“You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.” ― Jonathan Safran Foer

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I don't like how things have to happen to fall a part so that other things can fall together. I hate how the happiness you once had is betrayed by some dark force that spreads like a virus and destroys it all within seconds. I dislike how I have to feel all of this, when everything was going so well. Oh so, perfectly well.

Now, I have to say goodbye to it all and start over. Can a new start; a new beginning, really work out for the better? When in reality, you don't want to move on and wish with all of your heart that everything can just go back to the way it was before anything ever happened. I so desperately wished with all of my heart, soul, and mind that I could return.

Return back to those times of tranquility, happiness, lovingness, and all that I had ever held so dear to me. But, I know I cannot, because it hurts to remember. To remember it all when it's too painful to even let go. I can't say "goodbye", yet I can't bring myself to say "hello" either. I'm stuck.

I'm stuck in-between, and I cannot move backward or forward. The memories fade in and out. The moments pass me by without giving me a minute to process it. I'm slowly living without meaning. Within myself, I'm finding no purpose to go and continued on living. I want to fade away and feel nothing. I want to dream a dreamless dream and sleep where I'm not conscious enough to think.

And so here I find myself outside of my room; sitting on the railing of my balcony, gazing all around. My eyes linger to my surroundings below, and I do not panic. It actually seems quite welcoming