Sensitive subject.

The Selfishness of Our Hearts.

‘Why are you sulking?’ Minho asked feeling a little irritated.

Jonghyun let out a sigh. ‘I... I’m just not having a good day,’ he replied as he played with the zipper of his shirt. He knew he wasn’t the most pleasant person to be around right now, but he couldn’t help it.

‘Jjong... you know I’m not going to let this go until you tell me the truth,’ Minho said as he turned off the television.

‘I screwed up,’ the older one finally confessed. He could feel the ache in his body. And he wasn’t sure why it hurt so much, but it did.

‘What do you mean? What happened?’ Minho pressed.

‘I upset someone and now I’m afraid they won’t talk to me again,’ he explained.

Minho rolled his eyes. ‘Jonghyun, details please.’

‘I told Jinki that I read his book...’

‘Um... okay...’ Minho frowned. ‘I don’t see what the problem is.’

‘I guess it’s...’

‘Wait,’ Minho cut in. ‘Did you see Kibum’s brother yesterday??’ he exclaimed.

‘Yes...’ Jonghyun admitted with guilt.

‘Oh so you were too tired to go out with me, but with him it’s a different matter huh?’ the younger one fumed.

‘Look, I’m really sorry. But it just came up suddenly and I couldn’t say no to my boyfriend’s brother,’ he pointed out even though he knew he had no excuse.

Minho didn’t say a word. He just looked at him.

Jonghyun waited, but got no answer. ‘Please don’t give me the silent treatment. I can’t have another person being mad at me right now.’

‘Well maybe that’s what you deserve,’ Minho finally said as he crossed his arms.

Jonghyun knew how his best friend could get. There was nothing he could say to appease him. ‘I can go if you want,’ he proposed.

Minho’s eyes shifted quickly side to side, revealing his internal debate. ‘No, stay,’ he uttered.

‘Okay,’ Jonghyun said as he slouched down again on the sofa.

‘Go on with what you were saying,’ Minho reminded.

‘Oh... well I guess it’s a sensitive subject, his writing I mean, and he just didn’t want anyone to read his stuff,’ he resumed with a sigh.

He now understood how stupid he had been. Key had warned him, but caught up in the moment he had just let it out and ruined a nice night.

‘Why wouldn’t he want people to read it? That’s stupid,’ Minho stated.

Jonghyun gave him a deadly stare. It wasn’t stupid. Not at all.

His phone started ringing, putting a stop to whatever he was about to say. The number he saw on there made his heart jump.

‘Hello?’ he answered with a faint tremble.

 ‘Hi,’ Jinki replied with a tone that showed some embarrassment.

Jonghyun waited for him to continue, but all he could hear was soft breathing at the other end of the line. ‘Um... what’s up?’ he brought himself to say, unable to bear with the silence.

 ‘What are you doing right now?’ the blonde asked shyly.

‘I’m at a friend’s house, why?’

‘Oh, well I’ll call you later then,’ he immediately said.

‘No, no, you can talk to me,’ Jonghyun quickly reassured. He caught Minho’s exasperated face, but shrugged it off.

‘I just wanted to apologize for yesterday... I’m really really sorry, Jonghyun.’

Jonghyun’s mouth dropped open before he gathered his thoughts and said, ‘I never thought you would call me. I felt so bad for making you mad.’

‘I’m sorry for making you feel that way,’ Jinki apologized again.

And then before the other could think of something to say, he added, ‘I also feel like I owe you an explanation so I would really like for us to meet up sometime soon...later, perhaps?’

‘Okay,’ Jonghyun answered with a smile.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jonghyun could feel the alcohol go right to his head as he danced around the room. He knew he was probably giving the other one a most ridiculous sight, but he was having fun and didn’t want to stop. He brought the mic to his lips again as the lyrics showed up on the screen and few seconds later, he broke into song as he moved to the beat. He could hear Jinki laughing, but that just made him get more into it. He hadn’t had fun like that in long time.

The song finally ended and he let himself drop on the cushioned seat. He picked up his beer and took a sip before saying, ‘Your turn now.’

‘I’ve done enough singing for tonight,’ the blonde laughed. ‘But you’re quite the entertainer, he added as he took his own drink.

Jonghyun smiled. ‘Well I used to come here a lot before with my co-workers,’ he admitted.

‘So that’s why you wanted to come.’

‘Yeah, I thought it would be fun.’ Jonghyun rubbed the back of his neck. ‘You know... we’ve just hung out a few times, but I would really like for us to be friends,’ he said.

Jinki stared at him.

Getting no response, Jonghyun felt embarrassed. ‘I’m sorry. I ... I...’ He stopped himself. He suddenly wished he hadn’t said anything.

‘No, it’s okay. I would like that too,’ the blonde finally uttered. He looked down to his hands, before adding, ‘I think you’ve probably figured it out, but I don’t really let people in. At first, I was really mad at you for reading my book, but that anger rapidly turned into guilt. And then, I even felt flattered that you would take the time to read my stuff... you know, even my brother hasn’t read them, but you’ve read one.’

Jinki’s eyes settled on his. ‘What did you think about it?’ he suddenly asked.

‘Honestly, it was amazing. It was just really intense and... surprising,’ Jonghyun answered.

‘Surprising?’

Jonghyun cleared his throat. ‘It’s a really sad story...’

A cute smile cracked the older one’s lips. ‘I’m guessing I don’t come off as a sad guy.’

‘Not really... And I know there is more to a person than meets the eye, but not knowing this side of you and discovering it like that... I was just really surprised,’ Jonghyun explained.

‘Kibum told you about my past relationships, right?’ the blonde guessed.

The other one just nodded.

‘Those books I wrote... they were my way to cope. I wrote them to deal with the pain, to just try to move on.’ He stopped and downed his drink. ‘And that’s why I don’t want to keep them; they would just bring up to many bad memories.’

‘But, you can’t hide them forever. I mean your writing is beautiful and you should share it,’ Jonghyun expressed earnestly.

‘Thank you for saying that, but I don’t think I can. Writing is not something I do for fun or to get recognition. Writing is something I do when I feel like there is nothing to live for anymore,’ Jinki confessed.

That rendered Jonghyun silent.

‘I haven’t written in two years because I’m finally doing well,’ the older one continued.

‘I won’t mention it again,’ Jonghyun inferred.

‘It’s okay. I don’t mind talking about it with you,’ he said with intent.

Jonghyun felt his face heat up. He didn’t know what to say to that.

‘I think I’m finally up to do another song,’ Jinki announced with a laugh.

Jonghyun smiled. He was amazed by how quickly the other one’s mood could change. It was sure to keep things interesting.

 

 

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