Chapter 8

“What are you looking at?”

I glanced up from the small brochure in my hand to find Ji Eun taking her seat in front of me. We were in a cafe on campus where we usually went to to have lunch. “Just some travel information about Jeju.”

“Jeju?” She perked up at the sound of the name, “like the island? Are you planning to go on vacation or something? Can I come?”

I chuckled and shook my head, setting the brochure down. “I was just looking at it. Jongin and I were talking about it a few weeks ago. About how awesome it would be to go there for our anniversary in two weeks but the guys are way too busy. It probably won’t happen.”

She nodded at the paper in my hand. “Not if you’re planning to stay at those hotels. Everybody goes to those. For all you know paparazzi stay at them to catch the newest scope about who’s on vacation or who’s filming on set. You’d be better off finding a private vacation home to lounge at. Even better, one with a section of private beach.”

“Really?” I rolled my eyes, “please Ji Eun, where in the world am I supposed to find someone rich enough to own a house on Jeju island, that’s connected to a private beach. Wait, while we’re at it, maybe that person can go file a few sick days for Jongin too.”

I sighed. “It’s all a dream anyways, it can’t happen.”

“You never know.”

---

After lunch, I received a phone call from the EXO manager asking me to go pick up medicine for Jongin from the hospital because the rest of them were much too busy from their schedule to be able to meet up with the specialist that looked after his back. I frowned as I looked at the small bottle of pills now sitting in my hand. It looked all too familiar, and the frown on the doctor’s face said it all.

“Yoonae-sshi please tell Kim Jongin-sshi to be more careful with his health. His company needs to know that at this rate, he will not be recovering any time soon, in fact, his injury has worsened from the last time I saw him.” He sighed, “I understand that it is his job and passion but he needs to rest….otherwise, just remind him that the pills-”

“‘The pills are only for temporary pain relief,’” I quoted from the times that I was there before. “‘Because of it’s high dosage it has to be taken with a full meal and at maximum two a day.’”

“Say, seongsaengnim.” I called to him.

“Yes?”

“Do you think with a doctor’s note...maybe Jongin will be able to take a break?”

He chuckled, “Yoonae-yah~ The entertainment world isn’t like elementary school. One sick note won’t get you out of work. Let’s be real, Jongin no longer works solely for his passion of singing and dancing anymore. It’s for his fans too right? Unless Jongin truly collapses, I doubt his company will do anything for him. All I can do as his doctor right now, is trying to prevent him from doing that. My job is to try to keep him on his feet as long as possible.”

“It’s cruel don’t you think?” I almost teared up at the thought of how much Jongin was hurting, but at the same time, how little anyone could do about it.

He shrugged, “that’s life. His life anyways. All we can do is try to help him as much as possible. He’s still going strong though Yoonae-sshi. Don’t worry too much.”

He gave me a small reassuring smile, and patted my back. “Don’t worry too much. Give him a bit of time, maybe a few days rest, and he’ll be good as new. Besides, with you by his side, I’m not doubting his ability to stay strong. You should go see him now.”

I nodded, and bowed several times before leaving. “Thank you.”

---

That night I arrived at the EXO dorm to drop off the medicine. And although the parking lot, the elevators, the hallways all seemed so familiar to me, everything seemed different. I was still paranoid, always looking around to check for paparazzi, and by the time I got to their doorway, I found myself holding my breath for much too long.

I took my copy of the dorm key out of my pocket and began unlocking the door. When I quit and moved out, I never thought I would be using that key again, but in the end, I came back again anyways.

It was quieter than usual when I stepped inside. A few members were sprawled on the couches in the living room, staring blankly at the TV. They still had their make-up on from that night’s performance, and their hair was beginning to sag on the sides.

In the kitchen, I could hear someone (probably Kyungsoo or Lay) washing the dishes. And of course, the shower was running and will be for the next two hours or so while the members take turns washing up for bed.

It was Chen that noticed me first as I closed the door behind me and began shuffling around to take my shoes off.

“Yoonae! I didn’t know you were coming over!” He exclaimed from the couch, causing the rest of the members to jump at his sudden outburst. They all turned to face me and quickly sat up, smiling widely.

“Yeah, I just finished a few hours of work and came by to drop off Jongin’s medicine. Sorry for the late visit.” I scanned the room, looking for a familiar face, but couldn’t find it. “Where’s Jongin?”

Chen gave a nervous chuckle before he turned to Suho who didn’t look happy. “He decided to go to the SM building after our performance. Said he wanted to practice some more.”

I sighed, shaking my head. It was late already, couldn’t he just give himself a break for once in his life?

Suho walked next to me and placed an arm around my shoulders, “come in and just relax for a bit Yoonae. Manager-hyung is with him, he’ll make sure Jongin doesn’t push it too far.”

“Not that I can do anything about it anyways,” I mumbled, taking a seat on the couch. Everyone went on, getting ready for bed.

I sighed, gripping the prescripted drugs in my hand. Stubborn - the only word that I could use to describe Jongin’s work habit. He just kept pushing himself blindly, and he must’ve been in so much pain but he would never say. I flinched when a cup of tea was presented in front of me. I looked up and gave a small smile, I hadn’t even noticed the presence beside me.

“Thank you, Baekhyun-oppa.”

His hair was wet, with a towel draped around his neck when he took a seat in the couch next to mine. “It feels like forever since we’ve talked.” He said, “It’s like you don’t even need this oppa anymore.”

“Not at all!” I almost jumped up in protest. “You’re still my pillar of support Baekhyunnie-oppa.”

“And you are Jongin’s.”

He leaned his head back, closing his eyes. It was the first time in a while that I was able to take a good look at him, and it was then that I realized that while I was busy focusing on Jongin, the other members had been losing weight as well. They were just a year and a bit in, and at the peak of their fame, and finally, the career of an universal superstar has caught up with them. It was then that I regretted not spending more time with them before.

“If I’m Jongin’s pillar of support then who’s going to be yours? And Chanyeol’s? Suho, Kyungsoo, Sehun, Luhan, Kris, Xiumin, Chen, Tao, Lay… It seems unfair doesn’t it? I want to be there for all of you.” I smiled, remembering the past, before I had left, and before the boys were busy with schedules every moment of their day.

He lifted his head, eyes meeting mine, with a grin reflecting mine. “When did you grow up to be such a mature young lady? I miss the cry-baby Yoonae.”

“It’s my turn to take care of you now, oppa. Besides, I should be honoured to. Right? EXO’s Baekhyun.”

He rolled his eyes, “oh please, not you too. Besides we both know you were never a fangirl to begin with.”

“Well, I’m a fan now aren’t I?”

“Barely,” he scoffed, “you’re practically another manager now.”

“No, you’re like a brother to me! The brother I never had.”

“And you’re like my sister…” He thought for a bit and then a mischievous smile appeared, “or should I say...sister-in-law?”

I cringed, “ewww you’re so cheesy!”

“You gotta admit, it’s possible!” He seemed to have regained all of his energy now as he practically jumped up and down in his seat with the widest grin of his life.

“Yeah that’s a long way from now, you won’t even know what would happen along the way.” Or where we’ll end up. I quickly shook the thought out of my head, but the idea of studying in LA lingered on my mind.

Baekhyun, being Baekhyun, quickly caught on as his looked turn to one of concern. “What do you mean? What’s wrong? Did something happen between you and Jongin?”

I shook my head, “It’s just...after leaving SM...I’ve been thinking a lot about my future.”

“And…”

“And… I’ve been looking into studying composition.”

He sat up, suddenly energized again, “that’s perfect! After you graduate you can come work in the company! We can introduce you to some composers here, and maybe you can do a work study...or you can write a song for our-”

“LA.”

He stopped immediately, “L...A?”

“Yeah...there’s a program my academic advisor told me about in Los Angeles. My grades aren’t the greatest so it’s a long shot but my professor said he’ll write me a recommendation.”

“Oh…” He sat back and the room filled with silence before the continued. “So I’m assuming Jongin doesn’t know.”

“He doesn’t.” I looked up at him, “please, Baekhyun-oppa...please don’t tell him. Nothing is confirmed and in his state right now, I don’t want him to be even more stressed out. He’s going through enough as it is.”

“I won’t,” he said, getting up with his back turned to me, “but I hope that if that’s what you choose, you’ll at least tell the rest of us before you leave. Don’t disappear on us again.”

I could tell by the tone of his voice, and the way he avoided my eye contact that he was hurt by what I said. He and the rest of the boys must’ve been worried when I left… To be honest, it hurt me too, just the thought of moving across the world and leaving everyone behind. If anyone had told me a year ago that I would be this close and this attached to EXO, I wouldn’t have believed it myself.

“Goodnight, love.”

“Goodnight Baekhyun-oppa.”