It's over.

The Selfishness of Our Hearts.

Jonghyun checked himself in the mirror. It was weird to be staring at his reflection again, thing he hadn't done in the longest. In the last few weeks, he hadn't felt a tinge of care for his appearance, having grown accustomed to the luxury of having to impress no one. But this day had brought an end to that. He was now forced to scrutinize himself, realizing every flaw, every crack he hadn't repaired. He took a step back and sighed.

'I'm not going,' he declared as his stare stayed fixed on the glass structure.

'Don't,' Minho countered sharply, getting up from the couch nearby. He walked up to him, stopping right behind, before squeezing his shoulders with his hands.

'It wouldn't be polite to cancel,' he then noted.

Jonghyun scoffed. 'Is that all you have?'

He was brusquely turned around, suddenly looking into big brown eyes. 'Yes, this is all I have,' the younger one started with a pinch of irritation. 'I'm not going to go over all the reasons you should go, because you already know them,' he pursued, tightening his jaw as he finished.

Jonghyun looked down, feeling again the burden of his choice.

'It's over,' he heard himself saying again. Then another sigh left his lips. He couldn't get out of it now. It was probably what he most needed, even though his mind rung with the envy to flee.

'Do I look alright?' he finally asked as he pushed himself out of a mind menacing to trap him in fear.

'You look just fine... well a little tired, but handsome as ,' Minho added with a playful smile. 

Jonghyun couldn't help himself from smiling back. He hoped there was truth in that; these days, he wasn't sure of anything anymore. He gave himself a last look, replacing a few locks of hair here and there before moving his gaze to his watch. He'd be here anytime now. The nervousness was starting to kick in, the signs showing through the subtle shaking of his hands and the coldness gathering in his feet. If Minho hadn't been there at that moment, he would've found himself hiding under his covers, sheltering himself from any disturbance to his dull routine.

The sound of the doorbell had him jumping slightly, his eyes closing instantly as he gave himself some encouragement. It was only a few seconds before he was facing the much taller man he had met a few days ago. He couldn't deny his first reaction; his black attire made him look that much more attractive, and so did his hair, pulled back to reveal all his features. He had a bright smile on his face, which Jonghyun tried to mimic despite knowing there was high chance of failure.

'You look amazing,' the one called Sung Chul voiced.

Jonghyun looked away, instantly making his embarrassment apparent. 'You too,' he replied after daring to meet his eyes again.

Before he knew it, they were stepping out into the freshness of the evening, forcing him to leave behind any bind that had secured him. For the first time in a long while, he was going to try to let go. And it was made easy at first as all he had to do was focus on the movie showing on the screen. He wouldn't usually have offered to go watch a movie on the first date, but he had become so rusty in the social skills department that he had had to resort to it. He could feel the other's eyes stop on him once and a while throughout, but he didn't acknowledge it. He wasn't going to give him any unnecessary signals. Then again, he found himself looking at him a few times too, having convinced himself by the fourth time that it was to make sure he was enjoying the movie. He realized that he had long lost interest by whatever was happening. He was almost tempted to speak to him, but remained silent. By the end of it, he felt regretful. He wished he had spoken up sooner about his want to leave what had turned out to be a less than entertaining feature. Whether it was because he wasn't in the right state to enjoy it to the fullest or simply because the movie was bad, he stepped out of there with an unsatisfied need of distraction.

'What did you think?' Sung Chul asked as they walked back to the entrance.

'To be honest, it ,' he bluntly admitted. He knew he could've put a little more thought in his words, but after not being around people for so long, his mind was just inclined to speak for itself.

The older one laughed. 'I agree.'

Jonghyun felt his body ease with relief, but it tensed back quickly with remorse. 'I'm sorry for proposing it,' he uttered sheepishly.

'Don't worry about it. Art is always a gamble, this is not the first nor the last bad movie I'll see,' he reassured as he flashed another smile.

Jonghyun nodded. 'But I still feel like I've ruined... whatever this is,' he shared as he held himself.

'This is... me trying to get to know you,' the other one completed openly. 'So as long as I'm in your presence nothing's been ruined.'

Jonghyun felt his face heat up. Unfortunately, flattery wasn't something he could just shrug off.

'Why don't we find ourselves a nice place to eat?' he then offered smoothly.

The younger one couldn't refuse that. The whole point of this night was to get himself out there; out of his mind.

'Sure,' he gave in, following the other's steps diligently.

Unlike the first car ride, this one was less nerve-wracking. He was slowly getting accustomed to the energy the other was directing towards him. He missed none of the looks he kept giving him when the car stopped or when he dared to cut contact with the road. He knew what that meant and a small part of him felt revived by it. The corner of his lips trembled as he tried to suppress a smile. Smile that finally broke his stance as he saw where the other had brought him.

'I see you've done your research,' he commented after they had both stepped out of his car.

Sung Chul shrugged. 'It's only natural,' he replied with a hearty laugh.

Jonghyun kept his smile as he lead the way. He was already grateful to the other for reminding him of this place. As he took his first look around, memories came flooding; it suddenly felt like yesterday when he and Minho would come here every week to unwind and celebrate life. It was no party area; instead, it was a low-key and cozy place to drink and listen to music. The lights were always dimmed, which probably had a big part to play in his attraction to this lounge, and the music was always good. He had had the chance to meet many great artists here and as he thought of them again, he felt like kicking himself in the for not putting himself in such an environment for so long.

'Happy?' the taller one asked as he watched the other fall into a trance.

'Yeah...' Jonghyun replied distractedly. 'I'll have to thank Minho for filling you in,' he then added teasingly after taking in the surroundings.

Sung Chul huffed. 'Well yeah, but don't I get some credit for making the inquiry?'

Jonghyun laughed as he saw the other's struggle to keep a straight face. He hated to admit it, but he was starting to find him cute.

'I guess I can give you some,' the younger one finally conceded.

Sung Chul's face instantly lightened again. 'Okay, I'm really getting hungry now, let's find a place to sit.'

They settled for a place in the back, where they could still hear the band that was about to play, but not so much that they couldn't carry a conversation. Jonghyun took the menu as an escape from the other's eyes. This was probably his last chance to do so. Soon, he'd be forced to talk and even worse, talk about himself.

Not really paying attention to what was displayed before him, he never really made a choice. A quick glance up made him realize that Sung Chul had closed his and was calmly waiting, his eyes turned to the scene and his fingers tapping along to the beat.

'What did you take?' Jonghyun abruptly asked.

The deep brown eyes found him again. 'Tteokbokki,' he answered. 'I've been craving it so much,' he completed keenly.

'Aaah,' Jonghyun reacted eagerly. 'To be honest, I can't remember the last time I've had that,' he admitted with disbelief.

'We'll both be satisfied then,' Sung Chul noted with yet another smile.

It was only a few seconds before the waiter stopped in front of their table and took their order. As soon as he left, Jonghyun felt his body tense up. This was it. The no hiding zone.

'So,' the older one started intently. 'When was the last time you went out with someone you barely knew?' he forwardly asked.

Jonghyun snorted. 'Does it really matter?'

'I guess not, but I'm just curious,' the other confessed. 'I just figured you must get asked out frequently.'

Normally, that type of blatant smooth talk would've turned him off immediately, but something in his voice made him sound candid.

'I don't and it's been a long time since I went on a date,' Jonghyun responded with an ease that left him surprised.

'Ah, I see,' Sung Chul acknowledged as he leaned closer over the wooden table. 'I don't mean to make you uncomfortable or anything, but I just wanted to know if you had said yes because you had enjoyed our talk or...' For the first time in the night, he looked away.

'Or because I'm a ?' Jonghyun finished casually.

Sung Chul's eyes widened. 'No, no, I didn't mean it like that,' he retrieved quickly.

Jonghyun laughed. 'Well, I don't think I'm a , but you can't really know if I'm lying or telling the truth,' he then pointed out. 

'From what I'm getting from you, I don't think you're the type to get around.'

Jonghyun cocked an eyebrow. 'What are you getting from me then?'

Sung Chul crossed his arms over the steady surface. 'That you like serious relationships.'

'And what was it that tipped you off?' Jonghyun inquired.

'Hmm, I don't know... you just seem to be putting up a wall. I wasn't sure the first time we met, but I felt it again tonight,' Sung Chul laid out.

The waiter's arrival brought their conversation to a halt. He put down the plates he had been carrying. 'Do you want anything else?'

'No,' Sung Chul said.

'I'll take a glass, no...make it two glasses of rum, please,' Jonghyun signified to the man standing.

'Yes, sir,' he replied before walking away.

'Paying me a drink already?' Sung Chul bantered.

'No, that's for me,' Jonghyun bluntly indicated.

'Oh.' The older one piqued into his plate before taking a bite. 'That's just perfect,' he commented after humming his content.

Jonghyun replicated his move, feeling his body relax as the warmth of the rice cake glided down his throat. 'Yeah, it is really good.'

They munched on their food silently for the next minutes, letting their senses be simultaneously flooded by the jazz music the band was playing.

As Jonghyun had gone half way through his plate, the waiter came back with his two glasses, making his body awaken even more at their sight. He took a first sip as soon as he left them, falling back on his chair as he set it back down.

'You know, I think it'd be nice to not care and just sleep around,' Jonghyun shared suddenly. His mind had kept mulling over what had been previously said, despite his attempt to keep it blank.

Sung Chul put down his fork as he peered at him. 'Really?'

'Yeah,' Jonghyun simply uttered.

'Tell me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you were in bad relationships.'

Jonghyun picked up his first glass again. He looked at it, but didn't bring it to his lips. 'They weren't bad... not at all, it's just...'

'Complicated?' the other offered.

'Yes,' he confirmed before finally letting the rum do its job. He downed the glass and lost no time to start on the other one. The thought of a third was already rolling in his mind.

'The past relationships were complicated, or right now, it's complicated?' Sung Chul pressed.

'It was complicated I guess, but it's not anymore,' Jonghyun answered, knowing well he wouldn't satiate the other's curiosity.

'So you're not in a relationship?' the older one concluded.

'I'm not.'

'But he's still on your mind?' he then guessed.

Jonghyun sighed. 'No... is the answer I wish I could give.' He watched as the other's face grew serious.

'But I am trying to move on,' he explained earnestly.

Those words brought on the urge to finish his second glass.

He then set his gaze into the other's.

'I don't want to hold on to a mistake.'

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Jinki knew waiting so long had been a mistake. As he paced back and forth in the corridor, he tortured himself with regret. He hadn't planned to retract again. He had wanted to take action as soon as possible, but every time he had reached to pick up his phone, he had frozen. The only image of an unforgiving Jonghyun was enough to make him feel like it was all over. Not being able to escape his feeling of entrapment brought on by his fear, he tried to break free through his words, but every time he attempted to further their story, he became paralyzed. Even in fiction, he couldn't build himself some courage. After a while, he realized that if he didn't take a hold of his reality, he'd forever turn in circles in scenarios incomplete. Thus why he was standing in front of his apartment, crippled by the moment he was about to face. He didn't know how much longer he'd have to wait, but he was going to wait out as long as he needed. He had no more time to lose; he had lost enough already.

As his body remained still over what felt like an eternity, he finally brought himself down to sit, taking out his phone to attempt some distraction. The distraction didn't last long. His head turned to the other end of the hallway as he heard steps coming up the stairs. He knew it could be anyone, but something told him it was him. He pushed himself up, setting his phone right back into his pocket before running a hand through his hair. His palms were already getting sweaty as his heart rate quickened, just to stop as he finally set eyes on a familiar figure. Figure that advanced calmly, unknowing, from having his head down, about what was waiting for him. Jinki kept looking at him, not quite sure yet if he was real. After not seeing him for so long, his presence was quite hard to take in. And then their eyes locked. Jinki felt like his whole system was about to burst as hazel eyes widened at the sight of him.

His mouth turned dry and his hands cold, but nonetheless he held his gaze. 'Hey,' he uttered in a gentle voice, that turned out to be louder than expected in the silent surroundings. Even that felt like too much; he wasn't sure words were appropriate at this moment.

Jonghyun walked towards him, gradually closing in on the distance separating them. His stare remained unmoved, which made the older one even more nervous. He finally looked away to take out his keys, which he then used to open the door, as if he was trying to ignore who he had just witnessed. But that wasn't the case as he held it open for him.

Jinki walked in carefully, setting eyes for the first time on his place. He only gave it a few seconds of attention, turning it back towards the one who was now walking around the kitchen. He watched him take out two cups.

'Would you like some tea?'

Jinki felt himself shiver at the sound of his voice. 'Yeah, sure,' he answered in the most casual way he could. But again, he felt like speaking was too much. Like every word that came and would come out would sound false. Maybe it was the guilt speaking, no, it was definitely the guilt speaking.

'You can sit, if you want to,' Jonghyun then offered as he took out his tea pot.

Jinki instantly moved to the sofa closest to him, hoping sitting down would make him feel more relaxed. It didn't.

Finally, Jonghyun joined him, setting the tray he had prepared on the coffee table before sitting on the sofa facing his. A heavy silence fell on them, trapping them both in their thoughts. None dared move, as if it would break the still picture they were conjointly hiding behind.

At this point, Jinki couldn't look at him anymore. But he could feel his eyes on him, searching. Once again, he felt like he was trapped. Fear and tangled feelings held him down as all he wanted was to come back to the surface.

'How did you find me?' Jonghyun asked, voice neutral.

Jinki blinked a few times, fingers fidgeting. 'I called Minho,' he admitted with a tinge of embarrassment.

Jonghyun snorted. 'Of course you would.'

Jinki then knew that apparent calm would crack soon. Jonghyun wasn't the type to keep his feelings in. 'I didn't know how you'd react if I called... I just wanted to make sure I'd get to see you,' he exposed.

The first crack showed. 'You didn't know how I'd react?' the younger one exclaimed in disbelief.

'You're unbelievable,' he added under his breath. He then picked up his cup with a trembling hand.

'Yes, okay, I knew you'd be mad at me.  You have every reason to be, but I couldn't... I can't let this go any longer,' he found himself explaining wholeheartedly. He was finally grasping that this was his only chance; he couldn't waste it.

'Oh my god...' Jonghyun sneered. 'So now you can't let this go?'

'What?' Jinki let out in confusion.

'You know exactly what I mean. You can't just decide that you've had enough time to yourself and just pop back into my life,' he rebuked.

'Jjong...' His expression of guilt couldn't win against the other's expression of hurt. He realized going away had probably done more damage than good. Again, words were too much; he couldn't use them. Instead, he got off his seat and moved towards him. As he let himself tower over his body, he brought a hand to the other's cheek, knowing well what effect it would have on him. He was pleased to see it gave the same result as before, his eyes shutting as his plump lips parted slightly. He tried to keep some control, but he couldn't hold back; he reached for his lips as he pressed himself against him. He kissed him unabashedly, letting out everything he couldn't say into the warmth of his mouth. The first moan he caught struck him deeply, riling him up for more. His hands travelled down his chest, never breaking the kiss, as they finally found his pants. But he was suddenly propelled out from his fantasy unravelling by a sharp push.

Jonghyun's expression troubled him. He caught the pleasure on his features, but anger was still underneath.

The younger one moved away, only to stand up and straighten his clothes. 'Wow, seriously?' Jonghyun expressed in a spiteful voice.

'Kibum was right, I really don't know you.'

Those words accomplished just what they had intended. Jinki's jaw clenched as he tried to not let the pain show.

'Aren't you going to say anything?' Jonghyun pushed with more anger.

'I don't know what to say, Jjong,' Jinki admitted with defeat. 'I just...'

'I love you,' he uttered strongly, thinking it was the only option now.

But the simple truth didn't cut it. 'Do you?' Jonghyun questioned.

'I do,' Jinki instantly reiterated before getting up himself. He tried to approach him, but the other backed away.

'Don't you dare touch me again,' the younger one snapped. 'Do you think a kiss and saying 'I love you' is going to erase all the pain you've put me through?' he suddenly yelled, his voice breaking at the end with the start of tears overwhelming his words.

Jonghyun wiped them off furiously, but they kept coming. 'You just left...' His voice cracked again, forcing him to stop.

Jinki felt like dying. This was all his fault. And he couldn't even bring himself to comfort him. What good would it do?

'I'm so sorry, Jjong,' he barely got out before a terrible nausea rendered him silent. He wanted to take it all back. Delete it all, like he had so many times with his stories.

'If you loved me, you would've come back a lot sooner. You wouldn't have left me waiting for you for months,' he called out. 'And the worst part was that I was willing to wait for you...'

His shoulders fell. 'But I got tired...'

He looked straight at him, his face wet with the sadness he couldn't conceal. 'I'm sorry, but I can't deal with this anymore.'

Jinki felt panic spread inside him until it reached his mind, running wild with despair. 'No, no, no, Jjong please... I was stupid I know, but I never did that to hurt you, I just didn't know what to do,' he laid out quickly as if time was running out.

And he was right, it was. 'It's simple, you should've let me in. I was missing you like hell, waking up feeling miserable and going to bed feeling the same and I-'

'Do you think I didn't feel miserable too?' Jinki cut off. 'Do you really think I was having a good time while I was away? he threw back as his indignation spiked up.

'Well yeah. You probably ed Taemin again or who knows who, while I was being pathetic,' Jonghyun fervently accused.

Jinki felt his chest squeeze. 'How can you say that?'

'It's not like you haven't done it before. You can't deny that you were ing him while supposedly having feelings for me.'

Jonghyun crossed his arms, waiting. 'So I'm right, aren't I?' he concluded as he got no answer.

Jinki looked at him, his features plastered with hurt. 'No, you're not. I didn't anyone...' He dared to get closer again and got the same response, but that didn't stop him this time. He advanced until he trapped him into his arms, holding on to him tightly.

'I don't want anyone else, Jjong,' he whispered in his ear. He inched back just a little to take in his now troubled face. He wanted to kiss him again so bad, but he refrained from it. Instead, he just kept staring, thinking how beautiful he was, how nice he felt against him...

'I love you,' he repeated.

Jonghyun relaxed against him, holding up his hands to his chest. 'I love you too...'

'But that's not enough,' he brusquely added before pushing him again. 'I don't know if I can put my trust in you. I don't know that you won't leave me again...' He stepped back from his embrace. 'I can't take that risk,' he finished categorically.

Jinki stilled from disarray. But quickly regained his senses. 'I won't, Jjong,' he promised, feeling his last bit of strength leave him.

Jonghyun's gaze shifted across the room. Jinki could feel him hesitating, taking it as a good sign.

But it wasn't. 'Jinki... I can't. It's over.' Jonghyun turned away, wrapping his arms around himself like a shield.

Jinki knew there was no more point fighting. He walked up to the door, before giving him a last look. There would finally be an end to his story.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

He had lied. He was still holding on to a mistake. He swirled the golden liquid around the glass as if it would help it go down more easily. But when he saw that it was shaking between his nervous hand, he put it down on the table. He gave a quick look to his side, taking notice of the one he had brought back with him. It had been a predictable ending; with him it was pretty much all or nothing. Which was why once he had finished those two glasses of rum, he had kept going as soon as they had reached his place. It had only been a few minutes since then, and his head was now swimming with words time hadn't been able to erase. He knew sooner or later that would've happened, but sooner had come upon much faster and he blamed the alcohol for it, despite being the culprit. This time he hadn't been selfish, offering the other to have a drink with him, which he took. As he set eyes on his glass again, he noticed it hadn't really gone down, but he didn't care. He wasn't a social drinker.

'Don't you want to go easy on that?' Sung Chul asked lightly.

'No, I don't,' Jonghyun bluntly replied, before slumping into his sofa. He had forgotten how liberating it was to drink in the presence of another person. He could let out everything he was thinking at that moment and not care about it.

'Alright, then. I just wouldn't want you to regret anything...,' Sung Chul hinted as he reached for his own glass.

'What could I possibly regret?' the older one inquired, his gaze fixed intently on the other's face.

'I don't know,' Sung Chul immediately answered. 'I asked you out, but you're the one in control,' he observed.

'So you're not going to try anything unless I give you permission?' Jonghyun outlined, still staring.

'Something like that, yeah,' Sung Chul acknowledged.

'I brought you to my apartment. I think we both know you don't need permission,' he pointed out before gulping down what was left of his drink.

He then moved swiftly on him, straddling him down into the cushions. A smile of amusement danced on his lips as he felt the tension in the other's body. 'You were right. I did put up a wall; I just wanted to keep myself from any harm...' He inched closer, making their noses touch. 'But if it's just , it'll be fine, right?'

Sung Chul's lips parted. 'Yeah,' he breathed against his skin. He pulled him in closer by a firm hold on his hips. 'I want you so bad,' he continued against his neck. He left a kiss in its crook before travelling up to his ear. A sharp bite on it had Jonghyun groaning, his body heating up with lust.

That feeling had been something he had fought for so long that he was surprised it was resurfacing so easily. He couldn't know in that moment if it was a result of attraction or of being intoxicated, but what he was sure of was that he was in dire need of affection. He could plain and simple get it now, without having to worry about what would become of it. This was just going to give him a push in the right direction. He finally let himself taste his lips, inhaling into the kiss as the other overpowered him. The taller one's hunger sent a shiver through him, simultaneously turning his body lax. He felt a little panic settle as he was pushed onto his back, his head hitting the armrest. It felt all too familiar; too terribly wrong. He could suddenly feel Jinki's lips on him, his hands moving down, trying to find a way to claim him again. He tightened his grip around the other's neck, rolling his tongue around his, wrapping his legs around his waist... looking for any way to stay in the moment. If he just waited... he let his hands run down his back... he'd forget everything.... they came together to the front of his pants... it wouldn't be long... he undid his belt, his hand instantly nestling in the warmth of his briefs... he was letting go...

'I love you,' he suddenly heard, so loud in his mind that it sounded vividly real. Within seconds, he had thrown himself out of the other's reach, standing in the middle of his living room. He didn't dare look his way.

'What?' Sung Chul expressed in distraught.

'I don't know, I...' It wasn't that easy to let it out now.

He heard movement to which steps ensued, stopping right beside him. He tensed up as the other grabbed his shoulder.

'It's okay...' Sung Chul brought a hand up to his cheek. 'Just let me take care of you,' he continued as he traced circles against the softness of his skin. But that didn't have the same effect it usually had. The familiarity of the touch didn't equal the emotion it should've caused.

'I wish you could,' he uttered sadly. He stepped back, breaking the last shred of contact the other had tried to maintain.

'Didn't you want to move on?' the older one brought back, his tone betraying offense.

'It doesn't matter what I want,' Jonghyun realized. 'I can't fake what I don't feel...,' he signified with some guilt.

'And I can't forget what I feel,' he kept to himself. His arms had crossed in a protective manner, making it clear that he had said his last word.

The taller one gave him a look full of resentment before walking away. His steps were slow, giving out his reluctance to leave, but the other's stillness brought down any hope he had, resulting in him shutting the door not long after.

Jonghyun's shoulders dropped as he exhaled loudly. He felt like everything in him was about to give out. He retrieved his sofa, only to bury his head into one of the pillows at its end. He banged his head against it a few times, before he started feeling dizzy. He could see his torn expression again as he had said the words. As he had crushed their second chance. He could feel his own pain rise now, piercing through him like a blade. He couldn't let himself feel that again... he couldn't let himself become weak. He pushed himself up and went back to his cupboards. A little search was all it took for him to find another bottle of whatever it was; he didn't care. He walked back to the seats, but let himself drop to the floor, just in front of the table. He winced as the first sip danced around his mouth. It tasted like poison. But he let that poison fill him, feeling more and more comfortable as he did. This was yet another one of his drinking sprees and part of him was scared of what would come out of it. He felt terribly lost, even though his mind and body were screaming for one thing. He knew if he didn't let it out, he'd go mad.

He took out his phone from his jacket lying nearby and dialled his number. He didn't have to wait long.

'Jjong?' he heard at the other end.

'I hate you,' he flat out said. His tone wasn't as sharp as he'd wanted, but the message would suffice.

'What?' the other one exclaimed.

'Sshh, just let me speak... Just... just listen,' he gathered through his hazy mind.

The silence he received gave him the impulse he needed.

'I don't understand why I can't let you go...' he drawled. 'I don't want to think about you... I'm so ing tired...'

He pulled some strength straight from the bottle this time. 'Why did you have to come back?' He rasped through a now sore throat. 'Why did you have to say those words to me? Why did you have to touch...' He bit down on his trembling lip.

'Me...' He breathed through a voice breaking under emotion.

His head fell to the table, his hand still holding the phone to his ear. 'It hurts, Jinki...' he let out as he started crying. 'It hurts so bad... please... please...make it stop,' he pleaded through his sobs.

'Jjong... Why did you call me?'

He tried to get a hold of himself, but the tears kept coming. He almost dropped the device as his head rolled over the edge and he let himself softly land onto his carpet. He to his back, staring at his ceiling, waiting for the calm to come.

'Because I can't call him,' he finally said after a couple of deep breaths.

'But he should be hearing all of this, Jjong, not me,' Minho indicated.

'I told him it was over...' He reminded as he felt his chest tighten.

'It doesn't mean it is,' the younger one countered.

'But I took the right decision... you said... remember...' He stopped to make sense of what he was trying to say. 'That even if he came back, it wouldn't be a good idea to let him back into my life,' he managed to align in a single breath.

'And remember what you said?'

Jonghyun blinked. 'I... that's not the point... I want to move on, I just need to,' he uttered in a voice too convinced to be believable.

'That's exactly the point. You said 'But I can't help but want that'. Jjong, he came back. Isn't that what you wanted?' Minho expressed vehemently.

'I did... but...' He sighed. He was getting frustrated.

'That's why I went beyond my judgement and give him your address. I just wanted you stop suffering,' Minho explained.

'But you encouraged me to go out tonight,' Jonghyun fought back, voice picking up again.

'I thought you had made your choice. I thought you were really ready to move on...' It was his turn to sigh. 'Jjong, you need to stop doing this to yourself. If you feel like you should be with him, just be with him,' Minho exposed flatly.

Defeat held the younger one tight. 'It's probably too late now. He's probably-'

His words were cut by the doorbell. He groaned as the image of Sung Chul standing at the other side crossed his mind.

'Wait a second,' he said, before putting the phone down.

He got up clumsily, almost tripping when he started walking, but he finally reached the door. He turned the knob with mild apprehension after unlocking it, his arm pulling until there was enough space to see. He felt his heart skip as he froze into place.

Maybe it wasn't too late.  

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!
No comments yet