But we loved with a love that was more than love."

-Edgar Allen Poe

"Hey! Wake up!"

Jongin fell to the floor as his chair was pushed behind him. He rubbed his back as he stood up as he tried to wake up. He glanced at the wide smile staring at him. The room burst into laughter as he grabbed the man and put him into a headlock.

"What did I say Chanyeol!" Jongin growled, "You never wake a man when he is sleeping!"

"I'm sorry!" Chanyeol yelled, "Let me go!"

Jongin smacked his head before letting him go. He sat back down and stared at his cluttered desk. The stack of folders as they fell all over his desk. The amount of paperwork never seemed to end as more and more cases were left unsolved. He could already hear his chief yelling at him to find new evidence or get a suspect to confess. Jongin longed for the easier days of sleeping in class.

"I guess you didn't go home," Chanyeol sighed, "You haven't gone home in days."

"I can't," Jongin shrugged, "I managed to finish last month’s workload."

"If you studied liked this in school, you wouldn’t be stuck in this dump.”

“Well I didn’t.”

Jongin walked outside and grabbed the pack of cigarettes in his jacket. He moaned as he felt the taste fill his mouth. These things could kill him but he was too stressed out to do anything about it. Who was he kidding? He hoped they did.

“Those things will kill you.”

He turned to look at Kyungsoo shaking his head. He grabbed his cigarette and tossed it into the ashtray next to him. It wasn’t a surprise to him considering how much Kyungsoo watched over him.

“Why do you think I’m still smoking them?”

“You’re an idiot.”

“I guess.”

Kyungsoo smiled as he noticed the state of Jongin. A shirt that he assumed had once been white and a dark blue jacket that was a size too big. The black jeans that had started to fade and his army boots that were falling apart.

“You lost weight,” Kyungsoo frowned, “have you been eating?”

“Enough to get by,” Jongin shrugged, “I’m busy enough as it is.”

Kyungsoo punched his shoulder and handed him a small lunchbox. The smell of freshly made rice and fried meat made Jongin’s stomach grumble.

“You made such a good decision opening your own restaurant.”

“It pays the bills.”

Jongin sat at a nearby bench and stuffed his face. He couldn’t remember the last time he had eaten anything that wasn’t ramen or takeout. In fact, he couldn’t remember anything good that had happened to him.

“Man this hits the spot,” Jongin laughed, “I haven’t eaten anything this good in weeks.”

“I’ll make you lunch whenever you want,” Kyungsoo laughed, “Just make sure not to bring Chanyeol.”

“Why!?”

Jongin stared at Chanyeol who had been looking for him. He groaned when he pretended to cry and hit Kyungsoo. They began to bicker like old grandma’s and walked away. He didn’t have to stay to know Kyungsoo would say something mean and Chanyeol would yell for him to never see him again.

Thank God it only happened once a week.

He stepped inside and sat back down at his desk. Jongin rubbed the dull throbbing pain on his head as he closed his eyes. He was so damn tired. All he wanted to do was just sleep. Sleep the pain and loneliness away.

“Sunbae! Here’s your mail!”

Jongin smiled at the new rookie cop and grabbed the stack of papers in his hands. He quickly threw it inside the trashcan and went back to work. There wasn’t any point looking at them.

Letters telling him to pay a debt that wasn’t his or banks telling him about loans to pay off that debt. It was an endless cycle that never stopped. He grabbed a nearby folder but stopped when a letter was shoved in front of his face.

“Kyungsoo yelled at you again?”

“He said that I shouldn’t bother you when you’re tired.”

“But you’re not going to listen right?”

“Nope.”

Chanyeol evilly laughed as he shoved the letter in front of him again. Jongin turned to stare at it and felt his stomach twist in pain. His heart beat faster as he read the words in front of him.

College Preparatory School of Seoul.

“What is this?” Jongin murmured, “Why do you have this?”

“You don’t know?” Chanyeol wondered, “It’s our ten-year anniversary!”

“It is?”

“Yeah, I heard everyone is going.”

Chanyeol read out loud the letter that invited everyone who had graduated in 2007, to enjoy a small party to celebrate. His mind wandered off and he winced in pain as his stomach twisted again. If everyone was going…

“Is Hye Soo going?”

“Who?”

Jongin felt his mouth go dry, “Hye Soo. Cha Hye Soo. She transferred there.”

“Hye Soo?” Chanyeol frowned, “Cha Hye Soo.”

“Yeah. You don’t remember her?”

“Hye Soo… Ah! The one who dated Sehun!”

Chanyeol noticed his expression change and mentally kicked himself. How could he forget the girl that made Jongin fall in love and whose heart was broken when she started dating Sehun? It was one of the biggest scandals in their school.

“I don’t know,” Chanyeol shrugged, “I haven’t talked to anyone except for you, Kyungsoo and Baekhyun.”

“You don’t know?”

“It’s been ten years. Don’t tell me you still think about her?”

Jongin couldn’t answer. He couldn’t say anything or else all the thoughts he had buried would surface. The truth was that he did think about her. The truth was that he had no reason to.

She never loved him.

He did.

His memories of her would flood his mind whenever his loneliness grew. He was pathetic to the point where he hated himself. The feeling of regret was worse than the injuries he suffered as a policeman.

“You do, don’t you?”

Jongin shook himself awake and ignored Chanyeol as he pushed past him. He ran to his car and grabbed the half empty soju bottle hidden underneath his seat. His lips touched the rim before he threw it onto the ground.

“Why are you like this Jongin?” He whispered to himself, “You have no right.”

His phone suddenly rang and he saw it was Kyungsoo calling him. The pain in his head grew worse and he rubbed his face.

“What is it?”

“Hello to you too.”

“Sorry, I’m just tired.”

“I get it,” Kyungsoo chuckled, “I guess you got the letter too.”

“I did.”

“Are you going?”

Jongin stared at the building in front of him. Chanyeol was probably waiting for him inside. There was no reason for him to go. Everyone probably forgot about him or couldn’t care less if he went.

But there was something gnawing at him. Who knows what happened during those ten years? Life goes on and people change. But it didn’t matter. Jongin shouldn’t dare to even dream about something that never was.

“So are you going?”

‘No.’

“Yes. I’ll go.”