She thinks that letters from a secret admirer are juvenile. It isn’t her first time getting one, but it is her first time receiving one during her university career. She’s received enough to feel used to them; their creepy factor long gone. It baffles her to know that adults still resort to this method, but she isn’t complaining. After one bad break-up, it’s nice to know that someone cares, albeit from a distance.

It never crosses her mind about who her admirer is until certain details show up in later letters. She doesn’t notice the first detail until she reads back some letters in her free time. It sends a shiver down her spine when the anonymous writer recalls about her first boyfriend in high school. Part of it is due to his name being written and the other part being that only people from her high school would know about.

Dear Jessica,

Did you know that the most beautiful things come in the strangest of packages?

The first time I met you, you were so cold and blunt.

I didn’t think you would be worth my time.

Personal bias, perhaps?

Then, you proved me wrong time and time again.

The moment I saw you crying at your locker when Jaejoong broke up with you…

You shouldn’t ever feel broken again.

You look like an angel and for no reason should an angel ever cry.

- Your Secret Admirer

The more letters she gets the more curious she becomes.

Dear Jessica,

I’m surprised you’re still reading my letters.

I would’ve thought that these letters would only end up in the trash.

It’s pleasing to know that you take joy in reading these.

How do I know?

The smiles you have whenever you read these makes me smile as well.

- Your Secret Admirer

Dear Jessica,

Today, all I can say is…

Thank you for giving me your time…

And letting me be one of the people who makes you smile…

- Your Secret Admirer

Dear Jessica,

Donghae was a rotten bastard.

Did he ever really make you happy?

What made him happier with her and not you?

Do you know what makes me happy?

Seeing you happy.

It would be amazing to know that I was part of the reason for your happiness.

- Your Secret Admirer

Not only is she curious about what other details will appear in the letter, but who the sender is. She doesn’t care if the sender is female or male. She figures she can track down the sender by the person’s writing, but then it occurs to her that the majority of the letter is typed except for the signature. It also hits her that the signature is in hangeul, so trying to find someone whose writing style is the same would be difficult.

Damn the chopsticks, boxes and circles. There went trying to see if certain loops of letters other people wrote were similar, if not the same, as the one in the letters. There went trying to see if the admirer was a woman or a man.

Damn having English as a first language.

Instead, she tries to list out who the potential sender is. She figures the sender is most likely in one particular class of hers only because most of her high school cohorts are in that class. She grimaces for a moment when she considers the possibility that the person sending these letters is just an obsessed stalker, but she goes ahead and hopes for the best. When she looks at each person in the class, she frowns at the possible admirer.

Jay? His words are nice, but… doesn’t he have a girlfriend already?

She turns her head to the person seated beside him.

Taecyeon? Since when was he this sweet?

Her frowns deepens when she turns her head and notices a few other people at the other side of the room.

Henry? Really? He can be a bit cocky, though.

“Jessi, are you okay?”

She moves her gaze to the person to her right and half-smiles.

“Are you looking for your mystery admirer again?”

A half-shrug and she leans down to pull out her notebook from her bag. As she reaches down, she momentarily stops when she notices a white envelope peeking out.

That wasn’t there before.

Someone must’ve slipped it in when she wasn’t looking. When she takes her notebook in hand, she pulls the envelope out with it.

“When did that get there?” she whispers to herself. She sweeps her gaze down the row she’s in and only recognizes Kris. She shakes her head and refuses to believe that its either of them. Kris was a nice guy in high school, but something about the letter doesn’t scream anything about him.

She opens the letter and chews on her lower lip. Before she opens the last third of the letter, she falters. She sees a heart beside her name and it isn’t typewritten.

Pink pen?

Pink pen?

She’s ready to open the letter, but the professor comes in calling out apologies for being late and about how irritating the icy roads were. She glances over to Tiffany and quietly hums to herself.

Later. She would find out later.

***

She opens the letter and lays it flat on the cafeteria table. She looks at the page and tries to find something else handwritten besides the pink heart. A flip of the sheet and nothing. She gives up and decides to read the message.

Dear Jessica,

I can see you’re more interested in finding out who I am.

Maybe I am from your class or a friend of someone in that class.

No, I’m not some disgusting stalker, but I can’t reassure you enough.

I can’t reassure you enough unless you see me.

You already know who I am.

“So, why are you taking so long to figure it out?”

She turns to the sound of the voice reading the final line and shrieks when she finds Tiffany’s face inches away from hers. Without a second thought, she smacks the other woman hard on the shoulder. She pouts as her best friend laughs at her and she decides to smack her again.

“Ow, stop, I get it,” Tiffany calls out in between her giggles.

Jessica shakes her head and folds the piece of paper. She figures that it’s a lost cause. She knows everyone in the class, so how in the world was she going to deduce who this was?

“Still haven’t found your secret admirer?”

“Cryptic, which is annoying.” She slides the letter back into the envelope and takes a step back from the situation. She’d rather have this person approach her and not vice versa.

“So, what’re you going to do?”

“Wait for that person to confess and reveal themselves,” she replies back with an air of finality. She watches as Tiffany silently nods and takes into note the sudden drop in the woman’s smile.

Maybe waiting isn’t a good idea.

***

She lies on her bed and stares at the ceiling, unable to sleep. One of the few times she finds herself feeling like a stranger to her favourite past-time. Only because a certain someone feels that it’s necessary to like her from afar.

She glances over to the other bed in the room and mulls over the possibility of the admirer being her own best friend. It isn’t far-fetched in her mind, but it is strange that the normally outgoing woman is hiding behind an anonymous letter. She isn’t even miffed if the admirer is Tiffany; even if the entire thing is just a ruse to make her happy.

She’s pretty sure it’s Tiffany, especially with the pink heart. She has enough pink hearts in her own notebook to have it easily mistaken as Tiffany’s notebook. Besides, hearing Tiffany’s voice as she read that last line sounded perfect in her ears. Maybe it was coincidence, but something about the woman seems to spell everything out for her.

Climbing out of bed, she moves towards Tiffany’s and crawls underneath the pink blanket. She reaches out and wrap an arm around the sleeping woman’s back. She doesn’t expect a reaction, all she wants to do is revel in the warmth. It surprises her when Tiffany rolls over and throws an arm around her shoulders.

“T-Tiffany?”

No response. Tiffany was still asleep.

She ducks her head underneath Tiffany’s chin and softly smiles.

Tiffany makes her smile.

Maybe it was her turn to make a move.

***

Tiffany isn’t easily surprised much less by Jessica. It’s often the other way around with Jessica being easily surprised by her. However, there are surprising times and it just amuses her.

So, when she finds a pink envelope on top of her books she’s smiling. She breaks the seal and reads the letter.

Dear Tiffany,

You’re a beautiful person wrapped up in a strange package.

I was hoping to wait it out long enough for you to confess to me, but yesterday at lunch…

You can obviously tell that I gave up on waiting.

Why wait when I can have you right now?

You’re probably wondering why I think it’s you.

Last night was a long night of thinking.

I don’t like thinking at night, I’d rather be asleep.

You have to take responsibility for a grumpy Jessica today because it’s your fault.

Anyway, you’re the only one who really knows me.

After all those letters and seeing all those details…

It had to be you.

After narrowing everyone down-- wait, did you really think that you could mislead me?

Let’s just say that…

The letter trails off and she’s looking to the other side for the rest of the message.

“I think it’s time for us to stop dancing around our feelings by using letters.”

She looks up and sees Jessica standing at the doorway with only a towel around her body. She flushes at the sight and immediately drops her gaze. She mildly regrets the choice when Jessica stands in her personal space and all she sees is the woman’s full bust in her line of sight.

“Tiffany…”

She lifts her head as if she’s under a spell. She sees the worried smile on Jessica’s face and swallows hard.

“Will you be honest with me and tell me who my admirer is?”

All the blood rushes through Tiffany’s head and she really doesn’t hear Jessica’s question. She’s too busy trying to find the proper words for this situation because even though she wished for it she isn’t prepared for it. When she sees the other woman begin to frown, she blurts out the first thing that comes to mind.

“I really like you, Jessica!”

She instantly slaps a hand over when it registers how improper her confession is. All of the times she practiced her confession speech went out the window. She feels like fainting only because of how she’s acting. A far cry from the smooth and relaxed person on paper.

“Good, because I like you, too.”

She double takes at the woman in front of her and slowly digests the accepted confession. Her lips curl into a smile and it quickly becomes a huge grin. She’s about to wrap Jessica into a tight hug, but the other woman steps away and turns around.

“J-Jessi?” She’s about to pinch and convince herself that Jessica said she likes her back, but she stops when her vision turns dark.

She pulls off the towel from her head and flushes even more when she sees the sight in front of her.

“So, should I dry myself off or will you?”

Letters… funny things. Always giving more to the eye.