hush_windy- Contract

Story Title: (4/5)

The title is okay, but it’s a good title for a one-shot.

Description/Foreword: (9/10)

I think you could’ve added a little bit more, but it’s still good that you didn’t reveal too much about the story.

Story Plot: (5/5)

The plot is good :)

Flow: (/10)

Grammar/Spelling: (6/10)

Description/Foreword

‘A drop of tear fell on the floor.’ Rewrite the sentence as ‘A tear drop fell to the floor.’

Ch.1

“Aish! Who the heck came to my house this early morning?” Add ‘in the’ before ‘morning’.

‘I groaned in frustration while threw pillows neared to the floor.’ Erm, I don’t really understand what you’re trying to say here. Do you mean ‘I groaned in frustration while throwing pillows to the floor.’

‘…yesterday because I’m too busy.’ ‘I’m’ should be changed to ‘I was’ because it’s past tense.

‘Sighed, I stood up and…’ Change ‘Sighed’ to ‘Sighing’.

‘Blame my overly laziness that I got from Kyuhyun for it.’ You don’t need the ‘for it’ in the sentence.

‘…I got greeted by a happy Eunhyuk.’ Change ‘got’ to ‘was’.

‘…is it not easy to tell it that he is?’ Take out the second ‘it’.

‘…smile like that to me.’ Add a ‘d’ at the end of ‘smile’.

‘Not even once he smiles like that.’ Change ‘smiles’ to ‘smiled’.

‘Heck, he never smiles to me that made me always thinks he’s not human.’ Rewrite the sentence as ‘Heck, he never smiled at me, which made me think he wasn’t human.’

‘So, when I saw he smile, I can’t help but to feel jealous.’ ‘he’ should be ‘him’.

‘Maybe I should ask the person who made he smiles later.’ ‘he’ should be ‘him’ and change ‘smiles’ to ‘smiled’.

“Are you going to stand in front of the door for years?” Rewrite the sentence as “Are you just going to stand there?” or something like that.

‘I can felt Eunhyuk was burning a hole to my head by his eyes.’ ‘felt’ should be ‘feel’ then change ‘to’ into ‘on’ and ‘by’ to ‘with’.

‘I pitied for myself.’ Take ‘for’ out of the sentence.

‘I mean, we had married, but we didn’t act like one.’ Change the last part to say ‘…but we didn’t act like a married couple.’

‘Eunhyuk never care about me, give me money- when I buy groceries, I use my own money- and sleep with me- we sleep in different house.’ You should rewrite this sentences as to two spate ones because it’s kind of confusing. ‘Eunhyuk never cared about me; he didn’t give me money when I go buy groceries or sleep with. I used my own money and we lived in different houses.’

‘Our marriage is not happened because of love-‘ Change ‘is not happened’ to ‘did not happen’.

‘I don’t want to think about my life anymore.’ I think you mean ‘sick’ not ‘’.

‘Sometimes I wonder why I life and what for I live…’ Change ‘life’ to ‘live’.

‘…and it’s been like… 20 times I tried to make a suicide.’ Replace ‘make a’ with ‘commit’.

‘…stopped me from do so…’ Change ‘do’ to ‘doing’.

‘I slowly opened my eyes back.’ Change ‘back’ to ‘again’.

‘…but why I feel like it’s so far?’ Add ‘do’ after ‘why’.

‘Why I felt Eunhyuk is so far from me?’ Add ‘do’ after ‘Why’ and change ‘felt’ to ‘feel’.

‘I had used to it until I felt nothing hearing those call.’ Put ‘become’ after ‘had’ and add an ‘s’ after ‘call’.

‘Why my heart felt hurt now?’ Rewrite this as ‘Why does my heart feel hurt now?’

‘Why must now?’ Add ‘it be’ after ‘must’.

‘It had been a long time since I felt hurt- I didn’t felt anything after I had used to his threatened.’

‘And why I felt like something bad will happen?’ Put the word ‘do’  after ‘And’ and change ‘felt’ to ‘feel’.

‘I took a deep breath to calm myself, to make myself in ease before read the paper in my heart.’ Change ‘in’ to ‘at’ and ‘read’ to ‘reading’. Um, do you mean ‘head’ not ‘heart’?

“Why you made this contract?” Add ‘did’ after ‘Why’ and change ‘made’ to ‘make’.

‘…and its hurt when I want to speak.’ Change ‘its hurt’ to ‘it hurts’.

‘Is he really hates me that much?’ Change ‘Is’ to ‘Does’ and take out the ‘s’ in ‘hates’.

‘Is the hatred is too much that there’s no even a bit of his love to me?’ Remove the second ‘is’ and change ‘to’ to ‘for’.

‘I was so shocked that I have some courage to ask that question to him.’ Rewrite this sentence as ‘I was so shocked that I had the courage to ask him that question.’

‘I felt a bit embarrassed, but I can’t pull my words back- it already had happened.’ Change ‘poll’ to ‘take’.

‘I bit my lower lips, trying really hard to prevent any tears to fall down…’ ‘lips’ should be ‘lip’. You only have one bottom lip.

‘He thought it’s a joke? I asked him to love me is the best joke he had ever heard?!’ You should rewrite this as ‘He thought it was a joke? Me asking him to love me was the best joke he had ever heard!?’

“…of the most rich person in this Korea.” Change ‘most rich’ to ‘richest’.

 ‘My eyes started were glassy.’ Replace ‘were’ with ‘getting’.

‘All his words are like bullets that are shooting through my heart.’ Change both ‘are’s’ to ‘were’.

‘Hurt- it’s so hurt.’ You should rewrite this a different way, like ‘Hurt-It hurt so much’.

“Do you know how suffer she was when she gave birth of you?” Rewrite this as ‘Do you know how much she suffered when she gave birth to you?”

“She needed to work harder to buy milk for you to eat!” It should be ‘drink’ not ‘eat’.

“All you can do is only cry..” You don’t need ‘only’ in the sentence.

“…all I said are nothing but the truths...” Remove the ‘s’ in ‘truths’.

“It’s as useless as you.” Change ‘It’s’ to ‘They’re’.

‘My hand was trembled when I did it.’ You don’t need ‘was’ here.

‘He smiled in satisfied and muttered a small good once he saw my sign on the paper.’ ‘satisfied’ should be ‘satisfaction’ and ‘sign’ should be ‘signature’.

‘..then he leaved me without saying anything.’ Changed ‘leaved’ to ‘left’.

‘I suddenly remembered about what Eunhyuk said to me.’ Remove ‘about’ from the sentence.

“Then… is that means Kyuhyun, Sungmin, umma and appa doesn’t love me too?” ‘is’ should be ‘does’.

Appearance: (10/10)

The font you used was good and readable.

Enjoyment: (9/10)

Total: (/50) (33/40)

Hi, thanks for requesting here! Er, is okay that I stopped reviewing from there? I feel queasy when I read things with self-harm/blood. :3