No response.

Jongin opened the door, and Kyungsoo stopped him with a hand wrapped softly around his wrist. Jongin’s eyes widened as he was pulled out of his daze, blinking. “Jongin-ah, where are you going?”

The taller’s breath began to catch in his throat. “Gym- I have to-“

“No, Jongin,” he said quietly.

“Please- just let me-“ Jongin started trying to pull his wrist away, but Kyungsoo’s grip was firm.

“No,”

Jongin pulled even harder, “Just- let- me-!”

“Like I’m letting you go out in this state!” Kyungsoo yelled, Jongin’s figure shrinking back, even though he knew Kyungsoo never meant to raise his voice. His head dropped as he begun to shake.

“Please, Kyungsoo, please,” Jongin looked up, eyes pooling with emotions that Kyungsoo hadn’t seen often before, “I feel like I’m going to explode and I just- I need to let this out so,” Jongin paused, “So I don’t do anything stupid- so I don’t take it out on anyone else,” he bit his lip, “I need to clear my head.”

Kyungsoo wrapped his arms around Jongin’s stomach. “You won’t, I trust you,” he looked up, blinking slowly. “I can’t let you go out like this.”

“I-“

“Don’t go, please.”

Jongin sighed, wrapping his own arms around Kyungsoo, “Okay,” he whispered, whimpering slightly as the bandage around his arm brushed against the other’s body. “I’m sor-”

“Don’t apologise,” Kyungsoo cut in, before changing the subject to something which he felt was much more important. “Let me check your arm,” he said softly, taking his other wrist and pulling him towards the bathroom.

“What about your-”

Kyungsoo glanced down at his own blood stains on his shirt, the bleeding long stopped. “Its fine, let me get you sorted and then at least one of us’ll be worry free. Can you-“

Jongin nodded before hopping up onto the bench, and winced as his wound was revealed, a laceration at least ten centimetres long down the side of his arm, surrounding area covered in red as it continued to flow out of the cut.

“You’re okay, you’re okay,” Kyungsoo cooed as he held it under lukewarm water, trying to clean it off so he could look at it properly. He sighed, taking a towel and putting it in Jongin’s other hand to press down slightly on the wound, before bobbing down to look through cabinets. “It needs stitches, baby.”

Jongin’s eyes widened, “I can’t-”

“I know you can’t go to the hospital,” Kyungsoo sighed, knowing too well the results of them going out in public like this any further. They were lucky there was no one in the lobby as they’d come up to their apartment. Kyungsoo came up, a small box in hand as he rushed to the kitchen. “I’ll just be a minute.” No sooner was Kyungsoo back, needle in hand as he threaded the material through it.

“You have-”

“My grandmother’s a nurse, you know that, right?”

“But-”

“I used to watch her at the clinic when I was young, and when she had patients out of work I’d help her... I can do them.”

Jongin smiled, just slightly. “Is there anything you don’t know how to do?”

“Stop you from hurting,” Kyungsoo frowned, “Numbing cream won’t go into effect fast enough,” he placed one hand on Jongin’s arm just below the gash and took Jongin’s right hand, placing it on his own. “Squeeze when it hurts, okay? I’ll try get it done as soon as possible.”

Jongin let out whimpers of pain as the needle sowed in and out of his raw skin, but refused to squeeze Kyungsoo’s arm in fear of hurting him even more. Kyungsoo’s brow furrowed in concentration as he saw past the blood and then gently pulled his arm under warm water again before rubbing it with antiseptic.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry baby.”

"You don’t need to-"

"You're hurting now because of what I'm doing, that's enough."

"It's my fault I have this."

Kyungsoo paused. "No, it's not."

Jongin felt his voice begin to raise, frustration building. “Are you serious? Everything is-”

"Kim Jongin," Kyungsoo cut in, "Just drop it." he said, voice stern but not angry as he stopped wiping Jongin's wound and looked at him, before pulling out a bandage and wrapping it securely around his arm so his movement was restricted.

"Don't move it too much, okay?"

Jongin nodded, before sliding off the bench, "Your turn," he said softly.

"You don't have to."

"Please, just let me do this," Jongin’s voice cracked.

He couldn't deny him.

Jongin pressed a finger to Kyungsoo's shirt near the slices on his shirt, reaching for a towel and running lukewarm water over it before softly pressing it to where the cuts were, in attempt to loosen the shirt from the skin, dried blood sticking the two together uncomfortably. With shaky fingers, he slowly undid the buttons of Kyungsoo's shirt, carefully taking it off the uninjured side before even more carefully slipping it off the other. He washed the blood off the cloth, before taking it down to the bottom of Kyungsoo’s torso and working his way up. Carefully, he began to wipe the slices, other hand on the shorter’s neck, rubbing circles with his thumb as he also used it to steady him as he cleaned, until all that was left was the red marks of open skin on a pale body.

Red marks forming three letters, forming something which Jongin hated most in the world. The man froze, breath halting as he stared, reaching down to get rid of it, to prove that it was just his imagination, but it wasn’t.

Kyungsoo looked up to Jongin, whose hand had frozen on his neck, whose eyes had widened considerably. He raised his right hand up, touching Jongin’s on his neck. “What’s wrong?” The last word died on his lips as in a delayed reaction, Jongin’s hand recoiled as he staggered once, twice back.Kyungsoo’s eyes immediately filled with worry, and he reached out to take his hand. “Baby, what’s-”

“Don’t touch me,” Jongin said quickly, eyes dark, “Don’t- I can’t touch you.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry,” he breathed, voice cracking, eyes fearful but more so full of regret. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s just a few cuts, you already knew-”

“No, no.”

Kyungsoo turned around, more than worried about Jongin’s sudden behaviour. And then he saw it. Three letters, carved in his skin, deep enough to scar.

KAI

Instantly Kyungsoo whirled back around. “It’s not your fault, don’t-”

“Not my fault?” Jongin exploded, “It’s not my fault, really? He carved my ing name into your skin, Kyungsoo. All of this was all my fault!”

“Jongin-“

“Stop trying to make me feel better about everything,” he begun to cry, “Stop trying to make me feel like I’m not a bad person; that I haven’t ed up too much-”

“Jongin-”

“And even with all this, all this misplaced trust that you put in me, I can’t even hold up to it? I can’t even ing protect you.”

“Jongin-“

“And now you have my ing name carved into your skin, the one I go by when I ing kill people.”

“I’m not-”

“I knew he wanted me, I ing know him well enough to know that he wanted me back, I should have pulled my head out of my and accepted the fact that he was going to target you, but I didn’t, because if I ignored it maybe it wouldn’t happen, and now you’re not only ing hurt but you also got ing assaulted and now you’re going to have a murder’s name marked on your skin forever and it’s all my ing fault.”

“They didn’t get that far,” Kyungsoo tried to cut in for the nth time that day, but it was like before, like Jongin couldn’t hear him anymore. Jongin might have let his frustrations of Jongdae out on him, but Kyungsoo knew that the hatred he had for himself probably equalled the hatred he had of his old friend.

“You need to go,” Jongin shook, backing himself into the wall as far as he could, “You can’t be involved with me anymore.”

“No, I don’t-”

“I’m not good, dammit!” he yelled, hand balled into his own hair, knuckles white as he nearly pulled it out.

Kyungsoo bit his lower lip, fighting back his own tears as ones of frustration trailed down the tanned boy’s face.

“I should have killed him when I had the chance. I should have done it when he ing killed Tao, I should have done it today, I should have-”

“You know exactly what’d happen if you did that, that’s why you didn’t.”

And of course, Jongin did know. Jongdae had thousands of people feeding off him, not only people under himself, but under allies. It wasn’t just his gang anymore, it was international. If he killed Jongdae, only more people would be after them. They’d be bound up and dead in a week. Jongdae wasn’t dead and he wasn’t there, though, and even though he hadn’t got what he wanted, he was still winning.

“I’m too weak, I’m too- we can’t do this anymore.”

“Jongin-”

“Go!” Jongin yelled, “Just go!”

“Kim Jongin, listen to me!” Kyungsoo shouted, catching Jongin off guard enough so he could get a word in. “Shut up and listen to me! He’s playing with you and you’re letting him win.” Kyungsoo took a step closer to Jongin, and then another one, “He knows how to get in your head and you’re letting him. Don’t let him win.” Slowly, he begun to see the anger peeling from Jongin, the despair coming through even harder. Kyungsoo lowered his voice, staring deeply into his eyes. “He wants you to be mad, he did this to make you mad, to make you feel guilty; you know that. I’m okay, so don’t let him get to you. I don’t care what you think, I don’t blame you and I’m not leaving you.”

Jongin’s bottom lip trembled as Kyungsoo looked up at him, brown eyes shining with love and care and everything Jongin didn’t think he deserved, let alone from Kyungsoo. It was the only love he ever knew. So when they reached out, Jongin moved in to the arms that surrounded him, and shook with his head nestled in to Kyungsoo’s collar as he cried, in the only place that he'd ever feel comfortable.

...

Kyungsoo woke up hours later in the middle of the night, limbs not tangled with Jongin’s like they’d been when they’d gone to bed, the space next to him empty. A dull throbbing on his shoulder reminded him of the previous day’s events, and he was out of bed in a flash, heart pounding and shout leaving his throat before it was cut short on his lips. Jongin turned his head, looking through the open door, towards the source of the sound before letting a slight smile slip. “Don’t worry, I owe you more than that.”

Kyungsoo felt bad for thinking it, but he hadn’t seen Jongin this broken in a while. He walked to the balcony where Jongin was currently sitting. “Can’t sleep?” he asked, shivering slightly.

Jongin exhaled, “Not really,” he replied, knees tucked into his chest, sitting on the floor. “Go back to bed, I promise I’m not going to do anything.”

The shorter smiled, walking back inside as Jongin stared out to the city of Seoul once more. It was something he’d done a lot since he’d left Jongdae’s gang. He thought a lot more now, though. He was surprised when Kyungsoo came back out twenty seconds later, blanket in hand, and sat down next to him, spreading the blanket against the two of them before replicating his position.

“It’s cold out here, you know.” Kyungsoo said, nudging Jongin, who was in long pants but also a white a-shirt.

Jongin let out a large breath, the crispness of his surroundings letting him watch it disappear into the air. “I know,” he said quietly, linking his left hand with Kyungsoo’s right under the blanket.

They sat in silence for a while, the couple simply enjoying the warmth of each other’s bodies as they moved closer and closer together, bit by bit. Jongin’s thoughts didn’t stop swimming.

“You could have left,”

Kyungsoo was taken aback by the comment, softly said but abruptly so, overtaking the silence.

“I wouldn’t have blamed you… I wouldn’t be mad.”

Kyungsoo squeezed his hand slightly. “I wouldn’t have done that.”

“I really don’t understand why.” Jongin mumbled, almost too quiet for Kyungsoo to hear.

“Because believe it or not, Kim Jongin,” Kyungsoo smiled, “I need you just as much as you need me.”

Jongin nearly laughed, “No way.”

Kyungsoo did laugh, bumping his shoulder slightly, “Yes way!”

“I’m such a wreck, though,”

“With all the that’s happened to you, no one can blame you. You’re my wreck, and I love you.”

Jongin bit his lip. “Thank you.” he said softly, eyes down.

“No,” Kyungsoo entwined their fingers, “Thank you- for letting me in.”

“They didn’t touch me,”

“Huh?”

“Sehun and Luhan, they didn’t get far.”

Jongin vaguely remembered hearing the names from Joonmyun- Oh.

Oh.

“What did they do to you?” Jongin asked, voice shaky.

“Not mu-”

“What did they do to you?” he said once more, clutching his hand.

“One- Luhan ground down on me,” Kyungsoo paused, “He slapped me too. That was all, though.”

Jongin’s hold tightened. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, you know it isn’t your fault.”

“Of course it’s-“

“Jongin.”

“-my fault. Jongdae used you to get to me.”

“You never asked him to. You didn’t ask for this to happen.”

“I should have been more careful. What if you’d gotten even more hurt? What if he’d killed you?”

“Then I wouldn’t know the answer, would I?”

Jongin sighed. “Don’t say that sort of thing,” he grumbled, lengthening his legs out before Kyungsoo did the same, and rest his head on Jongin’s shoulder.

“Anyway, I think they’re the ones we should feel sorry for.”

“Huh?”

“Does Jongdae- does he force people to be es?”

Jongin shook his head, “Not really. He pays them too well. Most of them are off the streets. They’re easy, that way. Nearly all of them are in it for the money.”

“I thought so,” Kyungsoo said, “The ones I had though, Luhan and Sehun. Definitely in a relationship. They wouldn’t look at each other. I could read that but there has to be something behind it. It’s why Luhan slapped me.”

Jongin laughed for the first time that day. “You sassed them?”

“Of course, it’s all I can do under pressure.”

Jongin rolled his eyes, “They’re probably street rats. Jongdae fixes them up, pays them a good price and usually they stay. Plus, people aren’t looking for them, they’re not suspicious- out of mind, out of sight.”

 “I guess I wouldn’t have been good for that, then.”

Jongin turned to face him, and though it wasn’t meant to be a harsh comment, it hit Jongin harder than it should have. “You know I didn’t mean it, you know I didn’t mean anything I said against you.”

“I know, Jongin. You told me to trust you and I did and still do.”

The younger looked down, “Good. You looked convinced that I didn’t like you back then.”

“Honestly, I was a little confused, but you told me to trust you so I played along with it like I thought you’d want me to.”

“Thank you.”

“We only got out of there because you got the gun.”

“We only got in there because of me.”

Kyungsoo sighed, the conversation seeming to go around in circles. “Stop blaming yourself.”

“But it’s-”

“I don’t care what you think,” Kyungsoo cut in, “Just stop.”

Jongin sighed, but didn’t push that subject any farther. “… When you said that you couldn’t love me if I- if I joined him again, did you mean it?” Jongin asked. It was a question he was unsure of, and an answer that he was afraid of, but something he felt like he needed to know. It wasn’t like he could leave Kyungsoo if he said he would, but he wanted to know.

“Of course I lied,” Kyungsoo snuggled his head into Jongin’s shoulder, “I wouldn’t like it, but I don’t think I could stop loving you if I tried.”

“What about if you knew before? Before we happened?”

“People judge people without knowing what’s inside, so I’m glad I found out about who you were before I found out who you used to be.”

Jongin rest his head against Kyungsoo’s, continuing to play with their fingers. “I would have done it. I would have joined him again if it meant you’d be safe.”

“You know I wouldn’t want you to do that.”

“It- that doesn’t matter. I can’t lose the only person that actually cares. Someone like you doesn’t deserve to die, ever. Especially at his hands.”

“Jongin-”

“I wouldn’t have let him kill the only remaining person I’ve ever cared about in my life. Two is enough.”

Kyungsoo knew that one of the two mentioned was Jongdae before that day when they were seventeen.

“It’s selfish, but I couldn’t do that- especially to you.”

Kyungsoo didn’t know what to say, instead opting to press a kiss on his shoulder, a sort of thank you.

“It’s going to scar,” Jongin said softly, “…I’m sorry.”

“I thought I told you no more apologizing,” Kyungsoo said, “But don’t worry about it, I’ll just get it tattooed over or something if it bothers you.”

Jongin’s eyes widened and he turned to face Kyungsoo, nudging the latter’s head off his shoulder in the process. “You don’t have to- you never wanted a tattoo- Just because I don’t-“

“Who said I never wanted one?” Kyungsoo laughed, “I feel like it’d be easier to explain to anyone that sees. I don’t want you feeling uncomfortable either.”

“I don’t matter when it comes to your body.”

“I feel uncomfortable if you do. Just let me do this. You always wanted me to get one before. Plus yours is going to scar much worse.”

“It’s nothing new,” Jongin shrugged, “A new scar to add to my collection, I guess. At least it’ll look badass. But you-”

Kyungsoo rest his head back on Jongin’s shoulder, eyes drooping shut as he ignored the comments, though he was far from sleep.

“He’s going to try something again. You know that, right? He’s not going to leave me alone.”

Kyungsoo hummed in agreement. “Probably not.”

“And you’re… okay with that? Okay with being with me?”

“Of course.”

“It’s too dangerous.”

“I’m not leaving you, I’ve told you that.”

“They said I’m the same, that I haven’t changed,” Jongin said, uncertain of himself. “What if they’re right? What if I relapse?”

“They’re not, or else you wouldn’t have gotten us out of there,” Kyungsoo answered, immediately, “And you know that if you relapse, I’m here. I’ll always be.”

The two were laying down now, Kyungsoo snuggled into his side, the pair comfortable though the tiled outside never was. Kyungsoo traced patterns on to Jongin’s stomach as he lay there, Jongin’s injured arm splayed over his stomach to gently play with Kyungsoo’s hair, uninjured one resting behind his head. “It’s not going to be easy,” he said, relishing in the feel of the way the soft strands of washed hair, of Kyungsoo’s hair fell through his fingers.

“I know,” Kyungsoo hummed, “I think we should do stuff, make the most of everything.”

“Yeah,” Jongin sighed in agreement, “What do you want to do?”

Kyungsoo paused for a moment, “I want to go travelling- explore the world whilst we’re young,” he answered, “With you. If you’re okay with that.”

Kyungsoo knew that Jongdae had an extensive range of contacts, that they weren’t safe anywhere. Kyungsoo knew that Jongin had bad memories associated with travelling, but he also knew there were more bad memories in Seoul.

“Anything’s okay if it’s with you.”

Kyungsoo smiled, letting his eyes droop as his head lay on Jongin’s chest. “Then everything’s going to be okay.”

Maybe he was lying, maybe things weren’t going to be okay. For now, they’d settle for what they got. Kyungsoo for Jongin, Jongin for Kyungsoo.

For now, it was going to be okay. That’s all they could wish for.

//Authors Note//

☆ ★ ☆ HunHan sidestory here ☆ ★ ☆

Meep well that's done.

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