Unhealthy attachment.

That’s what the therapist calls it when Chaerin mentions her new roommate. Youngbae had nowhere to go and Chaerin realized she didn’t want to be alone.

Sometimes when they’re together, the young woman buries her face into his neck and pretends she is making love to herself. Youngbae smells like expensive clothing and cigarettes and sweat and hard liquor just like Chaerin does.

He melts into her. He is an extension of herself.

He is the physical manifestation of her pain and loneliness.

They only ever have on the couch. Neither are ever willing to use the bed as if to do so would defile the only remaining relic of a painful and festering love. When Chaerin rolls off of the couch and hits her head on the coffee table they go to the furniture store and buy a larger one.

“I haven’t gone out like this in a while.” Youngbae confesses as Chaerin drives through the busy streets.

“I know, I live with you.” She answers, her eyes hidden by her oversized sunglasses. Some things never change.

“No, I mean I haven’t been anywhere except the base or your apartment. Not since…” His words trail off and she nods in understanding.

“You don’t have to say it.” She tells him gently and he turns to look out the window at the cars and buildings blurring past them.

A familiar beat starts to play and Youngbae immediately reaches out to turn off the radio.

“Tonight, such a beautiful night…” A ghost whispers just before the song cuts off and Chaerin’s fingers loosen from the steering wheel for a moment. She tightens her grip again and composes herself as she stares ahead at the road. They sit in uncomfortable silence until Chaerin parks the car.

At night they can trick themselves into believing that it doesn’t still hurt that he’s no longer around.

But in the daylight the wound festers, leaving their hearts raw and irritated.

When Youngbae gets out of the car he grabs onto her hand and squeezes it. She holds onto him tightly as they walk to the furniture store. He looks at her as she walks through the door, letting the warmth of her hand cauterize his wound.

“We’re looking for a couch.” Chaerin tells the older saleswoman, taking off her sunglasses to reveal her perfectly lined cat eyes.

“Something large and comfortable,” Youngbae adds and Chaerin gives him a warning look not to say anything more.

The saleswoman eyes them curiously before guiding them to several different options. She leaves them to search on their own and then comes back. The expression on her face is one that they’ve both seen so many times before.

“You’re CL from 2NE1, right? I thought I recognized you.” The saleswoman says in excitement. “My daughter was a big fan of yours.”

“Yes, I am. I’m happy that your daughter liked our music.” She smiles and Youngbae wonders where she finds the strength.   

“We’d like to order this one,” Youngbae says as he casually lounges on a wide red couch.

“Ah yes, if you follow me you can pay for it and I can have it ordered for you.” The saleswoman guides them to the register and Chaerin takes out her card. Youngbae tries not to be amazed by her not looking at a price tag, knowing how much she’s made in royalties since she became a producer at YG rather than an artist. That, and, when Jiyong left nearly everything he owned to her she became the richest celebrity in Korea.

“She didn’t recognize me.” Youngbae frowns when they get into the car and start to drive back to the apartment. He takes off his snapback and rubs his shaved head. “Is it because I’m bald?”

“You’re not bald,” She sighs as she scratches the short hair on his head like he’s a puppy. It was strange not seeing his signature mohawk but she’s grown used to the shorter cut. When she’s having a hard time she sometimes runs her hands across the soft hairs to make herself feel better.

She turns the radio back on and drums her fingers on the steering wheel along to the beat. The next song starts to play and Minzy sings the beginning of Good to You. Youngbae starts to reach and turn off the radio again but Chaerin puts a hand on his wrist to stop him. She listens quietly, remembering that year recording and performing with her members.

“I never want to forget my time spent with 2NE1.”

“He wrote this for you.”

“I know.” Chaerin confesses softly. “I don’t want to darken my precious memories with regret.”

Youngbae watches her in amazement. As the car comes to a stop at the light, he leans over between their seats and kisses her. She hesitantly kisses him back as she angles herself awkwardly in her seat. Their lips move against each other in a feverish and sudden passion. Each touch is a promise, a reminder. When the light turns green she pulls away and he moves back to his seat, wiping his mouth with a satisfied grin.

“I love you,” She chants into his bare skin like a prayer.

He knows that her words are not for him to hear. The body writhing underneath his isn’t for him to explore. The sweat he from her tan abdomen isn’t for him to taste. Her warm thighs aren’t for him to feel.  

Her nails dig painfully into his back as she holds onto him.

“Don’t leave me,” She begs as her hot tears drip down his spine.

He doesn’t say anything because he’s never sure she’s speaking to him. Her eyes are sad when she reaches out to caress his cheek. He wonders if she’s noting all of the differences between their faces. She never looks at him until after they’re curled around each other. He wonders if it’s because she knows she won’t see the face that she wants to.

In the morning she makes breakfast like she always does.

Youngbae stands beside her drinking his coffee, studying her look of determination as she cooks. Setting his mug down, he wraps his arms around her. One hand settles firmly on her hip but the other travels under her shirt. He rests his chin on her shoulder as his he tickles at her side. His hand playfully squeezes one of her s before slowly sliding down to her stomach.

“Don’t forget I’m holding a knife.” She scolds him as he pokes at and tickles her belly button.

He murmurs an apology into her neck and moves his hand lower. His fingers ghost over the scar on her stomach going from her belly to her line. He tries to memorize each groove and imperfection of the raised skin.

“Don’t touch me.” She tells him harshly, pulling his hand away from her.

He takes his coffee and sits down at the table to watch her from a safe distance. When her phone rings in the other room he goes to get it for her. He looks at the caller information before stepping cautiously toward her.

“It’s Bom noona,” He says as he holds the cellphone to her ear.

“Have you seen the internet this morning?” Bom asks in alarm, without any greetings. Her voice is so loud he can hear it from over the phone.

“No, I haven’t.” Chaerin answers as she puts their food on plates, Youngbae still holding the phone for her. “Did something happen, unnie?”

“I just don’t understand why you didn’t tell anyone. Dara didn’t know. Teddy didn’t know. None of us knew.” The solo vocalist rants on the other line as Youngbae looks at the phone in confusion. “You should have known that the members would have understood, Chaerin-ah.”

“I don’t get what’s going on.” Chaerin says honestly, taking the phone from Youngbae and mouthing for him to go check the internet.

He grabs his phone from the table and looks up at her in shock.

“Oh .”

“Is Youngbae with you right now? Are you two living together?” Bom berates her but Chaerin hangs up, staring in shock as Youngbae holds up his phone screen.

“How?” Chaerin asks in horror as she takes the phone from his hand. She scrolls down the news article, reading it silently and looking through the pictures.

“CL AND BIGBANG’S TAEYANG CAUGHT ON A DATE”

The article has over a dozen pictures of them in the car kissing, walking through the street holding hands. Their names are the top trending topics.

She runs her hands through her hair anxiously as Youngbae pulls her toward him. The young woman falls onto his lap as he soothingly rubs her arms.

“It’s fine,” He tells her calmly but on the inside his mind is filled with a thousand different thoughts and emotions.

“She said that everyone is upset with us.” Chaerin mumbles.

“That’s not what she said.” He sighs, drawing imaginary tattoos on her skin to distract his chaotic mind.

“I should call a YG rep and tell them the story.” She fumbles for her phone but he stops her, pulling her face to look at him.

“What story are you going to tell them?” He asks her in an attempt to calm her down but he hates himself for sincerely wanting to hear the answer.

He’s not sure what he expects her to say.

They don’t have feelings for one another. They’re barely friends. When they’re not fighting they’re tearing each other’s clothes off or blissfully ignoring the giant holes in their hearts.

“We can’t tell them the truth. We’ll just say we’re dating.” She says frantically, trying to take the phone away from him.

“Why do we need to say anything at all? You’re a producer and I’m not even an idol anymore.” He reasons out slowly. “Why does anyone have to know our business?”

She sits quietly as she thinks.

The media would tear them apart no matter what they said. All of the interest would die down eventually. She drops her phone, realizing that he’s right.

Bom hadn’t called her in over a year. She hadn’t seen any of the members in months. Not a single person from the company had come to visit her. No one seemed to care until she caused another drama for them to pick apart.

She didn’t owe anyone anything anymore.

- - -

Author's Note: I'm so sorry for the long wait! The next chapter will be the last one, I decided to make this story a three shot. Thank you to everyone who has subscribed and commented on this story, it means a lot to me and I really appreciate it. To be honest I'm not completely satisfied with this chapter but I felt bad about the long wait so I hope that you enjoy it.