Epilogue
Before 6:00A/N: We're nearing the end, so here's another song for you...a present, of sorts
Dear Young In,
I want to say I'm sorry. But then I ask myself it really matters that I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for loving you. For making you smile. I didn't mean to make us so happy so that we would be miserable when we were no more.
I think I've forgotten how to live behind this mask of everything is alright. Without you, everything is all wrong.
My life is broken. My heart is broken. I am broken. Everything feels so empty.
From the start, I shouldn't have let you depend on me. I'm a fool. A fool for taking you, for keeping you, for not protecting you when I had you. I was stupid. But I need you to know that you've done so much. Everything that I couldn't do myself, you did for me. You smiled. You called my name. You believed in me. When I was lost in myself, you brought me out.
I'll keep all of this and more.
I’ll keep it all to myself, and punish the parts of me that want to always be waiting for you. It will hurt, but I could tell we weren’t perfect from the start. It hurts, but if I try hard enough, maybe one day I’ll get it right.
One day, I’ll erase you completely.
I’ll learn to forget. I’ll forget, and I’ll be so good at it. You would be proud.
When I’ve healed and come to my senses, maybe things will be easier. It almost makes be believe tomorrow will be a brighter day.
The fairytales you liked to read and the reality we tried to live and the promises we tried to keep. One day I'll forget it all but maybe there will still be something in me that says you were there in all of those.
The words that refused to leave my lips when we are together are slowly killing me now. Every syllable travels along my tear-soaked veins and taper sin the tip of my tongue. But everything is threatening me to swallow these feelings and forget them.
I was saving everything for the last moment but I guess the last moment came too soon. If you were here, I would tell you all of it even if it means nothing anymore.
But since you aren't, I will take these words and fold them up carefully and tuck them into my heart because I never, ever want this feeling to disappear. I still feel like we belong even though this is the farthest you'll ever be from me.
With you I'll bury the candles, our pictures together, our book--a few pages unread but I'll take that as days that we could have spent together. Your necklace. Don't worry, I won't let them take that from you.
Young In-ah. Young In. Young In. I don’t want to lose this name.
Young In. Falling for you somewhere along the way was probably the best thing I could have done. I won't ever regret it.
I love you.
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