It’s a life mission, or nosiness. Depending on how you look at it. But I’ve made it my personal goal to make sure of Lay’s well-being. He rarely eats, he stares at blank spaces for chunks of time, and he pretends to be fine, when I see so much pain in his eyes still. So I do what I do best: make the situation about me, because I know he’s selfless like that. He won’t deny me something I need.

“Lay. Did you buy your gift for White Elephant yet?” We’re holding a sort of gift exchange among our circle of friends tomorrow, and as usual, I’ve managed to put it off until the last minute.

“Nope. Have you?”

“I haven’t either. When are you free? We can buy ours together.”

“I’m done with classes at 12:30. Is that okay with you?”

“Of course. I’m done at 12, so we can even have lunch together,” I beam at him. It’s perfect, really. I don’t want to come across as too smothering, and this is my way of getting him to eat lunch. I don’t know when he last ate.

“Sure. We can go to The Café and buy our gifts across the street.” He smiles back. That must have been the first genuine one I’ve seen since three weeks ago.

It doesn’t matter that my tummy’s growling at 11 in the morning, as it always does. It doesn’t matter that I could have saved time eating by myself instead of going with Lay. It doesn’t. Because all I see is Lay losing pounds by the second, and that could not be healthy at all.

[11:35am]: Can we eat at 12:15 instead? I’m hungry :/

I text him in class, because our professor doesn’t care anyway.

[11:39am]: Lol sure. I’ll see you in a few. :)

I smile, because he has that effect on me.

Just as I am about to put the key into the dorm building, Luhan opens the door.

“See? Just as expected, she’s late.” Luhan laughs when we almost smack against each other.

“I’m not.” I make a face. “Are you joining us for lunch?”

“No. Have class in ten.” He waves goodbye and leaves without another word.

“What’s up with that?” I shake my head, looking at his receding figure.

Lay waves his hand in front of his face, as if wiping away Luhan’s words. “Don’t worry about it. You know he doesn’t mean it. Are we ready to go?” He stands up from where he’s sitting.

“Actually, let me just change into boots. It’s colder than I expected.” I smile at him sheepishly. “Is that okay?”

“Yeah. I’ll be right here.”

I make a mad dash to my floor, quickly stowing away my flats for a pair of knee-high leather boots. It’s getting so cold now that winter has come. I think of Luhan’s words. It felt like there was venom in his words. What’s with the attitude? I put away the thought.

“Ready!” I smile, excited to eat and to spend time with this guy.

Lunch goes by quickly, with Lay and I chatting leisurely. We talk about anything and everything. He talks about her. It’s an inevitable when I ask him if he’s okay. But he’s getting there.

“I wish there were more of you in the world,” I muse out loud.

“What?” He gives me a look of genuine surprise. “Why?”

Exactly because you don’t know how precious you are. But I don’t say this out loud.

“Because if everyone loved their girlfriends as much as you do, there would be less heartache in the world.”

He looks down at his food, uncomfortable with the compliment. I continue on, because it’s awkward to leave it there. “I mean, it’s really her loss that she let you go. You’re such a great catch.” I’m not really making things less awkward, but I mean every word.

“That’s not true.” And I know he means that as much as I did my words.

“It IS.” I sigh in exasperation. “I just wish you thought of yourself more highly. I just wish you thought of yourself more. Period.” He always thinks of others before himself, this guy. I just want to tell him that he’s important, that he’s loved, and that he doesn’t have to suffer through this alone.

He doesn’t argue, because he knows I won’t stop arguing back. He just smiles at me, sadly, the one that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. I know he’s thinking of her.

No matter if we have fun, together, no matter if we shopped together, consulting each other like a couple would, he still thinks of her.

I’m not surprised.

But then I think of myself, as I am in the habit of doing. And I realize that I’m enjoying his company more than I should. I’m caring for him more than I should.

And he doesn’t feel the same way.

--

Happy New Year, everyone! Hope 2014 will treat all of you well. :)

I'm not sure whether to continue this story. It feels like it's going nowhere.