I Choose You

Something was wrong.

Daehyun threw a quick glance at the boy next to him. Youngjae had been strangely silent, sitting in his corner without uttering as much as a small sound.  Usually when the van started moving the other would instantly turn to Daehyun and engage him in a conversation about anything between fishes and that boat building they never got to see in Singapore. However today or tonight to be more precise Youngjae was pressed to the window and locked his eyes to everything that passed them on the way back to the dorm. His lips were tightly closed, pressed to a thin line and Daehyun gulped at the sight.

Something was definitely wrong.

And something told him there was an 80 percent chance or perhaps more that it was because of him.

He didn’t know what the worst part was, that Youngjae was mad at him or that he couldn’t figure out what he had done wrong.

They had been fine this morning, heck they were fine just moments ago, Youngjae had even been generous and given him the rest of chocobar.

Daehyun sunk into the seat.

Was it something he said during filming?

His brows knitted together in thought. But they always said an awful load of things to each other on or off camera. Words of support or lines to provocation. It was all part of them.

Daehyun sighed and turned his head to throw the younger another cautious look. “Ehm… are we cool?”

Youngjae pursed his lips and Daehyun swallowed thickly, because it wasn’t the unconscious and cute one—it was the ‘I-wish-you-wouldn’t-talk-to-me’ one and it meant trouble, at least on his part. “What do you think?” Youngjae muttered and it was then he realized the other had looked at anything and anywhere except for him.

He was now 100 percent sure.

***

Whatever it was Youngjae was mad at him about, Daehyun was sure it would cool off after a couple of days. Youngjae did after all have a hunch for drama, being the AB-type that he was.

It became very obvious though at their next fansign event that he had hoped for the impossible.

Daehyun smiled at the small girl before him and opened the photobook, following the colorful flaps she had put in.

He signed over his picture, answered the post-it note by writing ‘cheesecake’ in crooked letters and looked up to give the girl another polite smile before she’d have to move on to Jongup.

He had been about to give her the album back when she suddenly pointed at Youngjae’s picture next to his. Or rather the note under the younger’s neat autograph.

Jung Daehyun to me is...*insert word*

Who?

Daehyun stared at it in shock for a few seconds but managed to pull himself together eventually and dutifully let out a string of empty chuckles to assure the fan it’s a joke.

But in truth, he wasn’t sure what it was.

And it made his stomach churn in the worst way possible.

***

“I’m sorry.” Daehyun said when the surrounding noise backstage grew too loud and everyone was occupied either hair or stage-outfits.

Youngjae looked up from his iPad briefly, brought his forefinger to his mouth and nibbled round the corner of the nail out of habit. “For what?”

“For what I said” he sat down next to Youngjae and gently wrapped his hand around the other’s wrist and pulled at it because they’d all agreed on biting one’s nail was a bad habit.

Youngjae sighed and shifted slightly on the couch. “Then what did you say?” he asked back and looked at Daehyun straight in the eyes.

“I don’t know” the elder said truthfully. “But you are mad at me.”

“Then figure that out before you apologize to me.” Youngjae scoffed and got up.

“You should know me well enough to know that I didn’t mean whatever I said,” he sounded more irritated than he had intended to. But he let it slide because he was frustrated and it was just so incredibly like Youngjae to make things hard for him.

The younger spun around and his eyes narrowed, “I do.” But they burned out less than a second after to be replaced by something that filled Daehyun with way too much guilt for him to be able to breathe probably. “That’s why I rather you hurt me intentionally.”

***

Since the on-air sign lit up about an hour ago Daehyun has tried to make eye contact with Yoo Youngjae across the table for at least 50 times. He got the message after the 3^rd yet it didn’t stop him trying.

There was only one segment left before the radio show ended and they’d have to hurry for another fansign out in Incheon. Shindong-sunbaenim’s voice echoed distantly in his headphones. And Daehyun only caught the words of ‘thankful’ and ‘person on your left’ but once Youngjae started from his corner and some corny melody started playing in the background he instantly knew what he was meant to do.

From Youngjae it went to Yongguk hyung, then from Yongguk hyung to Jonup, Jonup to Himchan hyung onto Himchan hyung to Zelo and when he finally managed to register Zelo’s voice saying ‘… he takes care of us and he’s always working hard on his high-notes. I’m thankful he’s sincere in everything he does and that he’s here with us in B.A.P’ he realized it was his turn.

His eyes widened in panic as he didn’t know what to say. It was too sudden and he was unprepared and he… he really needed to get it right.

He looked at Youngjae, but his friend gave his undivided attention to the empty papercup in his hands and Daehyun felt another twist down the pit of his stomach.

At this point, he was surprised his insides were still whole.

Daehyun cleared his throat and leaned closer to the microphone.

“To me Youngjae is —he’s my bestest friend.” The cup in Youngjae’s hands stilled. “But at the same time I don’t think I can call him just a friend either. We fight a lot about anything really, but he’s the one person I’m sure won’t disappear on me. He can, but he won’t.” Youngjae lifted his head and their eyes met over the table. “We have known each other since 2011 which makes it three years now. At that time I was new and I was scared, but then he appeared and we sort of just clicked. In the right way.”

Even with the music in the background the room felt too silent, too bare and he was probably taking too long but at the moment he couldn’t care less. “I’m thankful to him because by meeting him everything I was terrified of just became so much easier to face. When there’s something I think I can’t do, I’ll just turn to him and he’d tell me, sometimes in a sassy way, or irritated or gentle ‘Yes you can’. And I’d believe him.”

Daehyun took a deep breath, suddenly there was so much he wanted to say but he couldn’t sort out what he’d said already and what he hadn’t.

“I trust him more than anyone. Thanks to him I’ve become braver than I ever thought I could be. I’d choose him, Yoo Youngjae any day over anyone.”

***

What happened right after was a blur. He recalled some laughter, some fake sobs and cheers. But the thing he remembered the clearest was the way Youngjae had looked at him.

Youngjae was furious.

And this time it wasn’t only him that noticed. All members did.

The moment they entered the van, sheltered from any fan or camera Youngjae had immediately taken a handful of his collar. “Are you an idiot?”

Daehyun winced at the words and didn’t even try to free himself from the harsh grasp.

He had simply been honest and poured out his feeling for many to see…

then what…

… what had he done wrong?

It took a warning from Yongguk hyung for the younger to let go. They crouched into their seats and drifted away from each other.

The members must have been exhausted Daehyun thought, to be able to sleep in such a tense atmosphere. Or maybe they just trusted that he and Youngjae would work it out eventually.

But it has been weeks now and it was starting to consume him more than anything else.

There was a lump in his throat and through the excessive blinking of his eyes he realized that he was about to cry.

And the thought itself made him sadder than he’d been in forever.

He rarely cried.

“Did you mean it?” Youngjae’s voice surprised him and it took all his willpower to not turn and look at the other. “Did you mean what you said?”

“Of course I did.” Daehyun blinked and then looked down at knees. “You know I did.”

Another long moment of silence followed and he didn’t dare to hope. But then a knee bumped into his and he felt like breathing again for the first time in a long while.

“I’m sorry too.”

***

The young girl standing in front of him looked oddly familiar when she handed him the photobook. But then again it was not rare for fans to show up at several fansign events. She helped him flip to the right page and he smiled at her.

Daehyun drew the curlicue he was rather proud of over the posing printed version of him and then started to read the pink post-it in the corner.

He looked up at the fan confusedly after he finished but before he could ask the book was already out of his hands and she disappeared off the stage.

It wasn’t until later that day he realized the note had not been meant for him.

Youngjae oppa, give me a hint! Who do I have to be like to spend the rest of my life with you?

Jungpabo

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I'm starting to think I'm too invested in these two...

I hope you enjoyed it! :D

Thank you for all the love for the last one!!

and thank you for reading this. For everything really!

With lots of love,

Ivy