-The Present-

I can’t concentrate. Are you in your room?

I tap my desk with my fingers, restless for some reason.

My phone lights up as a message comes. Yeah. Come upstairs.

I don’t even bother replying as I quickly grab my textbook, laptop, and my keys. An elevator ride up six floors later, I’m knocking on his door.

He lets me in without a word, going back to his desk, playing a video game I don’t recognize. I make myself comfortable on his bed as I boot up my laptop. It’s all second nature now: I don’t even need permission to use anything in the room anymore.

“Hi, Yixing,” I nod towards his roommate’s direction. He smiles at me before redirecting his attention to his music composing thing. I don’t know what magic he does with his keyboard, but he produces amazing music. One day, I know he’ll be high up on the charts.

It’s been a sort of routine for months now, me coming up to the seventh floor of our dorm building to study. I don’t know what it is about the room, but I love being here.

I turn to page 476 of my textbook, finally resigning myself to the reading. It doesn’t take my mind long to drift into thought.

“You know, we secretly ship you with Luhan,” Danhee smiled at me.

I almost spit out the bite of Panini I was chewing on. “Ew. You know we’re like brothers and sisters.”

“You always hang out, and you get along really well.”

“That’s what friends do. Besides, who’s ‘we’?”

“Me, Cathy, Jen, just everyone in general,” she winked at me suggestively.

“You know that isn’t true. He’s a jerk, and seriously, just friends.” I meant it.

She held her hands up in surrender. “You know we’re just kidding, right?”

“Yeah. Of course.”

-

Of course I knew they were kidding. I wasn’t being defensive either. It’s just weird to think of Luhan that way after spending so much time with him.

I mean, if I were to pick between him and Yixing, I would definitely pick Yixing, hands down. Not that I have to—or want to—since he already has a girlfriend. Granted, I liked him once. A while back, that is.

Okay, don’t think I’m out to destroy his relationship with his girlfriend. As soon as I knew he was seeing someone, I backed out. I don’t want to even pursue that thought: he loves her so much. You can see it on his wall: picture after picture of them together on an amusement park, on a meadow, kissing each other, having fun together. I don’t want to ruin that. I’m happy for him.

We’re all friends.

Just friends.

Besides, I’m not looking for anything serious. Anything at all, really. I’m new to college, and there’s so much exploring to do, so many things to discover. Why tie myself down to someone when I’m still trying to figure out who I want to be?

Anyway, nobody likes me. Not that I know of. And that really just means one thing: nobody does. Believe me, I would know if someone liked me. I’m not oblivious to attention.

I don’t know what it is. Am I ugly? Do I have an ugly personality? Do I have stinky breath? What is it? NOBODY LIKES ME.

Okay, fine. Maybe I want somebody. I want someone to care for me, to love me, and to be with me. Is that too much to ask for?

Maybe it is. Maybe I’m too young. Maybe. So many maybe’s.

Maybe it’s time I get back to my homework.

I make an effort to refocus on the now. Ugh.

I’m absorbed in my text for about ten minutes before Luhan breaks the silence.

“Want to go grab some food? I’m hungry,” Luhan turns to me.

“It’s past midnight. Why?” I give him a mock annoyed look.

“Precisely because it’s past midnight!” He grins at me, grabbing his ID card and keys, already standing up as if I gave him my consent.

Our university offers food late at night at the dining commons, just like any other university out there. It’s perfect, really, especially for midnight cravings like Luhan’s.

I kind of want chicken strips now. Dammit, Luhan. “You know you’re going to sleep right after. That’s bad.”

“So what? Come on. You know you want those chicken strips.” He grins at me, knowing he already has me.

I groan, making an effort to push myself off his bed. “Fine. Let’s go.” 

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Hi, lovelies! It's been a while. I'm rusty. Haha I don't know what direction this ff is going onto. But I hope you find it promising. Don't forget to comment below. I find those the most precious gifts of all. <3