Jongdae blinks slowly as he starts to come to. He groans softly as he feels the seatbelt cutting into his skin. He slowly takes a deep breath and hisses when he feels a sharp pain in his chest. He looks around slowly, dazed and confused. The van is in shambles. He can see blood dripping down from the front seat and Jongdae doesn't want to see where the blood is coming from. 

The window's are shattered and the door where Luhan was...

"Luhan!" Jongdae screams as he sees a body lying a couple of feet away from the van. He quickly snaps off his seatbelt but when he gets up he feels an excruciating pain in his head. He stumbles as he holds his head but he doesn't stop from trying to get to Luhan. Jongdae doesn't know how long the pain lasted but it finally subsides and Jongdae blinks furiously, trying to get the white spots in his vision to disappear. 

The ground is covered in snow but Jongdae doesn't feel the coldness as he crawls to Luhan, praying that he was all right. 

A whimper passes through his lips as he looks at Luhan. He can see the blood seeping through Luhan's clothes, becoming bright red as it touches the snow. 

"No.. no please no Luhan, please don't," Jongdae whispers as he tries to touch Luhan, trying not to cause anymore harm to the already broken body. 

Jongdae whirls his head around, desperately trying to find anyone. He sees nothing but the snow on the abandoned road. He looks over at the other car and sees only smoke coming out of the driver's seat, no sign of life. 

"Help," he manages to say, his voice cracking with desperation. 

Jongdae turns his attention back to Luhan and carefully lifts his head to put on his lap, trying to give him some comfort, trying to save him.

"Luhan," he says softly as he tries to wipe away the blood on his face, but Jongdae only makes it worse. He tries to clean his hands in the snow and picks up a little bit of snow to use as water to wipe away Luhan's face. 

"Please Luhan, please don't do this. Please wake up," he whispers desperately. He slowly wets his sleeve with a bit of snow and wipes away at Luhan's face. 

Luhan suddenly coughs and Jongdae doesn't even have the time to realize that it's blood because he's just so happy to see those hazelnut eyes looking up at him.

"Jongdae?" Luhan whispers slowly as he starts to come too. 

Jongdae starts to shake as he manages a smile on his lips. "Luhan, thank god. Luhan are you okay?" 

"Jongdae what happened? you're bleeding. whe-" Luhan stops speaking as his whole face contorts with pain. 

"Luhan, don't move okay? we-we've been in an accident and yo-you're hurt so don't move okay?" 

Luhan's face is in complete agony as he tries to move. 

Jongdae shakes his head and puts his hand on Luhan's cheek. "Please stop Luhan, just don't move okay? Everything will be okay. I promise. Just stay with me."

Luhan looks up at him and he stills as their eyes meet. Luhan can see it, he can see the hope desperately trying to stay afloat within Jongdae. He can see what his body looks like, all broken and bloody lying in the road. 

"No I can't... I can't die now," Luhan cries as he grimaces from the pain consuming his body. Jongdae grabs his hands tighter and tries to calm him down.

"No it's okay Luhannie... you're going to be alright I promise okay? Just hang in there," Jongdae says as he tries to stop the bleeding from Luhan's many wounds. Glass shards stick out from his body everywhere and Jongdae wants desperately to pull them out but he's afraid that it'll just make things worse.

"I have so much more to live," Luhan chokes out as he tries again to move any part of his broken body. His grip tightens around Jongdae's hands. "We have so much more to live... I still haven't loved you, I haven't even shown you my hometown or make you meet my terrible parents." 

Tears streams down Jongdae's eyes as he tries to wipe away the sweaty bangs from Luhan's face, trying not to get any more blood on them. "We still have time.. don't worry. We'll be okay. You'll be okay. You have to be okay."

"I have to be okay. I can't lose you," Luhan cries as he grabs Jongdae's hand for dear life. "Please help me."

Jongdae looks around, trying to see something, anything through the deep snowfall. "Help! please someone help us!" he screams into the dark night. "Someone save him." 

"He doesn't want to die, he doesn’t want to leave me. Please help me!!! Anyone!" Jongdae keeps screaming as he grabs onto Luhan's hand as he feels it get weaker and weaker. 

"Help us!"

Jongdae's heart starts to race as he starts to think, think about what might happen, think about what might happen if Luhan dies, think about a life without Luhan.

Jongdae looks down at Luhan, who has closed his eyes softly crying. He lets go of Luhan's hand and slowly places it next to his body. "Luhan hyung, I'm going to go look for help okay? I'll go get the cell phone and I'll call for help okay? So just stay here and don-don't die on me."

Jongdae takes off his jacket and slowly lifts Luhan's head off of his lap and ignores the wetness in his hands as he places the jacket underneath it. He wipes away his bloody hands on his pants quickly and starts to stand up when Luhan grabs his hand. 

"Don't Jongdae, don't leave me." 

Jongdae puts his hand over Luhan's and tries to give him a reassuring smile through his tears. "I won't hyung just wait a little bit okay?"

Luhan slowly opens his eyes with a surprising calm face. "Just one second okay? You have to do me a favor." 

Jongdae sits back down and bites his lip wanting to protest but he feels Luhan's hold tighten on his hand and so he stops, not wanting Luhan to waste any more strength. 

"Anything hyung."

"I want to give you my Christmas gift," Luhan says quietly with a small smile. "Can you reach into my pocket and take it out for me."

Jongdae's brows knit in confusion. What is Luhan talking about? Why would he want to give me a gift at a moment like this? Jongdae can see that Luhan's in pain, that Luhan's dying. He has to save him. What could be more important than this. 

Luhan notices the hesitation and confusion in Jongdae's face. "Please Jongdae, please do this for me? They can't take this away from me. I won't let them. I won't let them take away this moment."

"Hyung, you're hurt. I have to go get help. You can give me the gift later, just like we promised," Jongdae protests, voice trembling slightly as he tries to remain hopeful. 

A brief silence hangs in there before Luhan starts to cough. Blood slowly starts to ooze out of his mouth and Jongdae leans over to wipe it away.

"Stop." Luhan whispers, trying to keep the pain out his voice. "It's not going to help. I'm dying."

"Don't say that!" 

"Jongdae please, I-I can't feel most of my body and the little that I can makes me wish that I can't. I know- I can feel it. So can you please... please just do this for me. Just stay here with me," Luhan says as tears slowly fall from his eyes. "Just please let me give you my gift." 

Jongdae sits there for a few seconds, knowing that he should go call for help, but when he looks into the eyes of the boy that he loves, he knows that he won't do that, at least not right now. 

Slowly Jongdae bends over and carefully takes out the box from Luhan's pocket. He turns it over, wondering what it is as brings it close to Luhan's face. 

"Open it."

Jongdae shakes his head, "I don't want to, not right now."

"Please open it Jongdae, do this for me." 

Jongdae hesitates for a few more seconds, trying to ignore the dizziness in his head. The white spots in his vision are starting to come back but Jongdae can ignore it, now’s not the time.

Slowly he lifts the lid and he in a sharp intake of breath as he sees the gleam of silver. He takes out the rings slowly, every sensory nerve in his body going into overdrive. He can't move, he can't breath, he can't think as he looks at the beautiful rings, his and Luhan's rings, their rings. 

"Kim Jongdae, I knew from the moment I saw you that you would be a big part of my life. I wouldn't call it love at first sight since I know you had eyes for Yixing when you first came but the more time we spent together, the deeper I fell in love with you. Your smile, your voice, your laughter, your eyes and your heart. I've had the privilege to have fallen in love with every part of you. When I bought those rings, I knew that you weren't just a big part of my life, you were my life," Luhan whispers as he watches Jongdae look at the rings. 

"Please stop," Jongdae says as he close his eyes.

"No, I can't. I won't. I won't let myself be robbed of this moment, of the things I've wanted to tell you for a long time now. I love you, Kim Jongdae. I've told you this many times, but I don't think that it'll ever be enough," Luhan hisses as he feels pain erupt in his throat. 

"Stop talking Luhan, stop saying this. Save your strength. You're in pain so stop saying this right now. We have time, I promise," Jongdae says desperately as he lies down next to Luhan. He slowly puts two finger over Luhan's lip. "Please just rest." 

"Jongdae, I'm not in pain anymore. I can't feel it anymore," Luhan whispers sadly. "I can't feel my body anymore." 

Jongdae sobs as he shakes his head. "Don't do this to me Luhan!" He takes the rings and slowly places it in Luhan's palm and encloses it. "I won't take this, not right now. Not when you're like this." 

Luhan laughs softly. "Are you rejecting me?"

"Stop joking around Xiao Luhan. You know I love you, I love you more than anything in this world. You know you mean everything to me."

Luhan gazes at him lovingly. "You know I never really loved the snow, but whenever I saw you standing in the snow fall, how the snowflakes would catch on your eyelashes, how they would land right on the tips of your lips, I didn't think that I would love anything more. And even at this moment, I can't think of anything more beautiful."

Jongdae closes his eyes, refusing to look at Luhan, refusing to give into Luhan's last moment with him. "You can't do this to me, Luhan. You can't just say you love me, you can just give me this ring and leave me alone. It's not fair, you're not being fair." 

Luhan coughs again, each becoming more violent than the last. After a few raspy breaths, he takes a few slow ones, trying to fill his dying lungs with enough air as possible. 

"I know it's not fair and I don't want to leave you alone," Luhan whispers as he uses every strength left in his hand to hold onto the rings. "I want you to fall in love again, to find someone amazing that deserves you. I want you to continue to live, to continue to amaze the world, to make the world fall in love with you just as I have."

Jongdae wants to interrupt, to say that he doesn't want the world to love him, he just wants Luhan. How can he continue to live when a huge part of him will die if Luhan leaves him. 

"Jongdae, please look at me."

Jongdae slowly glances up and looks into those beautiful hazelnut eyes that he wishes were the first thing he sees every morning. 

"I bought this ring so I could ask you to be with me forever. So I could ask you to make me the happiest man in this world by standing by my side. I bought these rings so I could ask you to marry me," Luhan's voice trembles as he takes another deep breath. "But now I'm giving you this ring, to tell you, to show you how happy you have made me. I'm giving you this ring so that you'll remember that there once was a simple boy named Xiao Luhan that loved another boy named Kim Jongdae so very deeply. I'm giving you this ring to remind you that I will love you. Always and forever."

"I love you too, Xiao Luhan," Jongdae cries as he leans over to give the love of his life a kiss on the lips. "I will always love you."

Jongdae slips his arm around Luhan's waist slowly as he shifts closer, trying carefully not to hurt him. "Please don't leave me alone."

Luhan chuckles softly, his breath tickling Jongdae's ears. "I'll try not to. I'll try my hardest but even if I do, know that I will always be here for you." 

Jongdae just closes his eyes, his vision slowly starting to fade away. He can feel his head start to feel lighter, the blood loss finally starting to take a toll. But he can't, he won't leave Luhan like this. They had promised each other. 

"I want you to live Kim Jongdae," Luhan whispers, his breathing becoming uneven. "You have people that love you, that care for you and even though I won't be here to see it I know that you have so much more to live for."

Jongdae starts to fade in and out of consciousness. He can still hear Luhan, still feel his heart beating but its starting to slow down. He frowns as he feels their heart's start beating out of sync. That never happens. Jongdae's heartbeat always matches Luhan's, it always has. 

Jongdae opens his eyes and can see his vision start to fade. He can see two figures standing over him, they seem to be smiling at him. Jongdae thinks they look familiar. Jongdae frowns and hugs Luhan tighter, not realizing that he now only feels one heartbeat. His eyes start to droop but his hold on Luhan stays tight. He won't leave Luhan. He promised... they promised. 

~

Jongdae eyes snap open. "Luhan," is all he says as he looks around the room, pushing Baekhyun away from his face. 

"Oh my god Jongdae, you're awake," Baekhyun says, tears streaming down his face in relief. "I-"

"Where is it?" Jongdae says as he searches the ground in front of him frantically. "Where are they?" 

Baekhyun leans over to stop him, wanting to make sure he hadn't hurt his head but Yixing stops him with a soft tug on the arms. 

"They're right here," Yixing says quietly as he pulls the box out of his pocket and shows it to Jongdae. 

Jongdae stiffens and slowly takes the box, his hands trembling ever so slightly. Yixing places the box on his palm and covers it with his hands. "We're sorry we didn't give this to you before, but you didn't remember and we thought that maybe not remembering would be better for you." 

Jongdae bites his lips, not responding to Yixing but slowly bringing the box closer to his body. Jongdae remembers. Slowly he opens the lid and a familiar gleam of silver shines ever so slightly from inside the box. A sob escapes from Jongdae as he looks at the rings, still as beautiful as the day he first saw them. He slowly takes one of them out and slides it onto his finger. It fits perfectly. 

The tears start to flow, but maybe they had never really stopped, Jongdae isn't sure. But he doesn't care because he remembers. He remembers that night, he remembers Luhan, he remembers the rings, he remembers their last conversation, their last "I love you's" and their last kiss. 

Jongdae puts his hand on his chest and cries. He cries for his Luhan, he cries for their future, he cries as the memories pierce into his soul, reopening scars that had never really closed. 

Baekhyun and Yixing stay frozen as they watch their friend cry for Luhan. Their tears are silent while Jongdae's are raw and harsh but they know this is how to be. They had their time to mourn but Jongdae never really had that time. By the time Jongdae had awoken from his coma Luhan's funeral had already taken place, his body already buried. They could share with each other their last moments with Luhan, but Jongdae's last moments with Luhan had been hidden by the pain, the medication and the trauma.  He was never able to fully heal, not when there were wounds that were yet to open. 

~

After a while, Yixing slowly lifts Jongdae off the floor and to his room. Jongdae hasn't spoken a word to either of them, just softly crying and holding on to the rings.

"We need to give him time," he says when he stops Baekhyun from sitting down next to Jongdae. Baekhyun bites his lips, not wanting to leave his best friend but then again, he knows he can't do anything. He says a tiny prayer, to anyone willing to listen, for his best friend as he slowly closes the door. 

The snow starts to fall heavier and faster, the white harsh against the black night sky. Jongdae lies there and even though his eyes are closed, the tears still fall freely. 

"Jongdae."

Jongdae hears his name being softly whispered from the other side of the room but he closes his eyes tighter, not wanting to move.

"Jongdae, please."

"Just leave me alone, Luh-, just leave me alone," Jongdae stops before he can finish his saying his name. He simply clutches onto the rings tighter and wills the world to leave him alone.

Luhan flinches even though he should've known this was inevitable. He wasn't Jongdae's and Jongdae wasn't his. He wasn't even real for god's sake. Luhan glances at the clock on the wall and hesitates. There's only three more hours till midnight, till Christmas day. He only has three hours left. He doesn't really know why it should matter to him, he's not even real, but still Luhan needs to make sure Jongdae's okay, that he'll make it. 

A/N:

last half left. 

xoxo sorryitssuchafail