10/31/3021

 

Fool.

           

Really, your writing is nothing like you. Laughing? yeah, I am. Stupid man. I remember the first letter you ever wrote me, I was so sure it wasn’t you. It was beautiful, don’t get me wrong. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so much passion reading something before. I fell in love with the author of that stupid little letter, and I was so positive it could never be you. I was in high school back then. I had to wait to get out at four and then I had to take the bus up to your University. It was raining that day and the buses were late, but I waited. I made some lady at a reception desk give me your schedule. I kinda hope that got fired. Who hands out student’s private information like that? Whatever, but if someone gets kidnapped and killed, I’ll know who to blame. The point is, hyung, I needed to know who wrote that letter, cuz it sure as couldn’t be you. I waited outside your statistics class for an hour, sat there in my school uniform clutching that goddamn letter to my chest. Do you remember the scene I made when you finally walked out? I was already taller then you by then, not by much, but tall enough. I grabbed your jacket and started screaming right there, asking what poor er you bullied and threatened into writing that gorgeous letter to me. I don’t even think you heard me, you were so up in the clouds. Do I still do that to you? Make you feel like you're floating? You’ve told me before that it’s like I’m the only 3D thing in a 2D world for you. Do you still feel that way?

Oh Tigger.

This isn’t enough for me. I’m going crazy. At night, all I can think about, all I ever dream about, is you. It used to be your face: laughing at me, smiling, pouting, sad, sleeping, even that angry face of yours that scares me so much, that face that tells me I’m in trouble. But, baby, lately all I dream about is your back, always slowly just walking away from me. I spend whole days just staring at your pictures and trying to memorize every single detail. The scariest days are when I look at your face and think to myself “Is that really what he looks like? Was he really always like that?”.

 These letters aren’t enough, I need you.

Your words are beautiful, but they’re not like you, baby, I can barely hear your voice when I read them. Don’t laugh, but the only image of you I can think of when I read is you in your father’s undersized grey suit from the 80’s on our way to the Christmas party last year. I don’t need these words, Tigger. I need to see you, I need to hear your voice. I need to feel your nails digging into the backs of my thighs and your hungry teeth pulling at my flesh. Don’t blush, you ert, I know you miss that too. But, baby, that’s not all. I would kill just for the feeling of the mattress dipping next to me. We don’t even have to touch, just to know that you’re there is enough for me, Yong

 

 

Come back soon, Tigger. Please.

 

-       The One Who Will Always Wait for You

P.S. Now you’ve got me playing your cheesy little games.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

so, um unrelated, but... HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEE JINKI!! yeah, okay. sorryy....