_________________________________

They say that to a composer, hearing his song played in full harmony for the first time is an experience nothing short of magical.

Jongin was absolutely certain of it in that moment. He had been skeptical from the moment he distributed the music sheets, but everyone had promised to practice well. He didn't know why he didn't really believe that they would be ready for a minor performance only two days later, but hearing it made him realise that everyone here was every bit as talented as he was.

They'd picked up the sounds and melody lines that they had to play in less than two days. No, it wasn't perfect. In fact, it was far from it. But hearing it all come together in conjunction, even with the slight disjointedness of it all, was something irreplaceable with any other feeling one could feel in those circumstances. His heart swelled with pride, because it didn't matter than he'd merely given the basis for the piece—he'd still taken part in it's creation.

The fusion of the two bold elements of music was nothing short of stunning. Every rock element was perfectly framed with a chorus of strings, blows and chimes. Still, there still lay an undeniable need for something else. What was there was an instrumental that would be absolutely perfect when coupled with a certain missing element.

Jongin was both certain and uncertain of what that element may have been. He knew very well that it was a horrendous word that began with 'l'. But at the same time, his brain had decided that there had to be some other explanation for it. Never before had an instrumental based song sounded so bare without the addition of that element.

But he draws his attention away from the stress attached to that thought, and listens as the group provides their dramatic ending with perfect harmony. He looked to Kris, who gave him the nod. It was a small gesture that signified that the performance was acceptable from beginning to end, and that Jongin could take his position amongst the grand accumalation of people who held string instruments in their left arm. 

"Okay everyone, that was a fantastic starting point. Now, we need to work on our harmonies. Practice has become extremely vital to the chances of this project working out. In two days, the vocalists will be here too. Now, this will only serve the issue that instruments will become one of even more parts. We need to get this right first, so that we can focus on the singers on Thursday. Does that sound okay?"

Collective nods and passive 'yes's were shared, before Kris too took his position in the string section. He signalled to a lean man at the front of the hall, by the name of Choi Siwon. He smiled, and lifted his baton, before counting in. At the signal, the sound burst from both the Double and electric basses. Slowly, the texture grew, and the performance continued on and on. 

They'd been working for two hours when they were finally given a water break. The mental and physical exhaustion was evident on everybody's features. Jongin went to grab his water bottle, when a certain person caught his eye. It wasn't his boyfriend, but rather someone else. That someone's mere appearance had managed to send nagging thoughts was brought to his mind. You're still a douche, you know. You haven't apologised for all of the stuff you've done to him. He probably still thinks you're a monster.

He didn't like that feeling. He was never a monster, and that was a fact—well, to him anyway. He thought back, and decided that he was far from being the cold, heartless beast that a monster was. He was, as Kris had stated, a complete musical robot. Not just any robot, but one with a fiery temper, and the urgency to complete whatever task he had set for himself; any instrusions or interruptions had to go at all costs.

It was safe to say that he wasn't anymore. He'd gotten a lot more human as his interactions with others of the thought had increased. Jongin had to admit, he liked tha change. He had to prove that he had changed to his new friend's boyfriend, because he didn't like the rough air that hung between them whenever eye contact was made.

The young male was indulging in animated conversation with the flute player who sat beside him. He felt the weight of Jongin's appearance before he was even in close proximity. His breath hitched with slight anxiety.

"Uh...Zitao? Can I please speak to you?" Jongin asked, his voice coming across a whole lot more angry than it was originally intended to be. Still, a nod was given, and the two made their way out of the orchestral circle, to a more private location in the building. When he finally turned to face Zitao again, his downcast eyes and fiddly fingers were enough to show that he was already slightly intimidated.

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry." Jongin said. The younger's eyes widened slightly, and his head lifted up just enough for their gazes to meet. 

"Oh. Thank you," was Tao's quiet response. It was barely there, but it was enough. Still, it was clear that there was still more to be said; a simple apology wasn't enough. 

"I...I guess it can be said that I've always been just a little lost in my own world. To be honest, I haven't seen the light in this way in years. Once you lose youself, you really do lose yourself. I'm starting to find myself again, but it's a little hard. I guess I came across as a really horrible person, and for that, I believe an apology is needed."

"Well...why did you let it happen? Why didn't you stop yourself from losing who you were?" Tao asked. His nervousness had been completely shrouded by an uplifting care that seemed to radiate with very syllable that left his lips.

"I had a dream. Well, have—it's still my dream. I guess the only difference now, is that I'm starting to see that my dream isn't worth as much as I seemed to think it did. Losing myself meant losing everyone, and everything. I think that all those years ago, I was too blinded by the vigour of it to even think about any of that. I blocked all of the rational thoughts out. I forced myself to forget the way that the sun shone on spring days, and how wonderful it felt to laugh wholeheartedly. I've got it back now, and I'm really determined not to let it all fall apart again."

"Well, for the record, I forgive you. Try not to be such a douche though." Tao's smile was a wonderful thing, Jongin decided. Kris was most certainly a lucky guy. 

"I will. Trust me, I'm working on it," Jongin replied, giving a little laugh. 

"Oh and Jongin?" Tao continued, just as Jongin turned to walk away. He quickly ce more to face him. 

"Yes?"

"My friends call me Tao, you should too."

_________________________________

If it wasn't for the young man in front of him, Jongin's head would've imploded long ago.

"I just never realised how difficult this was. I mean, I don't know how people get inspired to write stories that rhyme, and sound good when vocalised. I just don't!" Jongin shouted. He was lying on his back in the recessed cave with Kyungsoo, who laughed affectionately at Jongin's little fit.

"Well, what do you want to tell a story about?" he asked. Jongin groaned again at that.

"I just...don't know! How does everyone else find this so easily. It's almost as if it's an unofficail fundamental of music, and I had no idea about it! That's impossible!"

"Tell a story. You have to learn, Jong. It's kind of important to the quality of your violin playing too, and you can't deny it," Kyungsoo reprimanded. Jongin frowned slightly, and shifted so that his head rested in his boyfriend's lap. "Just find inspiration, Jongin-ah. The world is beautiful, and it's extremely large. There has to be something in this monstrous planet that moves you to words. You can't possibly be completely detached from the world."

"Well, the only thing I remember being connnected to was the sunlight. When I was really little, I used to love the sun so much. I remember I would always frollick around like a little goat. Mom says I looked like an idiot. To be honest, I'm not sure where that all went. My violin came, and my childhood left. Strange, isn't it?"

As he continued to think, Jongin realised that his life began and ended with the appearance of that instrument. The path of normality had been harshly ripped away from him the moment his teacher put the finger guiding tape onto it. He wasn't given the fork in the road that most young children were given. It was a one way path to the place he was today.

"Well, try and sing something about the sun. Can you?"

"Um...I'm sorry I ran away from your light when I was younger, although it wasn't intentional I just found something I liked better, so sorry,"

Kyungsoo clearly wasn't impressed by Jongin's attempt. In fact, he wasn't even amused by the horrific failure that had spewed from his mouth.

"Jongin, you can't just think of random sentences and put them together with a melody and beat to create a song. It doesn't work like that. You might as well be conveying a Public Service Announcement rather than telling a story."

"What kind of story can you possibly sing about a glorified yellow star?" Jongin sneered, his frustration oozing out of him in frustrated huffs of air. 

"Well, if the sun isn't the right place of inspiration for you, then find another."

And so Jongin started wracking his brains for possible muses. Nature seemed far too symbolic for someone who was just starting out, so he scrapped that idea. There simply wasn't enough material when it came to the idea of friendship; he was certain he could count each and every one of them on his eight fingers and two thumbs.

It didn't take long to sieve through all of the ideas that popped into his head. The correct idea finally appeared when he both figueratively and literally opened his eyes. He saw the most wonderful person, the most obvious answer, staring out at the distant city from their spot. It was so painfully obvious, and the whole idea was disgustingly cliché. But it was easy for him to pour out his heart to the boy. Every time he looked at Soo, he felt things he wasn't sure he could put into words. 

"Will you be my muse?"

The other male was clearly amused by the question. "You don't have to ask, silly. Artists never ask, they just use. Occasionally they 'inform' their subject of inspiration, but asking isn't exactly necessary. But, for the record, I would love to be your muse. To be honest, I was a bit worried you wouldn't ask."

And at that moment, an entire song came to mind. It didn't take more than the light hitting his face, and his fingers tangling their ways into his hair in the most carefree and perfect way. It just appeared effortlessly.  

The amount of writing material he had was multiplied ten-fold, when said muse smiled and captured the younger's lips in his own. With every second their tongues twisted together, with every light carress and barely audible whisper, Jongin realised that he could write for years about this very person, and still never capture his adoration for him.

"I love you, Do Kyungsoo."

"In my opinion, you could sing that, and that would tell enough of a story to me," Kyungsoo replied, eliciting a light laugh from Jongin. "I love you too, my white butterfly,"

"White butterfly?"

"My disease is a black butterfly. It hurts, and it makes me want to die more and more every second I have to live with it. You're everything it's not. You make me want to live forever. You're a white butterfly."

"Yea, I guess I am,"

_________________________________

In his temporary room, Jongin's head ran and re-ran over the two lines he had created with Kris days before.

When the world gets too heavy
Put it on my back
I'll be your levy
You are taking me apart
Like bad glue
On a get well card

Stupid as they might have been, those two lines meant something  to him. Not only that, but they also reminded Jongin of his owl-eyed boyfriend. Every word he had sung had a real connection to the way he thought of Kyungsoo. 

He decided that if he was going to be ready to create a song for the Block Bash, he should probably partake in a side-project of sorts. So he sat down at the desk and took out a notepad. 

As he closed his eyes, every moment spent with Kyungsoo flooded to him. Every touch, every curve. He thought back to the performance he had given, at which he had had his first indirect encouter with the male. If he focused hard enough, he could almost picture his boyfriend sitting there, watching him with intent.

If he was an artist, Kim Jongin would be able to paint Do Kyungsoo without any sort of visual guidance; his face was imprinted in his mind past the point of needing one. If he was a carpenter, he would be able to use wood to recreate his lover's face. No matter what he could be, he knew that somehow the angel would squirm his way into his work. Jongin was completely okay with that.

He slaved over that song for hours, and only finished when Kris was snug in bed, and the sun had given way to the moon. Jongin rushed out, with two pages firm in his hand, and made his way to his boyfriends room. 

With confidence, he knocked on the front door three times. He almost forgot that it was late—almost two hours to midnight—but even upon the realisation of this, he didn't really care. Kyungsoo came to the door dressed in blue dinosaur pyjamas. His eyes were clearly droopy, but there was a certain sterness in them too.

"Kim Jongin what are you doing here? You're lucky Hyunsik is a heavy sleeper!"

Jongin didn't bother to give an answer. Instead, he swept the shorter male into his arms and used his feet to close the door, before carrying him off into the moonlight. The protesting squirms and squeals died down, swept away by excitement and adrenaline. Pale arms were secured around tanned necks, and soft giggles were hushed by playful scolding.

When he was dragged into the practice room, it was clear that Kyungsoo was confused. 

"Jongin-ah, this has to be classified as trespassing. What on earth are we doing here?"

"I need to show you something."

And he was whisked away to a chair, before being left. Jongin quickly rushed back with guitar in hand and turned around the seat in front of Kyungsoo so that they were facing each other.

"Why are you holding a guitar? Do you even play?" Kyungsoo asked. He was clearly confused, and had no idea what was unfolding before him.

"I do. It's one of those things you learn in school. I also know piano, but even then, I only know notes and chords. I guess it's just easier to put pieces together on instruments that don't require as much technique. What about you? You know, I still don't know what instrument you play,"

"I sing. That's why I wasn't there at the rehearsal. So your lyrics better be breathtaking, after all, I have to sing them in front of people. Not that I doubt you, I know that they will be." Jongin smiled a little at his boyfriend's words, before preparing himself on the gutiar.

"I wrote a song....inspired by you. I hope you like it,"

Kyungsoo simply didn't have time to respond in any other way than the violent scarlet that stained his cheeks, before the soothing serenade began. 

When the world gets too heavy
Put it on my back
I'll be your levy
You are taking me apart
Like bad glue
On a get well card

At every word sung, he felt himself falling more....

It was always you
Falling for me
Now there's always time
Calling for me
I'm the light blinking at the end of the road
Blink back to let me know

and more....

I'm a fly that's trapped
In a web
But I'm thinking that
My spider's dead
Lonely, lonely little life
I could kid myself
In thinking that I'm fine

And even though some of the lyrics didn't make all too much sense...

It was always you
Falling for me
Now there's always time
Calling for me
I'm the light blinking at the end of the road
Blink back to let me know

...they defined the two of them perfectly

That I'm skin and bone
Just a king and a rusty throne
Oh, the castle's under siege
But the sign outside says, "Leave me alone."

Even if it was a little strange...

It was always you
Falling for me
Now there's always time
Calling for me
I'm the light blinking at the end of the road
Blink back to let me know
 

It was perfect.

"Jongin-ah, how'd you know that I was chasing after you for all of those years?"

"I didn't know. I kind of guessed, because it seemed like it wasn't the first of my performances you'd been to. I was never really sure."

"Well, now you know. I chased you so hard, Dr. Kim thought that I was completel insane for leaving the hospital so much instead of spending more time on treatment."

"You aren''t insane."

"You're right, I'm not. I'm just completely and totally in love."

_________________________________

The two of them were used to late night calls and near sleepless nights.

With Tao so busy in China, it was hard for their relationship to function any other way. No matter how much he missed Kris, he always made sure to remember that when the sky was black, and everyone else drifted off into meaningless slumber, he would be on the phone with the only person in the world who had enough of the panda to break his heart.

Kris was glad he didn't have to keep his voice down that night, as Jongin was out somewhere. He knew the guy was responsible, so he didn't bother worrying about him. Instead, he focused all of his energy into the young boy on the other end of the phone line.

"So he finally apologised to you?" Kris asked, smiling at the maturity of his roommate.

"Yea, he did. You know, you were right. He isn't really that bad. Maybe a little confused, or misunderstood, but not as bad as I thought he was." 

"It was still pretty rude of him to do what he did. I wouldn't think all too highly of him if it weren't for that apology, in all honest. Someone should be able to recognise when they do something wrong, no matter how talented they may be."

"I guess that's true.  You're a good friend you know. An even better boyfriend in my opinion, but nonetheless a really good friend. I missed that. I missed a lot of things,"

"You don't have to miss anything any more Taozi. I'm right here, down the hall from you. Maybe some day soon we can move out together and get our own place. After all, we've been dating for a long while, surely it's an acceptable time to make a move like this." At his words, a soft laugh was heard through fuzzy cellphone speakers.

"Yea, I'd really like that. Can you picture it, Yifan? I'd wake up with my face hard against your chest, and we'd be so close together even in December it'd be really warm. And I'd open my eyes, and you would too, and we'd sleepily say 'good morning' and everything would just be so perfect. To be honest, I'd move in a heartbeat. I love my parents, but I think I've grown up enough to be with you instead."

"I love you so much, Huang Zitao. I don't know what I'd do without you at nighttime. In fact, I find that I can't sleep without hearing your voice at least once. I just...can't"

"I love you too. I really do. More than anything else, I love you."

"Tao?"

"Yes?"

"Move to China with me."

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A/N
Oh my god I finally finished it YAY!
You do not understand how much of a this chapter is, like honestly, I hated writing it.
Actually that's a bit of a lie, some of it was quite fun.
I guess that by now it's painfully obvious that I cannot under any circumstances write anything even remotely funny.
Sorry guys. OTL
BTW if you're wondering what song Jonginnie was singing it's called Always by Panic! at the Disco.
Listen to itt here 
I'm just going to forewarn that the next chapter is also going to be a toughie to write, so it may take a while. 
Bear with me here!
Comment/Subscribe guys!
Until next time :D
—Alina