The morning fog didn’t lift off fast enough. It had rained all night and coupled with the traffic of the briefcase wielding warriors trudging out past dawn, everything was grey. Days like these gave Haesal mixed feelings. As if lacking the crucial sense of sound wasn’t enough, the smog made her feel more shut out from the world in general. Days like these made her pity herself but days like these also made the world as lost and confused as her. She liked that, she guiltily admitted to herself. She liked the fact that certain times of the year allowed the people around her to step into her shoes. In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.

Haesal knew it was going to be colder than the regular pre-spring climate. Yet her mind had been made up, she wanted to wear the grey denim shorts and the black tights. She never paid specific attention to what she wore but the day spelled out the need to wear her favourite green jacket with the fuzzy grey cardigan underneath and they only went well with those grey shorts. Her mother quirked an eyebrow when she skipped out to the breakfast table and signed, “Your birthday’s a month away. And it’s cold.”

“I felt like looking good today,” she signed back and smiled when her mother ruffled her head. She faked a sulking expression and signed, “I had blowdried my hair!”

“You still look pretty,” her mother whispered without signing, leaning down to give her daughter a peck on the forehead. Haesal liked these moments, which were so profound because of how fleeting they were. She never cried while watching melodramas and the accidental death of her childhood friend had only spurred months of quiet (she didn’t lift her arms for three months). But the quick seconds which couldn’t be recorded --- the smile her brother tried to hide when his girlfriend would skip towards him upon seeing him, the way her uncle would automatically shift his hand while reading the newspaper because his husband needed to set the pancakes down, the way her mother would look at her with an expression of relief and apology before giving her a good night kiss --- these moments made her cry.

Haesal blinked back her tears and jumped on her egg and toast. She felt a brisk brush against her back and saw her brother scowling at her.

“Partying at this hour?” he signed, his glare shooting lasers of warning. She rolled her eyes at him. Ignorance was easy if one couldn’t hear.

Her phone buzzed. She looked down and tried to hide her irritated frown.

10am. Star Square.

On my way, she texted back and hastily threw the phone in her bag. Sungjoon watched her as she finished the bread and chugged it down with a swig of her coffee. Half a spoon of sugar, no cream.

“Going,” she signed.

“Haesal,” her father signed. She looked at him with curiosity.

“Try speaking,” he said. She read his lips and pursed her own. It was an everyday affair – her father reminding her that she was deaf by birth, mute by choice. 

“Some day,” she signed back.

She ran out of the house, only backtracking to grab hold of her red scarf.       

                                                                        **********************************************************

“It’s been four days. Something’s wrong.”

“Ever since that fansign got cancelled…” Suho glanced at Jongin and sighed. The main dancer was lying facedown on the couch and counting the dots on the floor. His sister had even sent the puppies to EXO’s dorm to cheer him up but to no avail.

“Four days without chicken,” Chanyeol murmured. “I don’t know if I should laugh or cry.”

“Just go and wash the dishes,” Kyungsoo muttered, leading the giant kid to mumble something incoherent and drag himself towards the kitchen. Jongin felt something near his legs and stretched to find Kyungsoo nodding at him.

“It’s that girl isn’t it.”

Suho’s ears perked up but when Jongin gave him a look he cleared his throat and walked out of the living room. The house was empty save the four of them, what with the other members busy in their respective schedules. Jongin was usually the face of EXO but for the past few days going out on broadcast would have meant scarring the image of the band for life. The weather had not improved, the fog was more murky than misty and due to torrents of rain refusing to settle down, fansigns were being cancelled one after another. Most fans were grateful for this climatic relief, EXO’s schedules had caught up with not only the members but the loyal fans too. Luhan had told the members about a girl who had fainted due to exhaustion from standing in queue outside a broadcast station for too long. EXO’s fanclub’s president herself had directly spoken to the manager about a scheme that could limit the number of fans attending a particular performance or event (unless it be a paid concert at a stadium or awards show) and they had ultimately decided on dividing the fans into groups.

There was an uproar of course. Several of the fans who didn’t mind following the boys wherever they went decided to make it a loyalties based test. But as the president and manager went around talking to the fans, the girls (and boys) calmed down and realized that this was the most logical manner in which to ensure the safety of both fans and the members. The fans were surprised when Xiumin (out of all the members) stepped out after their Inkigayo performance and explained that this was the only way everyone would remain unscathed by the end of the day.

“Some fans don’t get to see us at all,” he had said. “And some see us all the time. That’s not fair is it?”

There was a sheepish yet unanimous chorus of ‘yes’.

Secretly though the members were being relieved of something else --- the identity of the mystery fan posting private information about them. EXO’s fanclub president too knew about this and had discussed with the boys personally (despite being the ‘biggest fan’ she didn’t even blink an eye at Sehun changing his shirt at the back of the dressing room) that if they divided the fans into groups then they would be able to take less time in discovering the said person.

Jongin was upset about two things : one, that he wouldn’t get to see Haesal often and two, she might get caught for something she was being forced to do. Ultimately Kyungsoo was the one who he vented out his frustration too and in the end all hyung could do was pat his back and walk away.

But today Kyungsoo looked resolved. He took a deep breath and said, “She’ll be there today.”

Jongin straightened up and grabbed his fellow member’s hands. “What did you say?”

“Her name’s Haesal right?” Kyungsoo took out his phone and swiped his screen to open a photo of a list. “She’s in group C. They’re seeing us today.”

Suho and Chanyeol could do nothing but stare in amazement when Jongin stepped out of his bedroom, slipping on his trackpants and track shoes. He grabbed the jacket lying on the arm of the sofa and wore it, a huge grin on his face.

“It’s at 10am,” Suho said, glancing at the digital clock which blinked 7:45 am.

“The early bird gets the worm,” Jongin smiled.

“Didn’t I tell you Kyungsoo-hyung knows voodoo,” Chanyeol whispered, only to receive a whack on his head from said person. They quietly watched as the main dancer compensated three days of slumber with fifteen minutes of stretching and half an hour of jogging on the treadmill. Despite the exhaustion he remained smiling, a strange glow on his face. 

                                                            ********************************************************************

Star Square’s build was orchestrated to the tunes of afternoons in Paris and sunsets in Vegas --- bars, coffeehouses, an assortment of entertainment options ranging from karaoke bars to dancing clubs, family friendly to . Of course, the latter could only go so far in the conservative Korean sphere but nonetheless it was an attractive place to be. It was large and served as the prime location for idol concerts and fansigns and with EXO being today’s main highlight, the area was full to the brim.

“I thought we had been divided into groups,” Byul whined. She looked at Haesal, who was disinterestedly looking around and sighed. “Let’s hope she gets as much as she can.”

“We’ll have to go the front,” Hyejin stated and Byul hid her exasperated expression with her hands, pretending to look for her favourite EXO member. She almost yelped when she saw the nape of his neck as the coordi woman fixed his jacket. How she envied their job.

“There’s a way through here,” her elder sister’s friend hissed and the five girls rushed forward, Byul having to grab hold of Haesal’s arm and drag her with them. A few fans complained as they pushed through but Hyejin’s glare was scary enough to shut them up. Haesal gave a sheepish glance at them but they ignored her.

“She’s the deaf one,” she saw one of them say.

“Hey!” her friend warned her as Haesal stood over them. The girl snorted.

“She can’t hear us you idiot.”

Haesal turned around, scolding herself for being bothered by people talking behind her back when she couldn’t even hear them. The day was getting warmer, she thought and pulled the hood of her jacket away from her head.

That’s when she saw him.

She followed her peripheral glance and saw Kim Jongin staring at her. One of the technicians was fixing his mic and asking him if it was fine. Without looking away from her, he gave a quick nod and murmured a “thanks”. She refused to look away, hoping her eyes could pierce through the charming veil he was putting on for her.

Suddenly the light in his eyes vanished. His lips turned down into a serious grimace and she watched as he quickly turned around and checked his surroundings. Her breath got caught in when he mouthed, his full lips opening widely and slowly :

“Be careful. They know about the fan accounts.”

“Haesal!”

She turned around to find Byul stammering something, unable to continue. Her eyes were shaking and finally, Hyejin pushed her away and muttered something which looked like, “oversensitive”.

“Most of the fans are Baekhyun biased,” Hyejin said, while Byul burst into tears in the back. The fans ignored her, mistaking her as one of the manic bunch who always fainted during concerts and such. “And Tao is… you know, Chinese. So just make it so that it looks like Tao’s being a brat. Okay? We’ll get more hits!”

She watched Hyejin give her a wink and a grin, followed by a thumbs up, as if she hadn’t just told her to ruin the reputation of an innocent man.

That’s all she knows, Haesal thought to herself but returned the smile. Her mind was in a jumble. Within those few seconds she had realized a few things : a) EXO was going to be looking out for the ‘fan account’ culprit, which was her, b) Kim Jongin, EXO’s main dancer knew she was the one, c) if she got into trouble, the people who were paying her to do this wouldn’t give her a second glance and run away and most importantly d) Kim Jongin wanted her to be safe.

The irony was pretty prosaic. She was deaf, but she had family and friends. Her way of making money could be seen as exploitation, except that deep inside she knew no other way of using her weakness as something to be proud of. Despite her nonchalant attitude, she would spend her energy on ignoring the guilt she felt upon reading fan comments on personal conversations stolen by her. 

Haesal hated irony. Perhaps this was the only reason why she did what she did.

                                                                     *************************************************************

Jongin wondered if the reason he couldn’t stop staring at her had something to do with the refraction of light in the sky or maybe that she had made an effort for him. He wished it to be the latter but it probably had more to do with the fact that once again, he had fallen head over heels in love with someone.

She was more petite than the rest of the fans, if that was even possible. Her hair, which he had noticed due to the jacket hood covering her head, would fall down in the form of rebellious curls, despite her bangs being smooth and obedient. He noticed the red scarf and smiled, an expression that didn’t last long when he watched Hyejin push her forward. He was suddenly reminded of what he had planned to do that day. He had to help her.

Jongin had thought of a plan and was aware that he couldn’t do it alone. He had spoken to Kyungsoo about it and the only thing the sensible hyung had said was, “We need Tao’s help. Suho is sitting next to me so him too.” So now Kyungsoo, Suho and Tao were in his line of sight, waiting for the main dancer’s signal. The plan was messy, but his hyungs had seen the possibility that he too had seen while thinking about it.

One by one the members stepped out. They greeted the audience with their signature “We are One!” cheer and sat down at their respective positions. ‘Growl’ started playing from the overhead speakers. Seated between Kyungsoo and Tao, Jongin tapped the table and pretending to sing along to the music, mouthed, Follow my lead.

He looked at Haesal, who bobbed her head up and down to the rhythm of the music.

Tao knows sign language. Say something.

Jongin lightly nudged his co-member who caught his eye and gave a curt nod. He followed Jongin’s gaze and suppressed a smile.

“She wants to know why you’re helping.”

Hyejin’s forcing you. You’ll get in trouble. She’ll run.

“She said she knows that.”

Jongin cursed.

“So you curse too?”

“I didn’t want you to see that,” he scowled and Tao giggled. Jongin turned and was mildly amused when Haesal laughed along. Distracted for a moment, he got back on track.

Just follow my lead. Focus on Suho and Kyungsoo, they’re in on it. Then focus on me.

“Okay.” Tao paused. “She’s saying she’s grateful and she’ll never do it after this.”

Jongin’s heart sank a bit. He knew this meant he wouldn’t see her again.

“Should we begin now?” Tao said. Jongin cleared his throat and stretched his arms. He caught Suho’s eye who gave a small knowing smile. Jongin wanted to laugh. Despite being the eldest, it was Suho who enjoyed these childish games of strategy and scheming the most. He never failed to miss an episode of ‘Running Man’ and he had yet to reveal through variety shows that the leader was secretly saved as ‘Suholock’ in his contact list.

“We’ll be helping her as well hyung,” Jongin had begged him. Kyungsoo and Tao had to hold back their grins when the leader rested his hand on the main dancer’s shoulder and in a dramatic voice said, “You’re right. She doesn’t deserve this. I’ll help.”

Tao saw Suho’s serious expression and snorted. “Isn’t he being used as well?”

Jongin quirked an eyebrow at the Chinese maknae and shook his head. “It’s for the good.” He bumped his fist with Tao’s and from the corner of his eye saw movement. He gritted his teeth as he watched Haesal being pushed further to the front.

“Remind me to smudge that Hyejin girl’s album,” Tao murmured, as if reading Jongin’s mind. He then whispered, ‘oh’ and said, “Haesal has started writing.”

Now listen carefully. Suho, Kyungsoo and Tao know as well. They’re helping me.  Jongin turned to Tao, pretending to talk to him. Tao smiled and nodded at random moments to keep the illusion. We’re repeating conversations from two-three days ago. Conversations with managers and coordis. Kyungsoo had a long chat with Suho day before yesterday about his new drama and Suho rejecting We Got Married. Some fans already know about it so if you post it, they’ll give proof that it was a chat from that fansign, not today’s. Okay?

                                                                                      ********************************************************

The plan was ingenious in its simplicity. Before cursing herself as to why she hadn’t thought of this before, Haesal began transcribing whatever pseudo conversation was being held between Suho and Kyungsoo. Her eyes met with Kyungsoo once and he gave a small smile. Suho gave her a look which she had only caught Sungjoon giving her sometimes. She got goosebumps at the thought of being seen as a younger sister by EXO’s leader and started typing.

The first chat – a talk with the managers.

The second – a minor argument Chanyeol had with someone on the phone. Later the boys found out it was an ahjussi refusing to believe that the main rapper wasn’t his dead friend, trying to contact him through some supernatural logic.

The third – the boys deciding which restaurant to go to after the Incheon fansign. Yixing was suddenly craving Thai food at the time and the members had to relent when he began singing the chorus of Miracles in December into every member’s ear in the dressing room.

So and so forth. The locations of each conversation were scattered. Now that Jongin had helped her this much, she knew she had to do her bit as well. 45 minutes after the fansign had begun, having typed the last of the conversations, Haesal stretched her fingers. She then looked at Tao and signed, “Hug Baekhyun.”

Tao looked from left to right and hesitantly mouthed back, We’re not on good terms right now---

They know. They want me to put you in a bad light. Hug Baekhyun.

When EXO stood up to take a break, the fans squealed upon seeing Tao run to Baekhyun and shock the latter with a hug. He whispered something to Baekhyun while embracing him and the elder one laughed and gave him a playful punch. Hyejin scowled and looked at Haesal, who simply shrugged and wrote on her phone, “Your sources of information were wrong.”

Hyejin looked a little disappointed and when Haesal asked for permission to leave, she grumbled a ‘yes’. Haesal gave Jongin one last look, the latter widening his eyes upon the sudden realization. She was leaving. He was about to say something but she mouthed ‘goodbye’. He didn’t need to be an expert to understand that.

                                                                            ***********************************************************

“She said goodbye.”

Jongin’s hands hovered over the water bottle, letting his head drop into a hesitant nod while murmuring, “I know”. Tao gave an understanding smile and left to hug Baekhyun again, sincerely resolving whatever tension they had.

Jongin gave a grateful smile to Kyungsoo, who patted his head while Suho asked if it had worked.

“It did, I think.”

“That’s good,” Suho smiled. “It was wrong of those girls to use her disability to their advantage. She’s safe now.”

Safe, Jongin repeated inside his head. For some reason, this time it hadn’t seemed so one-way. Haesal and he had helped each other out and the depressing thought of unrequited love was pushed away. In the back of his mind, Jongin was trying to be happy about the fact that Haesal would never have to do this again. He was trying hard not to let the sad part of this fact win, the part that told him he would perhaps never see her again.