A/N: Soundtrack #2: Lim Kim's You Don't Even Know.  Her voice is magical, by the way 3

Age 19

A quiet coughing noise jolts Jongin awake.

The moon is full tonight and its light streaks across the bed as he sits up quickly to search for Young In’s frail figure under the covers.

Though she’s beside him, the bed feels bitterly empty.  She’s lying with her knees pulled up to her chest, curled up like a child, smaller than she should be.

He leans down and the thin strands of hair out of her eyes.  His fingers brush over her brow and he notices how delicate her skin has become.  Her eyes are pale and blank when she looks at him, yet moist like the turn of a new fall season.  There is no color in her cheeks, instead replaced by an ashen blush.  Her irises that used to sparkle with every grin are now sallow and somber.

She smiles faintly. 

Jongin’s palm clasps around Young In’s fingers, cold to the touch.  They’re narrow and bony, not strong and graceful like he remembers.  He wonders if he really neglected her long enough to not notice how thin she's become.  He breathes on them, feeling the hot air spread across the back of her hand and return to his lips.  He feels fear when he holds them.

He tucks her arm under the blanket again and slides himself back down beside her, watching her eyes slowly close as she finds sleep.

How much longer will he be able to watch her?

“It’s cold,” she whispers.

Jongin nods, but he knows that it's not cold.  The room is probably the warmest room in the house.  Young In's body is beginning to lie to her, telling her it's cold when it really isn't.  He inches his body closer. 

Jongin's arm finds its place around her shoulders and gently pulls her against him.  His chin rests above her head as her nose buries into the crook of his neck.  His fingers the ends of her hair quietly.  He sighs and closes his eyes.

He can't understand what she did wrong to have to fall vulnerable under a futile disease that thousands of other people were probably treated from.  He can't understand what she did wrong to have to suffer like a child that's lost everything.  He always thought that time would fix pain, not lengthen it.

The only thing he has left to depend on, is the right here and the right now.  The seconds that they're living and the minutes that they're hanging onto.  He doesn't know how much longer either of them can keep up.

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Jongin sees images flying through his mind when he falls asleep again.  Things that he struggled through and things that remain so deep in his heart no matter how hard he tries to forget them.  Shards of useless memories that slip under fragments of moments that were supposed to last forever.

He wants to say "Don't forget me," but he wonders if those words will ever reach her.

A little boy and a little girl pushing each other down a metal slide.  A little boy missing a few front teeth but smiling his widest for a picture on the last day of kindergarten.  A little girl standing alone on the street on a hot summer day.  A little girl comforting a little boy when she knows that no one else will.  A little girl who thinks that cherry blossoms live and breathe like human beings.  A little girl who came to see him in the middle of the night.  A little girl who wears a silver necklace and a smile on her face even on her worst days.  

A little girl who promised to be amazing when she grew up.

Jongin wonders how nice it would be if they could wake up tomorrow morning and put on their boots and gloves and romp in the fresh snow like they did when they were young.

How nice it would be if they could wake up tomorrow morning, and lie next to each other, pretending they were on the sands of an island paradise, the crisp waves pulling at their feet.

How nice it would be if everything was all right. And they could do things like skip around the playground together, and launch model rockets together, and chase the ice cream truck together, and take nice walks together.

How nice it would be if they could share a kiss like two infatuated lovers and hold hands and blush at each other.

How nice it would be to sit with each other as the sun is setting and talk to each other about their day.

Traveling the world and marrying a prince.  Touching the sky and eating pieces of cake that she knows she won't finish.

How nice it would be to hear Young In laugh one more time.

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When Jongin wakes up the next morning, the sunlight is slowly streaming through the curtains, filling the room with warmth and light.  The air is bright and calm.  His arms are still wrapped tightly around Young In and their bodies are still pressed up against each other. He feels content, awake, and for a split second forgetting that he is holding his life in his embrace.

Young In is sleeping soundly, but her breaths are silent. 

Jongin stares at her for a very long time, but she doesn’t open her eyes.

The light moves slowly as the sun rises and lands on her lips. 

Jongin traces his finger along her cheek, her jaw and her chin.  The features he’s come to know so well.  The features he’s memorized and will never neglect again.

He hopes that her wish was granted, that she fell asleep last night dreaming of real things and not worthless fantasies.  Jongin hopes that whatever Young In wished for came true before today.  He hopes that he did everything right for her, or as close as he could possibly manage.

He reaches down to grab her hand for the last time, and realizes that her fingers are occupied.  Between her thumb and forefinger, she’s clutching the chain of the silver necklace.

Jongin doesn’t want to cry.  But his heart is crumbling bit by bit.  The more he looks at her, the more pain is rising in his chest.  He can’t bear to leave her just yet.  He can't bear to see her leave just yet.

He lifts her chin so that he can see her delicate eyelids.  Wishing.

His places his lips on the tip of her nose, a single tear resting in the corner of his eye.  Waiting.

He squeezes her hand and the necklace falls from between her fingers.  Forgetting.

She remains motionless.  Quietness surrounds her like it's the end of the world because maybe it is.  

Jongin can't tell the difference between leaving life and dying because he feels like both are happening at once.  He counts the seconds, wondering if maybe Young In can hear him and will open her eyes so they can see the magic shining through the window.

He wonders if this is just a long time for her to sleep, because she must be tired from such a long battle with making promises and keeping them.

He's lost.  Reaching out desperately for something that's too far for him to even see.  What is he reaching for?  A sign, a miracle, a blessing.  Forgiveness that will bring everything back.  He feels selfish, greedy.  Like he should be punished for making so many mistakes that he didn't know about.  He feels terrible for changing so quickly to grab his own happiness and deserting the happiness of the person that he needed most.

He wants to go back, change time, change yesterday.  Fix him, fix Young In, fix them.  A quick rewind that will change everything.  

He regrets being powerless against time, against heartbreak, against his fear of telling Young In that he loved her.

Jongin kisses her slowly, afraid of tainting her pristine, broken hue.    

And For the first time, Jongin cries, because Young In isn’t laughing, yet her lips are still sweet and soft.  

And his heart still beats quickly for her.  

So quickly.

6:00:00 am