It takes two weeks for Chanyeol to get over Baekhyun. Two weeks before he stops inhaling Baekhyun’s scent, and refill the empty spaces left by Baekhyun’s things. There is something poetic about the whole process, Chanyeol thinks, because it was Baekhyun who had taught him how to be strong, how to stay grounded – and it is Baekhyun who is the reason why Chanyeol needs to pick himself up again in the first place.

It’s also a weird eye-opening experience since Chanyeol had always thought he was the stronger one.

Baekhyun grew up down the street from Chanyeol; separated by only a few houses. They met by coincidence, grew closer by curiosity – Chanyeol had everything Baekhyun never did; he didn’t know what it was like to go home to food already waiting on the table, to a mom who asked after his schoolwork, to a dad who picked him up just to make him laugh.

Chanyeol had never known what Baekhyun had: an empty house with no annoying sister, an absentee mom who was never around to nag, a quiet dad who never reprimanded Baekhyun.

“You’re so lucky!” Chanyeol had said, because six was too young to know better.

“Here, let’s eat more cookies.”

☃

Chanyeol knew better at sixteen, so he wasn’t surprised when Baekhyun announced he was going to move out, “They said yes. My dad is getting remarried. A new apartment for me and a new family for him.”

“Your mom?”

“Who knows.”

“What about your relatives, Baek? Can’t you live with them?”

“They don’t want me, because they say I’m a bad influence,” Baekhyun sobbed, heart shattered and spilled all over Chanyeol’s white t-shirt.

☃

“Am I defective?”

“No, Baek. You’re perfect.”

“Then why doesn’t anyone want me?”

“I want you.”

☃

It was a month into Kyungsoo and Jongin’s new relationship when Baekhyun asked, “Would you want to wake up next to the same person every day? Seems boring.”

Chanyeol wanted to say, “I wouldn’t mind seeing you every day.”

Instead he shrugged.

It wasn’t often that Baekhyun brought up anything about relationships. Once in a while he made it clear to Chanyeol that they were best friends who happened to be something more. Thinking back, Chanyeol thinks he should have said all the cheesy things that came to mind, since Baekhyun was bound to high tail it out of their relationship anyways. But at the time, Chanyeol hadn’t wanted to push it; he didn’t miss the look Baekhyun gave him – a secret yearning that the smaller male thought he hid well but it was obvious all the same. Baekhyun might not want it, however, he needed someone who loved him wholeheartedly. Someone who wouldn’t get caught up in themselves and left him alone.

☃

Despite it all, Baekhyun is smiling; face lighting up over the smallest moments because he appreciates the smallest gestures. Baekhyun who is full of wit, full of self-assurance regardless of everything; he is the stronger one. Chanyeol knows that now. He also knows Baekhyun loves him. It doesn’t stop the hurt that sometimes creep up when he sees his parents giving him sad looks, or when his room still feels like their room. But he is an optimistic kid who is leaving for college in two days – plus the new dorm will help ease the tension in his chest every time he tries to sleep and realizes the bed is too big for even his tall stature.

☃

Chanyeol ends up rooming with Kris, who gives him gummy smiles and clumsily helps him arrange their furniture.

“I think this is the last box,” Kyungsoo says, “You guys are settled?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Chanyeol surveys their stuff one last time. “I think we are set.”

Kris mumbles something nonsensical from his bed, face pressed into the mattress because he is tired from all the moving.

“Well, take care,” Kyungsoo moves to leave and Chanyeol walks him out.

“You take care, too,” Chanyeol hugs the smaller male, despite Kyungsoo’s attempts to move away from the embrace, “Don’t worry, Jongin won’t cheat on you while you’re away at university.”

“I know he won’t!”

“Yes, just because you’re now old and he is kingka of the school.”

“Stop it.”

“He doesn’t even notice all the hot girls and boys throwing themselves at him.”

Kyungsoo smirks as Chanyeol nurses his jaw with a loud yelp, “He knows what’s coming if he cheats on me.”

“I can’t believe you head me! My beautiful jawline!”

☃

It’s amazing how easily he falls into routine, Chanyeol marvels when he finds himself going back to the same coffee shop again for the third time that day only to be greeted by the barista with the usual, “Yo, Chanyeol!”

Classes have been going pretty well and living with Kris hasn’t been bad. The days sort of swirl by in a haze; sometimes he doesn’t even know what day it is. It’s hard to recall specific events when a lot of his days feel the same. Sehun says it’s a sign of growing older and Chanyeol can’t wait until he comes home for vacation so he can stomp on that brat.

☃

It’s several weeks into the semester that Kyungsoo calls him, worried, “I haven’t seen Baekhyun around at all. I thought I would’ve run into him by now.”

“Maybe it’s because he doesn’t live on campus.”

“I guess. Can you call and check anyways?”

Chanyeol shrugs, “I don’t know if he will answer.”

“Try.”

He doesn’t call but he does send out several texts over the next few days. All of them goes unanswered.

Tuesday 10:03AM
Yo, Baek.
Delivered

Wednesday 12:45PM
Baek, is this working.
Delivered

Today 3:07PM
I get it, Baek. Don’t have to talk to me but talk to Kyungsoo.
Delivered.

☃

It isn’t until a week later that Chanyeol’s phone rings with a familiar name flashes across his screen: "Baekhyunnie~" He debates not answering.

In the time it takes for Chanyeol to gather his nerves, Baekhyun has already hung up. He bangs his head on the desk, cursing his stupidity when his phone beeps.

Called Kyungsoo. I’m okay.

“Damn it, Baek.” Chanyeol gives up on his homework and instead burry himself under his blankets on his head. “ you.”

And the first tear starts. Because Chanyeol has never been that strong.

The next (and last) chapter is done! I need to beta it so hopfully it will be up later today or tomorrow.