A/N: Sorry my readers! For making you all wait for ages …. *90 degree bow* I’ll try to update regularly from now on …. Thanks again for being patient with me … You all are the best!!! And I’d be really glad if you leave some feedbacks if you have time … Love you all!!! <3

Blinking once, twice, thrice…

But once he opened his eyes, bright sunrays through the window made him close his eyes again.

It was already morning.

Although he fell asleep around dawn, he could not feel like sleeping more. Actually, he could not sleep the whole night.

Because of him …

Because of Eric …

Since they had accidentally met three days ago in front of his apartment, he could not sleep at all. At first, he had been too embarrassed and angry at himself for letting Eric see his true feelings for the first time. But, later, he became anxious and felt that he was actually expecting something.

Something from Eric, exactly …

Maybe he had closed the door too fast, not giving the other the chance to reply. But he wanted to hear what Eric was thinking. Maybe he was waiting for that?

However, there had been no Eric in these days.

After that incident, he admitted that he had been quite afraid to see Eric since he had kind of triggered his past. But, still, he could not forget what the other had done for him or actually he was the one who made Eric dumbfounded and frustrated by his actions.

And there were also Minyoung Nuna’s words.

“Eric is a good kid … like you … Hyesung-ah …”

In spite of being overwhelmed by knowing Eric was Minyoung Nuna’s cousin, he did not have any feeling on it. He just thought the world is really small.

And when he had found Eric in front of his apartment, he had been full of mixed feelings. Instinctive fear, expectation and maybe a little bit happiness, all had made him speechless for a moment.

After listening to what Eric’s monologue, he could not help but suddenly wanted to cry. Although his brain was telling him that it could be another sweet talk as a trap, he had really wanted to believe it simply because he had felt so nice and warm.

Hearing somebody wanted him to be happy, knowing someone wishing to see his smile, and indirectly sensing someone was caring and loving him.

Well, he was not sure about that “Loving” part and actually he did not want to deceive himself again. He had been too naïve back then, believing everything he had been told. But, this time, he just did not want to give himself false hope again because he knew it could end up leaving more pains and scars to him again.

But inside of him, he still wanted to believe him and rely on him. It was too tiring to doubt everyone all the time while he had no one to rely on. Maybe because of that temporary confusion, he had let his inner feelings out to Eric.

He regretted but at the same time, he was glad. It was like his brain and his heart were fighting inside him. He was weak and broken so he needed someone to fix him. But on the other hand, he could not be too sure that Eric was the one to fix him or to take him to that painful trauma again.

To say the truth, he, himself, did not know which kind of relationship he had with Eric or what he was expecting from Eric. It became too confusing for him and he also started hating himself for expecting something that he even could not describe.  

And thinking it again, Eric had never said something special. He had just said he wanted him to be happy even if he was the one who made him happy and he would leave him alone from now on.

He really left him alone. At least till now, for three days.

“Ahhhhh …. Hyesung-ah …  wake up …”

Hitting his head with his knuckles, he sank his face into the soft pillow, hoping it could make him forget everything and fall asleep. But it surely did not have that effect to him.

Maybe he had lost so much sleep in these days and that was why he was having weird thoughts about Eric.

They were over.

Oh. Wait. Instead of saying they were over, from the start, there had been nothing between them.

Yes. They were strangers after all …

Although his heart sank at that thought, he tried to ignore it. He was going to live alone like now till he died. He could not afford more heart pains and traumas while he was trying to cure his heart. And for a person with the dark past like him, he could not hope others to accept him that easily and willingly. Actually he knew he was such a burden that needed a lot of care. Everyone would be fed up with him soon and there was also nothing they could gain from him by loving and caring him. He knew it.

Sitting up and rubbing his face for a few times to shrug all the strange thoughts inside his head, he stared blankly at the wall in front of his bed.

Should he try some alcohol tonight to make himself fall asleep? He needed some sleep seriously to become normal again. At least he could pass out while drinking and that could also be counted as some sleep in his opinion.

Should he try some alcohol tonight?

Walking while rubbing his nape, he let out a deep sigh. Because it had been quite long that he kept working at home, it was quite tiring for him to attend all those long meetings and idea discussion talks for the whole day. Plus, he had not got a good sleep last night thanks to someone.

Hyesung. Hyesung was keeping him awake in these nights.

He had told the other that he would leave him alone from now on and it did not matter even if he was not the one to make him smile. At that time, he had been sure he could do it. But now he was starting to doubt himself.

Could he really let Hyesung be alone? Could he really live not feeling worried about Hyesung?

His confidence started to fall apart since in these days, all he was hearing in his mind was Hyesung’s last words.

“Why are you making me feel like … I’m cared about and … loved?”

That was Hyesung indirectly saying that his care and concern finally reached to the other’s heart. Although he was not very sure, at least he wanted to think like that.  At least.

When he had thought, after all those things happened, he could cut all the attachments to Hyesung because he had been reminding the other his trauma and simply he did not want Hyesung to feel afraid of him, out of nowhere, Hyesung’s honest words had caught him off guard.

Why was that kid doing this to him?

Before, he had just wanted Hyesung to break his shell and become happier and brighter than now. But now he wanted to be the one who could make all these things happen to Hyesung. Maybe the reason was he became too greedy or he had realized there was no one who could help Hyesung if he did not.

At the same time, the last thing he wanted to happen was making Hyesung scared and restless because of his presence. Recalling that the frightened look in Hyesung’s eyes, he really hated to see it again. That hurt him so much for unknown reason.

Sighing again, he left the already dark outside world and entered the brightly lit apartment building. Finally, he could get a little rest after a long day.

Then, his steps stopped.

Because, the one who was occupying his mind was in front of him, waiting for the elevator.

It was so fascinating that they were always bumping into each other in front of the elevator. It seemed like Hyesung just got back from his grocery shopping, based on the large plastic bag he was holding tight.

Hyesung also looked flustered seeing him and they just stared at each other with no words and no motions for a few seconds.

The atmosphere became too awkward and heavy for him and he guessed it was the same for Hyesung too since the latter diverted his gaze from him towards the self-reflection on the steel door of the elevator. But he did not miss slightly trembling hands of Hyesung grasping the plastic bag like his life depended on it.

Letting out a small dry cough, he decided to use the stairs although he was also worn out to death after a long day at work. He just wanted to avoid the awkward atmosphere inside the elevator being alone with Hyesung and of course, he also did not want Hyesung to feel uneasy due to his presence.

He headed towards the stairs without looking back Hyesung but then, he heard the shy voice of Hyesung behind him.

“Please take the elevator … You are also the resident of this building … You don’t need to take the stairs because of me …”

Turning his head back, he saw Hyesung was not still looking at him but staring at the open elevator.  Then, he entered the elevator and the elevator door was not closing like he was waiting for him. He felt warm inside but still conscious about Hyesung and got into the elevator quietly, mumbling “Thanks”.

Then, he noticed Hyesung had already pressed his floor for him although he was kind of ignoring him, just holding his shopping bag tightly and staring at the floor. And he could see his eyes above his mask shaking a little bit.

With the Ding sound, they arrived at 11^th floor and Hyesung got out without any sound. But once he was outside, he stood still without heading to his apartment, like he was hesitating.

He pressed the open button suddenly since he thought Hyesung had something to tell him. But he just kept standing still without words for the next few seconds.

“Hyesung-shi …”

“Good Night Eric-shi …”

Being interrupted by Hyesung, he just mumbled “Good Night”, not being sure Hyesung had heard him before he left for his apartment.

As soon as he entered his apartment, he fell onto the couch, not even bothering to change his clothes first. He was dead tired and meeting with Hyesung made his mentality more confused and exhausted. It was not that Hyesung made him tired but he was tired of himself who did not know what to do with Hyesung.

It was too much for today. Too much for his mind and heart.

Ding Dong … Ding Dong …

He almost jumped out from lying on the couch, hearing the doorbell. Pressing his temples with his thumbs, he recalled he had fallen asleep on the couch. According to the clock on the wall of his living room, it was almost midnight and he fell asleep for nearly 3 or 4 hours for good.

Then, the doorbell rang again and he remembered why he had woken up at the first place. Wondering who was ringing his doorbell at that late hour, he lazily dragged his legs to the door to check the intercom.

“Who is …”

He could not finish his question since he saw the person that he expected the least to see in front of his door.

“Hyesung …”

He mumbled to himself with shock and opened the door immediately to see the unmasked face of Hyesung. As soon as he saw the other, he realized why Hyesung was in front of him.

He was drunk. Totally wasted according to his red face and his body leaning to the wall since his legs could not support him anymore.

“Eric-ahhhhh …”

Slurring too much, Hyesung called his name in an intimate way and well that made him completely dumbfounded. But, the next thing Hyesung did made him totally speechless.

He leaned onto him and hugged him.

But he could not be frozen for long since he had to put his arms on the other’s sides to keep him balanced.

“Hyesung-shi …. Hyesung-shi …. What happened?”

Then, Hyesung looked at him with those sad eyes and stared at his face silently. Although he hated the sad look on Hyesung’s face, he had to admit Hyesung looked too cute with all those red cheeks and big sad eyes.

“I’m …… soooooo … tired … Eric-ah …. You know?”

“Ahhhmm?”

He was still clueless until Hyesung leaned his head on his shoulder and started sobbing.

“Eric-ah … please … take care of me … take me …. Don’t leave … leave me alone …. lo … love me …”