee Chaerin.” He calls out gruffly, following her into the elevator.

“I’m nervous.” She answers honestly. “I don’t want to see anyone.”

“I haven’t been in this building for… a while.” He breathes out, mesmerized by the flickering lights on the control panel. This time, he reaches out for her hand and squeezes it for comfort. The air is knocked out of his chest when the door opens to a floor to ceiling print of G-Dragon from one of his Vogue editorials. Chaerin silently walks past into the hallways toward her studio and he follows after her, having difficulty regaining his already weak composure. “How can you walk by that everyday?”

“It’s my punishment.” She says quietly, not turning to look at him as she unlocks the door to her own private studio. Youngbae stands closely behind her, radiating anxiety. “Teddy oppa and I gutted his studio. We each took what was important to us. Sajangnim took some keepsakes, too. His parents and older sister have his other belongings.”

The man at her side nods as she answers his silent question. He never thought much about anything during that time. Looking back, he could barely remember those first few years, never mind the first few months.

Chaerin slides a chair toward him and he sits down, quietly watching her as she tinkers around with different sounds. Every once in a while she’ll hum or drum her fingers along the desk. If inspiration strikes, she’ll move to the keyboard or jot something down. He moves to the couch to watch her, feeling like a voyeur in her secret world, so similar to the one he had completely lost.

“Oppa, could you sing this for me?” She asks suddenly, handing him a scribbled piece of music.

He holds the paper in his hands as he stares at from the couch.

“Ah, I’m not sure.” He tells her, trying to hand back the sheet. “You know it’s been forever.”

“It’s just for a demo. I need a male voice.” She tries to give him the paper again and he sees it in her eyes, the detachment. He’s not a lover or even a friend, he’s just a body with vocal chords who happens to be in her place of work. So this is CL the producer.

“Yeah, okay, but it’ll be bad.” The former idol gets up to walk into the small recording booth and she follows behind him. He looks at her curiously as she gets closer to him. He grabs onto her arm as she reaches up and pulls her against him, his body slightly trembling.

“I’m just adjusting the equipment for your height,” She begins to say but stops when she sees the fear on his face. She wraps her arms around his body, pressing herself even closer until she can feel his shaky breathing against her chest. “Oppa, it’s okay.”

“A lot of just came back to me.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t even think about it. I’m just trying to get this done. I’m so ing sorry.” She kisses away the tears he hasn’t even realized are falling down his cheek. Her hands come up to cup his jaw as she kisses him slowly, her body moving against his in languid motions. His hands move to support her lower back. She pulls away breathlessly as his hands move even lower. “I really do need to get this song done.”

He laughs as she smacks him on the before jumping out of the booth for both of their sakes. His voice is hoarse at first and he’s not hitting the notes he used to but she tries to be patient. It feels strange with her on the other side, he still remembers having her record for his album all those years ago and now they’re working on a new YG soloist’s debut. It feels strange.

He leaves the booth and sits with her, listening to the raw vocals. Their hands are intertwined as she tweaks the values and he admires her, the atmosphere in the small room softened.

“I need to go run something down to Lydia unnie, I’ll be right back.” She tells him and then in a flash she’s gone, leaving him with a closed door. He sits in the empty studio, rolling around in his chair. He hums the vocals she had just had him record but stops as the door opens.

“You’re back so soon? I haven’t seen Lydia in so long, how is she?” He asks the opening door and rolls around to see a man standing in front of him.”Hyung.”

“You’re here with Chaerin?” Teddy asks the younger man who silently nods. “If she’s with Lydia she won’t be gone that long, they’re working back and forth on an album together.”

“Hyung, how is noona and the baby?” Youngbae asks awkwardly as Teddy sits down on the couch, resting his legs up on the table.

“They’re great.” Teddy answers, looking at him carefully. “So you and Chaerin are dating again?”

Youngbae bristles at the older man’s words.

“We’re not dating. There’s nothing going on.”

“Then it must be photoshop, right?” Teddy laughs, shaking his head.

“Do you want me to say we’re just ing? You want me to be honest?” Youngbae growls, standing up from his seat. “This isn’t anyone’s business. What we do. It’s ours. We’re atoning on our own, there’s no need to persecute us any more.”

Teddy sighs.

“We’re not persecuting you. We’re just confused.”

The door swings open again and the two men stop, both having stood up during the brief argument.

“Teddy oppa, you’re here as well?” Chaerin nods toward her mentor, glancing at Youngbae’s clenched fists. “I just spoke to Lydia.”

“Yeah, I was just popping in.” The older man sits down, watching Youngbae with wary eyes as he too sits back in his chair. “YG wanted me to remind you about Sandara and Seunghyun’s movie premier. He wasn’t sure if you had gotten any of the messages but thought you might like to support her.”

“I forgot about it.” Chaerin lies. “We might be busy but I guess we could try to find the time.”

“We?” Teddy scoffs. “Is that a good idea with the scandals?”

“We might not even make it.” Chaerin tells him venomously sweet and Youngbae watches something ignite in her dark catlike eyes.   

Youngbae bites his lip to stop a smirk as he helps Chaerin out of their sedan. She walks in front of him and turns her head to look back, her cropped black curls swaying with her. Her beautifully manicured hand reaches out to hold onto his own and the whole world explodes in a hundred flashes of light. They walk out together in their white Timblerlands they chose mostly in spite, her stark white shirt dress matching his crisp button down.

“I’ve actually never been to a movie premiere before,” She admits to Youngbae as he now leads her along the red carpet. She waves sheepishly to a few surprised fans, the flash of cameras nearly blinding her. It’s been a long time since either of them have actually been in public and Chaerin is quickly realizing she feels out of her element.

In their lack of statements and concrete answers, the two had unwittingly become a hot topic. YG had chosen to be silent on the matter, largely out of not knowing anything either. They field through reporters with ‘no comments’ and blank smiles. Youngbae helps her up onto the platform and they pose, his arm around her waist.

“Are we crazy?” She asks him in between a smile and he laughs, leaning to whisper into her ear.

“What, is our agency going to say something?” He jokes and she can feel his grin against her cheek as the girlish excitement builds in her stomach. “I hope it doesn’t effect our images.”

- - -

Author's Note: I'm the worst, right? To make up for incredibly slow updates, this isn't going to be the last chapter. There will be maybe one or two more after this. Thank you so much for supporting this story and being patient with me even though I am the YG of updating!!! I hope you enjoy this chapter, though it's a little short. I had to split two chapters in half. Please comment and let me know what you think! YB and Chae are totally going off the rails, right? haha