Track no. : 01

Main character : Chen and Hyunji

Cameo : Baekhyun and Chanyeol

“Hyunji, why~” Chen whined when Hyunji kept ignoring him. He had asked millions of questions whether she’s okay or not but she didn’t answer.

“Hyunji. Hyunji~ Hyunjiiiiii,” Chen was practically fidgeting trying to hug and touch her. But Hyunji swatted his hands away. That didn’t stop him at all, though.

“Stop it,” Hyunji weakly said. Chen finally stopped.

“Why are you being like this? Tell me,” Chen frowned and Hyunji turned around.

“You forgot that we had a date yesterday. I waited for hours but you never showed up,” Hyunji finally spoke. Chen widened his eyes, obviously the date was gone from his head. Hyunji let out a heavy sigh when she realised Chen had no clue to what was wrong before.

“I’m sorry I forgot. I didn’t mean to,” Chen apologised. Hyunji didn’t react much. When people forget things, of course they won’t do it on purpose. The only fault about all of this was Chen not trying to remember. It has been a few times he had forgotten about their dates and Hyunji had to remind him all the time, setting a reminder in his phone, sending messages on SNS…sometimes it’s really annoying.

“Let’s just eat lunch,” Hyunji simply replied, nothing wanting to go through his piles of apology again. She loves Chen with all her heart and with that, she always forgives him for anything he’s done wrong. Not that they’re unforgivable anyways.

* * *

One fine afternoon, Chen and Hyunji went for a date and this time, Hyunji didn’t need to remind him because he remembered.

“How do I look?” Hyunji asked excitedly. She had worn new Oxfords and a faint hint of makeup, hoping Chen would realise them and compliment her. That’s all she wanted to hear.

“Pretty,” Chen simply said.

“That’s all?”

“What?” Chen was oblivious to everything.

“Nothing,” another disappointment. Hyunji doesn’t know how does she even keep up with all this…perhaps she just loves Chen too much. Then, she gave him a beanie.

“For me?” Chen asked enthusiastically. Hyunji nodded. She made it for him after learning how to knit. Something to keep his head cold for the coming cold season; she didn’t want him to get sick. She wanted to tell him that she made it herself but she knows Chen too well. He’ll say she’s lying and she had bought it from Dongdaemun. So she decided to say nothing.

“Thank you!” Chen beamed and quickly put it on his head.

* * *

“I told him so many times but he doesn’t believe me,” Baekhyun raised his voice.

“I do not look like Yoda!” Chanyeol fought back.

“You do look like Yoda,” Chen blatantly pointed out.

“I have big ears but I’m not green,” Chanyeol added later. But Baekhyun kept mocking him and he fought back saying Baekhyun relies on eyeliner to look good and that’s practically cheating. Chen then joined in stating that they don’t deserve to say such things about each other.

“You don’t deserve to either,” Baekhyun retorted.

“You have eyes that look like a camel’s,” Chanyeol spat later, while imitating a camel eating. Although Chen disagreed but he laughed too; it was hilarious.

“Chen,” Hyunji called out meekly but he didn’t hear her.

“Oppa,” she tried again.

“Chen chen,” Hyunji was totally invisible to the three of them who were still bickering about their faces.

“Kim Jongdae!” Hyunji had had it. The three boys were shocked and abruptly stopped talking altogether.

“Yes?” slight fear was in Chen’s eyes.

“It’s getting late. I need to go home,” Hyunji told him and Chen let out the breath he was holding. He was scared that Hyunjj was angry about something but it wasn’t necessary.

“Oh. Go take a cab. We still have things to talk about,” Chen replied while pointing at Baekhyun and Chanyeol.

“But my neighbourhood is scary at night,” Hyunji reasoned. The alley exude eeriness at night and Chen would usually accompany her. Plus, cars can’t get through the small alley.

“You’ll be fine. Turn your phone’s flashlight on,” Chen waved her off.

“Oh okay,” disappointed, Hyunji couldn’t say anything else.

“See you. I love you,” Hyunji said as she stood up to leave. But Chen didn’t reply. All he did was nod before continue rambling nonsense with Baekhyun and Chanyeol.

“Read this, will you? Don’t forget,” Hyunji gave him a letter before leaving.

* * *

“Hyunji, where are you? Why are you not answering my calls?” Chen mumbled as he kept calling Hyunji; which all ended up to voicemail, 96 altogether.

“Hey, something bothering you?” Baekhyun asked when he saw Chen in distress.

“You’re quite today,” Chanyeol added later.

“Hyunji’s not answering. Since two days ago. I’m worried,” Chen explained. He wanted to go to Hyunji’s house to check if everything’s alright but somehow he never did.

“Did you read the letter she gave you the other night?” Chanyeol asked later.

“What? What letter?” Chen was surprised at the mention of a letter. He doesn’t remember any-

“No. I haven’t. I think it’s somewhere in here,” Chen finally recalled and searched in the pockets of his jacket. He found it and quickly read it.

Kim Jongdae. Chen Chen.

I’m writing this because I don’t want to tell you face to face. I might just cry and turn into an ugly ogre. So here goes~

I’m going to leave for Japan tomorrow. My family has to move because of my dad’s business. It’s going to be all arigatou soon. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you much sooner. I just can’t bring myself to tell you without crying. But I did left hints. Like I asked you about how Japan would be if I’d stay there without you, or when I told you that I would be seeing sakura more soon. I hope you realised that. Oh, I’d changed my number to a local one so don’t call me. You’ll just get to the voicemail.

I want to see you the last time before I leave so come by the usual park at 10 am tomorrow. If you don’t come, I assume you forgot or you didn’t even read this. You always forget Chen. I’m getting worried. Take vitamins, aight?

Remember when I gave you the beanie? I had makeup on but I guess you didn’t realise. It’s okay, I’m not really that pretty anyway. The beanie, I made it myself. Really. So I hope you’ll cherish it and keep it as memory.

And I want to tell you that we should end this relationship. Because a long distance relationship would be difficult. I don’t want to burden you. I hope you’ll find someone else that’s closer, someone you can actually go dates with. Love her with all your heart and don’t forget any of your dates or anything important.

If you ever feel guilty about forgetting, don’t be. It’s okay. It’s not your fault. All I want to say is thank you for loving me. Thank you for the memories too.

미안하다. 안녕히. 사랑해~

“No. No no. No!” Chen was in disbelief. He reread the whole letter to make sure he didn’t read it wrongly. No. He tried to find anything else to make sure it’s just a joke. Nothing. Baekhyun and Chanyeol were asking him whether everything’s okay he didn’t answer and dashed for Hyunji’s house. It was to let.

That day was the first time Chen had cried his heart out. Everything he thought would stay on just disappeared. He wasn’t ready for this. His heart wasn’t ready for this. He blamed Hyunji for not telling him earlier. But he blamed himself more for not giving enough attention to Hyunji when he could; he had taken her for granted.

* * *

It’s Christmas but Chen was alone. His friends had gone out for dinner with their loved ones. Too bad for Chen, his family was not in Seoul and, he doesn’t have anyone else to love anymore. It’s just a lonely Christmas for Chen this year, unfortunately. So he had decided to walk away the lonesome feelings but to his dismay, looking at couples on the streets just made him felt worse. What luck.

He went to the park; the usual park where he and Hyunji would go to when they were still together. Chen sat on a bench and gazed at his surroundings. The snow’s just perfect, falling not too heavily and just enough for everyone to celebrate a nice white Christmas. He took off his gloves, extended his arm and let snow fell on his hand. Cold. He retracted back his arm.

Everything about the park reminds Chen of the memories he had with Hyunji. Beautiful one he would say. Because the relationship was beautiful itself. It’s just that Chen never appreciated anything about it. He’d always thought Hyunji would stay forever; they’ll get married, have kids, and grow old together. Now that she’s gone, he’s only starting to realise things. Too late.

Chen couldn’t get use to her absence even to this very day. Since she left, he had been hearing her voice wherever he goes somewhere crowded and thinking she could be among the people. He would sometimes see her pass by the streets but it’s just someone with similar hair or figure. Chen still calls her number; an unavailable number. He realised day by day that Hyunji’s the one he loves. Finding someone else would only be a waste of effort and feelings.

“Chen Chen~” he’s hearing things again. He knew for sure if he turns around, no one will be there. It’s just his mind playing lonely games.

“Chen oppa,” it’s not stopping so Chen shut his eyes to concentrate and not think about Hyunji and-

“Yah! Kim Jongdae!” Chen’s eyes shot open and he turned around. He doesn’t believe what he was seeing though. Hyunji was there with a welcoming smile. He must be dreaming.

“Finally,” Hyunji sighed. She then walked towards Chen; still gaping.

“You have no idea how much I missed you,” Chen quickly hugged Hyunji. A small part of him feared that once he does, she would dissolve away but she didn’t. He tightened the long yearned embrace.

“No. Not really,” Hyunji chuckled as she tried to breathe while being hugged too tight. She told him and he released her with an apology.

“I’m sorry, Hyunji. I’m sorry I kept forgetting our dates. I’m sorry for being selfish. I’m sorry for not loving you enough. I was a fool. I’m sorry,” forget ego and manliness. Chen shed tears because Hyunji was finally back to him and he could finally apologise for every single stupid thing he had done.

“It’s okay, I forgive you,” Hyunji’s just too kind.

“What are you doing back in Korea?”

“To be with you. I miss you so much. I can’t live without you. I love you so much I can’t let go,” Hyunji said all the things she had in heart and later did what she wanted to do in a very long time. She leaned in to kiss Chen. Cold lips were heated in just mere seconds.

Chen woke up, his heart still racing from the dream. Too real to be a dream. But alas, just a dream. He wished he could just suffer from amnesia so he would forget everything about Hyunji, everything they had because what’s left of his memories is just too painful, scarring his heart like red hot iron.

It would be the first time Chen cried right after waking up. Even having nightmares wouldn’t bring him to tears. Losing Hyunji was the worst thing in his life to which he had never cried so much because of ever before. However, halfway through rained lamentation, a smile formed on his lips. Sadness surrounded him, yes but he felt light because he had dreamt about Hyunji. And a happy one at it. He couldn’t meet Hyunji anymore but his dream was enough to make him feel contented. It was just a dream but he’d call it a miracle in such cold Christmas, winter of December.

Though, he would keep hoping for such dreams because Hyunji’s never going to come back.