My heart was pounding really fast, like if I was running instead of walking. Someone had been there. Someone who knew the building, someone who didn’t want to be seen. Could that be one of them? I felt like my mind was flying ahead of my slow body that was walking determinedly back home. It would have been useless to try to follow the person who had been there, since he had left so quickly and the forest was foreign to me. Or maybe I had imagined it. Maybe no one had been there after all.

I needed information, anything at all, I was just hungry for it. I went to the room and for a second just stood in a middle of it. There was nothing. It was frustratedly empty. I closed my eyes and wished the air would whisper some hints to me. But as I opened my eyes, I noticed how setting sun was shining on the nightstand. With two fast steps I reached it. I opened it hastily. At first glance the drawer seemed empty, but as I ran my fingers around the edges, I felt something was stuck in the back.

What I pulled out was a small polaroid picture. Not for a second did I doubt it was them in the picture. I recognized Jong’s face from the drawings and the other boy couldn’t be anyone else than Key himself. Jong was kissing his cheek as Key was looking straight into the camera. I could see from the angle that he was taking the picture. I could see the forest in the background, the collars of the jackets hinted that the picture had been taken somewhere around the colder seasons.  There was a small heart drawn in the white frame.

Jong’s eyes were closed, and he had a gray beanie covering his hair. I stared at his ear like it was the most interesting thing in the world. Key was smiling, and he had dimples. His eyes looked so happy I felt like I would cry just of the happiness looking at the picture gave me. I wasn’t sure I had ever been that happy in my life.

Holding the picture tightly in my hand I ran to my room, and for the first time, I totally ignored all the homework I had. I sat on my bed and grabbed the journal, and holding the picture on top of it, admired them like they were the greatest treasures in the world. My mother called me asking if I wanted to eat something but I told her I had already eaten.  Even though I hadn’t, I felt too excited to eat anything.

I leaned backwards on my pillow, placed the picture on my chest and opened the journal. For the first time I noticed that Key had never written down the year - only the day and month. Wild thoughts ran in my head. Could it have been Key in the building? What if the journal wasn’t old, but a resent one? Did they live here in the town right now? But the previous family had moved somewhere else when we moved in. Had they broke up? I needed to know. There weren’t so many pages left anymore.

30.12.

Sometimes I feel I’m the happiest person on Earth when I have him in my room, he’s smiling and he’s laughing, I can hug him, and kiss him whenever I want. If I could choose his lip would be my nutrition, his voice would be my oxygen and his chest would be my ground.

It’s too cold to hang outside so we stayed in my room today. He’s cute when he doesn’t quite know how to act with my parents. I don’t think he has really experienced parents being nice to him. He’s always overly polite and blushes when they ask if he needs something. It makes me smile, but at the same time I pity him a little. I just wish his parents wouldn’t be like they are. I wish my parents could adopt him; then he could be here all the time.

He likes to joke that we are married since we have the same surname. He’s so stupid sometimes.

Key

25.1.

I haven’t written for a long time. I don’t know where my time goes. I don’t really care. I haven’t seen anyone else but hyung for months, I think, besides school.  I just don’t feel like seeing anyone else. What would be the purpose in it? They don’t really like me and I’m not really interested in them.

I think hyung’s parents don’t like him staying here so often anymore. They have started calling him in the evenings and asking him to come home, and he always obliges. I walked him home yesterday. It was late and dark so we held hands without being scared of someone seeing us. There was nobody outside.

We stood in front of their door. I only meant to hug him as a goodbye, but his lips looked too tempting to be let alone, so I kissed him. It still gives this tingle inside my stomach, even though we have done it multiple times by now. Or maybe it was because we did it outside, in front of everyone, except no one was there, but it gave that feeling like we were doing something forbidden.

I was leaving when his father suddenly opened the door. I swear there was a meter between us, and he couldn’t have seen us doing anything, but it still felt like all of the freezers in the world had opened in front of me. I was scared. For a moment I was afraid he knew, but of course he didn’t. He greeted me as dryly as always and asked hyung to come in.

Key

27.1.

What we did today we have done a couple of times before. We woke up really early, met outside, and went to see the sunrise. I know it’s a little silly but it’s not as silly when you consider we can’t really see each other during daytime like normal people.

And let me tell you, I could watch the sunrise over and over again with him there like that. This time he was hugging me from behind, and it was cold and snowy, but that didn’t matter. It so different than when the sun sets, it’s more hopeful, more pure, and it happens so secretively and clearly at the same time. The light sneaks in slowly, like peeking at first, asking “is it time yet,” and then it carefully lightens everything, giving colors to our surroundings. It’s like opening your eyes in slow motion.

I sighed.

“What?” he asked and rested his head on my shoulder.

“I just wish it could always look like that,” I said. “But it just a second everything looks so golden until it’s over.”

He chuckled for something I didn’t know.

“Nothing golden can stay forever,” he said, and I could tell he was still amused for something he wasn’t sharing with me.

I wondered what he meant. The sun just kept rising and the colors kept changing. I suddenly got terribly aware of how temporal all of this was. It got me scared. I had the feeling that everything that was good might simply flow through my fingers like water, and I would be unable to grasp my hand tightly enough to stop it. I turned a little so I could meet his eyes.

“Promise me something,” I said.

He hugged me a little tighter to tell me he was listening.

“Never change, okay,” I said.

He laughed again and kissed behind my ear.

“I promise, Ponyboy,” he said.

I have no idea what that meant. I tried asking him but he just laughed it off and said he would tell me some other time. It’s annoying!

Key

30.1.

His parents called again yesterday, but he didn’t go home. He just told them he wanted to stay. They argued a little, I tried not to listen. It made me feel bad that they fight, but at the same time I was really happy that he stayed. I tried to draw him again today. I never can tell whether he likes it or not. I think he likes it, secretly, and always acts like he’s too shy or something. Because he’s not shy at all, I can tell.

I feel like no drawing could stand up for him. Not at least with my skills. He always asks me to draw myself and give the picture to him, but I think that’s just stupid. He can stare at my face all the time. I told him that and he said he can’t when we are at school. I told him he should study and not look at my face, but he just kissed me for an answer. I swear he never listens when I try to scold him for not concentrating in school.

We talked for hours before we fell asleep. I’m really tired now. We were almost late from school but it was too comfortable in the bed. I thought what  it would be like to wake up with him every morning like that.

Key

I looked at the folded drawings I kept as bookmarks. There was this one where Jong was lying on his back on the bed. It looked like Key had sat on his lap as he had drawn him. It was so detailed that I was sure it wasn’t drawn from memory. I stared at the wall that parted my room from the other. Had they been there lying on the bed?

I put the pictures back between pages where I had stopped reading, and put the journal next to my pillow. I stared at the ceiling through the dark air. I imagined Key sitting on my lap like that, drawing me.

Next evening I didn’t have much time to read. I had neglected my schoolwork, so I decided to catch up with them at least for one night. It felt like it took me forever. I smiled as I thought how Key would have scolded me like he had scolded Jong for not doing my homework properly.  I stared to outside through my window in front of my desk and saw Minho on his yard again playing. We still hadn’t talked much, but we greeted each other in school. I yawned and put my school books in my backpack, ready for tomorrow. I was tired. When I would be able to catch up with my sleeping?

Not tonight apparently, I thought as I grabbed the journal, even though I felt like my eyes wouldn’t stay open.

10.2.

He was really silent in the morning when we walked to the school, and it worried me. We haven’t seen each other for a whole weekend. He said his parents wanted to spend some time with him, but he also told me he didn’t believe that was the real reason. Frankly said I don’t believe that either. I think they really don’t like him spending so much time with me, but I don’t dare to ask him if it is true. What difference that would make anyway?

But he came to my house in the evening. He looked a little shocked.

“I think they know,” he said without looking at me. I asked him why he thinks that, and he told me they had forbidden him from seeing me anymore, threatening they would move if he did.

I think it’s a thing that you're supposed to see your life in pictures flash in front of your eyes before you die, but that happened to me right then. I knew what to say to him even without taking a moment to consider my options in life.

“Let’s just go,” I said to him and walked to my closet.

“What?” he asked, following me as I reach for my backpack in the back of the closet.

“Let’s go to Seoul,” I said and turned to face him, then threw the backpack in the middle of the room.

I saw him sitting down on my bed as I started to systematically fold my clothes into the pack. Not all of them, just the ones I really, really liked. The less stuff I had, the less I would have to carry.

“What about your school?” He asked.

“I will transfer,” I told him simply.

“What about your parents?” he asked then.

I gulped. I didn’t want to think about it, but my subconscious was working on it silently.

“I will call them once we're there and tell them,” I said.

We didn’t talk for a moment, and I just kept folding clothes until he suddenly said: “Okay.”

I stopped and turned to look at him. Then I said “okay” too. He smiled a little. I could see he was scared, a little shocked, excited and happy all at the same time, just like I was.

We kept packing my stuff together. Now I have everything with me except some things I’ll use in the morning tomorrow. There’s a train leaving at 8.00. After he left, I looked for some cheap places to stay. I bet he doesn’t remember to do that, even though he said he would. He said he can get some money from playing on the streets. I wouldn’t count on that, so I took my parent's savings. I know it’s wrong, but I’m going to pay it back.

He had to leave quite early since he had to pack too. As he left, he kissed me. It was a different type of kiss than what we had had before. It was a little more lingering, desperate and hopeful. I liked it.

Key

Ps. He’s constantly texting me how excited he is, and what he’s going to take with him. It’s cute. He’s cute.

I woke up with the journal lying on my chest. I had fallen asleep reading it. I hadn’t set the alarm, and as I glanced at the clock, it was only fifteen minutes before the school was starting. I was still wearing my school uniform, so I just quickly got up. The polaroid picture fell on the floor as I stood up. I grabbed it and carefully placed it in my pants' pocket as I walked to the door.

The idea had formed inside my head slowly but determinedly. I needed information, and as much as despised my school mates, they had the information I wanted. And I had one person in my mind who fit my needs better than the others.

And when school was over, it was time for my plan. Minho liked to go play soccer with his friend after school was over. I sat in our classroom, like I was studying, but in reality I stared at him from the window, watching when he was going to leave. You could always tell beforehand, as he and his soccer friends would gather around and drink water and probably speak some manly men-stuff about how well they had kicked the ball this time. And when this moment came, I quickly grabbed my stuff and ran out of the school.

For a second I was afraid I had been too slow since I didn’t see any of them anymore, but as I promptly walked the same route as always to my house, I saw him walking further ahead. I kept my strides long so I could catch him. I cursed his long legs and his fast walking speed.  I almost had to run. He turned as he heard my steps behind him and even waited for me as I greeted him.

“Taemin, how are you?” he asked as he started to walk again.

“Fine,” I said. I hated how shy I suddenly felt.

“Have you enjoyed the school?” He asked.

“Yes,” I said. Our height difference felt much bigger now that I was walking so close to him.

“I bet it’s really different than what you were used to in Seoul,” he said and glanced at me.

I looked at him, eyes widening a little.

“It is,” I said simply. It felt surprisingly soothing to say it out loud to someone - just the fact that it felt different. How he knew it, I didn’t know.

We kept walking in silence for a moment.

“I wanted to ask you something, actually,” I said when I had gathered enough courage.

“Oh?” He said and looked at me, a little surprised.

“Who lived in our house before us?” I asked, keeping my eyes forward.                                                                            

“The Kims lived there,” he said. That was worthless information, and he seemed to understand that it wasn’t really enough because he continued after a small silence. “Mr. and Mrs. Kim, and their son Jonghyun.”

Jonghyun. Jonghyun. Jonghyun. The name kept ringing in my head. That was his whole name. Kim Jonghyun. I kept my eyes sternly on the asphalt to prevent Minho from seeing how shocked I was.

“What –“, I wanted to ask what had happened, but I doubt Minho would have understood. “Where did they move?”

He looked contemplating for a moment, like he was pondering how much information he wanted to give me.

“Jonghyun died in a car accident and the parents moved to Seoul after that,” he said.

“When?”

His voice felt like it came from far away as he answered.

“Last February.”

February. February. February.

I flinched as I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder.

“Are you okay?” Minho looked at me worriedly, and stopped.

I looked around and noticed we were standing in front of my house.

“Yes,” I said quietly and nodded to assure my weak words.

I felt the hand leaving me.

“It was nice to talk to you,” he said and I finally faced him properly.

“It was,” I said, pushing my thoughts aside for a moment.

“We should see each other again sometime,” he said.                                                  

Despite the shocking thoughts in my head, I smiled and nodded.

“Bye Taemin,” he said before turning around and continuing to the house next to ours.

I felt light-headed as I ran to my room. My school pack fell on the floor in the middle of the room as I quickly grabbed the journal. He can’t be dead. Hastily I opened the journal from where I had left it, and turned to the next page.

25.2.

Jonghyun is dead.

I'm sorry... *hides around a corner

but since the prompt was death.... -.- 

But next chapter will be last!

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