We were on the stage performing our newest songs. Fans cheering, lights shining on us. This is what I have always wanted, isn't it? This is my dream, to perform. But since that day, things aren't the same. Things just feels wrong, I lost my heart. I had moved on, I try too but I think I have lost my will to live even though I showed and performed my best. I never gave up but my heart is gone. She's gone. She left me. 3 years, it has been 3 years but I can't stop thinking about her. Her smile, her laugh her love for me is like no other. *Jinki oppa~* The way she calls my name lingers in my mind. I missed it, I missed her.

"Argh.." I tripped on my own foot while performing and fell hard. I quickly stand up and continued with the performance.  I could feel the boys side glancing at me. I know they are worried, I hate to make them worry for me, I try to hide it I try to hide my sadness. I failed. I failed at everything, I failed in making the one I love with all my heart happy. I failed. She's gone..

The performance ended and we smiled, waved and thanked everyone for coming before walking off the stage. The only people that don't notice it are our fans. Everyday I give them the smile that they love to see. I was waving to our fans when I spot a girl that looked like her. I stopped and stared at her, the guys stopped behind me and looked at her aswell. I know what they were thinking. I know that they think the girl looks like her too. But the girl wasn't, the minute we looked at her she screamed and went crazy. Key snapped out of it and gave us a soft nudge off the stage. I'm so selfish, I was so selfish.

4years and a half ago, fans was all around Minho and I when we were walking around the day we had no schedule.

~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~

“Hey, your nose is bleeding.” She looked up to find me looking at her. The second she looked at me my heart skipped a beat. Her long black hair, fridge covering on eye and holding on the bridge of her nose to stop the bleeding. She looks beautiful even in this situation.

“Aden, it’s…it’s..” Her friend stuttered while giving her another tissue. Their expression was funny.

“Onew..” Their eyes widen at what they were seeing. Me Onew of SHINee standing in front of them and Minho behind me. ... I smiled and held out my hand to help her up but she stood up herself.

“It’s just blood, I’m fine. Are you ok?” She was bleeding yet she asked if I was ok? Other girls was whispering and snickering around us.

 “Onew hyung, bring them with us to SM. They can get cleaned up there.” She looked at Minho and back to me.

“Minho-ssi, it’s fine. Zack, let’s go. Hurry~” She pulled her friend that is called Zack with her free hand passing Minho and I. A balloon floated pass us as they passed us. " *It's her birthday..* "

“Aden. Happy birthday…” She stopped and looked back at me.

“How did-“ “Your balloon, it says “Princess for a Day” She looked at me smiling and she looked up at her balloon.

“Ouh..gamsahamnida Onew-ssi.” She bowed and quickly walked away with her friend Zack behind behind her. I smiled to myself as I watched her dragging her friend away.

"Onew hyung, don't tell me you like her?" Minho ask as we walked.

"We'll see.." I thought to myself that if I meet her again then we are meant to be. I looked at Minho and smiled, that made him laugh.

~~~~~Flashback Ends~~~~~~ 

The minute we stepped of the stage my smile disappeared. All the boys smiles disappeared. Maybe I shouldn't have given her my number. I should have just watched her from a far. Even if my heart would hurt I should have just ignored the feeling. Maybe she would still be alive. I failed to protect her. I failed!

~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~

There is going to be a fan sign today and i'm looking foreword to it. Our smiles was big enough to be spotted from space. Signature after signature we signed non-stop. Then I spot a familiar face among the line. " *Aden* ".

"Hyung! The girl! She's here!" Minho whispered from behind Key to me and I nodded. She was talking to her friend Zack that's in front of her so she didn't notice us staring and whispering about her.

"Yeah.." I said while I quickly look at that fan that is waiting for me to sign her. Sign after sign I waited till it was her turn after signing Zack's.

"Hey Onew.." She spoke, I smiled a big smile to her.

"Hey Aden, you're here!" I said as she gave me a shocked face. I don't think she thought that I remembered her.

I looked at our album and turned to the page that has my picture in it. " *Should I?* " I thought before signing and writing my number in it. I smiled and gave it back to her.

"Bye Onew-ssi.." She waved I waved back and she passed the album next to Key beside me. Other girls was stabbing her with glares and I felt a bit pissed as I couldn't talk to her longer.

~~~~~Flashback Ends~~~~~~~

We all reached home, me and Jonghyun slumped ourselves on our living room sofa as the others just lay on the floor. We didn't rest much for a whole 4 months. It's good that we are busy, it takes my mind of her. Takes my mind of everything, everything that is bothering me. But everytime our schedule ends and we will have a days break like tomorrow we would sit around like this. I hated it. I always push them harder, for practice, for everything. I push them to push myself, I had too.

"Onew hyung.." I heard someone call me but I ignored him.

"Onew hyung.." I heard another voice call for me but I slowly close my eyes.

"YAH! SNAP OUT OF IT! Hyung! How long more are you going to stay this way? It's been 3 years. 3 years since her death. You can't be like this! She wouldn't want you to be this way! Hyung!" I heard Key spoke up, screaming at me. I shut my eyes tight but tears start to flow. Everyone became quiet after that.

"Hyung.." Taemin whispering voice echoed in my head. 'Oppa' I heard her voice echoed after Taemin's voice fade.

"I failed.." I mumbled with a cracked voice as tears still flowed down my cheek.

"Hyung-"

"I'm going to shower and i'm off to bed. Don't stay up too late. Even though we don't have a schedule tomorrow you can stay up." I cut Minho off and walked to the bathroom. They looked at me walking away, I know that they were just trying to help. But it's useless, it's useless.

____ _____ _____ _____ ____ ____ _____ _____

I stood under the shower letting the hot shower run down from my head to my body. I stood there with my right hand on the wall with memories flashing through my mind.

"Why can't I forget about you Aden..." I kneeled down as I cried under the shower.

"You shouldn't have called me..."

~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~

I sat in the living room with the boys watching television in our dorm after our fan sign today.  Key was nagging about something, no one really paid attention to him. We were to tired too.

"Onew hyung, your phone is ringing." Taemin nudged my arm. I didn't hear it, it's weird that he could.

"Really?" I stood up and went to my room. It really was ringing. Who could it be?

“Yeoboseyo?” I picked up the call.

“……” No one said anything, no one replied. “Aden…say something..” I was about to hang up when I heard someone spoke.

“Yeoboseyo?” I said again, I know someone is there.

“……Hello..” The voice from the other end stuttered.

“Who is this?”

“A-Aden Park..you wrote your signature along with your number.” She stuttered. A smiled to know who it was.

“Oh Aden! Yea I did, hope you don’t mind and please don’t give it to anyone else..”  I though she wouldn't call. “What did he say??” I heard the other voice ask.

“Why?” She asked as her voice became softer.

“I want to get to know you…can I?” " *Please say yes!* "

“He wants to get to know me. Should I say yes?” I knew that she sandwiched her phone but I still could hear her. She's so cute.

“LIKE DUH~~! Quick!!” The other voice replied with an irritated tone.

“He-hello..yea sure. .” She replied a few seconds later. " *She said yes!!!* "   \

_____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ _____ _____

"Guy's she said yes!!!" I ran out of my room arms raised up, face shocked. The boys looked at me, only Minho smiled.

"Hyung! Congradulations! I thought she wouldn't!" Minho congradulated me and clapped his hands.

"Hyung, chill!~" Key smiled but he wasn't as excited as Minho and I.

~~~~~Flashback Ends~~~~~~

"Aden...you babo.." I smiled a small smile as I cried.

"You made me the happiest guy alive. You made my life worth living yet I pushed you away. You loved me. Whatever happened you would still be with me. No matter what others said you would still believe me. You said you love me and would never leave me...I trusted you in that...." I stood in front of the bathroom mirror and looked at my tired red eyes.

I walked out of the bathroom and lie down on my bed. I covered my whole body, pillow on my head. I wasn't tired, I just wanted to lie down.

"Hyung...you have to move on...this is not healthy..." I heard Jonghyun said as he came in.

"Hyung..it's been 3 years...I know that it's hard but you can't be like this...Hyung.." Minho came in sitting at the end of my bed.

"Go away. Close the light, close the door when you leave. If not then sleep. Stop talking. I'm tired and I want to sleep, I can't sleep when you guys talk to me." I said as my voice muffle under the pillow that I held on my head. They sighed, closed the light and closed the door behind them before they left.

-----Dream-----

"Oppa, saranghae!" Aden waved to me from the other side.

"Aden..." I laughed as I walked towards her.

"Oppa, don't leave me ok?" She asked but she was walking away from me.

"Aden, I will never leave you!" I ran towards her.

"Promise?" Tears starts to flow down her face as her smile turned to a frown. I ran quicker.

"I promise! Aden where are you going? Come back!" I ran and ran but she got further and further from me. Tears flowed down my cheeks as she slowly fade away.

"Oppa...You broke your promise..." Slowly bruises appeared on her body and face.

"ADEN!!! I'm sorry!! I'M SO SORRY!!! Come back!!" I ran, she placed her face on her hands and cried. " *WHY CAN'T I GET CLOSER!!!! OH MY GOD* "

I was still running towards her, then I saw that guy. The guy that did it to her, he walked behind her and rapped his arms around her waiste. She looked up with fear in her eyes, she struggled to get away from him but he was too strong. I ran as fast as I could but I could only watch. I couldn't get any closer!

"ADEN!!!!" I screamed as he turned her around and hit her right on her face. She fell back hard, her nose bleeding. He stood infront of her laughing.

"Oppa...help me..." She looked at me with a bloody nose, tears dripped from her chin.

"(laughing) Stupid Onew, you shouldn't have left her. It's all your fault." He laughed and walked towards Aden and started to beat her. Her screams, her helpless screams echoed as they both faded away.

"ADEN!!!! GET AWAY FROM HER YOU BASTERD!!!! ADEN!!!!"

___ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ _____ ____

"Aden!" I shot up, sweat dripping of my chin as I panted.

"It was a dream.." Her image still stuck in my mind as I lie back down covering my face with my pillow. " *Aden, does it still hurt? Does it hurt?* " I repeatedly said in my head. I don't want her to hurt anymore.

" *He hurt you, he hurt you everyday. But I know I hurt you more, I hurt your heart. I broke your heart. I'm sorry...i'm so sorry..* "

"Hyung...wake up.." Taemin shook me. I shooed him away but he didn't leave.

"Hyung..someone is here to see you. Wake up!" Key came in and pulled my covers roughly.

"Who..." I asked my voice muffled as my pillow is still on my head.

"It's...Zack.." Taemin hesitatedly said. I opened my eyes wide under the pillow, my heart beat fast. I pulled the pillow off my head and turned to them.

"Did you call her here?..." I asked with a firm voice. Both looking down then looked at each other.

"No...Minho did. He bumped in to her when he was out." Key said as I sat up, angry at Minho. Angry at the boys for letting her in. I can't face her. I can never face her. I killed her best friend. I killed her.

"I can't face her, I killed her best friend. I can't do it.." I lie back down and covered my face with my pillow as tears formed.

"Onew hyung, please talk to her." Minho said as he came in the room.

"How could you do this to me..." I said with a calm voice.

"I had too. I care about you..we all do hyung. We had to do something.." I sighed and sat up again. I looked at them, the look in their eyes said it all. Their eyes are full of sadness just like mine.

"What time is it?"

"It's 7pm." Key said as he looked at his watch. I slept that long?

"7pm? You brought her here now? It's late.."

"She said this is the only time she would come. If not she wouldn't come at all. Because of Aden she'd see you.."

I sighed and got out of bed. I looked at the 3 of them that's looking at me. I nodded and headed to the bathroom to shower before meeting her. 5 minutes later I got out and headed to the living room. And there she is, the best friend of the girl I loved sitting in our living room couch. I breathed in and walked towards her as she shifted her gaze to me.

..."Will she forgive me for the Sins I had done.."