- Part I -

[Time remaining: 2 years.]

They were in love. They were happy. They were contented. They loved each other until fate decided to play with them.

Chanyeol sometimes asks, why does it have to happen to us? Why me? Why him? Why us?

Another beads of crystal rolls down his cheeks as he remembers their memories together, again.

He remembers their moments together but he doesn’t remember the last time he was happy, the last time he was laughing, the last time he was smiling, because all he remembers was that he was, the last time he was with Baekhyun, he was doing all of that. He doesn’t even remember the last time he was with Baekhyun. He already forgot how it felt when Baekhyun smiles, when Baekhyun kisses him, when Baekhyun touches him. But he remembers how it felt when he lost Baekhyun. He remembers how miserable his life was, then and now. He cried himself to sleep every night. He wasn’t eating normally anymore. He was just inside their house, their room, their bed.

[Time remaining: 1 year and 4 months.]

“Hey, Yeol. Go out for once.” Jongin said. “He’s dead. You’re not. There’s more to the world out there than just love.” He pulled the blankets off of Chanyeol’s body.

Chanyeol buried his face on the pillows. His hands travelled to the pendant of his necklace, which was Baekhyun’s ring. He holds it carefully before slipping it into his pinkie finger. “Easy for you to say. It’s not your husband who died. It’s not you who lost someone.”

“Come on, Chanyeol.” Jongin sits on the bed. “How many years has it been—3 years? I’m not telling you to let go, move on and forget him, because that is not easy as counting numbers but what I’m telling you is that you should stop being miserable, stop hurting yourself, will he be happy if he knows you’re like this?”

So much of 3 years without seeing sunlight.

So much of 3 years of being pained.

So much of 3 years of being hopeless.

So much of 3 years of being lifeless.

So much of 3 years of being dead.

The first time in Chanyeol’s miserable life, he went out. He let Jongin drag him anywhere.

Chanyeol noticed a lot of changes. He noticed that the color of his house is not white anymore, it must’ve faded-out. He didn’t see his neighbours anymore, maybe they’ve moved out, transferred or something. He noticed that the trees that they used to rest under was already gone, did they cut that tree? Almost everything outside is cemented. The café they used to go to was also gone. He noticed that there is already a park that is 7 minutes away from his house. There is also bookstore near the park.

“A lot has changed, Chanyeol—almost everything.”

They were in the park. Jongin ushered Chanyeol to a nearby bench.

“As you see, the things that were here before, weren’t here now. The things you saw, the places you used to go, were gone, replaced—like people, they come and walk out of our lives. But the thing is, not all of it were gone. Some changed but were still here. You need to cope up with everything, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol stared at Jongin. He’s right.

[Time remaining: Approximately 5 years.]

Chanyeol slept peacefully, dreaming about his and Baekhyun’s future. He slept with a smile on his face. He slept thinking how lucky he was to have Baekhyun in his life.

Chanyeol woke up to the sound of the alarm clock. He reached for it and turned it off before turning to the other side to cuddle with his still asleep husband—maybe. But as his hands travelled to the other side of the bed, it were only met by the cold sheets where Baekhyun should be at the moment. He smiled. He woke up earlier than I thought he would.

Chanyeol yawns. “Baek.” He calls out as he stretches his arms.

He fixes their bed as he calls his husband again. “Park Baekhyun.”

He smiled to himself again. He’s playing.

Chanyeol went down. He headed to the kitchen, maybe Baekhyun is preparing their breakfast. Much to his dismay, the smaller male isn’t there. “Park Bae—” Chanyeol stops as he saw a letter on the table. He opens the letter. Before reading what’s written inside, he calls out to Baekhyun again. “Park Baekhyun, you know you’re good in playing hide and seek, I’m always the loser when we play. Where are you? Just come out already okay?” He didn’t hear any reply. He didn’t hear any sound. Chanyeol creases his brows. “You really want to play this early, Baek?”

Chanyeol chuckled. He remembers the letter in his hand. “Okay, I’ll find you after I read this letter. Make sure I won’t find you, Baek.” He shook his head and smiled.

After reading the letter, Chanyeol runs to their room. Everything is on its place, nothing is gone, but Baekhyun, he is not there. He went to the bathroom, no one’s there. He went around the house, looking for Baekhyun, tears are rolling down his face as he did. He even went to the rooftop and to their garage and garden and—everywhere, but no sign of Baekhyun could be found.

Chanyeol is sweating while still crying as he re-read the letter.

“Chanyeol, let’s play hide and seek. I’ll hide, but this time, don’t look for me anymore. Goodbye.”

- Baekhyun

There was a knock on his door. Chanyeol wipes his tears with the back of his hand. He stand up and fixed his face, getting ready to pretend that he didn’t cry. He opened the door and he saw Baekhyun right in front of him.

“Baekhyun.” he said, almost whispering.

Before he could walk toward Baekhyun and hug him, everything went black.

[Time remaining: 1 year and 3 months.]

“Same dream?” Jongin asks him as they walk to his house.

“Yeah.” Chanyeol answers while nodding. He breathes deeply with each step he makes. His eyes suddenly grew heavy as he recalls the same dream that has been haunting him since the day he lost Baekhyun. His dream was the same scenario of that very day he woke up without Baekhyun. Every detail is the same, everything is still as fresh as if it happened only yesterday and not as old as a 3 years and 7 months old memory.

“We’re here.”

Chanyeol glanced at Jongin before adverting his gaze to the house. The gates opened even before they had chance to ring the bell.

“Kaiiiii!!!!” A smaller guy rushed to Jongin and hugged him. “I knew you’d be back! I knew it! Hey, aren’t you happy to see me?!” the guy pouted. What a sight, Chanyeol thought.

Jongin pried the smaller guy’s hands that are all over him. “Take your hands off me, Kyung! Get away!”

Kyung, as what Chanyeol’s friend called him, took his hands off of Jongin. “You’re clearly not happy to see me.” He said as he faced Chanyeol.

“I-It’s not lik—”

Kyungsoo ignored Jongin and turned to Chanyeol. “—Oh, who are you?”

“I wasn’t finished talking yet!” Jongin snapped.

“I don’t care, Kai.” Kyungsoo rolled his eyes and continued talking, sermonizing Kai. “And don’t you shout at me, I’m older than you.”

Chanyeol’s eyes widen as he looked at Jongin, who the Kyung guy called Kai, and to Kyung, and then he looked at Jongin again, and back to Kyung, and to Jongin, and to—

“Don’t mind him, Yeol. He’s always like that. I haven’t mentioned him to you back then right? He’s my cousin. He often comes here since uh way back then but you didn’t get to see him since you’re always with Bae—with him and this previous years, you’ve locked yourself out to the world.”

Not really taking in what Jongin was saying, Chanyeol turned to Kyungsoo and flashed a not-whole-heartedly smile, and said, “I’m Jongin’s friend. Park Chanyeol.”

“Ah! So you’re the idiot’s friend! Nice to meet you, Park Chanyeol.” Kyungsoo beamed at Chanyeol and said, “I’m Do Kyungsoo.”

The day Kyungsoo met Chanyeol, is the day Kyungsoo seemed the happiest according to Jongin. Kyungsoo never stopped smiling throughout the day even though Chanyeol already bade goodbye hours ago. All Kyungsoo talks about is “Chanyeol this”, “Chanyeol that”, “Chanyeol”, “Chanyeol”, “Chanyeol”.

“Kai, Kai, Kai! You know, when Chanyeol looked at me a while ag—”

“That was hours ago, Kyung.” Jongin said, rolling his eyes.

“Whatever. It’s just that a while ago, he smiled at me!”

Jongin snorted. That was a fake smile, Do Kyungsoo. “He’s married, how many times do I have to tell you that? He’s my friend who’s married who’s—”

“Yeah. I know. You told me earlier. Wait, how many months has it been?”

“Months? It’s more like 3 years. 3 years and eleven months.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes widen. “What?! That long?!”

With his tongue itching to tell Kyungsoo about the truth, Jongin swallowed and nodded. “Yeah. It’s a pity. I hate seeing him like that.”

“But how—” Kyungsoo whispered, but he can still be heard by Jongin. “How did his husband die?”

“Car crash. His ring was the only thing left of him.”

That night, Kyungsoo slept late, thinking about Chanyeol’s situation. He thought about helping Chanyeol. He thought about helping Chanyeol let go and move on. He thought about making Chanyeol notice other people that are out there who are willing to take care of him—he thought, ‘like me and Jongin of course’.

[Time remaining: 1 year and 1 month.]

It has been 2 months since Chanyeol knew Kyungsoo and they became friends. And now, Chanyeol is outside a mall, leaning against his car, waiting for Kyungsoo who was buying groceries for Jongin, since Jongin is busy and he can’t go.

Chanyeol pulled out his phone from his pocket as he felt it vibrate. Just as he opened the home screen, someone snatched his phone and ran. Chanyeol was quick to run after the snatcher. The snatcher is running away pretty quick but it seemed like he did not see a smaller guy with a big box, because he bumped into that small guy. The guy fell backwards, his making contact with the ground first and the box he is holding fell down on his lap. Chanyeol’s phone fell from the snatcher’s hold. The snatcher looked back, only to see Chanyeol a few meters away, so he dashed and escaped away, not even bothering with the phone.

Chanyeol took his phone and shoved it back to his pocket without looking at it to see if there are any damages. Chanyeol took the box from the guy’s lap, who fell on his and placed it beside him. He held out a hand to the guy and asked him if he was okay.

The guy nodded before answering, “I’m okay, just that when I fell down, the box hit my lap, it hurts a little bit, but I’m okay. Thankfully the plates inside this box didn’t break or maybe some broke, but I didn’t get to hear it break.” The guy laughed.

“If you say so. Just…let me drive you to your house.” Chanyeol offered.

“No, no. It’s okay. I’m okay. You don’t have to.”

Seeing the guy struggling to maintain his balance, Chanyeol insisted on his offer. “You look like you won’t be able to walk properly. The impact of the box to your lap must be strong. Are you sure it only hurts a little?”

The guy laughed at him, “Okay, you got me.” And raised his hands before shaking his head. “It hurts a lot.”

Chanyeol then lead him to his car. Of course, Chanyeol carried the box, which is really heavy, that’s why the guy beside him seemed limping.

The guy bit his lips before sliding down to the passenger’s seat. “Ouch, it hurts like hell.” He said as he was finally sitting down.

“And that’s your ‘it hurts a little bit, but I’m okay’ hah!” Chanyeol teased.

The guy snorted before telling him the direction of his house.

A minute later, the guy took out his own phone and dialled someone’s number. He didn’t place it next to his ear first. He let the rants of the person on the other line finish before placing the phone to his ear. Chanyeol could hear something but it wasn’t on loudspeaker so he couldn’t make out anything. The guy sighed as he talked to the person on the phone.

“Little brother, I know I took long before coming home but something happened okay.. Yeah.. Someone bumped into me and I fell—nothing else. That’s all.. I fell.. I’m okay, really.. Yeah, I’m sorry.. I was being careful, I just didn’t know someone would bump into me.. Yeah.. Yeah, I’m on my way home.. There, there, little one, I’m fine. My lap hurts because the box I was holding fell onto me but, I’m fine. Everything’s okay—I guess. Besides, this man here—I still don’t know his name yet—helped me. He’s driving me home.. Yeah.. okay. Bye.”

The car ride became silent except for the guy’s, “turn here”, “go left”, “go there”, and “okay, yeah, here we go, stop.”

Chanyeol carried the box as the guy limped his way inside the house and points at the table, saying, “You can place the box there.”

Chanyeol had just placed the box at the table when the guy talked again. “You helped me, but I still don’t know your name. I’m Luhan, by the way.”

“I’m Park Chanyeol. A—wait. Luhan? You’re a—”

“Chinese, yes.”

“Oh, so that’s why. You have some accent when you talk, I was wondering if you were a Korean because you look like one, it’s just your accent that seems a little bit different.”

“I know.” Luhan chuckled. “Do you want to stay for a bit, for coffee or anything, I mean, since you’ve helped me with this box?”

“N—”

Chanyeol didn’t get the chance to finish declining politely with Luhan’s offer when a smaller guy than Luhan made his way down the stairs and cut him off.

“Luhan hyung! You’re ba—” he stopped his sentence when he saw a tall man, with the back facing him. “Oh so this is the man who helped you!” The short guy then bowed, even though it was Chanyeol’s back that was facing him. “Hello, Stranger! I’m Byun Baekhyun!”

Chanyeol froze after hearing the name. Byun Baekhyun. Did I hear the name right? Is that his voice? Is that him?

Chanyeol isn’t ready. He’s not prepared to hear his husband’s name again. He didn’t want to turn and look at the other guy who just talked to confirm what his ears heard. Seeming as his body has its own brain, he slowly turned around to see if that was really him. If that was really the guy he was looking for—even though Jongin told him he’s dead.

“So, you’re the one who helped my brother. Thank you!”

Is this guy in front of him, dead? Is he a ghost? Are Chanyeol’s eyes just playing some tricks on him? Chanyeol felt like doubting his own two eyes. He felt like his ears were lying to him when he heard his husband’s name.

But this feels real. Baekhyun looks real.

“Chanyeol, are you okay?” he heard Luhan asked.

“Chanyeol? That’s his name?” Baekhyun asked Luhan. Baekhyun turned to him. “Your name is Chanyeol?” When Chanyeol didn’t answer and just stared, the smaller male held Chanyeol’s arm. “Hey, are you okay?”

Chanyeol flinched under Baekhyun’s touch. “I—I’m sorry. I have to g—go now.” He excused himself.

Why is this happening to me? He thought as he got into his car. He slammed his fist—one, two, multiple times—on the steering wheel before slamming his head onto it. He calmed himself before driving but he realized he can’t. He’s furious. His face turning red with rage. He sighed angrily before driving, hoping that his life wouldn’t end early. He hoped he won’t get into accident and die because of driving violently, he’s not even seeing clearly at the moment, everything is blurry because of his anger. He still has to get answers from Baekhyun but not now. He’s not yet ready to confront him when he feels too weak to even look at Baekhyun’s innocent eyes.

He went straight to his house and dived on his bed. Sighing, he bit his lips. Chanyeol closed his eyes and felt them burn.

It felt as if all the feelings he felt for Baekhyun came rushing through his veins. It felt as if his sleeping muscles suddenly jolted awake. It felt as if the feeling when he lost Baekhyun had come back to him. He felt like he’s dreaming. He wanted to shout. He wanted to kiss Baekhyun, he wanted to hug him, to touch him. Chanyeol wanted to cry and hold Baekhyun. He missed Baekhyun so much. He felt like he’s trapped in a box. He felt like the heavens and the earth are trapping him. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t even focus his eyes on Baekhyun.

Just as when he thought he’s ready to move on and continue with his life without Baekhyun. Just as when he thought he’s okay with the fact that Baekhyun was gone. Just as when he thought he could finally start over, Baekhyun showed up.

Suddenly, Chanyeol questioned everything.

I thought he died in a car crash? How could Baekhyun be standing in front of him, alive? What was he doing in Luhan’s house?

Why did Jongin tell him that Baekhyun’s dead? Did Jongin lied to him? Or did Baekhyun survived the car crash but ended up heading to other place to look for aid? Where was Baekhyun all these years? Why didn’t Baekhyun tried to contact him? Why didn’t Baekhyun come back?

Suddenly Chanyeol’s mind went to Jongin. Jongin had told him that Baekhyun died in a car crash, that Baekhyun didn’t survive, and that his ring was the only thing left of him.

Then, Chanyeol realized that he didn’t hear anything about a car crash. Chanyeol didn’t remember reading anything in the newspaper about a car crash that happened after waking up that day without Baekhyun. Did Jongin lied to him about Baekhyun’s death?

What a great liar, Kim Jongin. Chanyeol thought.

Just then, Chanyeol thought, Baekhyun looked so well. He looked genuinely happy. He looked so innocent. He looked just like the first time Chanyeol had seen him. And what’s worst part is that, it seemed like Chanyeol was the only one hurting that moment. Baekhyun seemed unaffected by Chanyeol’s presence. Why does Chanyeol’s heart hurt so much after seeing Baekhyun when he should be happy? Why was Baekhyun acting like he did? Why did Baekhyun call him Stranger? Why does it seem like Baekhyun really didn’t know Chanyeol? Did he had an amnesia? What’s with his ‘Chanyeol? That’s his name? Your name is Chanyeol?’ And why did Baekhyun introduce himself as a Byun, when he should say ‘Park Baekhyun’?

Chanyeol opened his eyes and settled in a sitting position at the center of his bed.

Did Baekhyun hate me? Did Baekhyun did that to make me suffer even more? What have I done for him to act that way? We never even fight. Why is this happening to me?

Chanyeol gripped on the sheets. He wanted to cry, he felt so depressed but he’s also angry. He felt like his head is about to explode with all of the things he was thinking about.

Sighing, Chanyeol let go of the sheets—which had crumpled under his hands—and grabbed his car keys, heading outside to his car. Calming and mentally preparing himself, he slowly drove to Jongin’s house.

As he walked inside the house, the maids greeted him cheerfully. But Chanyeol, not in the mood, walked pass them without even sparing a glance to the people who isn’t Jongin. He knocks at Jongin’s room, deeming himself to act as if nothing’s wrong. When the door opened, he was bombarded with Jongin’s questions and statements about Kyungsoo looking for him, mad, furious, irritated, turning into Devil’s spawn—whatever, Chanyeol’s too depressed to care.

When he reached the edge of Jongin’s bed, in which Jongin has just jumped on, he grabbed Jongin by the collar and raised him in the air.

“Ch-Chanyeol—put me down! H-hey! What’s—what’s wrong with you?! Put me—”

Losing his composure, Chanyeol finally snapped. “What’s wrong with me?! WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?! YOU TOLD ME HE’S DEAD JONGIN! YOU TOLD ME HE DIED IN A CAR CRASH AND THAT ONLY HIS RING WAS LEFT OF HIM! YOU TOLD ME HE’S DEAD WHEN HE’S NOT! I SAW HIM AND HE’S PERFECTLY ALIVE!”

“Y-Yeol! How did you kno—Wait, I’ll explain everything! Just—just put me down first!” Jongin struggled on his hold.

“YOU SHOULD EXPLAIN. YOU SHOULD TELL ME WHY THE HE CALLED ME ‘STRANGER’ AND WHY THE HELL HE INTRODUCED HIMSELF AS BYUN! A BYUN?! HE’S ALREADY A ING PARK SINCE THE DAY WE’VE BEEN MARRIED BUT HE SAID HE’S BYUN! BYUN ING BAEKHYUN! WHY?! Why, Jongin? Why.”  He released Jongin and pulled on his own hair as he stumbled back.

Jongin looked at Chanyeol in pity. He kneeled in front of Chanyeol and placed his hand on Chanyeol’s shoulder. “I—I’m sorry, Yeol—”

“Why? What have I—I done to deserve this, Jongin?”

“Chanyeol, I’m sorry. I lied. Everything I told you were lies. He didn’t die in a car crash. H-he, Baekhyun called me one night and told me he has to leave you. He told me to tell you he’s dead. He gave me his ring and told me to give it back to you. That’s what he said, but he didn’t tell me why he has to leave you. He just said he’s dying. I don’t know what he was talking about. He just said he’s going to die. He also told me not to let you know, and to stop you if ever you try to follow him and that he loves you so much. Chanyeol, I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for hiding this from you. I’m—I’m so sorry.” I’m so sorry that I can’t tell you that he’s really going to die. He’s dying. He only has 5 years left, but I can’t tell you about it. I’m sorry if I have to hide this from you.

Chanyeol stopped listening as soon as the phrase ‘He’s going to die’ registered on his brain. “He’s dying? That’s a lie, Jongin.” Chanyeol laughed nervously.

‘No, Chanyeol, it’s the truth.’ Jongin wanted to tell him, but he chose not to, because he doesn’t want to see the miserable Chanyeol anymore.

Looking up at Jongin, Chanyeol asked with a shaking voice, “And if he loves me, why did he leave? Why would he call me ‘stranger’ and why—why Byun?”

Unable to stand his friend, Jongin wrapped his arms around Chanyeol’s crying figure, “I don’t know, Yeol. I don’t know.” He said as he pats Chanyeol’s back. “He didn’t tell me anything about that.”