I Know
Drabble Collection"I'm cheating on you," Sunggyu finally blurted out, unable to hold his composure under the way Dongwoo was looking at him.
Sunggyu wasn't sure what he expected - tears, anger, a slap? But what Dongwoo said in reply was the furthest thing from anything he'd have guessed.
"I know..." The younger boy said softly, his tone far from angry...but the fragility lacing his tone made Sunggyu wish he'd hit him instead.
"You know?" Sunggyu repeated, blinking.
"Yeah...I've known for a while. I just kinda...hoped I was wrong," Dongwoo murmured.
Sunggyu felt sick. He really wished Dongwoo would get angry at him, would start swearing or throwing punches; that would make this so much easier.
"It's Woohyun, isn't it?" Dongwoo continued, his voice nothing but soft, but Sunggyu didn't miss the subtle tremor in it.
Sunggyu could only nod, unable to meet Dongwoo's eyes now.
There was a moment of silence, and Sunggyu caught the telltale hitch in Dongwoo's breath. He was trying to hold back tears.
"Can I know why?" He asked finally, and Sunggyu looked up, regretting it immediately. Dongwoo's eyes were swimming with tears, but his gaze was so soft, so fragile... The pathetic excuse Sunggyu had prepared died on the spot, and all he could do was open and close his mouth stupidly, feeling like an idiot.
The truth was, he didn't know exactly why he was cheating on Dongwoo. Dongwoo was nothing but perfect to him, but with Woohyun... There was an undeniable spark.
Dongwoo was the soft glow of a fireplace that you could curl up to after a long day, and know that you'd always be warm. Woohyun though, Woohyun was a burning flame, an all consuming heat. What they had was dangerous, and hot, and Sunggyu wanted to play with fire. He'd never intended for Dongwoo to be the one that got burned.
Sunggyu merely shrugged and looked down, guilt twisting in his stomach. He owed Dongwoo more than that and he knew it.
There was another pause, and the crack in Dongwoo's voice just about shattered Sunggyu.
"Give me ten minutes to get my things and I'll go."
"Let me help you-"
"No, it's okay. I won't take long," Dongwoo murmured, and with that, he shuffled out of the living room and down the hall.
They didn't live together, not really; they'd just been together long enough that Dongwoo had left a number of his things and clothes at Sunggyu's house. Dongwoo had an apartment of his own, but Sunggyu knew that wasn't where he'd be going tonight. He'd be going to his parents' place, like he always did when he needed comfort.
Sunggyu felt another pang of guilt. He actually got along really well with Dongwoo's family. It stung to know they'd probably hate him now - well, his parents would be more disappointed, but his sisters would be planning murder. If Sunggyu knew Dongwoo though, and he did, then Dongwoo would talk them out of their anger. He'd find a way to defend Sunggyu, despite the older boy not deserving it.
Sunggyu just stood there now, trying not to look around the living room and remember their memories there. There was no point in reminiscing now, he'd made his choice. This was what he wanted.
Like he'd said, Dongwoo was less than ten minutes. He stowed his clothes in his backpack and grabbed his toothbrush. His only other possession here was his journal, and he picked that up too, opening it up before he put it away.
He flipped it to today's date, and with hands trembling, he went to make a new, quick entry.
A small paragraph was what he had in mind, but as he started with Sunggyu's name, a tear fell from his eye and smudged the ink, and Dongwoo figured he could leave it at that.
He quickly wiped his cheek and vowed no more tears until he was gone, and he knew that, despite the fact it felt like his chest was caving in on itself, he could manage that.
He slung his bag over his shoulder and headed back down the hallway, giving himself a final second to look around before he saw Sunggyu again.
For once in his life, Dongwoo was lost for words. What did he say? I love you? Sunggyu knew that, and he didn't want to hear Sunggyu not say it back.
It was Sunggyu who broke the silence.
"Dongwoo, I'm sorry-"
Dongwoo shook his head, "Take care, Sunggyu. I hope you're happy with him."
And Sunggyu felt lower than dirt because he could tell Dongwoo really meant that.
There was so much more he wanted to say, but nothing that could make this right. He wanted to give Dongwoo one last hug, one final kiss, but he couldn't do that to him.
He opened his mouth to get at least a goodbye out, but Dongwoo had already turned to leave. He heard the boy choke on his breath softly, and the click of the door had never sounded so final.
He couldn't help himself as he went and watched at the window as Dongwoo walked to his car. He could see his frame trembling even from here, and Sunggyu had to bite his lip to hold back tears of his own.
He wanted this, he reminded himself as Dongwoo's car came to life and backed out of the driveway.
This was what he wanted.
Right?
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